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  • Passing on.....

    I am not sure exactly where to place this, but I figure that it does have relation to family.

    Not to bumm out anyone, but I just needed a few info. or so in regards to this..

    My hubby's mom is in I.C.U. and we all don't know how long she has left,
    but, the story is, that my hubby's mom is suppose to pass away on Nov. 9, 2004 because her mom also passed away on that date.

    There was a a coversation about that she wasn't going to go until everyone is at peace & ready for her to go. I tried to tell my hubby's mom, I just couldn't let her go without crying & having pain in my heart for her to go. I was crying as I was telling her that it was ok for her to go. My hubby's sister says that,"her brothers have already accepted her to go & that when I do tell her, I shouldn't be crying & should be brave to let her go". I guess trying my best to tell my hubby's mom & also meaning it in my heart is a 2 different thing.

    How do any of you accept it, & to mean it so that your loved one will know & feel it that it is ok?.

    I seem & feel that I am having a hard time with this.
    I know that it is a natural thing,
    I just need to learn, know & feel in my heart that is is ok.

    How do I do that?.
    Last edited by Serenity; November 7, 2004, 10:09 AM.
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  • #2
    Re: Passing on.....

    My pule go out to you and your ohana during this sad time.

    It's hard to "put on a brave face" and tell someone it's OK for them to leave you, especially when in your heart you don't want that to happen. But look at it this way: if kupuna has been sick for a long time and has been in pain and has a terminal condition, maybe it would be better for her to die in peace, even if you can't really mean it in your heart. And the sad reality is, if she's in the ICU, the cost of keeping her in there for a long time is going to end up costing your whole ohana financially for a long time. Unfortunately, that is the reality of health care.

    Plus, wouldn't it be better to remember kupuna when she was healthy and happy than in a hospital bed, wired to all kinds of machines?

    Of course, even if you could bring yourself to truly want her to be able to die in peace, it would be up to her subconscious to tell her body to let go, and that is something no one in your family can control.

    Me kealoha pumehana,
    Miulang
    "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Passing on.....

      Miulang..........

      A big Mahalo for your repy.

      I read & understood.

      For right now,
      all I can do is take what you have said
      & take it to heart.

      Hope that when ever she does passes away,
      I hope that we all can deal with it in our own
      way somehow.

      May God Bless you always.

      Thank you again.

      Aloha.
      Aches & Pains
      (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Passing on.....

        Ah, i hope you hold up fine. Sometimes we don't want to let the person go and would rather have them hooked up to the machines because we're the ones who'll be left with the pain.

        But we have to deal with it and let her go. Tell her to stop hanging on and it'll be okay. I'm not sure if you'd read the bible to her. but that would help.

        Take care.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Passing on.....

          kamlost...
          I just would like to say that,
          thank you so very much
          for those kind words.
          Unfortunately, monday the 8th,
          she(my hubby's mom) will slowly be taken out
          of a breathing machine,
          so that she can breath on her own,
          & that she can die with dignity.
          She has had suffered so much already.
          She had developed cancer from
          smoking all her life, & the chemotherapy had
          just prolonged her life. In reality, it slowed it down,
          but not cured it at all, it was on her lungs
          & had traveled to her brain. She passed away,
          for a little while, & came back. She told us that
          her parents,brothers & sisters that had passd away,
          are anxiously awaithing her in heaven.
          We are sad & happy at the same time.
          Thank you once again.

          May God bless you always.

          Aloha.
          Aches & Pains
          (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Passing on.....

            My thoughts are with you and your ohana on this awful and wonderful day of heartrending loss and spiritual renewal.

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Passing on.....

              Serenity, it's very kind of you to take the time to thank me though there is no need

              The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want.

              He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

              He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

              Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

              Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

              Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Passing on.....

                Originally posted by pzarquon
                My thoughts are with you and your ohana on this awful and wonderful day of heartrending loss and spiritual renewal.
                Thank you very much for your heartfelt reply.
                May God bless you & everyone here on H.T.

                A big Aloha to everyone.
                Aches & Pains
                (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Passing on.....

                  Well, My hubby's mom is still breathing,
                  even though the cancer is in her brains,
                  & her lungs will be giving out soon.

                  At first, the doctors said that they are allowing
                  us to take her back to her house to pass away.

                  Monday all day, my hubby, his brother, & I was telling her
                  that we would & could on tuesday which is today(11/9/04).
                  Later we were notified that, they didn't have the necesary
                  equipment for her to take her home.

                  I think, she is still holding on so she could go home.
                  The last information I got, that her breathing
                  seemed to have slowed down.

                  I hope & pray to God that when she does go,
                  it will be peaceful for her.

                  She still holding on & we don't know when
                  she will finally wants to pass away.

                  Will post back at a later time for more info.

                  Aloha.

                  May you all continue to enjoy the life you have now.
                  Aches & Pains
                  (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Passing on.....

                    My hubby's mom was never able to be sent home at all,
                    from what I had gathered, if she was to be moved
                    from one place to another, wouldn't have been advisable to do so.
                    My hubby's mom had passed away peacefully this afternoon in the hospital.
                    We were all happy for her that she would be going to a happier &
                    painfree environment. May God bless her always.

                    Thanks all for praying for my hubby & I.

                    A big Aloha to all. Take Care.

                    God Bless You All.
                    Aches & Pains
                    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Passing on.....

                      *hugs*

                      Take care too!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Passing on.....

                        F.Y.I. to all.... Nov. 24, 2004 @ 3:15 p.m.

                        My hubby's mom was finally burried in Millilany Cemetary- Nov. 23.

                        The funeral was fantastic. We all missed her her greatley.

                        Happy Thanksgiving to all.

                        After this holiday, I don't know if we all would have any idea what to do after that. Since my hubby's mom had passed away, we both don't seem to feel very christmassy this year. I am not sure of yet what the plans are with his cousins, nephew, nieces,brothers & sister, along with the tiny tots in our family. Perhaps in hope that we all can move forward soon & not have to be sad in remembrance. You see, I was un able to be there for my grandparents & auntie's funeral, & also unable to visit them while clos to their deaths. My aunty is burried here in honolulu, though, my grandparents is barried in the phillipines. Maybe it was good thing, that I was not there. Perhaps it made it easier for me to grieve much faster as oppose to my hubby's mom passing away.
                        Question:......
                        How does one go on with a hurting achy heart, & while in my mind, I feel like a child running to her arms & wanting to hold on to her & not wanting her to leave me?.
                        Last edited by Serenity; November 24, 2004, 02:16 PM.
                        Aches & Pains
                        (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Passing on.....

                          Aloha e, Serenity...
                          The first few holiday seasons are going to be harder because after all, Grandma was a big part of the family. However, as time goes on, the sadness does disappear and will be replaced by fond memories that bring a smile to your face. This holiday season, concentrate on the keiki and see the holiday through their eyes...days of anticipation and happiness. I think Grandma would not want anyone in your ohana to be unhappy for her.

                          If the grief gets so bad that you can't concentrate or sleep well, I would suggest you go talk to a grief counselor. That person can help you deal with all the sadness you feel and help you get back on the road to feeling better.

                          Malama pono,
                          Miulang
                          "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Passing on.....

                            Ah Serenity, it will take a lot of time but death is something none of us can escape.

                            It'll seem like she's on an extended vacation. You'll always miss her.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Passing on.....

                              Muilang & kamlost....

                              Thank you so very much for your sweet & kind replies.

                              I guess that My hubby & I will have to try to move on somehow,
                              & just try to remember the good times, even though,
                              I have known her for only a short couple of years.
                              I know that in my heart, my hubby & my hubby's family,
                              we will all miss her grately. We will continue on, but
                              not ever forgetting her in our thoughts & memories.

                              Aloha, all.

                              Hope everyone had a good thanksgiving, &
                              have alot of leftovers.
                              Aches & Pains
                              (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                              Comment

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