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Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

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  • Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

    Personally, I feel that all those quirks should not matter if you truly love each other. I prefer to not move in together unless there's a baby involved, or you're married.

    Discuss.
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  • #2
    Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

    Not sure what you mean by "quirks," Mike, but here's my perspective.

    Alpha Female & I moved in together after six months of dating. We've been together joyfully, unmarried, for nearly twelve years now - which, coincidentally, is longer than either of my marriages lasted.

    Marital status isn't the factor in keeping us together, however. We've discussed marriage a few times, and it may happen someday, but it's really not relevant to us at this point. We are "functionally married," we are more "married" than many legally-wedded couples we know. (Washington is not a common-law state, fwiw, so the seven-year factor is not relevant.) We own property together, our wills reflect joint tenancy with rights of survivorship to cover the disposition of said property, should something occur to take either of us out of the picture.

    We are still incredibly happy together and feel well-matched. Being non-religious folks, marriage really doesn't matter to us at present. That may change in the future. That's what works for us, and I wouldn't attempt to impose that on anyone else.

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    • #3
      Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

      I have always felt that you almost NEED to live together before getting married. But that is just for me. No one else.
      Everyone else can do what they wish, I am not living with their partner.
      I am going to teach my kids to just make their own choice. Neither is wrong.
      Since when is psycho a bad thing??
      Sharing withother survivors...
      www.supportandsurvive.org

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      • #4
        Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

        Originally posted by blueyecicle View Post
        I have always felt that you almost NEED to live together before getting married. But that is just for me. No one else.
        I disagree wholeheartedly, and I agree wholeheartedly. I won't do it, and in my heart I don't consider it wrong, but ill-advised. However, that is just for me. I also do not judge anyone else.

        I am going to teach my kids to just make their own choice. Neither is wrong.
        I am going to teach my kids that it's a bad idea and let them make their own choice, and be a good parent whatever they decide for themselves. I love that we can have exactly opposite opinions on the matter itself but the same opinion about how to approach it.
        But I'm disturbed! I'm depressed! I'm inadequate! I GOT IT ALL! (George Costanza)
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        • #5
          Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

          You are probably right Scriv.
          After jumping in and getting married (because I believed I need to be marred to cohabitate) and getting the tar beat out of me too many times to count.
          I have a very jaded view and I an fully aware it.

          I really wrote that wrong. I am not going to teach them it is right or wrong based on what I think.
          I will and do teach them that ideally it would be much better to be married.
          However, I will support them and love them no matter the choices they make.

          That is why I said for me...I NEED to live with someone first.
          I will never tell me boys that. EVER.
          They will learn from my husband's and my Christian perspectives. Then they can choose.
          My 11 year old believes it is wrong to live together without being married and so on, because we have pretty traditional values in our home......but he sees his bio mom sleeping around.
          Since I can't control what he chooses I want him to be sure that I will support him.

          I see how circumstances have changed my ways and views....I see how it might change his too.
          Since when is psycho a bad thing??
          Sharing withother survivors...
          www.supportandsurvive.org

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          • #6
            Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

            I lived with my girl, who moved away back to Saint Louis a year and an half ago, for 5 years. It was bliss. She had always planned to move back, and when she was ready, I wasn't. For various reasons, it's better I remained here, but I'd still rather be with her, living in sin or married. I've never been happier, and, frankly, don't see myself being that happy again. I like the way Leo put it, "functionally married."

            I tend to think that living together and having it work well makes marriage kind of an afterthought, an "I guess we might as well" kind of thing.

            But what the hell do I know? I'm single and living with a stripper and an economics intelligence analyst who may have to kill me based on what I know. I don't think in this day and age that there is anything wrong with a "shack job."
            Don't be mean,
            try to help.

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            • #7
              Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

              Nothing wrong with cohabitating, but it's a personal choice and it may also be based on economics, too. If it ain't broke, don't try to "fix" it with marriage unless you intend to have kids.

              It's estimated that about 8% of households in the US consist of unmarried couples. Still a blip, but apparently a growing trend. Some companies in some states recognize unmarried heterosexual couples living together as domestic partners (same as homosexual partners) and will grant the same benefits as for married couples.

              Miulang
              "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

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              • #8
                Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                Originally posted by Miulang View Post
                don't try to "fix" it with marriage unless you intend to have kids.
                Personally, I wouldn't even add that into the equation. Why can't a happy unmarried couple raise children? That implies that a couple can not be considered "stable enough to be a family" without the matrimonial element.

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                • #9
                  Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                  Originally posted by Leo Lakio View Post
                  Personally, I wouldn't even add that into the equation. Why can't a happy unmarried couple raise children? That implies that a couple can not be considered "stable enough to be a family" without the matrimonial element.
                  For the purposes of inheritance and disposal of property in the event of a divorce or death, Leo. Above all else, a child has the right to be protected no matter what happens to its parents. If civil unions were given the same legal status as marriage (which really isn't a legal ceremony but a religious one), then marriage is the only way a child can be fully protected in the future if the parents divorce and remarry and have more kids.

                  Miulang
                  Last edited by Miulang; February 16, 2007, 12:28 PM.
                  "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

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                  • #10
                    Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                    Originally posted by Miulang View Post
                    For the purposes of inheritance and disposal of property in the event of a divorce or death, Leo. Above all else, a child has the right to be protected no matter what happens to its parents.
                    There are legal methods to guarantee this, outside of marriage, fortunately.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                      I'll go with a twist on the Forrest Gump idea....

                      Significant others are like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get...until you live with them.

                      While I respect Scrivener's opinion and point of view, I feel it's a bit unrealistic to just marry someone without really getting to know them first. And a big part of getting to know someone is living with them....It reveals alot of things.
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                      • #12
                        Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                        Originally posted by Leo Lakio View Post
                        There are legal methods to guarantee this, outside of marriage, fortunately.
                        Uh huh. Tell that to Dannielynn Hope whateverherlastnameissupposedtobe.

                        Miulang
                        "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

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                        • #13
                          Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                          Originally posted by Miulang View Post
                          Uh huh. Tell that to Dannielynn Hope whateverherlastnameissupposedtobe.
                          Miulang
                          I hear ya...

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                          • #14
                            Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                            Originally posted by Leo Lakio View Post
                            There are legal methods to guarantee this, outside of marriage, fortunately.
                            Originally posted by Miulang View Post
                            Uh huh. Tell that to Dannielynn Hope whateverherlastnameissupposedtobe.
                            Originally posted by Leo Lakio View Post
                            I hear ya...
                            That subject will depend on what ANS had in place at the time of her death. But, yah, it'll probably be a mess.

                            My ex-husband and I lived together for a few months before getting married. I sold a house. He sold a house. We bought a house. I had 2 children. He had none. I wanted my kids protected financially should I die first as I did not walk into that marriage empty-handed...and I didn't want any bickering. When going thru estate planning and making my wishes known, an accountant told me the easiest way to do that was for me to buy a term life insurance policy naming the kids as beneficiaries...the amount of the face value to coincide with the amount of my half of my husbands and my 'estate'. That way, he could inherit the house, cars and 'stuff' and do what he wanted with them. My kids would get a life insurance payoff. That made sense to me at the time so that's what I did. It can be done between life partners (irrespective of gender) or within the context of marriage and step-families.

                            It gave me peace of mind.
                            Last edited by tutusue; February 16, 2007, 01:31 PM.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Ladies and gentlemen: How do you feel about cohabitation?

                              So if a couple cohabitates (?) and they have a child, who's last name will that child bear?

                              And to make things more confusing, the child has a mother and a father, but neither are husband nor wife. Does that make that family dysfunctional?

                              Then how do other family members relate to an unmarriage? "She's my brother's girlfriend not my sister in-law".

                              Then there's the Family Leave Act. If the girlfriend get's pregnant can the boyfriend use the family leave act to take unpaid leave?

                              What about pension plans? When I die my wife get's a partial amount of my monthly pension every month. Do girlfriends qualify?

                              Now if the couple splits, can the girlfriend collect anything other than child support (if there is a child).

                              And then there's the issue of probate. When the boyfriend dies and leaves no will, can the girlfriend collect?

                              Now what if the boyfriend buys a home under only his name and his girlfriend lives with him forever. Then the boyfriend dies with no will or trust. The boyfriend's family is the beneficieries under probate and is the new owners of the boyfriend's home. They have every legal right to kick the girlfriend out of the home she's lived in for as long as they were a couple. Same goes for his bank account, pension, social security, and anything under his name.

                              Marriage has a purpose. Oh love is one of them too.
                              Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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