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  • What do you call it when...?

    I am the kane half of a straight couple. My wahine and I have been together for a little over ten years now, co-habitating for nearly ten years.

    We are not married, but function as a couple in our own and everyone else's eyes. We do not live in a common-law state, so the legal concept of a common-law marriage after seven years of cohabitation does not apply.

    We own property together, are beneficiaries in each other's wills, and do not have children together (I have an adult daughter from an earlier marriage.)

    So - the challenge comes when we introduce each other to people. It is not correct to use the terms "spouse" or "husband/wife"; "boyfriend/girlfriend" seems a little less than what we are, too. "Lover" moves into the TMI realm for too many people.

    I often refer to her as my "sweetie," she sometimes calls herself my "other half." Other terms we've used include "engaged" (man, that's one long engagement!), "innamorata" (sounds exotic, no?) or even "POSSLQ" (Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters.) When others refer to us as "husband" or "wife," we generally don't bother to explain, unless we know them well enough.

    This isn't something that bothers us - in fact, it's a little game to figure out the best term to use --- so I thought I'd bring the HT crew into the fun. What term would YOU suggest, when we try to describe our arrangement in a simple way to others?

    (And don't take the easy way out and say "just get married" - we've already agreed that the only person who can make that demand on us is her Okinawan Southern-Baptist Grandmother, and she hasn't hinted anything of the sort yet.)

  • #2
    Re: What do you call it when...?

    You could use the term significant other or SO.

    Comment


    • #3
      Da' Wahine from Kane - ohe!

      Are you two co-signed on real estate property that you still pay mortgage? If so, I'm curious how you claim it when filing your taxes (for shelter purposes).

      Glad to see you clarified yourselves as a "straight couple". Otherwise we wouldn't know what you meant by "wahine".

      Just don't address her as "My old lady".
      sigpic The Tasty Island

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: What do you call it when...?

        Well let's take it down and eliminate the obvious. She's not your Wife nor do you plan on marrying so she's not your Fiancee. Other than that she's just your Girlfriend. Whether it's a one year or 50-year relationship, that's about all she is.

        It's as simple and correctly-stated as that. Nothing more, nothing less.

        If you want more then marry her and commit to a life of partnership that is binding in God's eyes and in the law.

        Marriage is a committment, shacking up means: I don't owe you anything and I can walk anytime.

        Hey those are the facts, she's your girlfriend and you are just her boyfriend and either one of you can leave the relationship with simple "see ya". That's a bit unsettling unless you don't want committment.
        Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What do you call it when...?

          Originally posted by craigwatanabe
          It's as simple and correctly-stated as that. Nothing more, nothing less.

          Marriage is a committment, shacking up means: I don't owe you anything and I can walk anytime.

          Hey those are the facts, she's your girlfriend and you are just her boyfriend and either one of you can leave the relationship with simple "see ya". That's a bit unsettling unless you don't want committment.
          I'm afraid it's not as simple as that, as we have binding legal agreements regarding our home (joint tenancy with rights of survivorship, blablabla) and other domestic partnership issues, as recognized by the county and state where we reside.

          But I don't want this to shift into an "in God's eyes" discussion, though I completely respect that some people view our relationship as in some way flawed, wrong, incomplete, sinful, whatever. I wouldn't want to force my relationship choices upon them, and I would ask the same respect in return.

          I'm more interested in hearing thoughts on the terminology people would use - a question of semantics. (Though to some people, perhaps "my fellow sinner" would be their choice of words. I can dig it.)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Da' Wahine from Kane - ohe!

            Originally posted by Pomai
            Glad to see you clarified yourselves as a "straight couple". Otherwise we wouldn't know what you meant by "wahine".
            Just call me "MOTO" - "Master Of The Obvious."

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: What do you call it when...?

              I just introduce my wife as, "The Boss." Simple, everyone gets the message.
              Make trouble, have fun, do good stuffs.

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              • #8
                Re: What do you call it when...?

                We were cohabitating four years before we got married 10 years ago. I'm known as The Alpha Female to all who live here (two kids, three cats, four fish and a great husband) and that pretty much seals it for anyone. Feel free to use the term for your Alpha Wahine, too.
                Aloha!
                Aloha from Lavagal

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: What do you call it when...?

                  Originally posted by lavagal
                  We were cohabitating four years before we got married 10 years ago. I'm known as The Alpha Female to all who live here (two kids, three cats, four fish and a great husband) and that pretty much seals it for anyone. Feel free to use the term for your Alpha Wahine, too.
                  Aloha!
                  Watched a show on PBS a while back on the evolution of the domesticated dog. It told about their original descendant, the WOLF. Wolves stay in packs and choose one ALPHA LEADER.

                  This is the reason dogs usually choose ONE person in the household as their leader. They look to their Alpha leader when it's time to eat, when they want comfort, and also to protect from harm. My mother had poodles that were OBSESSIVE with her as their Alpha leader. Kinda scary actually.

                  Maybe I'll have my girlfriend call me "Alpha Hon" from now on.
                  sigpic The Tasty Island

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                  • #10
                    Re: What do you call it when...?

                    Originally posted by lavagal
                    Feel free to use the term for your Alpha Wahine, too.
                    I just better be careful to not call her "Alpha Bits" - she might think I'm being cute and very insulting at the same time.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: What do you call it when...?

                      it's pronounced pozzulkew.


                      common term among the cognoscente nowadays.


                      POOSSLQ

                      Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: What do you call it when...?

                        You can have all the Alpha's and all the Omega's...just remember who's 1st!

                        Auntie Lynn
                        Be AKAMAI ~ KOKUA Hawai`i!
                        Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: What do you call it when...?

                          Originally posted by kimo55
                          it's pronounced pozzulkew.
                          common term among the cognoscente nowadays.
                          POOSSLQ
                          Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters
                          It's always good for a laugh when you say that one, and some people go "whuuuuu...???"

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                          • #14
                            Re: What do you call it when...?

                            First time I saw POSSLQ was probably in one of the newsweeklies many years ago; I think it might have been a term the Census Bureau came up with, but I'm not sure whether it was the 1980 or 1990 period.

                            You're right; jaws drop when it's used.
                            http://www.linkmeister.com/wordpress/

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Pozzlefusion

                              Originally posted by kimo55
                              it's pronounced pozzulkew.
                              common term among the cognoscente nowadays.
                              POOSSLQ
                              Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters
                              If you pronounced the POOSSLQ acronym correctly, shouldn't it be "pooze'ul'kew"? (long O)

                              If you said, "pozz'ul'kew" (short O), then that would be POSSSLQ

                              Person Of Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters

                              Leo,
                              Perhaps call your sweetie "Wahineohe" since she's a woman from Kaneohe, not a "Kane"ohe.
                              sigpic The Tasty Island

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