People meeting others

[memorylane]

This is a sad world we live in these days. Well, for quite some years actually.
It had gotten to where neighbors didnt go to meet another moving in long ago, cant find anyone that will give you a jump start or lend you an egg these days. Now with the lovely internet, we are *meeting* people like crazy but still wouldnt want to *meet* them. Makes no sense and is very sad actually.

[kamlost]

umm.. So you're saying that people aren't as warm and helpful anymore? That the sense of community isn't as common?

[Miulang]

What I think MemoryLane is getting at is that you can have lots of Internet "acquaintances" who you'll probably never meet in "real" life in the same way that you can see a neighbor over a fence.

You can get pretty damned close to your Internet acquaintances but the element of "trust" may not always be there. Way back in the Pleistocene Age of the Internet (late 90's) when chat rooms and things were just getting started, I think there really was more of a sense of "community". But as the Internet became more popular and widely used, it also became the playground of charlatans and predators who took advantage of the naivete of some of the newbies. This is kind of evolving again now with the advent of videocams. Until those things became popular, you could only "trust" what the other person told you about him/herself and more than likely what they told you was a persona they wanted to be, not the one they actually were. The videocams kind of take the edge of the "not knowing what the other person looks like" but you still have to take it on faith that they are who they say they are.

Sometimes, the Internet friendships do evolve into something more than just an electronic acquaintance. On the Ohanalanai, for instance, we have "reunions" where we meet each other and share our friendships real time. It's unfortunate that there are so many charlatans out on the 'Net trying to be who they are not; the best advice is to take these acquaintances with a grain of salt at first, and let them develop slowly. Sometimes you get lucky and meet people you really really like in person! :)

Miulang

[pzarquon]

I wouldn't ever degrade "online only" relationships, as I know that sometimes the Internet is the only way some people can connect, due to geographic, spiritual, or political isolation. You need a degree of skepticism, and you face challenges if you'd go as far as a romantic relationship or marriage, but they're overall a good thing, I think. Communities without borders is one of the best things the Internet has brought the masses.

That said, some of the best "online relationships" I've had come from those we've been able to extend into "meatspace," or the real world. When I ran a dial-up BBS, we had regular picnics. There were regular events back in the early days of USENET's alt.culture.hawaii and soc.culture.hawaii. Our Quark convenes monthly Bytemarks (http://bytemarks.blogspot.com) geek lunches. And though it's been a while, the weblog community at sister-site HawaiiStories.com (http://www.hawaiistories.com) has also had gatherings. I'm thinking the next one might even combine both HawaiiStories.com and HawaiiThreads.com, since y'all are such neat people.

The experience of meeting someone face-to-face who you know so much about only as an alias is pretty surreal, but for the most part, we've found people to be relatively honest in their online presentations.

[Linkmeister]

I'm thinking the next one might even combine both HawaiiStories.com and HawaiiThreads.com, since y'all are such neat people.


Gee, guy, you might have to hire a hall! :D

[kamlost]

Ahh.. well I must admit that I do have some very close relationships that started online. The trust issue will always be there IRL or online. Deception IRL is a whole new ballgame than online. Some people are more open online cause of the lack of physical nearness. It's a bit strange.

[kimo55]

. There were regular events back in the early days of USENET's alt.culture.hawaii and soc.culture.hawaii.


wasn't that the the group from altculturehawaii that met back in the mid or late 90's at Gordon Bierche aloha tower?
called themselves... noose gang or something like that..
had t shirts printed up and such...

[Albert]

I would say at this point the majority of people I consider "friends" I first met on-line.

And that goes back to the mid-eighties.

[Serenity]

What I think MemoryLane is getting at is that you can have lots of Internet "acquaintances" who you'll probably never meet in "real" life in the same way that you can see a neighbor over a fence.

You can get pretty damned close to your Internet acquaintances but the element of "trust" may not always be there. Way back in the Pleistocene Age of the Internet (late 90's) when chat rooms and things were just getting started, I think there really was more of a sense of "community". But as the Internet became more popular and widely used, it also became the playground of charlatans and predators who took advantage of the naivete of some of the newbies. This is kind of evolving again now with the advent of videocams. Until those things became popular, you could only "trust" what the other person told you about him/herself and more than likely what they told you was a persona they wanted to be, not the one they actually were. The videocams kind of take the edge of the "not knowing what the other person looks like" but you still have to take it on faith that they are who they say they are.

Sometimes, the Internet friendships do evolve into something more than just an electronic acquaintance. On the Ohanalanai, for instance, we have "reunions" where we meet each other and share our friendships real time. It's unfortunate that there are so many charlatans out on the 'Net trying to be who they are not; the best advice is to take these acquaintances with a grain of salt at first, and let them develop slowly. Sometimes you get lucky and meet people you really really like in person! :)

Miulang

Good answer & good topic, to.

I am not to sure about "webcams" anymore. When I clicked into yahoo chat lines one night, Someone wanted me to see them on their webcam(I didn't have one), & all I ended up seeing is, someone jerking off infront of their webcam. Personally, I got grossed out, & I wasn't expecting that at all.
Perhaps getting to know your online buddy, & at a later date, would meet up with you for coffee,lunch, or a nice picnic, would be a kind of a good idea. At the same time, would be able to keep each others's secrecy. ;)

So, who is up to that idea?. Just curiouse.

Aloha & Happy Holidays.

[kimo55]

... all I ended up seeing is, someone j@r#ing off infront of their webcam. Personally, I got grossed out, & I wasn't expecting that at all.


yea that happened to me too. And it got more gross as the hours went by.

[AbsolutChaos]

This is a sad world we live in these days. Well, for quite some years actually.
It had gotten to where neighbors didnt go to meet another moving in long ago, cant find anyone that will give you a jump start or lend you an egg these days. Now with the lovely internet, we are *meeting* people like crazy but still wouldnt want to *meet* them. Makes no sense and is very sad actually.


The Internet saved my social life! I moved to HI for a job, leaving all my friends and family behind in OH. I loved the atmosphere here on the islands, and I reveled in finally being able to “blend in,” both physically and culturally (I’m South Asian) in comparison to other places I had lived on the Mainland. Being a single young female, I didn’t feel comfortable wandering around by myself in a new place, and it was difficult for me to meet people through work, since there was a large age gap between my colleagues and myself. Also, being new I didn’t know where all one could go socially to meet people. (I have a TERRIBLE sense of direction, lol!) I turned to the Internet for help.

I can now honestly say that most of my friends here on Oahu are due to the Internet, and as I had suspected and planned, getting my foot through the social door allowed me to later meet further people through more “traditional” social avenues. Two of the three guys I dated in HI I met through the Internet, including the one I’ve been dating for almost a year now. Since there is still a bit of social stigma attached to meeting people online, my boyfriend and I will sometimes “fudge the truth” with certain people. (We tell them we met in a restaurant, which is true, but only after meeting online initially and chatting and emailing back and forth first! If it is left up to me, however, I have no trouble with saying we met online.) In fact, my boyfriend and I are even adopting a bengal kitten together—and yup, we found him through the Internet too! :D

As a result of my experiences, I started an online group, “The Newcomer’s Ohana,” though the name is misleading (many of the members are life-long or long-time Oahu residents). It’s for 20- and 30-somethings on the island who want to expand their social horizons, a “place” where people can get together to meet others offline and invite others to interesting happenings they know about going on Oahu, as well as a “place” to ask for advice. My group even got mentioned in the newspaper because of a martini party I threw, which—you guessed it—was primarily organized via Internet.

Here’s a link to the article:

http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2004/Aug/02/il/il01a.html

and here’s a link to my group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TheNewcomersOhana/

For me the Internet was a valuable social stepping stone and still is an important social tool I use to reach out and connect to others I might not otherwise meet. As with any social avenue, one must exercise certain precautions, but that the nature of any endeavor involving humans, unfortunately. I'm not saying that the Internet is for everyone, but for those who give it a shot, who actually take the "next step" and choose to meet "offline," it can be a life-changing experience (both good or bad).

The Internet is also is a great way to keep up with my friends and family back in OH--if I see them online I can save myself the expense of a costly phone bill, as well saving myself the worry that I woke them up or caught them at a bad time. :)

I guess there are a few people with whom I'd prefer to keep the Internet friendship simply that--an online thing only--but that's usually due to distance or a knowledge that hugely differing viewpoints on issues/lifestyles, while making for a good online debate, would make hanging out socially a negative experience offline. Other times, it's nice to have someone to talk to who understands or shares your perspective (or who can offer you a perspective you'd never considered before!) but who doesn't know you personally and therefore can feel comfortable telling you things honestly to your face that your "real" friends won't because they fear hurting your feelings or who might see certain truths to your situation because they are so far removed from your life.

Just my two cents on the Internet as a people-connector!

[kimo55]

very cool article!

[1stwahine]

:D Robert Caz gave me my first computer in Feb. 2004. I had completed over 1,300+ hours of computer and office management instructions in 1996 which I completely lost when I had my strokes. Upon getting the computer all I did was play Freecell and write stories and saved it. I got braved and got internent service and a monster was born! I stumbled unto Hawaii Stories and have been writing ever since. The only time I stopped was when my new computer needed fixing. I'm still waiting for my nephew to finish fixing it...he must be using it cause I no call him. I also use it to email my kids. Ligaya and I had nightly instant messages but since she's in Germany now, she usually just calls. I sometimes get emails that says "Lynn, Someone wants to DATE you" or "Christian Singles"! Always wanted to know what sicko guys like date me? No man sane and eligible for that matter would want to spend 1 minute with me...and that's the truth! HAHAHA! I can't imagine how anyone would want to lie on the internet cause information is so easily attained these days. That's why when I write, I write absolute TRUTH. It is my legacy to my family especially to my future grandchildren. My medical social worker had to laugh and caution me not to tell everything about me cause people going think I crazy. And what's new? heheheh I may have personal problems, trials, tribulations, whateva's but as long I have GOD and know that it is only through his son, Jesus Christ that I can be saved...hey, Im betta off than some people who are sane. So, as far as the internet is concern, I don't have a CamVideo. Infact, on my weblog theres a picture of me that was taken years ago. Eh, if I had put a current pic of me, nobody would read. Umm, COULD THAT BE THE REASON WHY SOME GUYS LIKE DATE ME? HOHOHOHO Have a great Cristmas Eve and Christmas Day ALL! And yes, if there is a get together or pot lock, include me. I'll bring some onolicious grinds you will remember, also I'll bring my 80 year old MAMA...you'll fall in LOVE with her, everybody does! ;) To take a peek of my photo years ago, it's on the cover of Hawaii Stories this month, Dec. 2 "Mahalo Officer Daniel Sellers!"

[kimo55]

Ligaya and I had nightly instant messages but since she's in Germany now, she usually just calls.


use skype and you can call for free back and forth...

[craigwatanabe]

We are all insane! :D

Gotta be cuz look at the posting times on some of our posts! As a republican I said I was going to vote for Kerry, people told me I was crazy! So there you go I'm certified nuts :eek:

[1stwahine]

use skype and you can call for free back and forth...
Uhh, Kimo, how do I get skype? What is it? Also, I have to share something with everyone. While I was busy typing, MAMA opened one of her presents, the one from my son's fiance. I caught her in the act. It was so FUNNY! So, I opened mine from Nickki and it was a framed 8/10 pic of my son and me all dressed in our best for a dinner outing before he deployed to AFGANISTAN. From laughter to crying. MAMA was naughty! ME too! :D

[kimo55]

Uhh, Kimo, how do I get skype? What is it?


go to their web site. free internet telephone service. you of course, need a mic and speakers.

[1stwahine]

We are all insane! :D

Gotta be cuz look at the posting times on some of our posts! As a republican I said I was going to vote for Kerry, people told me I was crazy! So there you go I'm certified nuts :eek:

CraigWatanabe NOT! :p

:D Kimo Mahalo. Glad it's Christmas Eve...going to Kapolei for singing,eating and opening presents. If anybody asks, I can tell um I need a mike. I already got speakers. Tomarrow, more eating, and festive time in Aiea at my brother Alvin's home! Then next month my birthday, two months after dat...my kids come home! HOOHA! It's an Army thingy.

[kimo55]

CraigWatanabe NOT! :p

:D Kimo Mahalo.
If anybody asks, I can tell um I need a mike.

then you'll end up with a boyfriend.


go to thrift stores. see if they have an old mic lyin around. they are a dime a dozen.
make sure the plug is what is needed and fits for your PC.

[pzarquon]

Getting back to the topic... great post, AbsolutChaos. There are actually a couple of Match.com-launched marriages in my circle of friends -- well, actually, online circle of friends -- so I'm absolutely a believer in the validity and potential of the Internet for creating meaningful relationships, whether they remain online or become "real."

Thanks also for the link to your Yahoo! Group! I love communities like that. There are other Yahoo! Groups for Hawaii (Hawaii (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hawaii), HawaiiAnswers (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hawaii), etc.) - and MeetUp has a relatively quiet New In Town (http://newintown.meetup.com/240/) group that I adopted - and they do attract folks thinking of relocating here or trying to make friends. But yours seems quite focused, active and friendly! Ever since my USENET days, I've loved being available to help answer questions and welcome people to the islands. I'm signing up!

Like I mentioned above, I love online communities, and I particularly like it when we can make the jump to hanging out in person. This site, and its sister site HawaiiStories, is long, long overdue for a potluck or something. I'll make that my first New Year's Resolution!

[1stwahine]

Kimo, Umm..boyfriend? yeah, I'll think I'll ask. Afterall, the 4thLOVE of my life(GOD,MAMA,KIDS then him) keeps making the disappearence act on me. Seems to come home only when he's broke and like poke!heheheh I wanda if the commentator goin get hoohoo about what I just wrote. Nah, CraigWatanabe wrote a more describing one last night...it's still there, about being ADAM. (rolling over the floor!)

Your last sentence, "Make sure the plug is needed and fits into your PC!" You funny too! Eh, KIMO...I haven't laughed so much like I have since finding this site! MAHALO TO ALL!

[kimo55]

Your last sentence, "Make sure the plug is needed and fits into your PC!" You funny too! Eh, KIMO...I haven't laughed so much like I have since finding this site! MAHALO TO ALL!


nononooooo! Didn't mean it that way. honestly.

[1stwahine]

:D Kimo da MAN. iT'S OK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE EXCUSES...I NUTS, REMEMBER!HAHAHAHAHAHAH

I suppose to go out tonight with my neices. With my luck I wasn't surprised. Cancelled till Wednesda! Brenda is from Seattle and a friend brought her kid for her to babysit. Arsena drank some herbal tea at the Christmas Party given by my other neice Kalena which is giving her farts and diarrhea up the yangs yangs! Oh, well all dressed up and no where to go.hmmm...maybe to my old stumping ground? Chinatown.nonononononono!

[memorylane]

What I think MemoryLane is getting at is that you can have lots of Internet "acquaintances" who you'll probably never meet in "real" life in the same way that you can see a neighbor over a fence.

You can get pretty damned close to your Internet acquaintances but the element of "trust" may not always be there. Way back in the Pleistocene Age of the Internet (late 90's) when chat rooms and things were just getting started, I think there really was more of a sense of "community". But as the Internet became more popular and widely used, it also became the playground of charlatans and predators who took advantage of the naivete of some of the newbies. This is kind of evolving again now with the advent of videocams. Until those things became popular, you could only "trust" what the other person told you about him/herself and more than likely what they told you was a persona they wanted to be, not the one they actually were. The videocams kind of take the edge of the "not knowing what the other person looks like" but you still have to take it on faith that they are who they say they are.

Sometimes, the Internet friendships do evolve into something more than just an electronic acquaintance. On the Ohanalanai, for instance, we have "reunions" where we meet each other and share our friendships real time. It's unfortunate that there are so many charlatans out on the 'Net trying to be who they are not; the best advice is to take these acquaintances with a grain of salt at first, and let them develop slowly. Sometimes you get lucky and meet people you really really like in person! :)

Miulang


Right, that and how i asked a certain someone on here if they would want to meet for a drink (it didnt have to be alcoholic or whatever comes to mind) when i got to the island last month and i wasnt even worthy of a reply. Another person on here that did something nice for me rejected my offer of dinner in return for what they did...........such like.........we're like hermit crabs these days, stay in our homes with our safe little computers and no one can really *hurt* us. Thrilling.

[kimo55]

Right, that and how i asked a certain someone on here if they would want to meet for a drink and i wasnt even worthy of a reply.


...maybe you could consider the possibility; that "certain someone on here" didn't see the public post of the invite...
until MUCH after the reaction...

after all, upon perusal of your posting dates, we see the invitation was extended Nov 3, and then your reaction to a non-reply was posted two days later on Nov 5!
"This is a sad world we live in these days. with the lovely internet, we are *meeting* people like crazy but still wouldnt want to *meet* them. Makes no sense and is very sad actually."

How you figgah?

I understand this modern world is populated mostly by those ingrained with the birthright of egocentric impatience, who feel instant gratification takes too long, having not yet been weaned from the pacifier of immediate communication with the advent of email... still, ya can't expect everyone to hit each page that you visit at the pace you do, of a volumnous site such as this.




we're like hermit crabs these days, stay in our homes with our safe little computers and no one can really *hurt* us. Thrilling.


speak fer yerself. I view myself as much more of a "social butterfly" than a possibly oversensitive hermit crab.

[1stwahine]

Eh memorylane...I not one hermit crab! Got computer and plenty aloha too! Too bad I just joined Hawaii Threads dis month! Haouli makahiki Hou!

[memorylane]

after all, upon perusal of your posting dates, we see the invitation was extended Nov 3, and then your reaction to a non-reply was posted two days later on Nov 5!
Seeing how you want to be what i read to be RUDE about it, kay.............the posting was made in plenty of time before i was coming o-er with no response cept from the admin yet you were all over this site posting stuff at the same time. WTFever, too late now, like i give a poot.

[kimo55]

the posting was made in plenty of time before i was coming o-er with no response cept from the admin yet you were all over this site posting stuff at the same time.


I feel so young all of a sudden!
Like a naughty little boy being scolded by the mommy den mother!



WTFever, too late now, like i give a poot.


huh huh... huh huh ...she said "poot"!




.

[Miulang]

Pau already, no?

Miulang

[kimo55]

Pau already, no?

Miulang


Oh, Miu!
can't you be satisfied at 1,012?
Must you gloat and add more so recklessly?
dayum. i may NEVER tomatoe sauce. i mean catch up.

[1stwahine]

:D Miulang, CONGRATS!!!!!!!! I was wondering what Bro Kimo was referring to, then I saw the post amount. 1,012 Ali'i Wow! You go girl...

[Miulang]

Oh, Miu!
can't you be satisfied at 1,012?
Must you gloat and add more so recklessly?
dayum. i may NEVER tomatoe sauce. i mean catch up.
No way I going shuddup. But also, I will neva, eva catsup to Ryan...he da ali'i of all ali'i! :)

Miulang

[kimo55]

Ryan...he da ali'i of all ali'i! :)

Miulang


hear, hear!




(there there.
where where?)

[Serenity]

Ryan...he da ali'i of all ali'i! :)

Miulang





hear, hear!


(there,there.
where,where?)

Just to funny, gang. :D

[lurkah]

Oh, Miu!
can't you be satisfied at 1,012?
Must you gloat and add more so recklessly?
dayum. i may NEVER tomatoe sauce. i mean catch up.No way I going shuddup. But also, I will neva, eva catsup to Ryan...he da ali'i of all ali'i! :)
I found the above dialogue to be quite funny, considering how the "Portagee Mouth (http://hawaiithreads.com/memberlist.php?postslower=0&postsupper=0&ausername=&homepage=&icq=&aim=&yahoo=&msn=&joindateafter=&joindatebefore=&lastpostafter=&lastpostbefore=&order=DESC&sort=posts&pp=30&ltr=)" standings look today. :p

[1stwahine]

Ahhhhh, how fast the year has flown...

It'll be Christmas soon again!

This time, I won't be ALONE!

Nope, nope, nope! :D

Auntie Lynn

[AbsolutChaos]

Ahhhhh, how fast the year has flown...

It'll be Christmas soon again!

This time, I won't be ALONE!

Nope, nope, nope! :D

Auntie Lynn

That's great to hear, Auntie! :-)

My second Xmas here was spent alone because I didn't know anybody. Talk about awkward times!

Was at Costco earlier today...decided to stock up on "from HI" food presents to take home, even though I'm not leaving until the very end of Nov. Never know at Costco when these little special holiday packages are gonna disappear from being sold out.

Looking forward to meeting my old friends from OH again, even if it means dealing with the snow too. I guess no gain without pain is true, no?