It's all relative

[LonLeroux]

Family (n.) - People that have the power to piss you off beyond belief, yet you still put up with them.


Sure, family can be a beautiful thing. A joyous reunion with a brother can bring tears to your eyes...but sometimes, we want to strangle some members of our family.

Maybe your mother-in-law is behaving like a barking mad dog.
Maybe your sister still hasn't paid you back that $100 you loaned her ten years ago.
Maybe your son doesn't bother to call, or write, or visit, or call saying he's going to write about visiting you.
Maybe your uncle got drunk and made an ass of himself at a family BBQ...again.

In any case, it's bad to hold it in. Vent now or forever hold your rage.

The rest of us will sit back and empathize with you.

I'll go first. My recently divorced uncle has become a totally different person...and I don't like this person! This person is a frugal, bitter, snapping, raving, ranting, measly, weaselly, gibbering, jabbering nutcase who can't stand the sight of anyone being happy.

I know I should try to understand what he's going through, but he's the one who asked for the divorce. He ran around on his wife and now, he has nothing to do with his kids even though his ex offers him every opportunity to be with them. Really, I'm not surprised because, underneath it all, he's always been selfish.

Ah...that feels better. I've been holding that one in for a while!

Your turn.

[sinjin]

Re: It's all relative

My father neglected to call either of my children on their B-days(5 and 2) that both passed while he was on Hawaii these last few months. It actually bothers my wife more than me. I know how he is. I have very low expectations of him borne of bitter experience. I do feel that grandparent is an infinitely easier job than parent so I do get where she coming from.

[TATTRAT]

Re: It's all relative

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

[turtlegirl]

Re: It's all relative

My brother is military, and supports Bush and the 'war machine' wholeheartedly. He even sent me some shooting range targets that he prints up himself with 'enemies of the US' pictured on them. (Ok, it was kinda funny when I shot Jane Fonda in the eye with a BB gun).

But really, dude, can't we all just get along? He and I have a lot of 'fun' arguments when we get together.

How can we have the same parents and be SO different!?

[timkona]

Re: It's all relative

Aloha TurtleGirl, Remember this little ditty when thinking of your brother, the war, and your personal feelings about the whole politics of it all.

Good men must fight the good fight harder than bad men fight the bad fight.
The alternative is terrifying.

Perhaps it is that your brother is one of the good men fighting the good fight.

[turtlegirl]

Re: It's all relative

True, he is a good man, and I hope its a good fight...

But when I encourage him to have a more peaceful 'unicorns and rainbows' point of view, he offers to shoot them!

[MyopicJoe]

Re: It's all relative

True, he is a good man, and I hope its a good fight...

I'm sure you love your brother tons, Turtlegirl, but do you feel ashamed of him?

My friend is former military, and he finds it uncomfortable living in San Francisco. There's a lot of military "hate" there.

[timkona]

Re: It's all relative

Perhaps the hatred for the military is offset by the love of cafe bombers, suicidal pilots, chemical genocide, and denial of education to little girls. You know how fun-loving those SF folks can be.

And Joe, it's just wrong to paint one's family love with the color of shame.

I've heard that unicorn is exceptional in stews and soups.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: It's all relative

Good men must fight the good fight harder than bad men fight the bad fight.
The alternative is terrifying.

Well put, timkona.

Bad people have an advantage because they fight dirty. To compete with that advantage, good people have to be stronger and fight better...and they need to fight a little dirty too. The only way to stay clean is to stay out of the game and hide in a cave.

Whoops, a bit off topic.

[turtlegirl]

Re: It's all relative

I'm not ashamed, so much as disappointed. He has a very "myopic" view of the world.

He was stationed in CA for a time, and he totally got off on harassing the protesters, especially this one time when launching plutonium was opposed by a lot of CA residents.

I guess I feel for the fighters, but dont like the fight. Fighting is wrong - doesn't anybody remember learning this as a keiki?

Military hate? Well, I probably shouldn't touch that subject, but I have a hard time with about a million aspects of the military...

[sinjin]

Re: It's all relative

Perhaps the hatred for the military is offset by the love of cafe bombers, suicidal pilots, chemical genocide, and denial of education to little girls. You know how fun-loving those SF folks can be.

And Joe, it's just wrong to paint one's family love with the color of shame.

But perfectly acceptable to paint an entire city the color of traitor and moron.

[timkona]

Re: It's all relative

I'm not ashamed, so much as disappointed. He has a very "myopic" view of the world.

He was stationed in CA for a time, and he totally got off on harassing the protesters, especially this one time when launching plutonium was opposed by a lot of CA residents.

I guess I feel for the fighters, but dont like the fight. Fighting is wrong - doesn't anybody remember learning this as a keiki?

Military hate? Well, I probably shouldn't touch that subject, but I have a hard time with about a million aspects of the military...

Some think that condoning violence, or "turning the other cheek" is a myopic view. The message given to keiki is one of "DO NOT HIT OTHERS". As a child, I was also taught if you are attacked, then you have the right to defend yourself to a point of totally neutralizing the threat.

Do you really think fighting is wrong at the expense of self preservation? Will you honestly agree to just roll over and die?

Lord knows the military is teaching all kinds of hateful stuff, like hygiene, personal responsibility, and being respectful of authority. And that third one just rubs lots of folks the wrong way.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: It's all relative

I'm not ashamed, so much as disappointed. He has a very "myopic" view of the world.

*grin*

Ah well. That's family for you.


For what it's worth, I have another good friend who's ex-special forces. He's graying now. Very friendly, hard working, intelligent, and well spoken. You'd never think he was a ruthless killer back in his early 20s. He said back then the only two things he respected was a man's ability to exercise violence and the willingness to do so.

His attitude changed when he met his future wife. He never had a shortage of women throwing themselves at him, and he treated them poorly because they had no self confidence, but his wife was a strong woman. She wanted a relationship and was willing to compromise on some things, but she had her limits and made it obvious she would drop him if he crossed them. He respected her strength and left his military life behind to be with her. In the SF community he went from golden boy to pariah.

So my friend is a lot more mellow now. Reads a lot of history. When he hears news of Afghanistan, he no longer thinks, "Game on! Hunting season is open, boys."

Does he still believe violence is necessary? Without a doubt. He's a good man. He still has his faults, but I respect him more than most.


The need for violence, and the misuse of violence for greed, are of course two seperate issues. Consider reading the activist Stan Goff. His voice is valuable because he used to be in the military and he's lived outside of the cozy comforts of America. He also played a bit part in Collateral Damage with the Gubernator!


Sorry for the topic drift. My last post on this topic in this thread.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: It's all relative

I know how he is. I have very low expectations of him borne of bitter experience.

I'm sorry to hear, Sinjin


My favorite line from Everclear's Father of Mine is:

Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will

[turtlegirl]

Re: It's all relative

I had a friend who was ex special forces from Australia or New Zealand. He was (not always, but) sometimes certifiably insane. Friendly. Hard working. Intelligent. Crazy. Paranoid. Violent. Remorseful. Unstable. Never got the hang of civilian life, and I feel sorry for any and all of his unfortunate girlfriends.

I just ordered a Stan Goff book from Amazon, and I'm looking forward to reading it. Thanks for the tip!