Divorce Lawyer

[Adri]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Tim,

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

It's my understanding that all parents going through a divorce in Hawaii go through the Kids First program. I've heard that it's a good program that has age appropriate activities for the kids (from working with them to express their concerns and feelings about the divorce to allowing the older children to actually see the court room with an explanation about the divorce process) and, if the parents are open to it, to helping the parents avoid some of the pitfalls of divorces involving children. I haven't gone through the program myself but I hope that it helps you and your daughter. The program isn't going to make everything ok (I doubt there's anything that can do that when one affected family member doesn't want the divorce) but it does try to make it not as better or at least not as hard as it might be.

The Judiciary website has some self help info. Hope this is helpful:

http://www.courts.state.hi.us/page_s...C683E9A06.html

[Tiabla]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Studies show clearly that kids who come from divorce do much worse than kids who come from miserable families with TWO parents. Sounds weird, but there is a good book about it at Borders. Was a 25 year study or something, with thousands of subjects. So if there is kids involved, and you honestly love them better than you love yourself, the best thing to do is to suck it up till they are 18.

First, I am sorry to hear about your situation. My thoughts are with you and your daughter during this tough time.

Second, I am very familiar with the book of which you speak, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith Wallerstein. As you said, it is a 25 year study about what happens to the children of divorced parents. As a person whose parents are divorced, this is one of the most important books I have ever read.

The book isn’t perfect (there are issues with self-selection and a lack of diversity of the participants), but to anyone who comes from a divorced family and always wondered why you had certain reactions to situations, this book is for you. I've also seen this book help parents who were getting divorced, as they could better expect the behaviors that their children might exhibit, and I've seen this book help people who came from intact families who are mystified by the behavior of their partners who came from divorced families. It's one of the most important 5 books I've ever read - if the subject interests any of you, I highly recommend it.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Divorce sucks. I can only hope our children make better choices.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Michael J. Y. Wong - recommended by my Alpha Female, who worked with him several years ago (as an employee, not as a client.)

[Miulang]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Sorry for your current heartache, Tim. Sucks big time when you can't be around the main reason why you looked forward to waking up in the morning. I pray that you don't beat yourself up too much over this: it takes 2 people to make or break a relationship. For the sake of your daughter, though, I hope you and your soon-to-be-ex can figure out a way to focus on your daughter's needs as she moves through this period with you.

Just because you read a book and studies about the difficulties children of divorced parents face as they grow up, please remember that there are also cases where this has NOT happened. That's when the parents decide not to put the children in the middle of their differences and only work towards keeping those kids foremost in their minds.

P.S. There no reason why you and the ex still can't go get some communication counseling even if you're not going to be together anymore. And I don't agree that if you're miserable you should "stick it out for the sake of the kids". Kids are very perceptive about tension in the family, and always having to walk on eggshells because you don't want to upset Mom and Dad can be destructive, too.

Miulang

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Brah, maybe I should juss shut up. I know we've locked horns many times. You enjoy trying to get under my skin and succeed. I enjoy the reverse.

But two warriors can put down their spears when it comes to children.

Kam, TK & I have also clashed regularly here (as have you and I) - but he and I have had very brief off-board discussions about his situation.

I have to shake hands with you here. Politics and other beliefs put aside, we are all in agreement that the needs of the child outweigh points of argument between parents.

Re: Divorce Lawyer

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Brah, maybe I should juss shut up. I know we've locked horns many times. You enjoy trying to get under my skin and succeed. I enjoy the reverse.

But two warriors can put down their spears when it comes to children.

Hope you can do what's best for your daughter. And in my opinion, Fathers are far more important than mothers when it comes to the normal development of a daughter.

Best to you and your daughter my friend.

Maybe a thread on marriage and kids and increased divorce and blended families and changing roles of men and women would be in order.

Aloha Timkona

(Now grab your spear and I grab mines. )

[Da Rolling Eye]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Hoping the best for you, Tim. I'm on the brink myself and doing whatever it takes to keep it going for my daughter's sake.

Sorry, Oahugirl, don't know any attorneys. My attorney from my first divorce retired. Was a family friend and did it for a good cabernet and a dozen roses for his assistant. Sure as heck hoping I won't need one in the near future.

[Vanguard]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

I think the bar should definitely be raised. It is all too easy for one mentally unbalanced spouse to get a hold of a lawyer who will tie everyone up in litigation for years, tying up and jeopardizing assets and traumatizing children (not saying everyone who wants a divorce is this way). It appears to be a huge industry among lawyers, and the judges seem all too happy to facilitate and enable it (hey, they're lawyers too!). In addition, having to show up for countless court dates, costing someone their job, and then ending up being thrown in contempt due to non-payment of maintainance due to loss of job, starts a very vicious cycle.

At least this is what I perceive it to be on the mainland. I never had the displeasure of seeing such sad affairs as divorce transpire in Hawaii, but I assume it's more or less the same.

I agree with the other comments -- the bar for marriage should be raised as well, but I think this is happening naturally with the decline of marriage in the western world. People simply don't want the hassle and traumatic calamity that divorce entails.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

Or make it tougher to get married (or have kids) in the first place?

Seriously - Tim, you know a lot of us are thinking about your situation, and hoping for the best that you can work out - especially for your daughter's sake.

[tutusue]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Big hugs, Tim. It hurts to read that.

What PM said, Tim.

TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

Interesting observation. Personally, I'd rather see marriage made more difficult. O'course...one industry in Vegas would totally shut down! Regardless, whether marriage requirements increase or divorce becomes illegal, neither will stop the heartache children feel when caught in the midst of parents at odds with each other.

[Punaluu_kid]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

TimKona - I agree. I'd like to see divorce become illegal in the US except in extreme circumstances.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Big hugs, Tim. It hurts to read that.

[timkona]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

I'm going through it right now. It sucks pretty hard. I miss my daughter, and I am heartbroken.

Studies show clearly that kids who come from divorce do much worse than kids who come from miserable families with TWO parents. Sounds weird, but there is a good book about it at Borders. Was a 25 year study or something, with thousands of subjects. So if there is kids involved, and you honestly love them better than you love yourself, the best thing to do is to suck it up till they are 18.

I hired the biggest gun in Kona....Robert Kim.

Truth is I wish my wife and I could go to counseling, or hypnotherapy, or whatevahs, so that my lovely daughter has a better chance at life. Did I mention how much I miss her?

[Punaluu_kid]

Re: Divorce Lawyer

Anyone know of one? One that doesn't drag their ass that is? Thanks in advance!

Sigh. Bettah go to Tom Farrell, he's my bro' in law but he's super-aggressive, he hates dragging his feet. He just opened his own office, good luck with da guy.