Serious question on dating a single parent

[1stwahine]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Good morning everybody!

Have a nice day!

Auntie Lynn

[beaker]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Would you? Wouldn't you?

Why or why not?

Light "dating" might work, but unless your goal is to spend a LOT of time with their kids, a single parent isn't going to have enough free time to start a really serious relationship. It's hard enough to find the time when people don't have children. You'll probably be put on hold for several years, so it depends on your level of certainty about the person.

[GeckoGeek]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

All I'll say is that it is well that middle age virgins save themselves for each other as they would likely be unsatisfying for the more experienced of us.

Interesting comment. Of course a 40 year old virgin probably isn't interested in a relationship just for the sex, but are you saying that you're not interested in guiding someone unexperienced in details of intimacy who is otherwise a good match?

I would ask what do you find rewarding about abstinence?

Some benefits should be obvious. No worries about STD or unwanted pregnancy which can really mess up your life. "Safe sex" mitigates risks but doesn't eliminate it.

It also prevents sex from covering up a relationship that is flawed and won't last anyway. It screens out the "player" and those who are more interested in a sex partner then a real relationship.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Well...I DID have a story about an older French virgin that I once dated...but I think it would be best kept from here.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Light "dating" might work, but unless your goal is to spend a LOT of time with their kids, a single parent isn't going to have enough free time to start a really serious relationship. It's hard enough to find the time when people don't have children. You'll probably be put on hold for several years, so it depends on your level of certainty about the person.

What's 'light dating'?

[sinjin]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Interesting comment. Of course a 40 year old virgin probably isn't interested in a relationship just for the sex, but are you saying that you're not interested in guiding someone unexperienced in details of intimacy who is otherwise a good match?

My idea of a "good match" includes the details of intimacy.

It also prevents sex from covering up a relationship that is flawed and won't last anyway. It screens out the "player" and those who are more interested in a sex partner then a real relationship.

By not having sex you may be "covering up" a dealbreaker as well.

The idea that anyone will do as a sex partner if you love them is just as wrongheaded as anyone will do as a spouse if the sex is good.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

are you saying that you're not interested in guiding someone unexperienced in details of intimacy who is otherwise a good match?

I would not assume that I can answer that for sinjin, but I know that for many people, there comes a point in life where you would rather not have to be responsible for teaching someone the ways of intimacy and sexuality, and would prefer a partner who is already knowledgeable at a level comparable to your own. Yet there are others who may always prefer a teacher-to-student aspect to a relationship. What you desire can also change, adapt and evolve over time.

As long as no one is harmed, or forced into something they would not choose on their own...the possibilities of variation are endless. The circumstances described earlier by scrivener certainly deserve a respectful reaction, even from those who could not fathom making a similar choice.

[1stwahine]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

heheheh.

Dis discusion should be taken to a Blog. Let it all hang out!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Your all too kind.

I know wat you like say...but da rules and regulations prevents you from writing it.heheheh

Too funny.

Auntie Lynn

[zatoichi]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

At this point in my life, I have a mild preference for a woman with kids.

They act a bit more grounded and more mature.

I rather deal with someone who acts like an adult than someone who acts like a teenager (or worse).

[TuNnL]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

I wish I could stay out of this one. I really do. I’m sure whatever side of the fence (or section of the middle) you stand, a comment made by anyone in this thread that attempts to answer the question - is bound to piss someone off.

My question to you zatoichi, is how realistic is your point of view?

...I have a mild preference for a woman with kids. They act a bit more grounded and more mature. I rather deal with someone who acts like an adult than someone who acts like a teenager (or worse).

Excuse me? A woman with kids (plural) acts more grounded and mature since she’s an adult not someone who “acts like a teenager”?!

That’s a big jump. I would say that your statement could be true. It’s just not likely. It’s more likely if she was mature and grounded, she wouldn’t have had unprotected sex with a man/boy who didn’t promise to spend the rest of his life with her. Than did it again after having a kid.

I acknowledge there are other scenarios. Husband died, was convicted of a serious felony, or was abusive. Think DHS has any stats on this? I could be wrong. But I would be surprised if a woman seeking a relationship fits any one of these scenarios more frequently than the first one I outlined.

*TuNnL dons his armor, and raises his shield *

[TuNnL]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

post deleted

[sinjin]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

I wish I could stay out of this one. I really do. I’m sure whatever side of the fence (or section of the middle) you stand, a comment made by anyone in this thread that attempts to answer the question - is bound to piss someone off.

I was thinking the very same thing. I'm still waiting to pay for my initial post.

[GeckoGeek]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

My idea of a "good match" includes the details of intimacy.
By not having sex you may be "covering up" a dealbreaker as well.

Maybe. I guess I'm not experienced enough to know. What would it be that talking about expectations before hand wouldn't uncover and normal difference resolution skills be able to deal with afterward?

But I think that's all the tip of the iceberg. Any 40yo who is a virgin is a virgin for a reason. If they are dating someone "experienced", then there is bigger differences between them then the status of virgin.

My point was, all potential partners will have flaws of one kind or another. Is the lack of experience really a fatal flaw that can't be worked though if everything else is there?

[GeckoGeek]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

My question to you zatoichi, is how realistic is your point of view?Excuse me? A woman with kids (plural) acts more grounded and mature since she’s an adult not someone who “acts like a teenager”?!

I was going to say something, but then noticed you said "kids (plural)". So, never mind.

Had it been kid (singular) then I would have suggested that sometimes having a kid does cause the wild ones to settle down and learn responsibility.

[Karen]

Re: Serious question on dating a single parent

Sure I would, but I would expect to be on the back burner, and not let it hurt my feelings or ego. Also, if I dated a single father and saw that I was not on the back burner, but that he was putting me ahead of his child or children, I wouldn't respect this about him.

If parenthood is done properly, the kids will always come first, especially when young. I also would suggest that no man date me if he expected to be FIRST in my life. I have two fantastic daughters and I mean it when I tell them that I am and will be truly there for them.