Friends that move back to the mainland

[turtlegirl]

One of the friends that I've made since I arrived in March is leaving for CA. On Thursday. For a girl from San Francisco where he used to live. And some Masters degree. Waaahh! Its not fair!! This sucks, and I'm excited for him, but I also feel a little bit 'friend-dumped'. Cause he was fun, and now, next week he'll be gone.

Is this something I'll just have to get used to? You make friends with people that you love to hang out with, then they leave? For the mainland?! I hear it happens all the time. I just didn't think it would happen to me so quickly. Is there a way to differentiate between the 'part timers' and the 'stayers'?

[Amati]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

Is this something I'll just have to get used to? yes
You make friends with people that you love to hang out with, then they leave? yep
For the mainland?! Uh-Huh
I hear it happens all the time. yeah
I just didn't think it would happen to me so quickly. sorry
Is there a way to differentiate between the 'part timers' and the 'stayers'? nope

And worse, just wait until it happens to family members that leave!

[Coty]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

And now the opportunity arises to make more great friends! It's Hawaii ... a potential friend is waiting for you, somewhere!

[Likeke]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

.. I know it's hard but, you gotta understand..

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

I'll bet there are people who felt "friend-dumped" when you moved from the Mainland to Hawai`i just four months ago, and are probably still not over your departure.

People come, people go, it doesn't matter where you are. Goodbyes generally hurt - so make sure you have a larger collection of hellos to balance them out.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

I keep forgetting you've only been here for a few months. Sorry to hear you lost your hang out buddy. Major bummer, TG

When it comes to friends, I try not to hang on too tight. I mean I make the effort to stay in touch, but a part of me always expect them to leave without a goodbye. I dunno. It helps me smile back on the things we've shared, appreciate how we've affected each other's lives, but still lets me move on.

It seems to me the interesting people are the ones most likely to suffer from rock fever. Hawaii's geographical isolation means there's only a small trickle of new people, ideas, and culture flowing into the state. This is both a good and a bad thing, depending on who you are.

There are three types of people who stay in Hawaii (or any other place for that matter): those who found exactly what they're looking for, those who are obligated to stay, and those who don't have the energy to leave.

[helen]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

There is a fourth type of person, those who have no place else to go.

[leashlaws]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

If you stay long enough yourself you will eventually have a huge list of people that leave here. We just had the shock of dear dear dearest friends move this month. It was a shock because they called us on the 4th of July and said they were leaving the 15th! They'd just told their kids that they were moving only Monday of that week. In the past year he was job scouting on the mainland and was offered an amazing position with a great firm. Already in that time too they'd bought a house in their new location. It was a big shock for us as we thought they'd be here forever as they have family here and had roots set in a lovely home that is now on the market.

We'd been through so very many things together and watched them as they
started their family with 3 kids after a few years of marriage. It's hard to believe that 15 years with them has come to a new dimension. Sure they'll visit here but it will be different not knowing they're across on town side.
We had a farewell dinner at Roy's right before they left we were all able to squeeze it in between their hectic packing schedule. It was a bittersweet dinner and we all cried a bit in the parking lot when it was over. Of all the people who've left this time it was the hardest.

Do you get used to it? Yes in a weird way. Is it easy? No not at all. It's funny because now we've another place to stay should we ever venture that far on the east coast, heck we've places to stay in Alabama, California, Illinois, Colorado the list goes on and on and it's doubtful we'll be able to visit any of them anytime soon. As others have said remember all the good times and the love and aloha you shared and will continue to share. Be happy for them and whatever they are leaving for - and realistically know you'll be sad at the same time.

[cyleet99]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

I was born and raised an Air Force brat; the longest I have lived anywhere my whole life was 8 years in New Jersey. And in the midst of my moves, friends came and went as well. I have a really thick address book going back to middle school. When I was younger it bothered me that friends usually would gradually keep in touch less and less over the long haul. But life happens, and like Leo said, less goodbyes and more hellos. Be thankful you got to spend time with this person and who knows, you may run into him again some day.

I believe we will all meet up again, in this world and the next. Then we can really catch up!

[MyopicJoe]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

It's hard to believe that 15 years with them has come to a new dimension.

*whistle*

Wow, leashlaws

There is a fourth type of person, those who have no place else to go.

I guess one rock is as good as any other, in their case

When I was younger it bothered me that friends usually would gradually keep in touch less and less over the long haul.

Were those friends you had moved away from, by chance?

Spending physical time together is important, even if you're just "fartin' around". You can have good friends online, but there's something missing. I wonder if that's why friendships made in high school and college can last quite a while. They're unique times in a person's life.

[leashlaws]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

Some if only a couple highlights of our 15 years together here:

It started by us being on the beach with a dancing bear sticker on our cooler.
We'd met him a year before when he was working during the summer between school semesters. This time he came back married to her and he had instant recall from the dancing bear sticker and the tapes of the Dead we'd exchanged. Immediate renewal of acquaintance leading to tight friendship.

My mom had a heart attack a day later my dad had a stroke....we needed to
get to the mainland immediately but didn't know what to do with our dog. They said "say no more bring her right over and she can stay as long as she needs to be here." Well she didn't like other dogs and they had one that she'd 'met'
before and they got along somewhat at the beach. Well 6 weeks later they were having the time of their lives together!

Go back to 8/9/95 hearing the news of Jerry passing. I was driving into work on the Pali and almost crashed into a wall by distraction. We all called each other and said unanimously "we MUST CONVENE!" and so we trekked to their house and drank a bottle of Vueve Cliquot in his honor and saw a shooting star blaze across the sky when we popped the cork!

They always had a 40th birthday party for us with a theme. Mine was a beer tasting with lots of craft brews, sausages, mustards and related beer foods.
Unfortunately mine had to be postponed a few days as on my birthday I got smashed by a very large delivery truck prompting and ambulance ride to the hospital and several hours there under observation and whatnot...

We all went to the Big Island Bounty one year and ran through the lobby in our robes grabbing cigars and brandy from one of the events and crazily floating around the 24 hour pool all night.

They were on vacation and their housesitter called them and said their dog was not doing well and at the vet/hospital. It seemed she got some weird ear thing and was dying. They called us from NY at 5 in the morning and asked would we go visit her. By then overnight she'd taken a really bad turn for the worse and we went there and laid on the floor with her on her bed and held her. She was deaf by then and couldn't really see either it's amazing how fast things happen but she could smell us and feebily wagged her tail and tried to lift her head but couldn't. We told the vet to call them on the phone and put it on speaker and through the phone she could hear, I swear she did because she wagged her tail even more and brought her head up higher "we love you and will miss you you've been a great family member all these years take care." She died a little later but it was the most emotional thing that still makes me cry.

There are more of course but it's so hard to think they are not here anymore
it seemed like a lifetime and a lifetime ago. There is nothing like true friends who will live on in our hearts and minds no matter how far the distance. I am sure everyone has fond memories of people who have moved I hope you don't mind that I shared some of mine. I miss them so.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

There is a fourth type of person, those who have no place else to go.

You don't have to have a place to go, in order to go somewhere. To some people, the lack of "some place else" can be the inspiration to just up and go.

Bounce that one off Albert the Panther next time you see him - I'd love to hear his take on it.

[cyleet99]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

Were those friends you had moved away from, by chance?

No, sometimes I was the mover, and sometimes the "movee." Greater distances seemed to make it worse. The farther the move, the quicker the loss of contact over time.

I guess the time factor I am thinking of is more than 5 years. (Ohh, I'm gettin' old....) But I still visit with my friend from 6th grade with yearly letters, and that was, umm, let's just say gas prices were high then, too!

[tutusue]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

[...]
There are more of course but it's so hard to think they are not here anymore
it seemed like a lifetime and a lifetime ago. There is nothing like true friends who will live on in our hearts and minds no matter how far the distance. I am sure everyone has fond memories of people who have moved I hope you don't mind that I shared some of mine. I miss them so.

What a lovely story of friendship. Hopefully writing it was cathartic for you. Please don't let a few thousand miles of real estate quash your friendship. Technology is in your favor. Friends are family of choice.

[leashlaws]

Re: Friends that move back to the mainland

What a lovely story of friendship. Hopefully writing it was cathartic for you. Please don't let a few thousand miles of real estate quash your friendship. Technology is in your favor. Friends are family of choice.

Thanks tutusue and yes it was. I mean I've thought about it since we heard their news that day but yesterday made me think more on it and some of the special things over the years.

And you are most definitely RIGHT with your last quote. Bless
you for being so kind and correct!