How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

[Beau]

I was discussing this subject with my boss, co-worker, and even some of the people I supervise at work about this.

I have come to the conclusion that many of us local people enjoy an artificially higher standard of living than we would otherwise on our own, because of financial help from our parent's/famiily.

The people I have discussed this with including myself (and one common thread is, none of us asked for financial help), but was freely offered this from our parent's/family are:

a) down payment on condo or home

b) partial or full payment of child's private school education

c) interest free loan to pay off credit card debt

d) help in buying a car

e) living in an affluent neighborhood( because we grew up there, and parent's have decided to build a smaller attached unit or even moved to a retirement community) to live while we kids and our families live in the original house

f) disbursement of family inheritance while parent's are still living to help out their kids now

g) etceteras...

I was curious to know how many of you out there were similarly helped by parent's/family? And also how many parents have helped out their grown children?

[nikki]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

My parents and my husband's parents paid for our education at UH. That's enough. We have never allowed them to help pay for anything, not when we were single or married. In fact, we often ask if they need assistance.

When we got married, both parents offered to help with the downpayment of a house, pay for a car, etc. We declined all offers. We even returned some checks we received at our wedding that we thought were too generous. We worked for everything, and we did just fine.

[oggboy]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

In my case, and I think this goes for alot of married couples with young children. Having your parents watch you children while your at work. I could be wrong as my children are in their late 20`s. But, at the time we couldn`t afford a babysitter and both our parents offered to help(babysitt). For that I am thankful. Even today, it`s about helping my children with my gandchildren. Only one thing though, when you pau work "pick up da keiki`s ".

[Beau]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "OMG! Why did I post this new thread!"

I called Auntie Lynn this morning, and she said she told P.K., "Look at the new thread that Beau posted, he must've been either drunk or lonely or both!"

LOL...Auntie Lynn was right. I had one too many cocktails before going to bed last night, and I was feeling kinda of lonely because I was supposed to go nightclubbing with a good friend last night who later changed his mind and told me he'd like to go out this Saturday night instead.

Auntie Lynn rightly said, "Beau, this is something you would discuss in private with a good friend, but not in a public forum like this!"

My excuses are, I was inebriated which clouded my judgement, and I'm a "newbie" as far as posting. Besides, this topic is probably asking for TMI, and how many people will even admit to it...(Note to self, do not ever post a new thread or even to reply to one when under the influence!!)

[1stwahine]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

Beau, I forgot to tell you, NEVER, EVER ADMIT IT!

HAHAHAHAHA

Auntie Lynn

[cynsaligia]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "OMG! Why did I post this new thread!"

I called Auntie Lynn this morning, and she said she told P.K., "Look at the new thread that Beau posted, he must've been either drunk or lonely or both!"

LOL...Auntie Lynn was right. I had one too many cocktails before going to bed last night, and I was feeling kinda of lonely because I was supposed to go nightclubbing with a good friend last night who later changed his mind and told me he'd like to go out this Saturday night instead.

Auntie Lynn rightly said, "Beau, this is something you would discuss in private with a good friend, but not in a public forum like this!"

My excuses are, I was inebriated which clouded my judgement, and I'm a "newbie" as far as posting. Besides, this topic is probably asking for TMI, and how many people will even admit to it...(Note to self, do not ever post a new thread or even to reply to one when under the influence!!)

this might make you feel better, beau. generally speaking, given how hawaii is with cost of living, etc., it's not uncommon for parents to help their adult children in some way, shape or form, whether with money or time or meals or housing or whatever. some parents would prefer to continue to help their children in some way versus have their kids move to the mainland, partially because the parents are getting older and want their adult kids to be around to help them as they become less capable, more infirm, etc. plus those parents want to be there as their grandchildren grow.

[GeckoGeek]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

I have come to the conclusion that many of us local people enjoy an artificially higher standard of living than we would otherwise on our own, because of financial help from our parent's/famiily.

Why do you think this is unique to local folks? Let's try the opposite question: How many were kicked out at High School graduation with nothing more then what they personally earned?

I think all kids at some level get something. Maybe it's the hand-me down that's the first car, or allowed to live at home when they start working to get a little saved up.

But I think your question is more on the first home. It's not unheard of, so you'd have to do a survey to convince me that it's done here more then elsewhere.

[TATTRAT]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

How many were kicked out at High School graduation with nothing more then what they personally earned?

I got the boot at 15. I was a bit more then a handfull to say the least, and I was very stuborn.

I didn't finish school as I need to pay my "whopping" rent at a house and utilities. I Didn' get my first car until I was 21. I didn't get MY own place until I was 19. I NEVER asked for help, mainly because at that point I was not on tlaking erms with either of my parent. I Fudged things up along the way, I lived, I learned, and I think fallin flat on our face a few times is all part of growing up.

As far as help, I got more emotional support from my friends then I did my family. As far as financial help, I was on my own. If I wnated something, I worked for it and sacrificed.

I guess it wasn't until I was 19 or 20 that things warmed back up between me and my folks. They, though divorced, are 2 of my best friends. My father(who left when I was 9)and I are closer then ever and I know, if I ever needed anything, he would be there no questions asked. My mom is the same. My dad says he respects me as a man and respects all the hard work I have done to get where I am. My mom still blocks out some things, like hen she kicked me out, and why she has NO pictures of us together from the ages of 15-20...oh well.

Help is all a part of growing up. Being stuborn and not asking for help, I find can be a blessing and a curse. It has it's ups and downs. If you have a supportive core unit, embrace it, not everyone has people willing to help, and it does help to show who your real friends in life are.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

In some families, the roles are reversed and it is the kids who do what they need to in order to help their parents out.

[i-hungry]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

In some families, the roles are reversed and it is the kids who do what they need to in order to help their parents out.

My situation is just like that.

I could say "no" to all of the A-G situations listed in the first post. It would have been nice to have any one of those as "yes" but we were poor.

[acousticlady]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

I was raised to believe family is everything. My parents did all they could to help us out. They would have given us the roof over their heads if need be. But help comes in many forms. Sometimes it is financial, but more often than not it is emotional support. It is going to the store for someone who can't get out, cooking dinner when someone is too sick to get up, taking care of the kids so you can go to work. My husband's parents had some very hard times when we were first married and they needed our support. My mother-in-law died very young after a long hard battle with cancer. It was very hard on them financially and emotionally. We all (including my parents) helped where and when it was needed. No questions asked. When we bought our first house, both families chipped in to make sure we had furniture and food on the table. When my brothers needed help (in whatever form) we all chipped in. Years later, when my parents fell on hard times, everyone jumped in to help. My mom is the only one left now of the parents. She is still proudly independent, but knows we are always there for her. She is living on a fixed income and is too proud to ask for or take financial help. So, when we go food shopping, we just happen to get things that are "buy one, get one free". Then she is helping us out by taking some of the excess food so it won't go to waste.

Beau, I think this is an excellent idea for a thread. Though you only refer to financial help. Expanding on the original idea - how do you define help? In my case, there wasn't a lot of money flying around. But "help" was/is.

[Beau]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

But I think your question is more on the first home. It's not unheard of, so you'd have to do a survey to convince me that it's done here more then elsewhere.

I came to this conclusion based upon the higher cost of living combined with the generally lower wages in Hawai'i. It's just my opinion, I could be totally wrong.

I guess it wasn't until I was 19 or 20 that things warmed back up between me and my folks. They, though divorced, are 2 of my best friends. My father(who left when I was 9)and I are closer then ever and I know, if I ever needed anything, he would be there no questions asked. My mom is the same. My dad says he respects me as a man and respects all the hard work I have done to get where I am. My mom still blocks out some things, like hen she kicked me out, and why she has NO pictures of us together from the ages of 15-20...oh well.

TATTRAT, I'm glad you reconciled with your parents. Thanks for sharing your heartwarming story.

In some families, the roles are reversed and it is the kids who do what they need to in order to help their parents out.

I know of a situation like that. My older friend (same age as my mother) took care of her mother financially and emotionally without any help at all from her siblings, even though her mother abandoned her and her family when she was just 7 yrs. old. When I told her I was amazed at her being so forgiving and charitable towards her mother. She replied that she would be just as wrong as her mother if she had abandoned her too.

Beau, I think this is an excellent idea for a thread. Though you only refer to financial help. Expanding on the original idea - how do you define help? In my case, there wasn't a lot of money flying around. But "help" was/is.

Thanks. BTW, you kinda of remind me of myself. I eat very healthy and watch my diet, but also smoke too! You're right, although I originally meant financially help, in all situations the emotional support and unconditional love family members give to each other are the most important things.

[808shooter]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

pretty interesting topic. I think there are a lot of local folks who get help from family and are very fortunate. Life here is expensive and tough.

My mom raised my bro and I by herself so the help goes in the other direction as far as I'm concerned.

I was a total loser until around 25. Lived at home, never helped with bills, never bought groceries or did chores around the house (other than garbage). I was a partying fool with no direction and probably a closet alcoholic.

Life shaped me up and I actually helped her build a new home for the family few years ago. One of the most satisfying things I've ever done. When she moved in, I was teary eyed. Other than my kids being born and wedding day, one of the best days of my life.

[Beau]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

[

pretty interesting topic. I think there are a lot of local folks who get help from family and are very fortunate. Life here is expensive and tough.

My mom raised my bro and I by herself so the help goes in the other direction as far as I'm concerned.

I was a total loser until around 25. Lived at home, never helped with bills, never bought groceries or did chores around the house (other than garbage). I was a partying fool with no direction and probably a closet alcoholic.

Life shaped me up and I actually helped her build a new home for the family few years ago. One of the most satisfying things I've ever done. When she moved in, I was teary eyed. Other than my kids being born and wedding day, one of the best days of my life.

Thanks for sharing your inspirational story.

I'm just curious, but are you affliliated with any children's or adult's sports league? I'm asking because of your HawaiiThreads name.

[808shooter]

Re: How many of you have been helped by parents/family?

[

Thanks for sharing your inspirational story.

I'm just curious, but are you affliliated with any children's or adult's sports league? I'm asking because of your HawaiiThreads name.

no, I'm a pretty low key guy else I'd share more details.

No, not into sports leagues. Just into shooting stuff and collecting guns.