How do you cope?

[Kungpao]

I'm going thgough a bit of a rough time in life right now and I suppose I'm just looking to see what other people do to cope with daily/not so daily stresses.

My wife and I rescued a dog from our SPCA about a year and a half ago. A year went by with no incident with him and we both love him very much. 5 months ago, he tore a hole in a rather expensive comforter and my wife went ape on him. He apparently felt threatened and reeled around and bit her. Aside from this being mentaly traumitizing, she had to deal with physical pain from the 4 stitches as well.

On the 13th of this month, she was petting him on her lap and decided to clip his nails. The nail trimmers and his soft muzzle happened to be close to her so she picked them up to put them on him (as we had done in the past with no incident). He went psycho on her and bit her in the hand. This time requiring 2 stitches.

The first time, we attributed it to him being extremely freightened of her. The second time, we didn't know what to think. After getting advice from people, we decided to hire a dog behaviorist. Our local "Dog Whisperer" if you will. She came to our home on Sunday the 23rd and spent 3 hours with us and the dog and her conclusions were that he was a very loving dog. Too loving to the point that he was demanding attention from her by pushing himself against her. She also said he had very nervous behavior and some post traumatic stress symptoms from previous home settings. She reccomended (and showed us) some training methods as well as proper behavior (for us) to use around the dog. No yelling at him whatsoever even if he destroys our favorite items as this would send him into a nervous state and might cause him to bite.

Later that evening before going to bed, I was being stupid and wanted to startle our 2 cats off of our bed. So I playfully slapped my hands on the edge of the bed several times and made a general ruckus.

Apparently our dog thought something else was going on and he jumped up and bit me. Thankfully I was wearing a thick t-shirt and only got some minor cuts and bruising from the bite. This pretty much sent my wife over the edge and terrified her a bit. We made the difficult decision that he was to go back to the shelter.

This whole ordeal has been extremely taxing on both of us mentally. Last night was the worst when we actually brought him back. Both of us were in tears and she didn't sleep. I love my wife dearly and I know that I have to be strong for the both of us. She's not taking this well emotionally (understandably) and I am trying to be there for her as much as I can. On top of all this, my wife was just getting back on track emotionally from a miscarriage that was to be our first. We're emotional wrecks right now.

My problem is that I don't have anyone to be strong for me...

In times of stress, we usually rely on each other for support but lately I've had to carry the strength for the both of us. It's wearing me down and I'm sort of in a loss for what to do to cope. I've taken to just engrossing myself in other things just to "forget" what's going on around me till I have to deal with it.

[scrivener]

I don't know if this is at ALL helpful, but I'm a dog-lover too, and books I've read all say that when you lose a dog, the best thing to do for dealing with the loss is to get a new one. Don't wait around; just go get a new dog.

That doesn't address your needing someone to lean on, but I think it will help. Doggies definitely help.

[glossyp]

First of all, please let me express my heartfelt understanding of the situation you had with your rescued friend. I have spent many years rescuing and fostering dogs who were near death and abused. I'm not going to tell you what else you could have done to help the dog; your first priority is to the well being of your wife. She has been through a series of emotionally wrenching experiences and she needs a calm and steady environment. You need to strengthen yourself to help her and I suggest you do that by setting aside some time to do something that makes you feel good and gets positive endorphins going like walking, going out for a cup of coffee and relaxing or stealing some time to see a movie - these are just examples as you know the things that will help you. Some people like to go and sit in their church and meditate, others like strolling through a mall and people watching. Whatever it is, you need to do it to help yourself so you can help your family. I'll be sending good thoughts and prayers your way because that never hurts.

[GeckoGeek]

My only suggestion to this situation is to watch your thoughts. If you keep re-running the situation over and over, it's not going to help you. If you find yourself thinking about it, you might want to force yourself to think about something else instead.

Or do an activity that demands your full attention that doesn't allow you to play mental VCR tapes. This can be effective when you find yourself being overcome with emotion.

I'm not saying to completely cut things off. You've had a loss and you need to adjust. But you do need to try and control when and where.

[tutusue]

Needless to say, I'm not a doctor. But, I'm a huge proponent of talking to one when the need arises.

Both you and your wife have been thru a heartbreaking experience...the loss of a child thru miscarriage. This, by itself, can put one into what seems like an unending, emotional roller coaster. Now, you've lost another "child"...a dog that you both loved. And, to make matters worse, you were forced into the decision you made for reasons of safety. Heavy stuff, Kungpao, but you made the right decision, methinks. Think of your emotions as a gas tank. It sounds like your tank is running on reserve right now.

If I was in your shoes I'd enlist the services of a therapist to support you so that you don't run out of gas for your wife. S/he is a neutral 3rd party who is trained to help. No stigma anymore either...afaic! If I was stranded on a deserted island and could only bring one "item"...it'd be a therapist!

BTW...I really admire that you bared your soul and reached out for help.
{{{{{Kungpao}}}}}

To answer your question...I cope by meditating every morning, first thing. And, taking my own advice, I check in for a tune up with a therapist every month! Bouncing issues off of and brainstorming with her is the best thing I can do for myself. While the crisis which I originally started seeing her for during the 90s is long over, she's become a valuable tool in my life's arsenal!

[1stwahine]

In time of need and comfort, he hears my pleas and cries.

Pray.

It's easy and simple.

Just fall on your knees...

and call out.

He's listening.

(((Hugs)))

Auntie Lynn

[SusieMisajon]

1) I let the vet cut thenails..it's too easy to cut off too much and hurt the dog.

2) I have to wonder what the dog might do to a baby.

3) Have you considered castrating the dog?

[scrivener]

Susie, they got rid of the dog. That's part of the stress.

[tutusue]

1) I let the vet cut thenails..it's too easy to cut off too much and hurt the dog.

2) I have to wonder what the dog might do to a baby.

3) Have you considered castrating the dog?
Susie...reread Kungpao's first post in this thread.

[SusieMisajon]

Susie, they got rid of the dog. That's part of the stress.
Oh. NOW I understand. Sorry.

Okay, then...

1) Get a cat
2) Try another dog
3) Go on vacation
4) Volunteer at the dogpound
5) If you can, try and get pregnant again as soon as possible

[Peshkwe]

If you feel you want a new pup, contact Kalona over at the Honolulu Advertiser boards, or ask Aunty Lynn to give her a holler for you. She's babysitting/taking care of a new litter of Great Dane puppies, their eyes have just opened so they won't be ready to leave momma for a while yet...but if you're interested she could put you in contact with the owner who had to take some time to visit her family on the mainland.

I don't know if any (or all) the pups have been spoken for yet, but it might be worth a shot if you can deal with what will eventually be a large dog.

[scrivener]

KungPao lives in Pennsylvania.

[SusieMisajon]

KungPao lives in Pennsylvania.
Good thing you're here to keep us all on track, today.

[scrivener]

Good thing!

[SusieMisajon]

Ok...it's hard about the dog and even harder about the baby. I'd like to tell you nevermind about the dog, all that emotion for him is nothing next to the rest of life's problems...but that ain't gonna feel too good, I know.

Maybe crying about the dog is just another way to really cry about the baby...which must be a hell of a thing to have happened to you guys.

Maybe this isn't such a bad thing....I mean about the dog....I mean about the dog being the last straw, and all.

I'm not saying this very well, am I?

[Kungpao]

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement. I suppose, deep down, I felt that HT would be a place where I could talk without 'knowing' anyone and get stuff out that I have no one to talk to about. I go through spurts of being emotionally overwhelmed but thankfully I'm usually in the car for my hour long commute when that happens. My coping methods so far have been just keeping my mind full of other things weather it be all the new season openers of shows coming on or work, and even posting on my favorite forums.

Auntie, thank you for reminding me to pray. In all the turmoil, I can't believe I've forgotten.

As far as the dog: He was a stray that they picked up at the spca. When they first got him, he was dog agressive. That went away after he was neutered. He shows no interest in other dogs and no interest in cats either. He's all about his humans. If you let him out to do his business... he wants to come back in with you. Demands attention. Will push himself against your leg to get attention.

Things we've noticed about his past were that someone must've beaten him with a black tv cable wire. My wife picked up a coil of it one day and he hit the deck as if he'd done something wrong. If you raised your voice to him, he'd cower easily. He has this weird behavior of sucking on his blanket. We figure he was weaned away from his mother too early. And after the incident with me, I'm pretty convinced someone in his previous household (probably the man) used to beat other people. (probably his wife)

After his 2 bite incidences with my wife, totalling 6 stitches, we sought the advice of our veterenarian as well as the spca. Both suggested we hire a dog behaviorist/trainer. We took their advice and hired one. She's the one I mentioned in my original post. I feel we have done everything we could and not haphazardly rushed to bring him back to the SPCA. We love him and that's what makes it so difficult. Bottom line for us that we've made EVERYONE clear of is that we DO NOT want him put down.

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y252/kungpao/Sami/Woof.jpg

[SusieMisajon]

Don't those kinds of dogs have a very strong character?

[Peshkwe]

KungPao lives in Pennsylvania.

Shoot, didn't think to look at the location.

Depending on where they're at in PA, there are some really nice hiking and walking trails as well as riding trails if they can ride a horse.

KungPao, other than checking into therapy, which might not be a bad idea for the immediate feelings of loss, try doing things that are totally out of the normal routine. Make time at the beginning of the week to plan weekend trips to local historical or cultural site and events. They don't have to be far away, just 'away' from what you do on a day to day basis and something that sparks your curiosity. The planning and then doing can help with the low spots as long as you do it together....it won't take it all away, only time can do that.

[1stwahine]

Auntie, thank you for reminding me to pray. In all the turmoil, I can't believe I've forgotten.

You didn't forget...

You've always had him in your heart.;)

In Christ,

Auntie Lynn

[SusieMisajon]

I'm not sure it's the dog. Let go the dog...and learn how to deal with when sad, bad, or ugly things happen in your lives, you and your wife. The miscarriage was sad, but there's worse. You two need to deal with how to continue in spite of it.

[tutusue]

I'm not sure it's the dog. Let go the dog...and learn how to deal with when sad, bad, or ugly things happen in your lives, you and your wife. The miscarriage was sad, but there's worse. You two need to deal with how to continue in spite of it.
Oh, Susie...you have such a way with...
...oh, never mind...
:(

[Leo Lakio]

KP, I know you'll understand this (based on pm's you and I shared several months back), but have you been playing that lovely `ukulele you picked up a while back?

Music has healing powers, you know.

Beyond that, I can't really give any advice beyond what the fine folks who've already posted have said, except to remember that there will come a future day when this will all be in the rear-view mirror. Keep looking forward to that day, and know that your troubled times are transitional.

Malama pono...

[SusieMisajon]

Oh, Susie...you have such a way with...
...oh, never mind...
:(
I know. But this is so sad. And I don't mean about the dog.

[1stwahine]

I know. But this is so sad. And I don't mean about the dog.

Enough! Susie. Please.

Auntie Lynn

[SusieMisajon]

It's gone midnight, and I am sure that it's gone past my bedtime. Nite all.

[Peshkwe]

KP, I know you'll understand this (based on pm's you and I shared several months back), but have you been playing that lovely `ukulele you picked up a while back?

Music has healing powers, you know.

Beyond that, I can't really give any advice beyond what the fine folks who've already posted have said, except to remember that there will come a future day when this will all be in the rear-view mirror. Keep looking forward to that day, and know that your troubled times are transitional.

Malama pono...



There ya go!

Kungpao, does your wife play anything? Would she like to learn? Does she write, does she sing?

Maybe there is something you could do together that's soothing to the soul like music...go to a local pow wow and listen to the heart beat of the drum. Check out the local blues and jazz doings.

Talk and interact with other musicians of all walks. Listen, learn and bring it into your own style.

[Karen]

I am soo sorry to hear of y'all's chain of events.

I get alone and sit quietly, and if it's at bedtime then that works and instead of lieing there and thinking incessantly, I do a type of meditation that is so simple and unimpressive (except in results) that it doesn't deserve to be called meditation and yet it is.

As for sitting, I'll get in my favorite wing-backed chair cuz it's not so comfy like the sofa and I won't get sleepy in it, close my eyes and notice my thoughts. They are where most of our problems lie, and thrive. I then choose to focus on my hands, not analyzing them but just noticing they exist and then once I do that, I notice the hands are alive, they have warmth and a subtle tingle.

Noticing them then I am no longer lost in my thought-stream. I then am becoming what some philosophies call "centered." (can't recall whom, just know I've heard/noticed some using that term) Sure enough my worrying thoughts start again, but I choose to notice my hands and as I do I am then "feeling" the hands and not having a thought in words, I slowly cease worrying, planning, hearing what someone said about such-and-such, and I slowly get a peace unlike any other I've ever known. SILENCE~! silence can be golden and the silence of the mind surely is the closest thing to God if there really is one, in my opinion, of course.

When I fail to do this mental exercise? meditation? not taking the time for it, for myself, I then find myself more lost in thought instead of seeing my thoughts but not being lost in them,consumed with any worry if there is something major going on in my life at that time.

When I do sit and meditate like this, and do it before bed while I lie there.....I have a clarity of mind and/or excellent sleep. I hope you'll try it, cuz I've coped with as much hurt, anger, and stresses as anyone here, I am betting, and this is how I have coped and continued to have a very good life.

huggz, sincerely~

[Da Rolling Eye]

Sorry for your loss, KP. :(

I understand what's going on as we lost twin girls the year before our Mel was born. Both were live birthed and died in our hands.

We also had a dog, raised from a pup, and an adopted sheltie off the street. The sheltie didn't last long and got rid of her. To many problems, but our original dog was such a great help during the hard times. May I suggest either adopting or buying a puppy. Something with no baggage, so to speak. You really don't need anymore stress than what y'all are going through already. Basically, you'd be useless to the dog or to each other if both of you are not "whole".

During that following year, we attended a bunch of grief counseling groups which helped us to understand the what and why's of our behavior during that time. Mine was lightning quick, brief but intense anger. No logic, no reason. Down right spooky. Cry at the drop of a hat and glaring and cussing at someone the next moment. Worse than your dog, ah? :D Anyway, the combination of the counseling and just plain'ol talking with the wife, and lots of hugs, really helped us to cope with the grief.

It's been 8 years already. Mel is now 7. We still have bouts of sadness and thoughts of the what ifs with the girls are never out of our minds or hearts. It never goes away. Just eases with time.

[lavagal]

I, too, have suffered multiple miscarriages. I think of them as angels. It is difficult to think about those times. A woman can feel incomplete, inadequate and unworthy when the heartbeat ceases inside you. Maybe other women know what it "feels" like when a child dies inside, but I do not. I never knew. I always thought I was fine, that baby was fine. Then when the ultrasound begins, the tech excuses herself and back comes the doctor, you get the picture about the third time.

After all that, I went through a couple of years of infertility treatments, felt I LOOKED pregnant the entire time, and was scheduled for invitro. I didn't have to go as my first was conceived a month prior to my appointment. For my second child, I used the Clear Plan Fertility Monitor and was able to conceive after two months. I now have two beautiful little girls, but I know I am the mother of five.

The loss of a child, whether they die in the wound, at birth, as a toddler or years down the road--cannot be an easy thing for a parent to endure. I dare say it is one of the worst things anyone can experience. But what can you do? The next day the sun rises, birds sing, the cat brings home the bottom half of a lizard, and you have to make the coffee, brush your teeth, look yourself in the eye and somehow blend in with your society. There aren't many people you can tell, although some would be happy to comfort you. And no one can say the right thing, because "It was probably for the best" is never appropriate. Saying "I'm sorry" is about the best one can do.

I'm sorry, KP. Hugs to you, your wife, and your angel.

[Beau]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Kungpao...:(

First a child, then a beloved pet. In the past when a string of devastating things happened to me, I relied on good trusted friends, confiding to my parents, and even seeing a therapist for help.

I echo what tutusue said about enlisting the services of a competent therapist. (Not all therapist are good, or as effective as others, just like any other profession) Many times I have found the traditional oriental culture looks down on seeking that kind of help, because it means your weak. But I think that's complete B.S. and have no qualms whatsoever about seeing a therapist for help. I have done that in the past, and having found a really good therapist that has saved my sanity and given me peace of mind.

Wishing you and your wife better times ahead, and I'll keep you guys in my prayers tonight.

[alohacandy]

I am sorry to hear about your losses and totally agree with Lynn about turning to God in prayer. He's always there for you.
I'm not sure where in Pennsylvania you live, but you and your wife might want to check into support groups for those that have lost babies due to miscarriage. Local hospital social work departments should have information about these support groups. There are also on-line support groups.
My heart goes out to you and I'll be praying for you.

[Kungpao]

Thanks again everyone. Our Miscarriage was in mid June. She was going on the 8th week. From the moment that we found out she was pregnant, we braced ourselves for the worst because we had recently been around friends who miscarried. She had what's called a Blighted Ovum which basically is a case where the fertilized egg nests in the uterine lining and makes the embryotic sack but doesn't make the embryo. She didn't have a natural miscarriage. Her hormone levels were going down too slow and the doctors decided that a D&C was necessary. She had some complications from the surgery for about 2-3 weeks. Our mental states had just been getting back to normal when all of this happened with the dog.

I think I've managed to get her mind away from the pains of taking the dog back to the spca though. Hours prior to taking Sami back, I joked with her that if I was to get another dog, I'd want a mop dog (Komodor/Puli) so that I wouldn't have to clean the hardwoods anymore. She laughed at that and she started looking at dog breeds. Since we both agreed that we want a dog in our lives, she's taken up finding the right breed for us and we're researching breeders in our area. I know this is just a mental ruse to keep going in daily life and that the anguish is still there but it's a start. I'm going to take lots of your advices on the situation. This weekend I'll convince her to do something spontaneous. We like to do spontaneous things anyway so it'll be nice.

[cezanne]

I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune. I'm not sure of your religious upbringing but I too turn to God in prayer when I'm in that type of situation (or any time of need). My wife miscarried twice at two months also and we still have no children after 14 years married. We've come to the conclusion that things happen for a reason and we are looking into adoption.

In regards to your dog. We too got our dog from the Humane Society. She's a poidog (mutt). We've had her for 10 years and she was house trained to start with it seemed. I think if you go with a mutt, all the bad hereditary traits associated with certain breeds gets watered down. JMO.

[ginabeena]

Kungpao,

You've been under a lot of stress---both of you have been. Please be careful before you add another critter to your group. I know from experience---I have 5 total and they take much care and time. When other stresses are high, the critters sense it: my birds pluck feathers, my dog whines and acts out, my cats hide. They pick up more than one would think. Be careful and don't take on too many things at once. If you have guilt over the doggie, volunteer at a local shelter, donate some money, but please be careful not to take on too much.

Have you considered adoption or fostering? It is selfless and beautiful to see people open thier hearts and homes....

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Gina, you are advising against getting another animal right now, but suggest child adoption or fostering? Hah??

[ginabeena]

Gina, you are advising against getting another animal right now, but suggest child adoption or fostering? Hah??

You are absolutely right: BAD idea----I meant instead of FUTURE trials of miscarriages and the pain that goes with....

[Kungpao]

You are absolutely right: BAD idea----I meant instead of FUTURE trials of miscarriages and the pain that goes with....

:) The intentions were there and appreciated. We're not in a hurry to get a pup. I'm glad she's looking though and giving her mind a break from the worry and instead making it (her mind) work at doing research into a dog that she'd want in our home. We looked at Chinese Shar Pei's until she discovered in her research all the little nuances this breed has. It's back to the drawing board for her so the mental challenge is there.

As for me, she's happy (happier).. so I'm happy.

Don't know if anyone's curious or not but Sami is part lab part bull breed of sorts so technically he falls under the generic term Pitbull which will probably scare some of you due to breed prejudice.

Oh and for the record, the zoo at my home consists of:
2 cats, 29 gallon tank with goldfish, 55 gallon freshwater tank with assorted fish, and a 46 gallon bow front marine tank with live rock, anemone, few fish, hermit crabs and snails. The marine tank requires the most work :)

[ginabeena]

:) Oh and for the record, the zoo at my home consists of:
2 cats, 29 gallon tank with goldfish, 55 gallon freshwater tank with assorted fish, and a 46 gallon bow front marine tank with live rock, anemone, few fish, hermit crabs and snails. The marine tank requires the most work :)

Oh my goodness! You have a lot of creatures to love in your family!!!! I wish you the best of luck in getting through this....oh yeah, when I feel like I need a coping mechanism, I just remind myself over and over "I am fortunate - I am alive, I am loved. "

[jdub]

I can't honestly say that I do cope. I've been through the worst two years of my life, and I truly don't know how I've been keeping on after the death of my mother and the departure of a woman with whom I was certain I would share the rest of my natural life.

I'm blessed with a loving family and an extended family of bandmates, roommates and people who accept me for me. I've always said that the greatest gift that can be given a person is just to let them be them. My friends let me be me, and that helps. Being able to play rock and roll shows that are supremely cathartic is also a blessing.

I think I've been in emotional, psychological and spiritual shock for a very long time now, and just as physical shock is the body's coping mechanism, my own particular shock is what allows me to function. I'll take what I can get as far as coping goes.

[Da Rolling Eye]

I think I've managed to get her mind away from the pains of taking the dog back to the spca though. Hours prior to taking Sami back, I joked with her that if I was to get another dog, I'd want a mop dog (Komodor/Puli) so that I wouldn't have to clean the hardwoods anymore. She laughed at that and she started looking at dog breeds. Since we both agreed that we want a dog in our lives, she's taken up finding the right breed for us and we're researching breeders in our area. I know this is just a mental ruse to keep going in daily life and that the anguish is still there but it's a start. I'm going to take lots of your advices on the situation. This weekend I'll convince her to do something spontaneous. We like to do spontaneous things anyway so it'll be nice.
Dude....Maltese. No shedding, no doggies smells and tiny poop. The only drawback is they're white and often times their tears will stain their faces. If that doesn't matter, they're great little dogs. They love to be carried forever, love to be cuddled and will sit on your lap or curl up next to you for hours. If you want a mop dog, just let their hair grow out. Look at pics of show dogs. ;)

We have 2. Mom and daughter. We sold one and had the second one sold, but the buyer brought her back with a really bad haircut. We decided to keep her and haven't regretted that decision. The Maltese are going to replace our first dog, the one I mentioned in my first post. She's pushing 14 years and probably won't live too much longer. Kinda sad to think about, but the other 2 will give us the love we'll be missing. :)

[tutusue]

Dude....Maltese. No shedding, no doggies smells and tiny poop.[...]
Ditto for the Bichon Frise. I used to dog sit for my friends and that dog was such a love. When I told my kids I was sleeping with a dog I meant it in the true sense of the word! :D

[Jake's Ohana]

Since we both agreed that we want a dog in our lives, she's taken up finding the right breed for us and we're researching breeders in our area. I know this is just a mental ruse to keep going in daily life and that the anguish is still there but it's a start.

KP, aloha bruddah...I'm sorry to hear your pain and what you and your wife are going through. Though your ohana's spirits are really down, I hope that you find some peace and solace in something to take your mind away from your losses. Healing your spirit may take a little time, so please remember to try and take care of yourself. If your spirit hasn't been nourished enough, it may make it more challenging to console and comfort your wife. If there is something you enjoy, please try to keep focused on that activity to feel more refreshed.

I would like to offer a suggestion if you should decide to get another dog prior to the welcoming addition of a newborn. My wife and I had a choco lab and a poi dog when our little keikis were born. After each birth of my 2 keikis, I brought home some of the hospital blankets that they were swaddled in and let our dogs sniff and become familiar with their scent. I believe that it made the dogs feel more comfortable when each of our kids arrived at home. Sometimes if the dog has not been introduced to the scent of a new baby, the dog might interpret the baby as invading the dog's territory which might make the dog become aggressive to the newborn.

Labs are great pets for families with young kids. They are playful, active, and very loyal to their master. The only draw back is the shedding and a mild puppyhood stage that can last for a while (but very much worth it). Our chocolate lab (big buggah 100 lbs) will be 11 in January, and she still wants to fetch and be chased around our home. Many blessings to you and your wife as you begin to heal from your loss.

Grace & Peace,

Jake's Ohana

[GeckoGeek]

Kungpao, it sounds like your doing quite well under the circumstance. But there is one thing I want to point out. Challenges that hit both partners will in the end either bring them closer together or break them apart. I wish I could offer advice to make sure that goes the right way or at least point you to a good source.

You are looking after your wife and I think that's going to help. I had a coworker who gave his wife room to grieve when she lost her father (because that's what he would want) and she ended up divorcing him after it was all over.

[Kungpao]

Dude....Maltese. Look at pics of show dogs. ;)

HAHA.. unfortunately, I've found I'm allergic to most small dogs. Something about their dander. AKC.org is our friend LOL

Ditto for the Bichon Frise.

These 2 dogs might be cool for my wife... but I may be tempted to get a more ::cough, cough:: manly dog for me ;)


I would like to offer a suggestion if you should decide to get another dog prior to the welcoming addition of a newborn. My wife and I had a choco lab and a poi dog when our little keikis were born. After each birth of my 2 keikis, I brought home some of the hospital blankets that they were swaddled in and let our dogs sniff and become familiar with their scent. I believe that it made the dogs feel more comfortable when each of our kids arrived at home. Sometimes if the dog has not been introduced to the scent of a new baby, the dog might interpret the baby as invading the dog's territory which might make the dog become aggressive to the newborn.
Jake's Ohana

That's AWSOME advice!! Thank You!!

...I wish I could offer advice to make sure that goes the right way or at least point you to a good source.

You are looking after your wife and I think that's going to help. I had a coworker who gave his wife room to grieve when she lost her father (because that's what he would want) and she ended up divorcing him after it was all over.

You (and everyone else) reading my posts and responding to me is SO much help to me. I can honestly say that I feel cared for by everyone on here even though I'm a stranger.

To me, being in a good healthy relationship takes a lot of work and if you really love the person you're with, you'll take steps to learn each others traits rather than try to change them. I've learned (and am still learning after 8 years of being together) that my wife needs both space and interest in her feelings at the same time :)



BTW: What is a poi dog? I googled it and according to wikipedia, they're extinct?

[Peshkwe]

Hmm....you and your wife might like a Pembroke Welsh Corgie, they're smallish but not fussy looking like some toy and small breeds:

http://dogbiz.com/dogs-grp7/corgi-pemb/corgi-pem.htm

[CranBeree]

Don't know if anyone's curious or not but Sami is part lab part bull breed of sorts so technically he falls under the generic term Pitbull which will probably scare some of you due to breed prejudice.

Oh and for the record, the zoo at my home consists of:
2 cats, 29 gallon tank with goldfish, 55 gallon freshwater tank with assorted fish, and a 46 gallon bow front marine tank with live rock, anemone, few fish, hermit crabs and snails. The marine tank requires the most work

KP, sorry to hear of your losses. :(

i just want to add that we got our current dog from the SPCA also and he's a really good dog. It sucks that there are some people out there that have breed prejudice and trust me we have encountered our share as we had a 14 year old rottie, then another rottie after. they are both passed now and i couldn't deal with having another rottie, So off we went to the SPCA and that day we ended up adopting a 3 year pitbull/boxer mix. I can definitely tell you all those dogs regardless of their breed were great dogs. when we adopted we wanted to make sure what the background was and why he was there and why his previous owner gave him up. so anyway, before you buy consider adopting again.. there's a lot of good dogs out there that need a home.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v201/DiverDown/P1010223-1.jpg

wanna doggie sit for 3 days?? :)

[1stwahine]

I can honestly say that I feel cared for by everyone on here even though I'm a stranger.

Hui! You're not a Stranger!! We are an Ohana here on HT! Mighty and strong. We are people with real problems, hurts and whateva's. We come OnLine to escape the madness of reality. Some us of share our problems openly as well as our past. We wala'au and debate on issues. Sometimes my head go dizzy.:p Nah, nobody is a Stranger. LOL Once they join...it's all ova!:eek:

Dey Ohana!

God Bless you and your wife.

Auntie Lynn

[GeckoGeek]

BTW: What is a poi dog? I googled it and according to wikipedia, they're extinct?

Poi Dog (http://www.answers.com/topic/poi-dog?cat=entertainment)

Oh, wait. I think they mean this: Poi Dog (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=poi+dog) :D

[cezanne]

Hmm interesting... I always thought a poi dog (http://www.thebreedsofdogs.com/HAWAIIAN_POI_DOG.htm) was a mutt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutt).

[SusieMisajon]

Hmm interesting... I always thought a poi dog (http://www.thebreedsofdogs.com/HAWAIIAN_POI_DOG.htm) was a mutt (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutt).
YepOtherwise known as a Heinz 57.

[Kungpao]

YepOtherwise known as a Heinz 57.

HAHA! and here I thought there was some exotic breed i was missing out on!:p

[Karen]

CranBeree, I have a daughter that really showed me this, and it is "Punish the Deed, not the Breed!" Also, punish the people that abuse and misuse certain breeds and cause the breed to become branded in a bad way.

Very sweet picture, thanks for sharing~

[Kungpao]

I don't know if this is at ALL helpful, but I'm a dog-lover too, and books I've read all say that when you lose a dog, the best thing to do for dealing with the loss is to get a new one. Don't wait around; just go get a new dog.

That doesn't address your needing someone to lean on, but I think it will help. Doggies definitely help.

Meet Chewie C.A. :D He is my dog and she wants to get a Cocker Spaniel. Chewie's an English Springer Spaniel. I saw the spots on his white muzzle and the name Chewie C.A. Came to mind. Can anyone figure out what the C.A. stands for? :p

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y252/kungpao/Chewie/Chewie.jpg


On a sad note. The behaviorist e-mailed us the report today on Sami. I understand why she wrote some of the things she wrote but I'm afraid it'll make it difficult to rehome him.

Conclusion:

As a result of the third bite, Paolo and Aneysa have decided that keeping Sam is not possible. As a professional, I support their decision completely. His bites are too hard and the multiple strike bites concern me. Bite inhibition, or the ability to bite without causing damage, is something learned in puppyhood. It cannot be taught to Sam at this point. For unknown reasons, Sam did not learn bite inhibition. Leaving a litter too early and being a singleton are two possible reasons why a dog might not learn to inhibit his bites.

Sam exhibits spontaneous fearful reactions to strange things, like the cable wire. Life in a home is far too unpredictable, and when such bad bites are at stake, it is a dangerous situation. It is impossible to predict what might set Sam off. His bites are increasing in frequency.

Sam is exhibiting serious aggression and every effort must be taken to make sure that anyone who interacts with Sam is safe from being bitten. Sam is uncomfortable around the other dogs that he has been introduced to, and he is fearful of the cats that he lives with. Sam cannot be around children, of course, since children are often unpredictable.

I cannot recommend that Sam be re-homed at this time. The only choices that I can support are either returning him to the shelter or humane euthanasia by a qualified technician or vet. Paolo and Aneysa do not want to euthanize Sam, so the only safe option is to return him to the shelter where they adopted him. There, he can be evaluated and handled by professionals.

A veterinary exam should be done to make sure that there is no medical reason for his behavior. Doing a full blood screening should be discussed with Sam’s vet to rule out nay possible causes for the recent aggression.

The most likely reason for Sam’s aggression is conflict. Sam is fearful in some ways but very pushy and assertive in other ways. He may have post traumatic stress issues from bad experiences early in life, and he may have been inadequately socialized during his socialization period. He has poor bite inhibition and is uneasy with new things. Life is very stressful for Sam, and instead of fleeing when he is threatened he fights. Social maturity occurs around 2-3 years of age which can explain why a bite had not occurred before this point. Many dogs do not bite before they reach social maturity.

[Peshkwe]

You might want to think twice about the Cocker, they tend to be nippy. I believe that the ratio of biting to breed puts the Cocker way up on the list for aggressiveness.

http://www.fpnotebook.com/ER5.htm

[ginabeena]

You might want to think twice about the Cocker, they tend to be nippy. I believe that the ratio of biting to breed puts the Cocker way up on the list for aggressiveness.

http://www.fpnotebook.com/ER5.htm


IMHO, I agree. We had 5 kids in our family and had a cocker spaniel. He bit the face of my cousin over a watermelon candy (he was eating the candy under the table, the 4-year old went to grab the candy from in front of him). Loads of plastic surgery. He was a good dog, otherwise, but prefered the older kids and adults. Little kids bothered him, obviously.

Don't know if that experience SHOULD be generalized, but that is just what happened 20 years ago....

[sinjin]

My next dog:
http://www.dog-breeds.net/Hunter%20and%20Spice8%20Stallion%20Pose%20150dpi.J PG

[Peshkwe]

Found this:

http://dogobedienceadvice.com/which_dog_breeds_are_most_aggressive.php

I didn't know about 'rage syndrome'

Cocker Spaniels often suffer from a dangerous genetic disease known as "rage syndrome." This syndrome causes spontaneous violent action against not strangers, but actual family members. Many Spaniels have been put down because of this unwanted behavior. Check with the breeder to ensure your Spaniel is free from this dangerous dog disease.

[Peshkwe]

My next dog:
http://www.dog-breeds.net/Hunter%20and%20Spice8%20Stallion%20Pose%20150dpi.J PG

What kind of dog is that?

It doesn't quite look like a whippet or greyhound, but it does look like a sight hound/runner type.


Ahhh....found it, it's an Ibizan hound

http://www.bramblewoodkennel.com/boys.html

[sinjin]

Ahhh....found it, it's an Ibizan hound
Ibizan Hound Temperament -
Best described as even-tempered, the Ibizan hound (sometimes lovingly referred to as a “Beezer”) is gentle, quiet, and loyal. It is good with small children but care should be taken with small pets such as cats or rabbits. The Ibizan is a hunter by nature. A cat that is raised with this type of dog should be safe because the Ibizan will consider the cat part of the “pack.” However, the Ibizan will likely kill a cat it does not know. Although sensitive and sometimes willful, this breed is trainable and enjoys learning, but will bore easily. It will respond better to a friendly voice than a gruff order. The Ibizan hound is clean and respectful of house rules. It is not a kennel dog. It enjoys human company. From a young age it is important to socialize this breed with other dogs, other animals and with humans. Although it retains its impressive instinct for hunting, the Ibizan hound makes a quiet, companionable house pet.

[lavagal]

What a lovely dog! I am a cat person, and yappy dogs and dogs that want to terrify you from their side of the fence do not appeal to me. But this is a breed that seems to be neither.

[ginabeena]

Found this:

http://dogobedienceadvice.com/which_dog_breeds_are_most_aggressive.php

I didn't know about 'rage syndrome'

Oh wow Peshkwe, I did not know this. I will forward to family affected by this. It was a long long time ago but you know how trauma can affect you in unpredictable ways.

[Peshkwe]

When my family was still living in Detroit I got bit in the face by a German Shepherd when I was about 10, almost took out my left eye. I knew Poncho (the dog) and normally he was mellow, but the neighborhood kids teased him a lot and he got real defensive over his alley side territory. I didn't know that and looked over the alley side fence to talk to him....then up he jumps.

I punched back and broke his nose.

Later in life I was a bather at a grooming place/pet shop. I've been bitten by dogs, cats (real fun to bathe), birds, snakes, chinchillas, rats....you name it...I've prolly been bitten by it if it's a pet type animal.

Got bit by a Michigan rattler at 13...my hand swelled up big time.

The worst bite is from a Scarlet Macaw my hub and I got from an owner who kept it in a small cage next to the dog in the yard. The bird didn't squawk, it barked. He decided he loved me (as in I was his mate) and would bite me to keep me away from things he thought were scary for me....they can snap a broom handle in half with one bite....he just pinched me tho...Macaw love bites I guess. Wabeno was the doofiest bird I've ever had. He'd puke on me then try to hump my arm and absolutely HATED my husband (he was competition), so we sold him to someone who had a girl Scarlet. Never get a Scarlet Macaw if you have a family, they are a one person bird unlike a Greenwing or a Blue and gold.

[CranBeree]

When my family was still living in Detroit I got bit in the face by a German Shepherd when I was about 10, almost took out my left eye. I knew Poncho (the dog) and normally he was mellow, but the neighborhood kids teased him a lot and he got real defensive over his alley side territory. I didn't know that and looked over the alley side fence to talk to him....then up he jumps.

I punched back and broke his nose.

Later in life I was a bather at a grooming place/pet shop. I've been bitten by dogs, cats (real fun to bathe), birds, snakes, chinchillas, rats....you name it...I've prolly been bitten by it if it's a pet type animal.

Got bit by a Michigan rattler at 13...my hand swelled up big time.

The worst bite is from a Scarlet Macaw my hub and I got from an owner who kept it in a small cage next to the dog in the yard. The bird didn't squawk, it barked. He decided he loved me (as in I was his mate) and would bite me to keep me away from things he thought were scary for me....they can snap a broom handle in half with one bite....he just pinched me tho...Macaw love bites I guess. Wabeno was the doofiest bird I've ever had. He'd puke on me then try to hump my arm and absolutely HATED my husband (he was competition), so we sold him to someone who had a girl Scarlet. Never get a Scarlet Macaw if you have a family, they are a one person bird unlike a Greenwing or a Blue and gold.

Pesh, this so reminds me of one of our greys. he thinks DD is his mate, preened him, tried to feed it and hell if i got close to his mate, he would lunge at me. on the other hand, if my kids went up to him, he would just bend down his head for scritches..with me he just gives me that evil grey eye :p that's ok though i have the other girl grey that likes me. and zazu that we're being foster parents for at the moment.

KP, what does the CA stand for in Chewie's name??

[Peshkwe]

Sounds familiar, we had an Umbrella Cockatoo too. Got her from the pet store I worked at and she'd thrash the cage whenever someone got close. We bought her and it took about five or six months to tame her down. We broght her back in to get her nails and wings clipped (I had left the shop by then) and Bev the owner freaked. She wanted my hub to work with the birds they got in.

Samara never slept in her cage...which was a 6ft by 4 square large bugger. She slept on top and would climb down in the mornings, come into my bedroom, chase the cats and dog out the bed, work her way under the covers and go back to sleep by our feet...biting a toe or two if we wiggled too much.

I was pregnant with my youngest and she loved to sit on my belly and mutter at it when the baby moved....had to let her go when she showed she was jealous of the baby. Snapped off bitty fingers would not be fun...so we found her a home with a boy umbrella she already knew and the family had chains and rope strung up from the ceiling so they could cruise along em.

Amber turned out to be asthmatic and allergic to feathers so no birds now, just a cat and a dog.

[Kungpao]

KP, what does the CA stand for in Chewie's name??


OOPS! completely missed that. His full registered name is Chewie C.A. Which means Chips Ahoy. Yes, like the cookie lol. When I first saw the spots on his face I said ooh look they're like little chocolate chips and well my favorite cookie tends to be chewy chips ahoy, Chewie it was lol. I changed the spelling cause well I didn't want anyont thinking I knaw on him or anything lol. :D