No one in my family can now be trusted

[adrian]

My Mom's bothering me because the internet wasn't working this afternoon. I fixed it and she doesn't belive me. Now she's threatening me to cancel the connection and everything else.

It all started when we lost our $300 digital camera. I gave it to her for her to take to the beach this weekend, and that's the last time I seen it. Since I always have the camera, I've been held responsible for it, but it was her that had it last. I was the one who wanted to use it to take pics of my phone, but she thought that I misplaced and now she's on a rage to literally turn the house upside-down to find it. And now, she doesn't believe that I fixed the network to get back online (it was something with the router).

When will she learn that she has to think and see if her computer can connect. If I can, then I'd pack up my things and just get out of this house. I haven't gotten anything from the job I did for the past few months, and school just started, so I don't have time to screw around looking for anything that someone else lost.

[Miulang]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Unfortunately, Adrian, as long as you live in your Mom's house, she will always be right (and it doesn't matter if she isn't right...she's still gonna be right). So either suck it in and live with it, or figure out a way to move out and find a way to support yourself. You're 21 now and she really has no legal responsibility for you anymore.

Miulang

[adrian]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Unfortunately, Adrian, as long as you live in your Mom's house, she will always be right (and it doesn't matter if she isn't right...she's still gonna be right). So either suck it in and live with it, or figure out a way to move out and find a way to support yourself. You're 21 now and she really has no legal responsibility for you anymore.

Miulang

I'm 19. But as an adult, I deserve better and don't want to be pointed at if I didn't do it.

[Miulang]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

I'm 19. But as an adult, I deserve better and don't want to be pointed at if I didn't do it.

No sense arguing with your Mom. If you push her over the edge, you might find yourself on the street anyway. And you're not legally an adult until you're 21.

Miulang

[Serenity]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

WOW!. Adri....
I hope she comes down!. Getting P.O.ed @ U is not good!.
It just a camera, even if it is worth $300.00. Being mad & blaming at a loved one,is not worh the effort of fighting over it. She needs to trust you & understand that you did fix her comp. for her!. She is just soo angry right now that all she sees is: RED Like this one: .
I hope she calms down enough to apologize to you. She is definately in the wrong. You did give back her camera, & now the responsibilty is back on her & not on you!. All I can say to that is: If worse does comes to worse & she doesn't calm down & does not continue to change her attitude(s) towards you, then maybe moving out is the next best thing. I just hope that you really don't have to to do it, unless it is necessary for you to do so.
I hope your mom apologizes to you soon. She really does need you, but when she gets so angry I think she doesn't seem to think straight, & all she wants to do is get angry, & that's all. Perhaps the best move right now when she does get angry, is just get out of the house until she calms down. That way, you are not forced into any confrontation. Just tell her that you are going out until she decides to calm down, then when she is calm, you can decided then, to come back or not to discuss the issue at hand. Hope that helps.
Aloha.

[1stwahine]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

If you decide to go out, you'll get a taste of the real word. It's no comfort zone. This Sunday, is MOTHER'S DAY, appreciate her and thank GOD you still have a mother. A homemade card, flowers or breakfast in bed made by you will turn her anger off. I guarantee it.

Note to Miulang and Serenity, I got the message between your advices to him. T hanks, too.

[pzarquon]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Being blamed for misplacing something you didn't has got to suck, and I hope you can have a constructive conversation about that when things cool down. But as far as frustration and anger, I'll have to agree that a bit of perspective might be needed here. "As long as you're living under this roof..." is a cliched speech, but it's rooted in truth. And if, presumably, she's paying for the internet connection, for example, she can do as she pleases. The key is to help her see that cutting it off isn't constructive, or needlessly punative.

Unless, I suppose, she not trying to punish, but rather just wants to recoup some money to pay for a new camera!

If you want to move out, move out. It sure as hell was a wake up call for me. I didn't even do it out of frustration, my mom was all for it, but the reality of life still smacked me around a bit. Imagine how hard that transition might be without the support and understanding of your mom?

This weekend is Mother's Day, and it's a time to take a deep breath, take a step back, and see all the opportunities and lessons your mother's provided. Even when you battle, you as a young adult grow, and as much as you may resent her at times, she probably had the biggest part of making you who you are. If it is pride and independence that is driving you to want to break away, just remember that your strong sense of self probably had its roots way back in the days when your mother was your whole world.

[poi cocktail :)]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

re: moms - I stay here alone but will go see grandma, at the temple. last time I saw her was when I ran away from the house and I never got a chance to say goodbye from there, so my only solace is in my thoughts now. there's only a short time left with my mom too now so trying not to waste it. living at home can be difficult but keep things in perspective. some day you'll be head of the household and maybe w/your own family too. might even want mom to move in!

[Palolo Joe]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

And you're not legally an adult until you're 21.

Huh? You can vote and serve in the military when you're 18. I'd say that makes you an adult.

[pzarquon]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Not to mention be tried as an adult, and put to death as an adult. All 21 gets you is a beer. Age ain't nothin' but a number, sure, but as far as arbitrary cutoffs go, 18 is the one we're stuck with.

At 19, Adri is an adult. But as he remains part of his mother's household, he still has some obligations (and benefits) as a son, if not a kid.

[cezanne]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Hey if you think you can handle it on your own on the outside then more power to you. If I was your mom and you told me that, along with bringing up all the other stuff, I'd be telling you not to let the door hit you on the way out. For real.

I agree, just suck it up dude.

[jdub]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

i might suggest that a quick perousal of the classifieds for rentals might provide some insight into why you're lucky to be living at home with yer ma...i moved away from home in my early twenties, and missed my family so much that i gave up being touring musician on the mainland to come back home...not that i'd consider moving back in with the folks again

[scrivener]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

...i moved away from home in my early twenties, and missed my family so much that i gave up being touring musician on the mainland to come back home...not that i'd consider moving back in with the folks again

I, too, moved out at twenty or twenty-one and haven't looked back. In fact, moving out was the best thing for my relationship with my family. I love it to death, but I get along better with it when I'm not living in the same space.

If it is pride and independence that is driving you to want to break away, just remember that your strong sense of self probably had its roots way back in the days when your mother was your whole world.

Wow. That was very well-put.

Adrian, I have friends who spent the first few of their career years living at home. They all own their own condos and houses now, while I, who have been paying rent all these years, am no closer to owning a home than I ever was before.

Do I regret it? Sometimes. It would be nice to have a place to call mine. And it sucks to live totally on the edge, making just enough to afford one crisis at a time. It seems that as soon as I pay off one catastrophe (say, an auto repair), a new one comes along (dental surgery). Plus, I'm still paying back my college loans. On the other hand, the independence I've enjoyed is something I don't think I would trade for anything. My first response to your original post was "suck it up," like the others here, but now I say, hey, if you think you're ready to give it a go, God bless you and give it all you got.

[alohabear]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

If u no need your mommy fo' live be one man and move out.

[Serenity]

Re: I'm this close to moving out

Hey, have been thinking about ya.
Hope everything turned out ok with you & your mom.

Just remember, she is just a woman (after all),
& certain times, all us women go through
the same things in our systems.

Seriously, hope everything turned out ok.
Aloha.