Don't talk to my kids like that!

[lavagal]

So today I'm at Home Depot with my two daughters, 4 and 5, and it's about 330 in the afternoon. They're riding in the keiki kart, strapped in face to face, mostly having fun but also picking on each other, resulting in tattle telling and whining as to be expected. Kid I has been under the weather all week, but that doesn't stop Kid II from being sassy and from getting in Kid I's face. Face it, this is when Kid II should be taking a nap, but I have to bring them along to run errands.
So I'm in line in the garden section and this older woman, haole, tall, 65ish, starts speaking sweetly to Kid II. I smile until I realize the she's pulling this passive aggresive shit on my kid so I get all New Jersey on her and tell her not to talk to my kids like that, back off and in case you're wondering, you just cut in line and you need to get behind the woman who is behind me.
What the pho? Are you trying to show me how to raise my kids? Am I invisible and there is no adult with them and you need to step in and intervene? Are you a Franciscan nun in civies? This woman just oozed passive aggressive. Frankly, I don't think she was trying to make the world a better place. She was just being a bitch so I gave it back to her.
What would you have done?

[kimo55]

She was just being a bitch so I gave it back to her.
What would you have done?


about the same but delivered all that as a rap to the tune of an eminem song.
It could work!

[cezanne]

so I get all New Jersey on her

But you stay in Hawaii now. :)

[jdub]

i say drop the hammer...that passive aggressive garbage is what peeves me most about people...did you ask her why she wasn't looking after her own grandkids?...and to pull that crap on a 4-or-5 year old in front of her mom...despicable...power tripping on a kindergardener...i've seen better behavior from club owners in clearwater, FL...

[1stwahine]

You did well LAVAGAL! You are a woman of class with two little one's. :) Giving back what the lady deserves in your own way is what makes every mother different in how we handle situations. If it was me...I would have gone BALISTIC, make the Bi*** eat dirt. :eek:

Auntie Lynn aka Auntie Pupule

[cezanne]

Sure I would be pissed if this lady started "going off" on my kid for making a little noise. What did the lady say? I thought passive aggressive behavior is somewhat an act of defiance... I don't get it. :confused:

[kimo55]

Sure I would be pissed if this lady started "going off" on my kid for making a little noise. What did the lady say? I thought passive aggressive behavior is somewhat an act of defiance... I don't get it. :confused:


My thot on what passive aggresive is; when someone comes across kinda nicey-nicey and saccharine sweet but you may detect an undercurrent of manipulation and control... as soon as they can tell you have been fooled by their seemingly innocent demeanor or motives, they lay a game on ya.
it's a sick mental manipulation.

symptoms described variously:
when someone would:
say yes to someone when you really want to say no or even when you plan to not follow through then procrastinate or complain behind their back

conveniently “forget” to complete the obligation or work on it in a very inefficient manner

chronically show up late
often resent the suggestions of others
resent or criticize authority figures
a master of mixed messages

Passive aggresive behavior is rooted in codependency.

[craigwatanabe]

soooo...okay......whatever that meant Kimo but I'm sure there's substance in it.

Bottom line is that no parent likes to be one upped by a total stranger when it comes to child rearing. Unless the child is posing a threat to him/herself by acting in a dangerous way, that lady should have politely minded her own business.

Now if the kids were acting pretty snotty (and I've seen parents let their kids get away with a lot) I simply tell my kids within earshot of the offending family that it's not nice to act that way and people will think you're brats.

Anyway I'd love to hear your remarks in a rap :D I have to admit, that response was intense!

[pinakboy]

slappem already!! :D

(da lady) :)

[lavagal]

Kimo said:
My thot on what passive aggresive is; when someone comes across kinda nicey-nicey and saccharine sweet but you may detect an undercurrent of manipulation and control... as soon as they can tell you have been fooled by their seemingly innocent demeanor or motives, they lay a game on ya.
it's a sick mental manipulation.


Exactly. I grew up with a mom like that and became passive aggressive myself. I consider myself rehabilitated but sometimes catch myself falling into it. My husband is instrumental in getting me to say what I mean and feel without playing games of manipulation. It's not an easy thing to unlearn. But there's no reason anyone should have to put up with it. That's why I called her on it.
@:)

[kimo55]

That's why I called her on it.



a cattleprod works well, too, if ya don't feel like talking to da jerk.

[Miulang]

Passive aggressive is like the little old lady whose daughter finds her sitting in a chair in the dark:

Daughter: "Mother, why are you sitting in the dark like that?"
Mother: "Oh, don't worry about me, dear. I don't need to read my book right now."
Daughter: "Well, why don't you turn on the lamp anyway?"
Mother: "Oh no, dear. Don't worry about me. I like sitting in the dark with this heavy book in my lap." :eek:

Miulang

[MadAzza]

So I'm in line in the garden section and this older woman, haole, tall, 65ish, starts speaking sweetly to Kid II. I smile until I realize the she's pulling this passive aggresive shit on my kid

I don't know what that means in this context. How can I think anything if I don't know what she said? Maybe your whiney kids were the ones being "passive aggressive." I'm not saying that to be insulting -- isn't that what whining is? So I guess I don't really understand your post.

[pzarquon]

I imagine a passive-aggressive drive-by parenting snipe would go something like this.

Stranger (to your kids, but loud enough for you, if not the whole store, to hear): "Now, kids, settle down... I know your mom might not be paying attention to you, but that's no excuse to behave like that..."

I would've just taken the same snarky approach and walk up and say to my kids, "Now, kids, what did I tell you about talking to nosy busybodies with big noses?" :p

[lavagal]

I don't know what that means in this context. How can I think anything if I don't know what she said? Maybe your whiney kids were the ones being "passive aggressive." I'm not saying that to be insulting -- isn't that what whining is? So I guess I don't really understand your post.


Maybe you don't understand my post, but you definitely have got a handle on passive aggressiveness.

[craigwatanabe]

And here we go again (yet another example of passive aggressiveness :D )

Boy I tell ya I think we all live in a world of passive aggressive inuendo's. Like not letting someone merge into our lanes by speeding up: Oh I'm not acting aggressive, there's simply not enough room for that jerk to cut me off in My lane that's all.

Oh well if you didn't speed up then there would have been enough room.

Let me guess Lavagal, this woman probably remarked about how it's much nicer if kids were to be quiet and not play around in a shopping cart? You know it but she caught your kids before you could discipline them making you look bad to everybody else who heard the remarks right and she probably knew it too which would make anyone upset.

You were the victim of a condescending person. So next time a person talks to you like that simply put your ear next to her mouth as if she were whispering to you and suddenly with a shocked face say, "You want to do what with my children! Get away you pervert!" :eek: and demand to see a manager. Ohhh the look on her face would be priceless! :D

My friend Timmy used to use that move when some gal would say no to him at a nightclub but he'd say, "What $50!" then walk away leaving the poor girl with her jaw dropped and a sudden reputation at that club. :D

[SouthKona]

Passive Aggressive: during a serious discussion, "clamming up" so that all progress on resolution stops. You appear to be doing something benign (ie: not arguing), but in reality you are antigonizing the other person by an unwillingness to have a discussion.
It's my speciality... :D

[lurkah]

My friend Timmy used to use that move when some gal would say no to him at a nightclub but he'd say, "What $50!" then walk away leaving the poor girl with her jaw dropped and a sudden reputation at that club. :D

My nightclubbing days are over so I gotta remembah dat one for my next life. http://allthingshawaiian.com/lurkah/smileys/smileylaughing2.gif

[MadAzza]

Sheesh ... I know what the term "passive aggressive" means. My question was, what did the other woman actually say? I still don't know. Perhaps everyone here has successfully deciphered whatever code the first post was written in, because the general consensus seems to be that the mean old haole bitch got what she deserved.

Moving on ...

[lavagal]

Sheesh ... I know what the term "passive aggressive" means. My question was, what did the other woman actually say? I still don't know. Perhaps everyone here has successfully deciphered whatever code the first post was written in, because the general consensus seems to be that the mean old haole bitch got what she deserved.

Moving on ...

Actually, MadAzza, I didn't give her a chance to finish her first sentence because, like a momma bear, I immediately knew when a honey-laced attack ttargets my kids. So she gave Kid II this hugely genuine smile, pretty much looking like she was going to say, "ya want candy ya little girl?" and instead she said:
"Did you know that people can hear you all the way across the..."

Which is where I jumped in and shut her down: "Don't talk to my kid like that."

So she tried it on me, big artificial smile: "I wasn't talking to your kid like" and her voice dropped realizing I had called her on it: so softly she said "that."

Then I informed her she was cutting in line because there was another person behind me when she pretty much tried to insert her cart in my ass. I then had to position myself in front of my children to prevent her from making eye contact with them.

[cezanne]

Sheesh ... I know what the term "passive aggressive" means. My question was, what did the other woman actually say? I still don't know. Perhaps everyone here has successfully deciphered whatever code the first post was written in, because the general consensus seems to be that the mean old haole bitch got what she deserved.

Moving on ...

Same here.... :confused:

[cezanne]

Actually, MadAzza, I didn't give her a chance to finish her first sentence because, like a momma bear, I immediately knew when a honey-laced attack ttargets my kids. So she gave Kid II this hugely genuine smile, pretty much looking like she was going to say, "ya want candy ya little girl?" and instead she said:
"Did you know that people can hear you all the way across the..."

Which is where I jumped in and shut her down: "Don't talk to my kid like that."

So she tried it on me, big artificial smile: "I wasn't talking to your kid like" and her voice dropped realizing I had called her on it: so softly she said "that."

Then I informed her she was cutting in line because there was another person behind me when she pretty much tried to insert her cart in my ass. I then had to position myself in front of my children to prevent her from making eye contact with them.

Okay, more info, thanks. Well for me, I think you over-reacted a bit. I would have just ignored her instead of making a big scene. That's how I would have handled it ... since you asked. :)

[kimo55]

So she tried it on me, big artificial smile: "I wasn't talking to your kid like" and her voice dropped realizing I had called her on it: so softly she said "that."



whatevah color these people are, they are all poison. I respond with:
(long response):
"eh. don't talk to my kids at ALL.
I discipline my children. YOU gotta problem with that, or them, take it up with me. Don't circumvent, then sullify impressionable minds. especially those of MY children."

or short response:
"No, no, no no, no, no no, no, no, no, NO."
while leading/pushing her away from your kids with your back.