Hello from Kansas

[kstephen]

my husband and i are college profs and he just got a job in kauai.
he teaches art: graphic, sculpture, ceramics, etc.

i teach spanish and french.
i will stay in kansas with the kids til he's sure he'll stay there
and/or i have a job there.
but i dont see much demand for my languages,
more for Japanese, Hawaiian.

we have 4 children, 2 adults (adopted from ecuador)
one of which is thinking about going to U of HI,
and living in the residence hall.
i would like to here your opinions on univ. and
res. hall experiences.

and 2 little ones, ages 8 & 10.
we homeschool.
i would appreciate any info on a hawaiian experience
of homeschooling.

the little ones also play suzuki violin and piano and would
love to find suzuki teachers in kauai.

also, i wonder about inter-island travel, if we would have
to go to another island, say, for suz. lessons.

we understand the difficulty of living in another culture,
as we have lived in ecuador, where we are the minority,
but the little ones are admired and adored...little blondies
that speak spanish seem to melt hearts.

but i am worried, somewhat, about the reception they
might receive in hawaii. the oldest, a boy, is very confident
and proud about himself (he is handsome and has blond hair
so long he can sit on it), his experiences (he is well traveled and
homeschooled) and his abilities (he is bilingual and he's a fine musician).
i understand that attitude may not be well accepted in the hawaiian culture.

i look forward to learning from you.
i also would be happy to share any info that you would
like to know about kansas, homeschooling, suzuki music
method, ecuador, etc.

kerri and family

[SusieMisajon]

Re: hello from kansas

Kansas is very nice...but get yourself to Hawaii!

[Glen Miyashiro]

Re: hello from kansas

but i am worried, somewhat, about the reception they might receive in hawaii. the oldest, a boy, is very confident and proud about himself (he is handsome and has blond hair so long he can sit on it), his experiences (he is well traveled and homeschooled) and his abilities (he is bilingual and he's a fine musician). i understand that attitude may not be well accepted in the hawaiian culture.

Exactly what do you mean by "that attitude"? "Very confident and proud about himself" is fine. Every . But if you're using that phrase as a euphemism for "arrogant and swell-headed", well, that kind of attitude is not well-received anywhere.

[kstephen]

Re: hello from kansas

Exactly what do you mean by "that attitude"? "Very confident and proud about himself" is fine. Every . But if you're using that phrase as a euphemism for "arrogant and swell-headed", well, that kind of attitude is not well-received anywhere.

he can be a little boastful and overly proud of himself, bragging and wanting people to recognize his achievements & abilities, etc.

ever since he was little, real little, he wants to be and often succeeds in being the "alpha" of a group, especially males.
no matter the age, or size.

when it started apprearing, i think he was 2-3, and my husband said to me, "we gotta watch that".

we work with him, recognizing this trait, but he's got a really strong personality.

i just read somewhere here on hawaii threads that a more laid back, go with the flow, a less boastful attitude
was predominate....and he's definitely more of a lets get this together and get it going attitude, taking charge of
the situation, organizing it, making assignments of who is to do what and let's tackle it NOW attitude.

i hear what your saying.
thanks for your reply.

[Eric]

Re: hello from kansas

It's a good thing you can recognize that in your own child.

[turtlegirl]

Re: hello from kansas

Nobody likes the 'winnah' sometimes, especially here.
A bit of humbleness goes a long way, tho....

[kstephen]

Re: hello from kansas

Nobody likes the 'winnah' sometimes, especially here.
A bit of humbleness goes a long way, tho....

could you explain "winnah" ????

sorry, i'm new to the these hawaiian words.

[turtlegirl]

Re: hello from kansas

I plagiarized it from a thread in Islands Ahoy called Do's and Dont's. I bumped that thread up to the top so you can check it out.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: hello from kansas

Heya Kerri and a belated welcome to HT :_)


Congrats on adopting children who needed a family, and for homeschooling your own. Must be a lot of hard work; both frustrating and satisfyinging.

Concerning your son: I haven't grown up on Kauai, nor have I raised a son, so I don't have much advice based on actual experience. Regardless, I'll throw in my two bits. Think of it more as brainstorming. Take it with a grain of salt and all that. Hopefully the other HTers will chime in if I happen to be totally off the mark.

Wanting to be alpha male isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just a motivation. The question is how he goes about attaining that status. Best case he would observe the new culture he's in, make changes to himself to get along with others, while still maintain his uniqueness. Worst case is he tries to impose his will with little regard for others. I'm sure your son slides between these two extremes from moment to moment, situation to situation.

Children are smart, observant, and adaptable. In Ecuador he realized which of his differences garnered positive reactions, and he played them up. Those same qualities might have a negative effect here in Hawaii. Hopefully he'll realize that and change accordingly. One thing which makes that difficult is the passive aggressive nature of the local culture. If you're doing something wrong, people won't tell you directly.

You and your husband will also face the same challenges as your son, but you'll have the advantage of maturity. I recommend you cultivate friends who can help you navigate the local culture. Admit early on that you find it difficult, ask for their advice (and expect it to come slow and subtle), and tell them how you've been trying to improve. A good dose of humor will help.

Instead of lecturing your son about his need to change, maybe you could confide in him your concerns about your own adaptation to local culture. Express your fears (moderated), talk out loud about what you've learned so far, express frustrations, celebrate successes, etc. Hopefully he'll follow your example.

Not only is criticism subtle here, so is the praise. This might be difficult for your son if he's used to exagerated forms of praise. He might be praised by locals, but because it's subtle, he might not feel it. He'll get anxious and try harder; perhaps too hard. He'll need help recognizing and being happy with the subtle forms of praise here.

Also there's an ettiquette to accepting praise. When someone praises you, you need to minimize it (often with a little self depreciation). It's all part of maintaining a sense of equality. If you boast too much, you're labeled as having a "big head". If you point out other people's mistakes, it shows that you don't know how to help them "save face".

If his personality is too strong to change, then you'll just have to find ways to minimize it. Try to find him social environments where his personality isn't as much of a liability and perhaps even an asset. That might be difficult on Kauai. If your son is unhappy in Hawaii, at the least he'll learn what kind of environment he doesn't want to live in. Self discovery is a good thing, but every lesson has a price. Kids can grow up fine with just one good friend to help offset other negatives.

I could go on and on, but I should stop. Best of luck with whatever choices you and your family decide on.


Regards,
MJ


P.S. If your son is handsome and charming, he's gonna get a lot of attention from the local girls, which is gonna make the local boys jealous. You probably can't tell him to cut his hair, but your husband might want to remind him that long hair is a disadvantage in a fight. Perhaps he's charismatic enough to diffuse confrontations, or he looks intimidating enough to not be seen as an easy mark.

[kstephen]

Re: hello from kansas

thanks to all for your welcome.
i appreciate all of your replies, comments, suggestions.

this is such a wonderful place, full of info. and helpfullness.
i am so glad i found it and that you accepted me/us.

kerri and family

[akrauth]

Re: Hello from Kansas

Hola profesora! Como esta? Hace seis, siete, u ocho anos que estudio espanol. Lo aprendo en mi escuela. Tambien aprendo aleman. Mi abuela es alemana y mi padre lo habla tambien. Cuando estoy en mi casa me gusta mucho aprender hawaiiana. Me encantan las lenguas y culturas del mundo!

Lo siento, the accents don't want to show up.

Adios!

[akrauth]

Re: Hello from Kansas

Oh, and just to clarify, what you were confused about a while back is an example of Pigeon, I think.