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  • Seeking Local Advice

    Aloha
    "Buenas", (short for buenas dias, buenas tardes, buenas noches, it can be used anytime unlike the three mentioned.)

    My family and I have been here for about 7 months but it seems we are still having a hard time fitting in.

    First a little background. My wife is from San Antonio, Texas. She is Mexican. I am from Miami, Florida. I am Dominican (From the Dominican Republic not the island of Dominica, both are called "Dominican" very different, very offended if confused).
    We feel we are being rejected by strangers solely on the basis of our skin color. Hispanics are a very diverse culture and we come in many, many colors. We also share alot of the same values as island people.

    My wife and I do not have the "Hollywashed"(brainwashed by Hollywood) attitude that some people from the mainland have, you know the "It's about me mentality" but we are still looked at in many cases as "basura de la calle" (trash from the street).

    Growing up a minority in Florida as a white hispanic was hard enough, especially when someone was talking about me in my own language as if I was ignorant. The only thing satisfying about that is seeing the look on their face when I let them know I understood what they said.

    OK a little too much into it. I was wondering if there was anything we could do to help fit in. We have some local friends, one of whom is a teacher at Kamehameha. I ask them for pointers but they just say not to worry about them and that they are ignorant. Are they right? Working for the military apparently doesn't help either. There is definitely some bad blood there. Nobody likes being considered an "outsider" so any local advice I can get would help.

    Aloha
    "Quidense" (Take care all of you)

    Chris Collado

  • #2
    Re: Seeking Local Advice

    Originally posted by chriscollado
    Aloha
    "Buenas", (short for buenas dias, buenas tardes, buenas noches, it can be used anytime unlike the three mentioned.)

    My family and I have been here for about 7 months but it seems we are still having a hard time fitting in.

    First a little background. My wife is from San Antonio, Texas. She is Mexican. I am from Miami, Florida. I am Dominican (From the Dominican Republic not the island of Dominica, both are called "Dominican" very different, very offended if confused).
    We feel we are being rejected by strangers solely on the basis of our skin color. Hispanics are a very diverse culture and we come in many, many colors. We also share alot of the same values as island people.

    My wife and I do not have the "Hollywashed"(brainwashed by Hollywood) attitude that some people from the mainland have, you know the "It's about me mentality" but we are still looked at in many cases as "basura de la calle" (trash from the street).

    Growing up a minority in Florida as a white hispanic was hard enough, especially when someone was talking about me in my own language as if I was ignorant. The only thing satisfying about that is seeing the look on their face when I let them know I understood what they said.

    OK a little too much into it. I was wondering if there was anything we could do to help fit in. We have some local friends, one of whom is a teacher at Kamehameha. I ask them for pointers but they just say not to worry about them and that they are ignorant. Are they right? Working for the military apparently doesn't help either. There is definitely some bad blood there. Nobody likes being considered an "outsider" so any local advice I can get would help.

    Aloha
    "Quidense" (Take care all of you)

    Chris Collado
    I feel for you...

    don't really know how to respond... i guess i appreciate your honesty on a public board such as this...

    I think many of us who have moved from the mainland have felt the same feelings as you at one time or another....

    I wish you the best of luck in accumlating some people you can rely upon...it seems to be an essential for anyone moving here from the mainland.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Seeking Local Advice

      Wow, Chris. Just based on the way you presented your problem here in HT...a willingness to do what it takes, no whining, no bashing...I wish I had a magic wand I could wave over you and your family.

      I'm just an ol' Irish gal who spent her first 34 years in SoCal. I can't offer you any suggestions because I've not had to contend with the same issues you have. Can you please tell us some of the experiences that have caused you to feel 'rejected' and like 'trash from the street'?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Seeking Local Advice

        Thanks for your reply.

        It is just an uncomfortable feeling. My wife is feeling it the most. It seems she gets the brunt of it. She has been bumped in the store by other women and they don't apologize. Little things like that.

        I appreciate it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Seeking Local Advice

          Going in to L&L and seeing the people in front of us getting greeted with smiles and when it comes to us they won't look at us in the face.

          Driving home one time late, I work until midnight and I'm trying to get over and some lady kept speeding up/slowing down not letting me get over to make my turn, then following me home to curse at me and call me names and tell me how much I don't belong on this island. Even though I display my flag proudly from my rear view.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Seeking Local Advice

            Originally posted by chriscollado
            Going in to L&L and seeing the people in front of us getting greeted with smiles and when it comes to us they won't look at us in the face.
            Is this a one time thing or does it happen all the time you go to the same L&L?

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Seeking Local Advice

              Originally posted by chriscollado
              Thanks for your reply.

              It is just an uncomfortable feeling. My wife is feeling it the most. It seems she gets the brunt of it. She has been bumped in the store by other women and they don't apologize. Little things like that.

              I appreciate it.
              I don't want to sound rude or anything like that....

              but I get bumped all the time here in Hawaii... unlike I ever did when I when I was shopping where I was from...

              It's something you just got to get used to...

              It's kind of a "stink eye" principal... just move on already.... you look at that person and wonder why she bumped you... you might be having some troubles in the parking lot.....just move on.... know worry beef curry..

              shop...spend your money...do what you need to do... just don't cross with a pissed off local girl.... I can tell you from experience....I'm married to one...

              Manoa

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Seeking Local Advice

                Originally posted by chriscollado
                [...]She has been bumped in the store by other women and they don't apologize. Little things like that.

                I appreciate it.
                I live out in the 'sticks'...very rural. While I don't experience what you mention above in my neck 'o the woods, I do experience it and see it happen to others in town. I've never thought of it as 'racial', rather just bad manners. Even when not my fault I always apologize and smile. If there was/is ill intent on the other person's part, a cordial reaction will drive 'em nuts!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Seeking Local Advice

                  Yes pretty much everytime we go. We were at the Pride of Ewa day today. It was a little festival in Ewa Beach and I kept getting funny looks from the guy that was operating the keiki ride my kids were on. He looked at me weird and would look away when I noticed it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Seeking Local Advice

                    Originally posted by chriscollado
                    [...]Even though I display my flag proudly from my rear view.
                    What flag? Sorry, I don't understand what you mean. It's probably obvious but I'm pooped!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Seeking Local Advice

                      Hi Chris....

                      I would take manoa's opinon/suggestion. Sounds to me that he knows what he's talking about.

                      Eventually everyone will just get use to you & your family in time, & everything will turn out ok.

                      Just "No worry, beef cury".

                      I'm sure like Manoa said, some of us have had the same experience one time or another, it's not only you.

                      There are alot of other people that are much kinder than others too.

                      So, don't think that just because you have had that bad experience in one area, it doesn't mean everywhere you go will be the same. ok?.

                      There will always be a bad egg in some other carton that you end up picking.

                      Not all of them are bad, just a few, you just have to be at the right time at the right place to meet nice people like us here in HT.com.

                      And that's my two cents.

                      Nighty night all.
                      Aches & Pains
                      (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Seeking Local Advice

                        Originally posted by chriscollado
                        Yes pretty much everytime we go. We were at the Pride of Ewa day today. It was a little festival in Ewa Beach and I kept getting funny looks from the guy that was operating the keiki ride my kids were on. He looked at me weird and would look away when I noticed it.
                        I'm fascinated by the ethnic mixes in Hawaii. And, I'm in a business where I meet a lot of people of all shapes, sizes and colors. I'm always trying to guess what the mix of ethnicities might be in a person. I've never thought about it but I think I could be one of those people that other people catch looking at them! Might you be carrying over some sensitivities picked up while you were in Florida?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Seeking Local Advice

                          tutusue,

                          My little Dominican flag. "Mi orgullo" (My pride).

                          Serenity,

                          I know and that is everywhere. I'm going to take the advice like manoa, you and my other local friends tell me. Not everyone is like that but it seems to be a majority of people that I walk past going from here to there. Again I have met many that are exactly opposite, very nice people too.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Seeking Local Advice

                            Not really because I haven't lived in Florida since 1997. The Army moved me to Texas where I met my wife and I got out/stayed there and never had that problem overthere. People in Texas were unusually nice there. It was sometimes frustrating. Especially when driving. Some people would hold up traffic to let you out. It would put you in an awkward situation. You would feel grateful someone was being that nice but at th same time feel for the multitude of pissed drivers being held up while you are being let out.

                            Funny Huh? I guess that is what they call southern hospatility. It wasn't color specific either. Everyone was nice to everyone. Yeah there is crime but it is mostly gang or drug related but that is everywhere.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Seeking Local Advice

                              One thing I've noticed with brash people is that they get really pissy with things they themselves are so intimidated by. Ultra macho guys afraid of finding their "feminine" side take it out on gay guys. Same goes for women who have to denigrade other women just to make themselves a cut above.

                              In other words some people like to lower the playing field below them because they can't seem to rise above it. It's easier to criticize others than to improve yourself. Believe it or not they are more intimidated by you than you are of them, so they play the bully card just to scare you first.

                              Be proud of your culture but don't be overbearing about it. I know a Mexican guy here in Hilo who is so proud of his heritage that he cannot see why locals are so pissed off at him when he does the, "In Mexico we don't have that problem because we're better than you," attitude. Who wouldn't?

                              Here in Hawaii we have pretty much adopted a wide range of cultures that ultimately came out "local style" or a mix of a lot of ethnicities in which some work and others don't.

                              One thing I learned when I was in Idaho for four years was to speak softly and ask questions. Nobody likes a loud obnoxious person. I found myself being accepted faster than when I was this local boy from Hawaii proving to all in Mountain Home, Idaho that Hawaii was No Ka Oi and the rest of the world was a distant 2nd.

                              And don't compare your culture with ours. Oh man that's sure to get another opinion out in the conversation real quick. You came to Hawaii for a reason, you left your other residence for a reason too. Some try to bring those reasons why they left, here to Hawaii and soon they become the problem they were trying to get away from.

                              When I moved from Honolulu to the Big Island, I found myself saying stuff like, "I'm from Honolulu" to the locals here. The look I got back was, "so what...that makes you better than me?"

                              Now being here for almost 2-years, I loathe when someone from Honolulu looks at me in the eyes and says, "In Honolulu this and in Honolulu that..." I respond with, "Yeah yeah and that's the reason why I left Honolulu after 44 years of that crap." You in Hilo now, leave Honolulu back on Oahu and enjoy this island for what it has to offer.

                              Speak softly and ask questions...remember you were attracted to the islands for a reason...time to be a student and learn our culture. Pretty soon you'll discover that Hawaii isn't as complicated as the rest of the world and you'll fit in sooner than later. Heck I did that and soon all of my Idahoan friends accepted me for all of my "less than red-necked" deficiencies and the last three years in Idaho was a fun and enjoyable place to be in.

                              Now if this full-blooded Japanese from Hawaii could walk into "The Oregon Trail" Saloon complete with swinging bar doors and be greeted warmly by my Arian Nation buddies... sipping on their Budweisers while their Ford F-150's sit outside guarded by their hound dawgs and their 12-guage shotguns sit in their gunracks...I think you can acclimate yourself to Hawaii as well.

                              When in Rome...
                              Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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