Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

[Menehune Man]

Feelings, concerns, ideas,...

I have two very close friends with serious illnesses and it's hard.

A 20+ year girl friend of both I and my wife, has MS and all that comes with it.

The guy I've been hanging out with the most for the past few years has just been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Oh no! Not another friend!

Feelings go the gamut from sadness to elation.
And the feeling of pride in how strong and upbeat my friends are, stands out.
Hope I do as well someday.

[LikaNui]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

Hope I do as well someday.

I have no doubt at all that you would.
I'm sure all of us here sympathize, and send you our thoughts and prayers...

[Peshkwe]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

The only thing I can give is

{{HUGS}}

[Menehune Man]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

It's funny. The weird kind.
How, since my universe revolves around me, I actually feel it's un-fair that they're sick. Come on, fix 'um up God. I need them.
I giggled at my own selfishness earlier today when I thought it. Just love 'em you know.

It of course, brings to mind my own mortality too...

[lavagal]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

It really forces us to acknowledge our mortality, doesn't it? I just learned that a former high school classmate, someone I thought was remarkably pulled together, smart, college bound, on her way to a successful life, just died. At the age of 50 she died with two marriages behind her, two children, a waitress career, and alcoholism. I can only imagine her life was so disappointing, and therefore she turned to alcohol, but I'll never really know. These friends of yours seem to be in a much better place than this former classmate of mine. I think she was very sad and lonely. You give these two friends your love, and that has to add fulfillment to their lives.

I wasn't friends with her, but I was in awe of her. Hope you don't mind my sharing that.

[Menehune Man]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

Hope you don't mind my sharing that.

Not at all and thank you. That's what I'm wishing for, for this thread. Sharing.

[cyleet99]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

Just be there.

[tutusue]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

[...]Hope I do as well someday.

Hopefully you'll never be in the position of having to brave a protracted illness, MM. I lost one of my dearest friends to cancer 11 months ago. Man, did that ever hurt. She fought a valiant battle for 6 1/2 years...such an amazing attitude. She was 11 months older than I, drop-dead gorgeous and, oddly enough, 11 months into a new relationship that she was thrilled about. When bad things happen to good people...

In addition to being my playmate, she was also my mentor. She got me thru applying for social security and I was going to rely on her to walk me thru Medicare! I just really, really, really miss her laughter. She was such a bright beacon in my life.

I ended up editing a video of all the commercials in which I cast her. Then, thanx to an HT member, I was able to obtain an episode of Hawaii Five O she appeared in almost 40 years ago. It took months to put together that 15 min. video 'cuz I'd start crying. But, ya know what? It gave me closure. Her friends and family received the video for Christmas.

Her death forced me to confront my own mortality. I didn't like that at all. Still don't. But, what am I gonna do?

Keep your humor alive. Your ill friends will appreciate that.

[D'Alani]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

MM last year I lost a friend of nearly 50 years, he too had stomach cancer. He unbelieveably opted to have no kind of therapy and to also have home hospice when the time came. He retired a couple of years ago to care for his ailing parents both of whom are in their 90's. His sister lives in Seattle and was not able to take a long vacation to come home to help, although she did make short trips. Another friend and I decided to do what comes naturally and offered to be there for him 24/7. We took turns being there for two and a half weeks before that awful disease took him away. What he did gave me so much more respect for him because he never once questioned it and just made up his mind to let it take its course. He suffered very little or at least complained very little and before taking his final breath he had this big smile on his face. This made me feel that another friend who passed in 2002 was there to welcome him. The very next day a huge black moth was hanging out on the window screen of my living room window and I truly believe it was he bidding me goodbye.

So MM all I can say is give your friends all the support you can and be with them as much as you can and you will never regret it. Then you'll never feel bad and wish you could have done more because you did all that you could by being there.

Prayers to your friends and to you.

Just read Tutusue's post and agree that keeping your humor is so important for it not only eases the pain but it's good for your friends to know that you offer encouragment and that you don't feel sorry for them when they are trying so hard to win this battle.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

My condolences, MM

Good friends are hard to come by. Friends can be closer than family. It sucks when life takes them away. Some friendships are irreplaceable.

Watching them struggle, and knowing there's not much you can do, is frustrating. Most battles are theirs alone to fight. At least you are with them now, which can be more than they receive from their own families.

Best wishes to you and your friends.

[Seeking Penance]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

*prays*

My thoughts and prayers to you and your friends MM.

Best wishes to you and your friends MM

Mahalo - have a pleasant tomorrow.

I hope this will helps MM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kduk_Xs71hc

[sophielynette]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

A friend of mine has MS. She had it before I met her, but she didn't tell me until after we'd gotten close -- understandable. But it's hard to know how to talk to someone when you know they have something like that. You want them to know you're there for them, but you don't want to be -too- there, in a smothering way. You don't want to treat them differently, and yet you don't want to ignore the illness, especially when they respect you enough to confide in you about it.

[surlygirly]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

It is funny how you find yourself turning it back around to you, isn't it? But they're close friends, and they "belong" to you, so you suffer with them. It's hard not to be angry because now your time with them will always be changed. Their illness will be a shadow that is constantly hovering over your time together. Nothing will ever be quite the same again, and it's hard not to be angry about that.

Make the absolute most of the time you have. Don't ignore the illness, but don't constantly talk about it. Determine how much babying they need/want and give it to them. If they start slipping into depression, a swift kick in the butt is sometimes needed. I don't think you will, but don't be that friend who is all enthusiastic "I'm going to be there for you through this" friend and then bolts at the first puke or grumpy day or hair falling out, never to be seen from again (identify these "friends" and keep them away!"). Help with anything you can. Don't abandon their spouse! Let them know you'll still be there if the worst happens! And every night before you go to bed, get down on your knees and thank God for the day you got to spend with your friend, and ask Him to please give you another.

Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Menehune Man]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

The guy I've been hanging out with the most for the past few years has just been diagnosed with stomach cancer.

Today, Denis will have an operation to install an "esophageal stent" at the very bottom of his esophagus and extending partly in to his stomach. The cancer is at the top of his stomach and into the tube. The doctor's say he should be able to eat normally by tonight! He's been only on intravenous nourishment for days.

Just asking for your positive thoughts for my friend.

Our insides...


Esophageal stent...

[Barry]

Re: Thoughts on close friends and illnesses

Reading all of this, my eyes leak. Of course there is nothing I can do from across these oceans but kind thoughts are winging there way over there. I am not a God Botherer but I did have a swift word with him and because I never mentioned the word Lottery, he might listen.

My very best right now to you and yours MM.