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  • Christmas gift question

    How important is it to you that gifts exchanged between two parties are of similar value?

    If Family A gives Family B a $200 gift, is it ok for Family B to give Family A a $20 gift? If you were Family B, would you feel obligated to spend closer to $200, even if the $20 gift is something they'd enjoy?

    What if Family A had a lot more money? Should the financial situation of each giver matter? Why or why not?

    Is it inappropriate for Family A to spend so much money on Family B, knowing they can't comfortably afford to reciprocate a gift of similar value? What if the expensive gift was something Family B could really use but can't comfortably afford?

    If you were Family B, would you be upset, feeling like Family A was obligating you to spend more money than you can really afford? Would you interpret this as Family A trying to show off?

  • #2
    Re: Christmas gift question

    How would one know in advance the value of a gift without divulging to the receiver what that gift will be?

    AFAIC, the value of a gift is of no concern to me. As trite as this might sound..."It's the thought that counts."

    Two years ago I contacted friends and family and said, "No more gifts, ya hear?!". However, this did not apply to the keiki (I have 3 grandsons and 1 nephew, ages 5-11). What unexpectedly happened was the giving and receiving of pure gifts from the heart, not related to Christmas, birthdays or any other special day. My daughter saw something she thought I'd like...and gave it to me. I've done the same thing with her and others. I see something that reminds me of someone and I gift it completely unrelated to anything! It doesn't happen all that often but it's put a new, stress-free spin on gifting.

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    • #3
      Re: Christmas gift question

      i don't have a problem with it.....i don't exchange gifts during christmas......

      i tell them to buy their own - wrap it put my name on it - coming from me......vice versa........alot easier that way

      mahalo
      stay forever young

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      • #4
        Re: Christmas gift question

        I know what Tutusue means, and how one can be caught up in that sort of thing. But when you think about it, the whole gift giving thing has gotten way out of hand. To address her question, though, I wouldn't feel too guilty, especially when the parties are aware of each other's general financial situation. My sister has been giving my family more expensive stuff for years, but she's very much aware that she makes twice as much as I do. There's a natural tendency to feel some guilt, but from the other's perspective, they just want to bless you in their abundance. $10 might have the same meaning to someone else that $5 has to you, depending on their income.

        The older I've got, the more wise I've become concerning Xmas gifts. It's not so much the dollar value, but it's the usefulness that counts. I've been able to find great gifts for $20 or less. Something that people need or will use on a regular basis are the best gifts. The easiest is to find a few things that everyone would appreciate, and buy them for your entire list, if possible. Will spare you a ton of headache, and the recipients will appreciate them all the same. I used to wrack my brains and my feet at Ala Moana Center to find the "perfect" gift for everyone. Those days are over! When I went cheap, but useful, I'd even received compliments thru-out the year how useful my gift has been, and how "they" are still using them.

        Can you imagine someone liking a $20 useful gift more than a $100 one they'll hardly use? What a waste of mullah when you think about it! Get more bang for your buck by going useful.

        Shopping for guys is easy. Get us tools from Sears an we're happy. At least us real men anyway...

        Just an example, the best gift I received under $12 or $15 was a small swiss pocket knife for my key chain. It had, of course, a sharp knife, a scissors, bottle opener and tooth pick. I used it daily for several years and loved it. When I lost the toothpick thing, I almost cried.

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        • #5
          Re: Christmas gift question

          When I was a kid my parents exchanged Christmas gifts with all of their friends and kids of those friends! Now that I think about it, the group always set a maximum, per person, expenditure. Don't know what it was but the practice could still be applied.

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          • #6
            Re: Christmas gift question

            What TuTu said! Mega-dittos.
            Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

            People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

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            • #7
              Re: Christmas gift question

              Originally posted by Bobinator View Post
              the best gift I received under $12 or $15 was a small swiss pocket knife for my key chain. It had, of course, a sharp knife, a scissors, bottle opener and tooth pick. I used it daily for several years and loved it. When I lost the toothpick thing, I almost cried.
              I have one of those on my keychain too. I get a new one as a gift every three or four years. I use mine constantly. Last year my SIL gifted me one for no special occassion, other than to say we are best buddies and he was thinking of me. NOW THAT WAS SPECIAL!

              If you go to a cutlery store, you can purchase replacement toothpicks for them there.
              Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

              People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

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              • #8
                Re: Christmas gift question

                The best way around holiday gift giving and receiving is to become a Jehova's Witness right after Thanksgiving on Black Friday...then revert back to your religious or secular practice on January 1st. That way you have an excuse to save a ton of money on gifts. Otherwise always keep a stash of Hawaiian Host Macadamia Nuts in those gift boxes for those last minute gifts
                Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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                • #9
                  Re: Christmas gift question

                  Originally posted by tutusue View Post
                  How would one know in advance the value of a gift without divulging to the receiver what that gift will be?

                  AFAIC, the value of a gift is of no concern to me. As trite as this might sound..."It's the thought that counts."
                  Originally posted by Bobinator View Post
                  I know what Tutusue means, and how one can be caught up in that sort of thing. But when you think about it, the whole gift giving thing has gotten way out of hand. To address her question, though, I wouldn't feel too guilty, especially when the parties are aware of each other's general financial situation.

                  Ok, so let's say you bought your close friend a $20 gift, but you haven't given it to him/her yet. You and your friend both make about the same amount of money and have about the same expenses. Later, you find out this friend bought you a $250 gift. Would you still give your friend the $20 gift, or would you try to find him/her something more expensive? (Assume your friend would enjoy either gift equally.)

                  Now suppose this friend made a lot more money than you? Would that make a difference?
                  Last edited by zff; November 21, 2008, 01:08 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Christmas gift question

                    I've been doing things like painting portraits of the pets of the family or
                    making wine cork wreaths for friends/relatives. We never see family for
                    the holidays so I don't know what the level of gift would be. We only have
                    2 nieces who are 5 and 3 so they're pretty easy to get something for. My
                    SIL's are pretty lax about gifts for anything at all. One is "busy" as appeasement from my MIL, the other SIL is quite thoughtful whether
                    it is 'expensive' or not. I don't really look at or think about price in gifts.
                    I am so appreciative of something thoughtful and personal. Often I'll give
                    money to favorite charities in the name of relatives since they don't need
                    anything really then they get a nice card from the organization.

                    This year I bought a bunch of CD's from my musician friends as gifts
                    which is something personal and fun in my opinion.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Christmas gift question

                      Maybe one way to view it is to respond with the same level of sacrifice. Every gift "costs" the giver something of time, energy or money.

                      Did they scrape and scrounge all year to purchase the $200 gift? If so than in certainly may be "worth" more of your effort than if it only represents an hour of their time.

                      What I'm trying to say, is instead of matching dollar values, match sacrifice level. I suspect it may be likely that a $200 gift from a well-off family may indeed be matched by a $20 gift from a family struggling in lean times.

                      One way to "measure" sacrifice is to compare labor-hours. For some lawyers, doctors, psychologists and even mechanics and plumbers, $200 maybe be equal to 2-3 hours of their work-time. For someone earning minimum wage, $20 may also equal 2 hours of work-time.

                      A sense of obligation arises when one party works significantly harder than another in a relationship that is supposed to be balanced. Similarly, I would expect no such sense of obligation if a boss offered a significantly better gift to their workers than they received from their workers. Imagine the awkwardness if you gave your boss a gift of great value, and they gave you a few company-branded pencils!

                      If, when you view it that way, you still feel your $20 gift may be an insufficient expression, then consider making up the deficit with time or energy, instead of money. A finely handcrafted gift, or a gift that took a significant amount of time to gather and assemble may help them understand that your feelings toward them are equally warm as their's toward you.

                      Hope that helps! Good luck and God bless.
                      Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine!

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                      • #12
                        Re: Christmas gift question

                        This topic makes me wonder: is our society losing touch with the spirit of Christmas? I don't know how others feel, but worrying and being overly concerned about the monetary value of gifts that I give,.... all that takes away some of the joy from the holidays.

                        When Sue reminds us, "It's the thought that counts," I absolutely don't think that sentiment is trite at all. If any of you are parents, aren't some of your most treasured gifts the ones that you receive from your kids? Those that are made by their hands? It holds no monetary value whatsoever, yet its infinitely more meaningful than say, a Christmas bonus from your company.

                        My answer to the question posed: Regardless of your financial situation, don't be concerned about matching the monetary value of gifts that you exchange with someone. Instead, think of the other person and give something that you think would be special or meaningful to that person, based on what you know of their personality and interests. Believe it or not, recipients are generally more impressed with gifts that show special thought and care was given to its selection, rather than some type of gift (like gift certificates) that are less personal and could have been purchased in bulk.
                        This post may contain an opinion that may conflict with your opinion. Do not take it personal. Polite discussion of difference of opinion is welcome.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Christmas gift question

                          Originally posted by Frankie's Market View Post
                          This topic makes me wonder: is our society losing touch with the spirit of Christmas?
                          I agree, the thought of worrying about matching dollar-for-dollar seems to base "value" on money over the actual meaning of Christmas.

                          Just what is Christmas, anyway, a score card for gifting?
                          Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Christmas gift question

                            Originally posted by Amati View Post
                            Just what is Christmas, anyway, a score card for gifting?
                            What Amati said. Mega-dittos!
                            Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

                            People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Christmas gift question

                              I went to Walmart today...
                              bought many $20 gift cards and Xmas cards for them.
                              I'm done! Phew, that was hard. HaHa!

                              I spend as much time weekly with friends and loved ones thoughout the year.
                              Being as good a friend or loved one as I can. By being helpful, etc.
                              That is much more important than presents. IMO
                              Life is either an adventure... or you're not doing it right!!!

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