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where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

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  • where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

    Hey everyone,

    I am looking for advice. I have a toxic co-worker. Emotionally immature. High maintenance. Not above throwing a hissy fit, a blow-out of which we had to endure last week.

    As time goes on, I pivot my own behavior to reflect the suggestions of many self-help guides that I have read over the years, including: sticking to the specific subject on hand (although this means shit to him), being conscious of keeping my own behavior and word choice assertive instead of aggressive (he accuses me of being aggressive, isn't factual/specific to begin with, and is the most whiney man I have ever known) and, over time, am wearing down because he is sooo Freaking. Pathetic.

    My HR director is related to him, which explains why someone as talented as he is still remains in the position that he enjoys, even though my name is on a looooong roster of fellow coworkers who have filed complaints about him.

    I hate walking on eggshells, but I refuse to stoop down to his level and be a small-minded pr*ck about things, when its the Issue™ stupid! (apologies to Carville).

    Any suggestions of dealing with this?

    pax

  • #2
    Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

    Considering his familial connections, my guess is that you won't be able to get him to leave. Maybe you should, instead. No, I'm serious. Life is too short to spend more than half of your waking hours dealing with an unpleasant person if you don't absolutely have to. See if you can find a way to change your job, or even find another one.

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    • #3
      Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

      Thank you for that, Glen. It really does come down to that. I love almost every aspect about my job, but the company's penchant for keeping assholes. *sigh* it is better to leave on top on one's game, than stick around while everyone else prays for one to leave, eh?

      pax

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      • #4
        Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

        Is this private industry, or a union state or county job? If you have a union you are paying dues to, it's time to put those dues to work and give them a call. File a grivence not against the troublemaker ,but HIS supervisor. Say that you refuse to work in a hostile working enviroment and remember document dates, times, and events(even names). It will only make your case stronger....Good luck.
        Listen to KEITH AND THE GIRLsigpic

        Stupid people come in all flavors-buzz1941
        Flickr

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        • #5
          Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

          Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
          Thank you for that, Glen. It really does come down to that. I love almost every aspect about my job, but the company's penchant for keeping assholes. *sigh* it is better to leave on top on one's game, than stick around while everyone else prays for one to leave, eh?
          Sometimes it's hard to take. You know that you're right and the other guy is wrong, but you also know that there's no way that the other guy is budging. You have to ask yourself, what's a better outcome -- fighting like hell because you're in the right, even though you may never "win"? Or swallowing your ego, walking away from the fight, and finding another job?

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          • #6
            Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

            Oh AB, I *wish* it was a union position! No such opportunities here.

            Glen, life *is* short. I am confident in my skill set, work ethic and communication abilities. *Exhales*....it is time to change channels...

            thank you both.

            aloha, P

            pax

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            • #7
              Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

              Originally posted by Pua'i Mana'o
              Oh AB, I *wish* it was a union position! No such opportunities here.

              Glen, life *is* short. I am confident in my skill set, work ethic and communication abilities. *Exhales*....it is time to change channels...

              thank you both..

              aloha, P
              How about looking here . See what this agency can do
              Listen to KEITH AND THE GIRLsigpic

              Stupid people come in all flavors-buzz1941
              Flickr

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              • #8
                Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

                thanks for that resource, AB. I appreciate that it exists, and hope to use it as a last resort.

                pax

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                • #9
                  Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

                  Pua`i, I know I don't have to tell you this because it's something you do online all the time, but keep to the high road. As long as nobody can ever fault your own professional behavior, you will be okay in the long run. People don't forget co-workers (or workers at other places) who impress them, and if you leave now or if you stick around, doors will open. I am convinced of that.

                  It's too hard to find good people. If you're one of the good people, you're going to be fine as long as you don't stoop, which you've made clear you will not do. Don't even give an ultimatum if you decide to go; just say to whoever's in charge, "I've been offered something else, and I'm taking it." If pressed, you might say off the record that so-and-so's behavior became too much, but quickly add that everything else has been wonderful and you feel your energies might be better directed elsewhere.

                  Hang in there. We all have to go through it; if you go through it with your head held high and your convictions intact, you're a better person than just about everyone else out there!
                  But I'm disturbed! I'm depressed! I'm inadequate! I GOT IT ALL! (George Costanza)
                  GrouchyTeacher.com

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                  • #10
                    Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

                    Originally posted by scrivener
                    Pua`i, I know I don't have to tell you this because it's something you do online all the time, but keep to the high road.
                    Hang in there. We all have to go through it; if you go through it with your head held high and your convictions intact, you're a better person than just about everyone else out there!
                    I was going to say something along these lines, but Scrivener, you said it very well. I agree totally. It can be difficult to work with difficult people, but do what's right and they can't fault you.
                    Life is either an adventure... or you're not doing it right!!!

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                    • #11
                      Re: where's the "Human Resources" thread when I need it?

                      Thank you gentlemen. Really. And the suggestions about my behavior as part of the overall exit strategy are right in line with my ethics.

                      Still...it is a bit of an emotional death with me. I love this company. But I *need* to leave, because life is too short for this type of B.S.

                      Off to craigslist to take a peek...

                      </groan>

                      pax

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                      • #12
                        Re: where's the &quot;Human Resources&quot; thread when I need it?

                        In my 20+ years in the job market, I have found that EVERY workplace has a JACKASS. That being said, I wish you all the luck.
                        Listen to KEITH AND THE GIRLsigpic

                        Stupid people come in all flavors-buzz1941
                        Flickr

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                        • #13
                          Re: where's the &quot;Human Resources&quot; thread when I need it?

                          Well...at least you're not married to this person, or have him for one of your kids. Could be worse, you could be his family-related boss, and have to balance him in every aspect of your life.
                          http://thissmallfrenchtown.blogspot.com/
                          http://thefrenchneighbor.blogspot.com/

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                          • #14
                            Re: where's the &quot;Human Resources&quot; thread when I need it?

                            Pu'ai, I wanted to share some information I learned in my Project Management class that talks about ways of dealing with difficult people. Unfortunately, I can't PM you, so if you would like the info (it's got some very useful info about the different personality types and why people act the way they do), please let me know and I can send it to you (it might take awhile because I'm headed in your direction and will be incommunicado for a couple of weeks online).

                            You have my sympathies, though. It's a shame that you have to be the one to make the change, especially if you like your job but have to work with this one jerk.

                            Malama pono,
                            Miulang
                            "Americans believe in three freedoms. Freedom of speech; freedom of religion; and the freedom to deny the other two to folks they don`t like.” --Mark Twain

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