Planning for Adulthood

[Pua'i Mana'o]

if I were 21 again, and didn't have a SO or children for whom to be concerned, what would I be saving up for? What would be my line of big™ purchases?

•first home
•start up my first business or expense sheet to qualify my first career (e.g. college, tech training, licensing courses)
•buff automobile

I am undecided on how to order this. What would you do? What else would you do that isn't on this list?

Yeppers, its the couldawouldashoulda thread. :D

[GeckoGeek]

2,1,3

Cars are a horrid "investment".

[1stwahine]

What an excellent question!

If I had to do it over again, I would go to college after High School.

I didn't. I wanted to pursue my Roots and I did. I don't regret it. Den I purchased my first Restaurant at the age of nineteen.

Education enhances one's chance to reach goals and dreams.

Auntie Lynn

[acousticlady]

ohhhh - tough one! Let's see..... right after high school I thought I wanted to be a costume designer. Even started school for it. Then I got pregnant, got married and dropped out of school. 9 years later went to college and got into physics. So, I wouldn't be where I am without things going the way they did. What if I never got married and had my son at the tender age of 18? I seriously doubt I'd be in the same place I am and I seriously doubt I would have worried about house, car, retirement. I probably would have worried about partying instead of family, house etc.

So I guess the answer is - I wouldn't want to do it differently. I like the way my life has turned out.

By the way, I never gave up designing costumes. But I do it for fun, not a career.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Hey Acoustic-lede, this isn't the "regrets" thread. :rolleyes: ;)

Let's try this again:

Today is 2007. You are 21 yrs old; kidless, SO-less. What would you save for? What would you aim for? How would you chart your course?

[adrian]

If I could go back to 18, then I'd save money, get my drivers license, and don't care what I drive - as long as it won't break down on me and have AC.

*continues to read the thread for tips*

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Adrian, how old are you?

[Peshkwe]

I think I'd have to go

1) reliable used car

2) learn business, marketing and investing along with the art classes

3) Get a nice roof over mah haid

4) Get the buff car

[glossyp]

I'd hit the road and go see the world. I wouldn't get a job for any other reason than to raise enough funds to buy that first plane ticket and I'd be gone. Oh, wait. That is what I did. And, yes, I'd do it again. There is plenty of time for adult life when you hit your late-twenties and I think you're better equipped to know who you are and what you want, if you go out and live outside the zone of the familiar and safe. Not for everyone, but for those with a yen for adventure, highly recommended.

Great thread idea!

[acousticlady]

Let's try this again:

Today is 2007. You are 21 yrs old; kidless, SO-less. What would you save for? What would you aim for? How would you chart your course?

Haha :p ok - let's see. I'm 21 and it's 2007.....ummmm get my parents to pay for me to be in college whooping it up? I know this isn't a regrets thread but I had sooo much responsibility on my shoulders at 21 that if I were 21 today w/out kids and SO then I wouldn't want any responsibility........or think about saving for anything or worrying about where I was going. Kinda like all the 21 yr olds I run into at school :D.

[WindwardOahuRN]

If I had to do it over again I wouldn't change a thing. To do so might mean that I wouldn't have my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my life of today.

No, it hasn't been all roses. Right down to an eviction notice on my door in January, with a newborn and a two-year-old, snow on the ground, not a pot to piss in...

Sure, I have regrets but, all in all, it's been a good ride.

We play the hand we are dealt. Shifting gears, we travel on. Take the good with the bad, hope the bad outweighs the good. I opt for jubilance with small victories. Otherwise, I would have crumbled and been swept away.

That's life, babe. ;)

[Pua'i Mana'o]

*mumbles to self*

((must revise, since this clearly ain't workin'))

what advice would you have for that special young adult, who is getting ready to embark on his/her 20s? The kid just passed Go! and collected $200. Lots of ambition, but really no clue in which direction to head. Word=oyster sort of thing.

[timkona]

I did it pretty good too.

BUT, I will always wonder if I had gone to my ROTC physical in Oakland during my senior year of HS, what might have happened. I have a lot of respect for the military, and what it can do for youngsters. Best friend became SpecOps.

For smart kids in rural parts, with little or no money in the family, the military is by far the best option. Afterall, the ONLY true cutting edge education for the smarty types can be gotten in the US military. Anytime MIT or Stanford comes up with something truly remarkable, it is often swept under the military rug.

[acousticlady]

*mumbles to self*

((must revise, since this clearly ain't workin'))

what advice would you have for that special young adult, who is getting ready to embark on his/her 20s? The kid just passed Go! and collected $200. Lots of ambition, but really no clue in which direction to head. Word=oyster sort of thing.
you see..... ;) that is a completely different question. It's also something I have to do all the time. I'd tell them to search their heart and soul. What would make them happy. Where do they want to be in 20 or 30 years? Do they want to spend their lives accruing money and things or do they want to be able to say " I love what I do and who I am?" Generally these are 2 very different tracks. The paths that lead to money and things require a different mind set than going after your passions.

[adrian]

Adrian, how old are you?
21 :p

I gotta learn something from you old futs.

[sinjin]

Plane ticket.

[Nords]

*mumbles to self*

((must revise, since this clearly ain't workin'))

what advice would you have for that special young adult, who is getting ready to embark on his/her 20s? The kid just passed Go! and collected $200. Lots of ambition, but really no clue in which direction to head. Word=oyster sort of thing.
If travel turns you on, then travel. People who enjoy that lifestyle are glad they did it. I know a couple who've been traveling all over the world for 16 years, returning only a few months every couple years to a mobile home near Phoenix. I've been all over the world and my philosophy is more along the lines of "Send me the video..."

I'd finish college, I'd find a job I didn't hate, learn all I could about my chosen profession, get a little experience before considering starting my own business, live below my means, and save for financial independence. I'd apply to graduate school if I thought it would boost my knowledge, experience, & earnings. I'd learn to manage my own investments.

If I felt better owning a house than dealing with property managers & landlords, then I'd buy a house. Some people never get around to buying a house because they consider it overrated and too much work to take care of.

If I saw a buff car as a thing of beauty worthy of my time & money then I'd get one. If I saw a car as a tool not much different than a hammer or a lawnmower then I'd buy the best used car I could find and drive it into the ground.

I'd drink less alcohol, eat less junk food, and exercise more. I'd find some sort of physical activity that I enjoyed enough to do it for at least a decade or two, with something similar to transition to as I got older. Triathlons & martial arts don't get easier with age, but I'll be surfing until they find me floating facedown...

Marriage? Kids? If/when the time is right then you'll know it. If you have to ask the questions then the time isn't right.

[CranBeree]

go to college

get the job.

get a house.

yes in that order.:)

[WindwardOahuRN]

Work without a net.

[PoiBoy]

let him find himself

[Miulang]

Use the years between 20 and 29 to do as much as you can to figure out what you DON'T want to do. Work at a really shitty job so you know what it's like (and decide then that you don't want to ever have to work in another shitty job but that if you had to, you could). This teaches humility and resourcefulness and motivation.

Travel alone for a bit and get out of your comfort zone. This teaches you independence and confidence.

If you go to school, don't settle too quickly on a major. Take lots of different kinds of liberal arts classes (yes, even basketweaving or painting). This teaches you that there are many different things in life to be experienced and makes you a more well rounded person.

Miulang

[Palolo Joe]

Use the years between 20 and 29 to do as much as you can to figure out what you DON'T want to do. Work at a really shitty job so you know what it's like (and decide then that you don't want to ever have to work in another shitty job but that if you had to, you could). This teaches humility and resourcefulness and motivation.

Travel alone for a bit and get out of your comfort zone. This teaches you independence and confidence.

If you go to school, don't settle too quickly on a major. Take lots of different kinds of liberal arts classes (yes, even basketweaving or painting). This teaches you that there are many different things in life to be experienced and makes you a more well rounded person.

This advice makes sense if you come from a rich family.

If you have to support yourself, or live in Hawaii, it's worthless.

When you're young, most of the jobs ARE shitty... and you'll have to work two or three of them, not just one.

Travel? How are you supposed to get the money for plane tickets, hotels, etc. from that shitty job you work at?

Take your time in school? Ever hear of those UH students on an eight-year plan? THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

[WindwardOahuRN]

This advice makes sense if you come from a rich family.

If you have to support yourself, or live in Hawaii, it's worthless.

When you're young, most of the jobs ARE shitty... and you'll have to work two or three of them, not just one.

Travel? How are you supposed to get the money for plane tickets, hotels, etc. from that shitty job you work at?

Take your time in school? Ever hear of those UH students on an eight-year plan? THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

Oh bullpucky.

I raised two daughters who were not from a wealthy family. Decided that they were going to politely decline the offers of college educations and struck out on their own. From New York to Alaska, Washington, Northern California, and Arizona.

They supported themselves, worked at shitty jobs (including stints in an Alaskan fishing village cannery and picking strawberries in California). They succeeded, continue to succeed, and are my pride and joy.

There is nothing that they did that could not have been done by anyone else with a bit of gumption and backbone.

Fortitude is as fortitude does. I can only hope that they learned such strength from me.

Strong women, brave choices. Now married, raising fantastic families. One in NY and one in Northern California.

Please do not make excuses for people who make excuses. It's embarrassing and an insult to all those who have risen, taken the reins, and run to the winner's circle.

Lame, lame, LAME.

[acousticlady]

This advice makes sense if you come from a rich family.

If you have to support yourself, or live in Hawaii, it's worthless.

When you're young, most of the jobs ARE shitty... and you'll have to work two or three of them, not just one.

Travel? How are you supposed to get the money for plane tickets, hotels, etc. from that shitty job you work at?

Take your time in school? Ever hear of those UH students on an eight-year plan? THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

I just want to point out that ANYONE can go to college. Many times for free. Especially if you come from a "lower income" family. There are many, many grants, scholarships and loan programs designed for who are considered less fortunate. I also want to point out that not doing well in high school does not lock you out from these. Non-traditional students often pay even less and do better in the long run than those traditional "rich" kids. So the idea of finding yourself through college is only blocked by your own self doubt. I should also point out that most can go to grad school for free or close to it.

And what wrong with an 8 yr plan? I know many who did it that way. At the end of the 8 yrs you are still a college grad. Or.... you can give up and not be..... and be stuck working lousy jobs. Attitude is everything in life.

I have said it before - "Poor is a state of mind." (Scriv - notice the period placement :D). Most who go to college do not come from "rich" families. In fact, most you would consider "rich" are actually broke - but not poor.

[acousticlady]

Let me also add to that there are also many who choose not to go to college and still manage to find themselves and do well in life. As WORN pointed out. I also married one of those! Again, it is all about attitude.

[Palolo Joe]

Please do not make excuses for people who make excuses. It's embarrassing and an insult to all those who have risen, taken the reins, and run to the winner's circle.

Lame, lame, LAME.

Go back and read my post again before you decide to run your mouth.

I don't come from a wealthy family. I didn't have time to dick around and "find myself," with other mouths to feed and bills to help pay.

After high school, it was welcome to the real world. Want to go to college? Fine. Pay for it yourself.

And I did. Got my loans, got my degree and got out. IN FOUR YEARS.

After my first shitty job out of college, it became time to put up or shut up. I sucked it up and moved back home.

Didn't have the luxury to work just one shitty job so I could "find myself" and figure out what I wanted to do. I had to work three shitty jobs so I could pay the rent for my shitty apartment, since I had no desire to move back in with my extended family.

Vacation? What's that? After the last summer vacation I had in college (which I spent working two jobs, by the way), I didn't take time off until I was 26 years old. Five years of straight WORK.

Travel? With what money?

I'm not making excuses for anyone. I'm responding to the advice Miulang gave, which works IF YOU COME FROM A RICH FAMILY.

I didn't, and looking back on what I went through (and what I made of it), I turned out just fine.

You can kiss my you-know-where if you think that's lame.

[WindwardOahuRN]

Go back and read my post again before you decide to run your mouth.

I don't come from a wealthy family. I didn't have time to dick around and "find myself," with other mouths to feed and bills to help pay.

After high school, it was welcome to the real world. Want to go to college? Fine. Pay for it yourself.

And I did. Got my loans, got my degree and got out. IN FOUR YEARS.

After my first shitty job out of college, it became time to put up or shut up. I sucked it up and moved back home.

Didn't have the luxury to work just one shitty job so I could "find myself" and figure out what I wanted to do. I had to work three shitty jobs so I could pay the rent for my shitty apartment, since I had no desire to move back in with my extended family.

Vacation? What's that? After the last summer vacation I had in college (which I spent working two jobs, by the way), I didn't take time off until I was 26 years old. Five years of straight WORK.

Travel? With what money?

I'm not making excuses for anyone. I'm responding to the advice Miulang gave, which works IF YOU COME FROM A RICH FAMILY.

I didn't, and looking back on what I went through (and what I made of it), I turned out just fine.

You can kiss my you-know-where if you think that's lame.


You can find yourself while supporting yourself and others. Rich family not required. Reaching out, discovering, becoming educated (structured classes not required, BTW---read, read, read).

AFAICS, nothing in Miulang's post demanded a prerequisite of family wealth:

>>Use the years between 20 and 29 to do as much as you can to figure out what you DON'T want to do. Work at a really shitty job so you know what it's like (and decide then that you don't want to ever have to work in another shitty job but that if you had to, you could). This teaches humility and resourcefulness and motivation.

Travel alone for a bit and get out of your comfort zone. This teaches you independence and confidence.

If you go to school, don't settle too quickly on a major. Take lots of different kinds of liberal arts classes (yes, even basketweaving or painting). This teaches you that there are many different things in life to be experienced and makes you a more well rounded person.

Miulang<<

Nothing. Your post reeks of resentment. Why the pissant stuff?

Self-made. You and millions of others who were not to the manor born, including my ancestors (who braved oceans, poverty, and discrimination to get to where they got), myself, and my kids. Your achievements are not to be scoffed at, to be sure, but nothing terrible unusual in the cosmic sense.

You did good, and you did it on your own. Kudos.

If you feel that you've been hornswoggled into something that is making you unhappy, work to find a way out. No need to smack others who see a different path to success.

[Palolo Joe]

AFAICS, nothing in Miulang's post demanded a prerequisite of family wealth:

Good for you. I disagree, especially for someone that age (20 to 29 years old) who lives in Hawaii. And that's speaking from personal experience.

Your post reeks of resentment.

Well of course it does, and that resentment is directed at you. I resent that you think my opinions are lame, and will express myself as I see fit.

By the time I was 29 years old, I had found a career that I loved, without having to travel the world or go to college for any longer than absolutely necessary.

You did good, and you did it on your own. Kudos.

If you feel that you've been hornswoggled into something that is making you unhappy, work to find a way out.

Thanks for the validation, but I don't need (nor want) it, or the kudos. And I'm happy with the way my life has turned out. You sure do jump to a lot of conclusions.

No need to smack others who see a different path to success.

No need to preach to others when you can't even follow your own advice.

[WindwardOahuRN]

:::Sigh:::

Back to watching cartoons on YouTube....:D

[Karen]

Okay, I think....I get the gist of it. Were I 21 in 2007 instead of back when I was, and I am fifty now, wow, the world is sooo different that I wouldn't be wasting my money on bars and clubs, pot and things, so I'd be saving up for my dream retreat/survival estate in the states of Washington or Oregon.

Times are crazy, the nation's biggest mortgage company's in dire trouble, and over a hundred smaller ones have gone belly-up, so if I were alone and half as wise as I am now, and more sober minded, heck, and sober now.....yeah, I'd be putting most of my thoughts, energies and dimes saved into what I hope becomes reality anyway, but I'd be so dang focused on this and not on raising kids and paying the mortgage, etc.

[KeleiGrrrl]

Great question; very provocative. Normally I just lurk here, but I had to delurk for this. When I was 21, like most people, I had a lot of responsibility even though I didn't have kids or a husband. I was dead set against that, and it was the right decision for me. I wouldn't have the life I have now if I had to figure others into the equation of my life and I wanted to have as many options as possible.

I guess I would be willing to take a few more risks and figure out how to travel more. I'm originally from a rural part of the country where there is/never was any industry after the coal mines shut down. I remember just dying to get out and experience more, but I couldn't figure out how to do it until I got that college degree and a job in hand.

The idea that one can travel on no money and have all the experieces one wants has vexed me ever since I was a teenager (I'm now 35). I honestly want to know how one does that. I have asked this question of others before, because I've known others that weren't wealthy but were well-travelled at a young age. How could I have travelled, to say, Hawaii, New Zealand, the Pacific Northwest, New England, etc. on a couple of hundred dollars? I never had the extra money it takes for a plane ticket or a reliable car that could make it cross-country until I had graduated college and had a "real" job. I never had more than a couple of hundred (and that's a rather optimistic figure) when I was that age because everything I made at a minimum wage job was earmarked for my bills (crappy car, insurance, community college tuition, books, clothing, etc). So, I'm trying to figure out what I'm missing here and how I could've paid my bills and travelled. This is not sour grapes, it's a honest valid question; one that a friend and I have discussed at length. I'm glad I learned responsibility at a young age, blah blah, blah, but I do wish I had more options or felt I had more options at that age.

Then again, I've sometimes wondered if I had just been willing to put college off for a few years, I could have used the money I made from slinging pizza for travel. In my 21 year old mind, I was hellbent on getting out of the rural backwaters and the only way I knew how was to go to college. I was scared that if I didn't work toward a degree at that age, that I might never have the opportunity to do so when I got older and then I'd have no options and be stuck in a dead-end job in a dead-end town. It took me 7 years but I did it. Of course, I'm back in school now, but that's for another thread.

Anyway, I guess this long post is all to say I would be willing to take more risks. I would be willing to postpone college a couple of years without freaking out that I'll never get out of the paycheck to paycheck cycle. I think I was so scared that I'd wind up with a life of no options in my podunk area, that I didn't take the time to have adventures. I felt I had to be pragmatic, when in reality, all I wanted to do was work in one of those "cool" coffee shops in Seattle (yes, this was 1992 and yes, I'm Gen X) but I couldn't figure out how to get the money to make the trip there and have first month/last month's rent + deposit. I sure couldn't show up in Seattle without any money and with no plan. How do you get a job unless you're there in person to apply? These were the questions that plagued and kept me from doing some of the things I wanted to do. Rent was usually around $200 where I was from and when I'd hear what "cityfolk" paid for rent, I was at a complete and total loss as to how I could step foot in a city without at least a stash of cash and a job already lined up.

So, I understand those in this thread that say you can have an adventure without cash, but at the same time, I've lurked here long enough to know that you guys are always straight with those who want to move to Hawaii on a wing and a prayer. No one would tell me to come to Hawaii without a plan, so how would I, at 21, have gone to say, Hawaii or Seattle without money? Again, I ask this as an honest and valid question, please do not take this in the wrong spirit. I've known people that didn't have a lot of money that travelled, but they were willing to run up credit card debt or they always happened to know people in major cities, which helped. Maybe the only difference is whether or not the person is willing to take risks? I remember at 21, feeling as though every decision I was making would have lifelong consequences, whereas now I have a little more faith and am willing to take a few more risks.

Sorry if this was too long. :o I promise more brevity in future posts. ;)

[GeckoGeek]

The idea that one can travel on no money and have all the experieces one wants has vexed me ever since I was a teenager (I'm now 35). I honestly want to know how one does that.

Darn good question. I don't claim to know the answers, and I'm not a "free spirit" type by any means (although I've known a few), but I'll make an attempt:

Car: Don't. At least in Hawaii, bus or bicycle will get you around. If you must get a car, get one dirt cheap. The $100-200 type. Old but reliable. Replace as needed.

Housing: Roommates. Having friends that will let you crash a few nights helps too. Then there's Youth Hostels, YMCA/YWCA, etc.

Airfare: standby. Or perhaps buying tickets from someone who suddenly can't go.

Jobs: Basic counter help, waiter/waitress experience will get you a job most anywhere anytime.

Possessions: Few and only the essential. Travel light.

Obviously, this isn't a good way for stability and predictability. But that's why you pay more for a good car and a room of your own.

[KeleiGrrrl]

Thanks for your answers! That does help to solve some of the mystery. First/Last Month's rent and deposit (at "city" prices) always seemed out of my reach. I surely could have gotten a job slinging pizza; I did it for 8 years.

One thing I learned once I moved to an urban area was that you didn't really have to have a car with public transportation whereas in a rural area you have to have a car. That was one expense I didn't realize I could've crossed off the list. Once I got to Chicago, I was more than happy to make the transition to public transportation. Let the train conductor or the bus driver do the driving while I read the paper! I loved it.

Anyway, it's not that I think it's not possible, it's just I always wondered how other people did it and made it work. When I was younger, I think I just needed a little more faith that things would work out.

[GeckoGeek]

First/Last Month's rent and deposit

For some reason I keep hearing that. In Hawaii, only First month and deposit can be charged up front.

As for housing, check on-campus for places. At least when I went to collage, anyone could walk on to campus and look over the board showing ads for rooms for rent, roommates wanted, etc.

[sinjin]

The idea that one can travel on no money and have all the experieces one wants has vexed me ever since I was a teenager (I'm now 35). I honestly want to know how one does that.I don't know about travelling for no money but I can speak for travelling with relatively little money. I once flew roundtrip from Los Angeles to Singapore for $200. One can travel in many parts of the world for less than $50/day.