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"DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

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  • "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

    Through the generations children learn to negotiate critical pieces of furniture, household appliances, and the like. What family doesn't have a method of setting appointments to loiter in the front passenger seat or command control of the tv remote?

    How does your family do it? How did you and your siblings do it when you were growing up?

    (my kids are driving me bonkers and I am looking for new solutions).

    pax

  • #2
    Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

    Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
    (my kids are driving me bonkers and I am looking for new solutions).

    I don't know how old your kids are, but mine are 4 and 6 and Santa Claus is watching you means they are more loving and share more. Don't know what I'm going to do when they are 6 and 8!

    When I was a kid, I sat in the front a lot because I was the oldest. The other two sat in the back, but they were buddies anyway. I think encouraging kids to give up on an item with either an atta girl or an infrequent tangible award is one way to go about it.

    Maybe what you can also do is go by even days and odd days. Kids who were born on an even day do things on even days, and vice versa. Both my kids were born on even days.

    Whoever has to wait should get some positive stroking. Good luck. I think it's been on the minds of parents since the clan of the cave bear.

    @
    Aloha from Lavagal

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    • #3
      Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

      I grew up as an "only child", as both my sisters were much older and out of the house by then. So I had dibs on everything except my father's "Damned Green Chair".. a LazyBoy recliner.

      One of our Shih Tzu's has a "kapu" on this huge livingroom pillow that she sleeps on. If the others even go near that pillow, she snaps like a Cobra. We let her go, since she's the oldest of them.

      So I would say when it comes to household dibs, seniority rules. Just like working for a Union.
      sigpic The Tasty Island

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      • #4
        Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

        When it came to who sat in the front seat, the oldest got first choice (but if it was in a pickup, then we'd all sit in the back).

        My Mom decided who got to do what for chores, and if there's problems, then we'd always do Jun Ken Po, or if we wanted to trade chores or whatnot, then we'd trade it with some other posessions.

        Of course, since I was growing up with brothers (no sister until I gotten into my teens) then we'd used to fight over things, with the victories going to me and my older brother when we took karate classes. Then, there's always the sharing part, where we'd share just about everything, from clothes, to computers and places on the couch.
        How'd I get so white and nerdy?

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        • #5
          Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

          My kids range between upper elementary and high school. Dibsing the remote and the front seat is very much a big deal. They will call “my seat!!” “My remote!” “My turn!” throughout the day. With respect to these examples, fairness is the rule. Other things, like allowance for example, are determined by age and negotiated with/determined by Mom and Dad.

          The one area that sets the kids on the warpath is having enough time in that bloody front seat. I am ready to start a mile-log for each of them, or retain the services of a strategic planner.

          pax

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          • #6
            Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

            There are also subdivisions of "dibs," such as "shotgun!" I guess some of you are saying, however, that seniority trumps "shotgun!"

            This thread makes me think of the Code of Ethics Pertaining to the Gifting of Nonreturnable Elements, also known as "nobacks!" Is that a strictly local thing, or are there echoes of it elsewhere in American childhood?

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            • #7
              Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

              Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o

              The one area that sets the kids on the warpath is having enough time in that bloody front seat.
              Is having them all sit in the back seat not an option, or is the idea to also keep them separated?

              With me and my brother, it was usually who thought about kapu-ing the front seat or whatevers first, and me being the oldest and biggest also carried a lot of weight if I needed to wrestle with my little brother over it.

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              • #8
                Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                We would alla time kapu someting. "I kapu da front seat!" Den we might do junkenpo; but if one of us kept losing, den we would go back to kapu. Den our maddah would step in; she wen set da timer! Den we had to change watevahs. If one keed had da front seat, den next time da next keed would get it. We had to learn to take turns, but our maddah had to step in to stop da "kapu only" rule we wen set up.
                Aloha,
                Mokihana

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                • #9
                  Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                  Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
                  [...] The one area that sets the kids on the warpath is having enough time in that bloody front seat. I am ready to start a mile-log for each of them, or retain the services of a strategic planner.
                  Would a week-at-a-time rule work for you...each kid gets the front seat for a week? Just a thought...

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                  • #10
                    Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                    Originally posted by tutusue
                    Would a week-at-a-time rule work for you...each kid gets the front seat for a week? Just a thought...
                    it is what we have going now. The problem is that Ma's car and Dad's car will oftentimes be shuttling different kids to different things. In practice, it could be Braddah's week, but Tita ends up with more mileage under her behind because she has more events to go to...and then next week is HER week and Braddah is screaming NOT FAIR!

                    You would think the front seat is oceanfront property advertised in the Robb Report....

                    pax

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                    • #11
                      Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                      Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
                      it is what we have going now. The problem is that Ma's car and Dad's car will oftentimes be shuttling different kids to different things. In practice, it could be Braddah's week, but Tita ends up with more mileage under her behind because she has more events to go to...and then next week is HER week and Braddah is screaming NOT FAIR!

                      You would think the front seat is oceanfront property advertised in the Robb Report....
                      Why are you counting the times when there is only one kid in the car? Dibbies (even if by the week) only count when there's competition for the prize. If there's only one kid in the car either don't include that time since there is no need for competition...or if the fussing keeps up...the single kid gets the back seat (they'll hush with that alternative).

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                      • #12
                        Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                        Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
                        [...] You would think the front seat is oceanfront property advertised in the Robb Report....
                        Bwaha! Great analogy.

                        This is probably something you've already tried but I'll suggest it anyway. Have you asked the kids for their solutions? If you can get them to huddle together peacefully and come up with a solution that's theirs then there's nothing to argue about. Of course kids will be kids so that won't stop them but you can fall back on..."Hey, these are YOUR rules."!

                        I see what you mean about the multiple car issue. Maybe you can buy one of those inflatable dummies, such as the ones drivers use to bluff their way into the HOV lane. Keep that dummy strapped into the front seat at all times.

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                        • #13
                          Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                          Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
                          My kids range between upper elementary and high school.
                          Most kids that age are movie and/or video game fanatics, so try this...

                          Install a pair of car seat LCD screens that mount on the back of the front seat headrests for BACK SEAT passengers. Connect them to a portable DVD player and/or video game console.

                          Then they'll both happily sit in the back, each enjoying their own TV console (with headphones of course).

                          That may sound like spoiling them, but hey... they're good kids right?

                          You in turn will enjoy the peace and quiet and/or control of your car stereo.
                          sigpic The Tasty Island

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                          • #14
                            Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                            To all:

                            the last solution of weekly Front Seat Czar-dom was a solution entirely thought up by the kids. It has been in existence for the last two or so years, and for the most part, has been relatively stress free. But because of the cycles of sport seasons, there always seems to be one kid who gets the throne more than the others. A week or two is no biggie; it evens out in the end. But the whole fall season has resulted in tita getting the throne, and the proletarian siblings are rising up...

                            Fundamentally, I. Don't. Care. But they really do, so now I gotta. Sometimes, I wish they would bicker over something else...

                            ...oh, and as for that great idea about a video console in the backseat? They would LOVE it but Mamma sayeth 'heeelllllll no'. No good for the brain, and all that. (Mahalo for the suggestion, tho!)

                            pax

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                            • #15
                              Re: "DIBS!!" and other forms of kid negotiations

                              I resisted putting in a video console in my Urban Assault Vehicle (family minivan) but eventually I succumbed when I also bought a standalone DVD recorder and recorded all the History channels' programming as well as Playhouse Disney's shows for toddlers. Both kinds of programming is educational to adults and toddlers (maybe not in that order )

                              Now nobody wants to sit upfront and the drives are pleasant. When we're watching Dora the Explorer, the kids watch (even the baby) and start reciting the counting and searching to our 2-year old. At 2 this toddler knows how to count to four already!

                              When I'm waiting for my kid to finish soccer practice I can kick back and watch Electra in the backseat.

                              As long as you control what's playing, having an onboard DVD player is a blessed thing to have. And when you live on the Big Island those long drives from Hilo to Kona is really not that bad after all!
                              Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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