Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

[kiwidiva]

I got the call from my kid's Principal yesterday. They are still investigating but basically, his "friend" got the BB gun for Xmas. He bought it to school yesterday. My son (5th grader) asked to play with it. He aimed it at another child who told the teacher and they both ended up in the Principal's office (my son and the kid who brought the gun to school).

They are both supposed to be suspended for a year although there will be a hearing and if we can plead a decent case, the suspension could be lessened.

I realize my son is guilty - the school has a zero tolerance policy for weapons and he played with the gun and aimed it at someone. He deserves what he gets (I'm still hoping for a lesser suspension). I put myself in the position of the parents whose boy had the gun aimed at him. If that was my son, I would want the boy who aimed the gun and the owner of the gun to both be expelled. I'm just glad that the gun didn't go off and that no one was hurt.

I am just absolutely astounded by the parents of the other child who bought him a gun - and didn't explain to him the dangers of the toy or that he was not, under any circumstances, to take it to school.

I got the paperwork from the school at the beginning of the school year about the school policies but I spent more time on the zero tolerance for bullying than I did on the weapons rule because I don't buy my child guns, I don't allow him to play with guns and I never thought this would become an issue.

Any ideas on what I can do with a kid who is suspended for a year? So far, since we don't want him to have to repeat the fifth grade, the options seem to be to send him to my in-laws in California, to my parents in Australia or to try to get into a charter school or homeschooling program. Both my husband and I work and can't bring him to work for a year and we will not leave him at home alone - he's a 10-year-old who was silly enough to play with a toy gun at school!

[scrivener]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Thank you for understanding. You'd be surprised at how many parents will invoke such things as "let the punishment fit the crime" in order to get their kids off the hook without thinking about what it's teaching their own kids.

You seem to be ruling out a private school. If you can find an affordable private school, your child can attend for a year, not fall behind, and then jump right back into public school. Most of the Catholic schools go up to eighth grade and have reasonable tuitions, and since their emphasis is on character education, it sounds like it might be the kind of thing you're looking for. Catholic schools are full of non-religious students, if that's a concern, and the schools know it; I think it could also teach your kid an appreciation for and tolerance of other people's beliefs. If, again, that's an issue. I won't presume to know what you believe or what you teach your son to believe.

There are also several Protestant private schools that go up to eighth grade, and I can recommend a few for academics and for character growth.

I would argue against sending him away. At a time like this, I think it is critical to keep the family together.

[Peshkwe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

I would also suggest a gun safety course at a local range. He'll learn all about the right way to handle a gun as well as the proper way to clean and maintain one and that it's a tool and not a toy. He's curious about guns and to forbid him makes them all that more fascinating.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Ten year olds can really do some stuff that shocks parents...don't even ask me how I know that.

You're lucky this isn't on GoogleNews.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

You may want to consider a public charter school in your area you live or work in. There is no tuition for public charter schools as they are considered public schools getting funding from the DOE.

Private schools can cost a lot unless you can get some form of tuition assistance or waiver. Punahou and Iolani have such tuition assistance programs but don't advertise them.

Waialae Elementary in East Oahu is a conversion PCS. It has the look and feel of a standard DOE public school, but they are not.

If you cannot get your son in any private or public schools you may have to consider home schooling. Some parents that do that form hui's so a small number of children can attend a parent's home school. I'm not sure about the legalities about that but you may want to call the DOE or even the Department of Human Services and get direction as to what to do at this point.

[kiwidiva]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

You seem to be ruling out a private school.

I was just told by a few people at work who have their kids in private schools that I probably wouldn't be able to get him in this late in the school year - even if there isn't a waiting list, we would have to apply and be accepted and that the chances are slim. I plan to send him to boarding school when he's older and the ones in NZ that I am looking at are religious although I am not. I would rather not send him to a religious school but at this point, I am desperate.

Mahalo for all the suggestions!

He's curious about guns and to forbid him makes them all that more fascinating.

BINGO! I think that's why this became an issue - the allure of forbidden fruit! I really thought I was doing the right thing by not allowing him to play with toy guns - but now I'm questioning my husband who has allowed him to play video games where he shoots at the screen and has allowed him to watch movies & tv shows with shooting and violence.

I asked the kid if he knew it was wrong - yes! Then why did he do it - because he thought it was COOL and because he didn't think he'd get caught!! It's like everything I've tried to teach him is down the drain now that he wants to be cool and ignore his conscience!

This has definitely been a learning experience for him... AND ME!

We are looking into a military charter school (hubby is in the Navy) that a friend emailed us about.

Kid is currently in the top class at his school - the teacher is awesome and really pushes the kids through the work as she is trying to get them ahead of their grade. If he misses a week she may drop him - let alone a month or more! And that's IF we can get the one year suspension lessened.

Scriv, could you PM me those private schools that you recommend? Like I said, I'm desperate so will be trying to see who, if anyone can take him in.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Can a public school even do this, and deny a child education? I might go and speak to a lawyer.

[scrivener]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Can a public school even do this, and deny a child education? I might go and speak to a lawyer.

That no-tolerance rule is standard on just about every campus. The rule is published, and parents sign agreements indicating they understand the consequences. Which kiwidiva has asserted she clearly understands and agrees with.

What you have to understand is that once a kid is aware of the rule and then agrees to the rule and its consequences, he or she is basically CHOOSING the consequences by picking up the gun. kiwidiva says her son clearly knew it was wrong; thus, he chose the suspension. The right to a free, public education does not come without some investment and participation on the part of the student. You don't have the right to it NO MATTER WHAT. If you threaten the safety of the other children, you forfeit that right.

[Peshkwe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Talk to the school and see what your son (and you) might be able to do to lessen the punishment. See if doing if doing something like talks to classmates after proper gun safety classes for a period of time might work some of the punishment out. Or maybe doing community service things on the weekend...whatever they want the kid (and you as parents) to do to show he understands the severity of the situation his curiosity got him into.

And do take him to the range for classes anyway. Once he fires a real rifle and feels the recoil effects the next morning, he'll not think it's something to play around with so lightly.

[kiwidiva]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

More great suggestions! THANKS!

I will definitely try to use the gun safety talks and community service as a way to lessen the suspension. The only suggestion the Principal had was for my kid to write a letter that he can read at the hearing.

I think the talks and community service will really show that we are serious about this and that we want to get him back into school. Whatever it takes.

I'm all for zero-tolerance and disagree with hubby who thinks that it is over the top and doesn't always make good "common sense!" I'm a black and white kinda person - it's right or wrong - no GREY!

I'm also not a helicopter mum and am trying to teach this kid to be responsible for his own actions so that some day in the future I'm not going before a judge saying why my son isn't responsible for a much more serious crime that could happen if he doesn't learn this lesson NOW!

The Principal said her boss (the superintendant?) says if he was in high school - there would be no possibility of lessening the charge. He would be suspended for a year. No exceptions.

[Peshkwe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Hummm.....

Any way you could take him to see the results of guns and human not playing nicely together? You probably couldn't get him into see actual patients, but maybe you could take him to the hospital (the VA rehab maybe?) and he could speak with a surgeon and be shown pictures of wounds with the doc explaining how bullets tumble and don't make nice neat in/out holes in things.

Pro-gun and anti-gun opinions are like trying to debate religion or politics...you'll go round and round because it is a very shaded topic.

The only thing that should be black and white to your son is that you NEVER point a gun at anything you don't plan on killing.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Can a public school even do this, and deny a child education? I might go and speak to a lawyer.

This is why the State of Hawaii allows for home schooling and if you go to the DOE, they will tell you everything you'll need to do to qualify to do home schooling.

This link from Hawaii Education Lawyers.com will tell you about your child's rights once expelled from a public school.

Basically the State of Hawaii cannot charge you for public education. That is a right for all children here in Hawaii that public education comes free of charge. Hawaii law mandates that all children in Hawaii attend some form of education deemed appropriate by the DOE however.

This puts parents of expelled children in a tough situation though as the parent cannot demand public education if a child has been expelled from a public school however the law does allow a parent to home school a child in lieu of public or private schools.

Basically you may have to take time off to home school your child.

Regarding gun education, I don't ban guns or the use of toy guns with my children. As a matter of fact because of the arguements stated on this thread, when my children display an interest in guns I always try to educate them on the proper handling and dangers of guns. If they even accidently point a toy gun at a brother I become very strict and take it away from them telling them why I did so. This way if they want to handle a toy gun they know not to point it inappropriately.

Teach them young about guns and the facination is less when they grow up. I have six boys from 4 to 23 and all have respect for gun handling. None have any facination for them except my 18-year old who is now a Marine and learning respect for his weapon, plus how to put a bullet into Osama's skull WHEN he finds him.

[scrivener]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

I agree with you, craig, but I'm curious about how you feel about the zero tolerance policy in schools. I am one of those "let's treat each case as a unique incident" kind of guys, but I do think some things absolutely cannot be tolerated. Should guns be on that list?

[U'ilani]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

Straying from the topic just a bit--I bought my son a BB gun last year because he was so curious about them. DH and I talked to him about the proper handling of guns, even BB guns, the dos/donts/consequences/locations where the BB guns could be used, etc. When he's older I'll take him to a firing range. Kids who are intrigued by guns need to be taught these things and learn how to respect firearms in general. I think if my son's friend brought a BB gun to school, my kid would totally chew him out for bring it and then pull it down if the kid started aiming it at someone. It would come natural to him because he's now well acquainted with guns.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Son suspended for up to a year for playing with BB gun at school

I agree with you, craig, but I'm curious about how you feel about the zero tolerance policy in schools. I am one of those "let's treat each case as a unique incident" kind of guys, but I do think some things absolutely cannot be tolerated. Should guns be on that list?

As in Kiwidiva's case I think it should be on a case by case basis as no intent of harm was evident. But I also feel the zero-tolerance policy is important as it tells parents that this policy is non-negotiable and to MAKE SURE your child keeps their toy guns or even pictures of guns at home.

I know it's hard to do so. There are so many things out there such as violent video games like Halo 3, violent TV shows like those CSI shows, and even violent news such as the two incidents in Honolulu these past few days. We're surrounded by violence and I'm sure it's impacting our keiki.

That's why it's important as parents to educate and censor what we feel is necessary to keep our keiki focused on being kids.

The zero-tolerance policies to me act as a strong warning to parents that we need to be extra cautious when it comes to guns and how our children are expected to respect them.

I would like to see a case by case policy but to be fair, a zero tolerance policy makes it very clear to both student and parent, abuse it and it's too late so don't.