the change of times and child rearing

[turtlegirl]

Here ya go, TK!! Rant away!!

I'll start. Sure, kids have the protection of the laws nowadays, but I think that kids from back-in-the-day got away with a lot more mischief.

As a kid I used to ask my great unky what did he used to do when he was my age. He always responded "Stuff you'd better not be doing until you're older."

[kani-lehua]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

is that the same thing as, "do as i say, not as i do."? lol. we knew when not to cross the line. usually all it took was that "look" from the mother and/or father and one knew to behave.

[tutusue]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I dunno, TG. When I was growing up...granted, it was a small beach town in SoCal...there weren't near the problems that there are today. I think kids today are much more brazen about their mischief. I don't recall one episode of a teacher being threatened or physically abused by a student or a teacher involved in a sexual relationship with a student. We didn't even dare think about either. Oh wait...when in high school one of my teachers ran off with a senior and they married! That was a HUGE scandal within our little community and tiny school! I actually ran into that teacher 31 years later over the breakfast table at a small B&B in Boulder, CO.! We both had kids graduating from the same college. He and the student were no longer together but he, his current wife and I discussed the high school days and they both spoke fondly of the former student/wife!

Enough of the good ol' days......drugs weren't an issue then altho' drinking was. Kids had more respect for their elders. They weren't, overall, as angry as so many kids seem to be today. I could go on and on!

Maybe I was insulated in that idyllic beach town. Maybe it was just the times. I wish I knew but I'm so glad I'm not raising kids in this day and age.

[matapule]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

but I'm so glad I'm not raising kids in this day and age.

I have two daughters of child bearing age. Both have elected not to have children. They say that it is just not a pleasant world for children out there anymore. Too bad because any grandchildren will have missed out on a great gramma and grampa. Maybe you can lend me a couple of yours Tutu?

[tutusue]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

[...]Maybe you can lend me a couple of yours Tutu?

My newly single youngest spawn would probably be happy for the added child care at this time...3 very energetic, adorable boys between 4 1/2 & 11.

Must admit, I admire your daughters' decisions for the reason they made them. That's exactly the decision I'd make if I was at that stage of my life. In addition, I honestly don't know how parents afford to raise children nowadays. Kids are expensive! Still, I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything.

[lavagal]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I waited until my late thirties to try to have kids and didn't succeed until I was in my early forties. It gave me an appreciation for their value, and I think it makes me a better parent. Before then, I didn't see how kids could fit into my life. Now I feel they are a reason to live. Having children absolutely changes you. You have NO IDEA what your capacity for love is until you become a parent. It is an amazing parallel universe that no childless person can comprehend, and it is very difficult for a parent to explain. I actually hope Matapule's daughters will eventually reconsider. I'm an old mom, but my girls keep me young. I am beyond happy with their presence.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I would have made a much better uncle, than a father.

I'm much too cynical, when it comes to the topic of parenthood. I think it best I keep my thoughts to myself.

[lei]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

Gotta' say, it is tougher for all these days. These days, it appears to be more complex and ever changing from the simpler days of old. Let alone having to plan or in an unplanned child situation. Still..., someone manages to spurt out one that finds success in themselves.

[oceanpacific]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I waited until my late thirties to try to have kids and didn't succeed until I was in my early forties. It gave me an appreciation for their value, and I think it makes me a better parent. Before then, I didn't see how kids could fit into my life. Now I feel they are a reason to live. Having children absolutely changes you. You have NO IDEA what your capacity for love is until you become a parent. It is an amazing parallel universe that no childless person can comprehend, and it is very difficult for a parent to explain. I actually hope Matapule's daughters will eventually reconsider. I'm an old mom, but my girls keep me young. I am beyond happy with their presence.

I was nearly 33 when my first child, a daughter, was born. At the very moment of birth, I was overcome with an overpowering feeling of "protectiveness" about her. Call it the "paternal instinct," or something like that. I felt the same about my subsequent offspring. Being more "established" financially before embarking on parenthood proved to be advantageous, but I sometimes wonder how things might have been if I had to struggle a bit at an earlier age. I'd probably be enjoying grandfatherhood by now.

[kani-lehua]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I would have made a much better uncle, than a father.

I'm much too cynical, when it comes to the topic of parenthood. I think it best I keep my thoughts to myself.

heh, me, too!

i don't have children either except the furry kind. i used to be a good aunt to my 3 nieces and 1 nephew until the big "divorce."

i don't think i'd make a good mother. well, it's a little too late to think about that anyway.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

i don't have children either except the furry kind. i used to be a good aunt to my 3 nieces and 1 nephew until the big "divorce."

Sorry to hear, Kani At least you were a part of their lives for a time. Who knows? They may reach out to you when they become teenagers or adults.

i don't think i'd make a good mother. well, it's a little too late to think about that anyway.

Well as a parent, you'll never feel good enough. You won't be able to give your children everything they need (material and otherwise), but that's fine. Kids aren't meant to be raised by only two people. As they grow older they will naturally seek out other role models. That's a good thing. That allows you to be who you are instead of trying to be someone you're not. Just try your best to put them in touch with good role models.

Of course parents should always strive to improve themselves; just remember to cut yourself some slack.

[leashlaws]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

During our 29 years together we've "forgotten" to have children. If it happened fine and if it didn't fine too. I am honest enough to admit that I am a selfish
person and like to enjoy myself and my relationship without the addition of
other individuals, we entered honestly in this sentiment. We've had a great life so far and have encountered many wonderful children of friends. Our nieces
live on the mainland and we've met them each twice, they are now 5 & 3. They related to us like strangers with a weird familiarity as their parents showed them pictures of us before we met still and just as well they were
wary that we were "strangers" which is a good thing to have kids not trust
everyone right away. They seem like nice kids and from what I can tell they
are and although it's doubtful at this juncture or any in the near future that we'll see them long enough to really relate to them I see them developing quite nicely.

One thing I remember my mom always telling me "look with your eyes and not with your hands." That and she really could whack the heck out of me and then it wasn't that big of a deal, I remember getting dragged into the
heavy winter coats in department stores to get a whacking for whatever it was I did and no one raised an eyebrow at that time. The world sure has changed.

[surlygirly]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I definitely agree times have changed. I can't have kids...just found that out two years ago and my husband and I are still trying to decide if we want to adopt or not. Sometimes I want them, but sometimes I don't, especially when I read about "peanut butter laws" in school districts where kids aren't allowed to bring PB&J sandwiches to school due to kids with peanut allergies (which side am I on? Don't know, and glad I don't have to choose) and seeing 11 year old girls dressed in clothes I wouldn't have worn at 21.

It just seems like a lot of parents don't teach their kids that they (the kids) aren't the center of the universe. Not every adult in the world is going to go out of their way to give in to the kids' wishes. Then these kids are shocked when adults say no and don't know how to handle it.

My parents taught my sisters and I that adults were to be respected. When we grew up, then we could have a chance at being the adult and would be allowed to rule the conversations at dinner parties and choose TV shows, etc. And once I became an adult, I totally got a kick out of being able to do those things.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I am honest enough to admit that I am a selfish
person and like to enjoy myself and my relationship without the addition of
other individuals

It's all good, Leashlaws. Having children is just as much a selfish act as not having them, but in different ways.

If you don't have kids, then make the most out of your time, energy, and life. Share what you have to offer. Help others out however and whenever you can.

If you do have kids, don't live your life through them. Take care of their needs, but do the most that you can with your own life, because that will be the example you set for your children.

It just seems like a lot of parents don't teach their kids that they (the kids) aren't the center of the universe.

I agree with you. Spoiled kids end up being weak (and frightened) adults. And you need to be their parent first, and friend second.

I can't have kids...just found that out two years ago

I'm sorry to hear you weren't given a choice in the matter, SG. Whether you choose to adopt or not, you can help needy children out in many ways.

[kani-lehua]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

ah, leashlaws it's okay. in fact today is my eldest niece's bday. several days ago, it was my twin nieces' bday. they're all adults now. no, they won't reach out because they only know their parents' side of the story.

as far as being a mother, no i really don't think i could be a good one. and, my mother would always say, "look with your eyes not with your hands", too. i'll just stick to my fur babies.