Divorce Lawyer

[OahuGirl]

Anyone know of one? One that doesn't drag their ass that is? Thanks in advance!

[Adri]

If you don't get a recommendation for a divorce lawyer satisfactory to you, you may try calling the Lawyer Referral & Information Services number (537-9140). Whichever lawyer you pick, you should check the Hawaii State Bar Association (537-1868) to make sure (s)he is a licensed lawyer in good standing and then you should call the Office of Disciplinary Counsel to see if the lawyer has any complaints against him or her (521-4591).

[oceanpacific]

W had a good divorce lawyer, but he got disbarred years later in an unrelated matter. So, he's out of the picture. :eek:

[cynsaligia]

i know some names but have not used them myself, as i have never been married. check your pm box.

[Punaluu_kid]

Anyone know of one? One that doesn't drag their ass that is? Thanks in advance!

Sigh. Bettah go to Tom Farrell, he's my bro' in law but he's super-aggressive, he hates dragging his feet. He just opened his own office, good luck with da guy.

[timkona]

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Studies show clearly that kids who come from divorce do much worse than kids who come from miserable families with TWO parents. Sounds weird, but there is a good book about it at Borders. Was a 25 year study or something, with thousands of subjects. So if there is kids involved, and you honestly love them better than you love yourself, the best thing to do is to suck it up till they are 18.

I hired the biggest gun in Kona....Robert Kim.

Truth is I wish my wife and I could go to counseling, or hypnotherapy, or whatevahs, so that my lovely daughter has a better chance at life. Did I mention how much I miss her?:(

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Big hugs, Tim. It hurts to read that. :(

[Punaluu_kid]

TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

[tutusue]

Big hugs, Tim. It hurts to read that. :(
What PM said, Tim.
TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.
Interesting observation. Personally, I'd rather see marriage made more difficult. O'course...one industry in Vegas would totally shut down! :rolleyes: Regardless, whether marriage requirements increase or divorce becomes illegal, neither will stop the heartache children feel when caught in the midst of parents at odds with each other.

[Leo Lakio]

I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.Or make it tougher to get married (or have kids) in the first place?

Seriously - Tim, you know a lot of us are thinking about your situation, and hoping for the best that you can work out - especially for your daughter's sake.

[Vanguard]

TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

I think the bar should definitely be raised. It is all too easy for one mentally unbalanced spouse to get a hold of a lawyer who will tie everyone up in litigation for years, tying up and jeopardizing assets and traumatizing children (not saying everyone who wants a divorce is this way). It appears to be a huge industry among lawyers, and the judges seem all too happy to facilitate and enable it (hey, they're lawyers too!). In addition, having to show up for countless court dates, costing someone their job, and then ending up being thrown in contempt due to non-payment of maintainance due to loss of job, starts a very vicious cycle.

At least this is what I perceive it to be on the mainland. I never had the displeasure of seeing such sad affairs as divorce transpire in Hawaii, but I assume it's more or less the same.

I agree with the other comments -- the bar for marriage should be raised as well, but I think this is happening naturally with the decline of marriage in the western world. People simply don't want the hassle and traumatic calamity that divorce entails.

[Da Rolling Eye]

Hoping the best for you, Tim. I'm on the brink myself and doing whatever it takes to keep it going for my daughter's sake. :(

Sorry, Oahugirl, don't know any attorneys. My attorney from my first divorce retired. Was a family friend and did it for a good cabernet and a dozen roses for his assistant. Sure as heck hoping I won't need one in the near future.

[kamuelakea]

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Brah, maybe I should juss shut up. I know we've locked horns many times. You enjoy trying to get under my skin and succeed. I enjoy the reverse.

But two warriors can put down their spears when it comes to children.

Hope you can do what's best for your daughter. And in my opinion, Fathers are far more important than mothers when it comes to the normal development of a daughter.

Best to you and your daughter my friend.

Maybe a thread on marriage and kids and increased divorce and blended families and changing roles of men and women would be in order.

Aloha Timkona

(Now grab your spear and I grab mines. :))

[Leo Lakio]

Brah, maybe I should juss shut up. I know we've locked horns many times. You enjoy trying to get under my skin and succeed. I enjoy the reverse.

But two warriors can put down their spears when it comes to children.
Kam, TK & I have also clashed regularly here (as have you and I) - but he and I have had very brief off-board discussions about his situation.

I have to shake hands with you here. Politics and other beliefs put aside, we are all in agreement that the needs of the child outweigh points of argument between parents.

[Miulang]

Sorry for your current heartache, Tim. Sucks big time when you can't be around the main reason why you looked forward to waking up in the morning. I pray that you don't beat yourself up too much over this: it takes 2 people to make or break a relationship. For the sake of your daughter, though, I hope you and your soon-to-be-ex can figure out a way to focus on your daughter's needs as she moves through this period with you.

Just because you read a book and studies about the difficulties children of divorced parents face as they grow up, please remember that there are also cases where this has NOT happened. That's when the parents decide not to put the children in the middle of their differences and only work towards keeping those kids foremost in their minds.

P.S. There no reason why you and the ex still can't go get some communication counseling even if you're not going to be together anymore. And I don't agree that if you're miserable you should "stick it out for the sake of the kids". Kids are very perceptive about tension in the family, and always having to walk on eggshells because you don't want to upset Mom and Dad can be destructive, too.

Miulang

[Leo Lakio]

Michael J. Y. Wong - recommended by my Alpha Female, who worked with him several years ago (as an employee, not as a client.)

[SusieMisajon]

Divorce sucks. I can only hope our children make better choices.

[Tiabla]

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Studies show clearly that kids who come from divorce do much worse than kids who come from miserable families with TWO parents. Sounds weird, but there is a good book about it at Borders. Was a 25 year study or something, with thousands of subjects. So if there is kids involved, and you honestly love them better than you love yourself, the best thing to do is to suck it up till they are 18.

First, I am sorry to hear about your situation. My thoughts are with you and your daughter during this tough time.

Second, I am very familiar with the book of which you speak, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein (http://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Judith-Wallerstein/dp/1901250946/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1194741199&sr=8-1). As you said, it is a 25 year study about what happens to the children of divorced parents. As a person whose parents are divorced, this is one of the most important books I have ever read.

The book isn’t perfect (there are issues with self-selection and a lack of diversity of the participants), but to anyone who comes from a divorced family and always wondered why you had certain reactions to situations, this book is for you. I've also seen this book help parents who were getting divorced, as they could better expect the behaviors that their children might exhibit, and I've seen this book help people who came from intact families who are mystified by the behavior of their partners who came from divorced families. It's one of the most important 5 books I've ever read - if the subject interests any of you, I highly recommend it.

[Adri]

Tim,

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

It's my understanding that all parents going through a divorce in Hawaii go through the Kids First program. I've heard that it's a good program that has age appropriate activities for the kids (from working with them to express their concerns and feelings about the divorce to allowing the older children to actually see the court room with an explanation about the divorce process) and, if the parents are open to it, to helping the parents avoid some of the pitfalls of divorces involving children. I haven't gone through the program myself but I hope that it helps you and your daughter. The program isn't going to make everything ok (I doubt there's anything that can do that when one affected family member doesn't want the divorce) but it does try to make it not as better or at least not as hard as it might be.

The Judiciary website has some self help info. Hope this is helpful:

http://www.courts.state.hi.us/page_server/SelfHelp/Divorce/3603792AEA0EF474EC683E9A06.html

[Composite 2992]

Kids come first. Do whatever it takes to make sure they can get the best start in life.

But if things become impossible for whatever reason, talk to Ann Isobe. She's a powerful advocate.

[timkona]

I would be remiss (sp) were I not to report that the TRO was dropped in court, and my wife and I have since decided to get back together and make a go of it. My daugher is delighted.

Good news is always fun to share on Hawaii Threads. :)

[tutusue]

Great news, Tim. Thanks for sharing it.

[Beau]

I would be remiss (sp) were I not to report that the TRO was dropped in court, and my wife and I have since decided to get back together and make a go of it. My daugher is delighted.

Good news is always fun to share on Hawaii Threads. :)

That's great timkona. I'm happy for you, and good luck!:D

[Menehune Man]

Wow!
That's terrific Tim. I wish you and yours all the very Best.
Gotta say that this was the best thing that I experienced today.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

That's happy news! Bless your family!

[anapuni808]

OahuGirl (you know - the person who started this thread?), did you ever find an attorney?

[craigwatanabe]

Maybe we should get married after age 40. That way we've been around the block, seen it all, been there, done that yada yada yada. And then in the end you just want to settle down with a nice cozy friend for the rest of your declining years.

And if at 40 you're still having way too much fun...what the heck put your whole self in and do the Hokey Pokey...cuz...that's what it's all about!:D Taa Daa!!!

[Vanguard]

I would be remiss (sp) were I not to report that the TRO was dropped in court, and my wife and I have since decided to get back together and make a go of it. My daugher is delighted.

Good news is always fun to share on Hawaii Threads. :)

That's outstanding news, Tim! I'm very happy for you, a hearty congratulations! My parents did the same thing years ago.

Maybe we should get married after age 40. That way we've been around the block, seen it all, been there, done that yada yada yada. And then in the end you just want to settle down with a nice cozy friend for the rest of your declining years.

Let's just say I'm really glad I didn't marry young :p I had way different criteria during that time ...

[HWNJAP]

I would be remiss (sp) were I not to report that the TRO was dropped in court, and my wife and I have since decided to get back together and make a go of it. My daugher is delighted.

Good news is always fun to share on Hawaii Threads. :)

That is great new Tim!

When you have kids, they come first.

Japanese have a saying "Shigataganai" (Again I think that's how it's spelled)

Basically it means. "There is NO sacrifice too great for our children!"

I'm glad that you guys are trying to work things out!

Remember tolerance is the most important thing.

Good Luck!
Aloha!!

[1stwahine]

Great to hear the news Tim.:D

God bless you All!

Auntie Lynn

[Leo Lakio]

Japanese have a saying "Shigataganai" (Again I think that's how it's spelled) Basically it means. "There is NO sacrifice too great for our children!"Shikataganai is more a statement of resignation and acceptance of the situation, "it can't be helped."

But HWNJAP is right about putting the health, safety & welfare of children first (and you already knew that, Tim.) I'm glad you and your family are back on terms where you can work together to resolve issues as a team.

[shaveice]

wow! great news. congratulations!

[HWNJAP]

Shikataganai is more a statement of resignation and acceptance of the situation, "it can't be helped."

But HWNJAP is right about putting the health, safety & welfare of children first (and you already knew that, Tim.) I'm glad you and your family are back on terms where you can work together to resolve issues as a team.

Ah? O.K. I knew it meant something like that. Thanks for the clarification!

[nachodaddy]

I would be remiss (sp) were I not to report that the TRO was dropped in court, and my wife and I have since decided to get back together and make a go of it. My daugher is delighted.


Best news I heard all day(in the aftermath of the San Diego game).

In 18 years of staying married I would be lying to you if I told you that everything was fine and dandy all the time.

Something got cross threaded here and it will take both you and your wife to figure out what it was. Either don't let it happen again or find a different outcome if it cannot be prevented.

Again, glad to see it got worked out.