seeking help of local grammarians

[Cameron]

Ok I know how you guys like pointing out grammatical errors (lord knows that this sentence will be ripped to shreds) so I figured I'd seek your assistance to help me correct my paper for english. The way I read it it has a natural poetic flow. However, when I asked my mom to proof read it, it was rough to say the least. I went though and loked up dialogue rules and have already done quite abit of editing myself, but if you guys could offer any help it would be appreciated. Your welcome to comment the peice as a whole too if you'd like, but be nice:p

[adrian]

let me say this while I'm editing it: My brain hurts!


EDIT: Just finished it and even though my English might not be that up to par, the psychology side of me really saw this as a deep poem.