Ladies...do you feel invisible?

[1stwahine]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

heheheh....

I've been busy to post on dis.

Invisible? hahahaha

Me?
http://www.auntiepupule.com/blog/index.php?id=974

Auntie Lynn

[anapuni808]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Sometimes at a meeting, I'll get the feeling that I'm invisible to others there. Whether it's getting passed over to make a comment or just being ignored - it's a feeling I don't care for. But, it's also a good way to observe quietly & learn. So, to me - being "invisible" has both good & bad points to it.

Last year, while attending a committee meeting at the Democratic Convention, the moderator (a very well known state employee) kept ignoring me, even though I was sitting in the front row & wearing a bright color. I had to remind her several times to widen her area of vision. Every one had a good laugh, but it became offensive and I called her on it. Not a good way to make points with a politician but what the heck..............

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we, as "women of a certain age", don't have to allow others to not see us, to make us invisible.

When I turned 50, I felt it was the most liberating birthday of my life because I suddenly realized "hey, I'm 50 - I don't have to take all the crap anymore!!!!". The women I know have only become more interesting as we have aged and gained life experiences such as raising families or having careers, or getting more education. As D'Alani said - after the fireworks go off, you have to be able to talk to the other person.

and thank you D'Alani - you gave a wonderful compliment to all the women on here who are aging gracefully & beautifully.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

on behalf of that forgetful lede, please accept my apologies. I *always* fumble in this same manner. I may have met So&So a few times, but it doesn't stick, and it has nothing to do with the person, but how on-guard I am at the time. That lockdown on my behavior triggers the same part of the brain that would allow me to enjoy the social details. Truly, it is of no offense that I do that, but everything to do with being in that element (and single-track mental space) of the moment.

[tutusue]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

[...]I want to know if others note it. I want to know what they're answers are for it. How many people fade away, but don't really want to? How many people fade away, but have a peace about it? I agree there are times when being invisible might be an advantage--such as stepping out of a situation without becoming a target.[...]

I don't note it as something ongoing; rather, situational. A couple of situations come to mind...

Over many years I've crossed paths with a certain woman. Not often, but often enough that I remember her name and face. We are always reintroduced by mutual friends who don't realize we've met before. Not once has the woman acknowledged meeting me previously. Each time is the first time! I just smile when she extends her hand and tells me how nice it is to meet me. But now I add..."Yes, we've met many times before."!

A number of years and resident managers ago, the RM at my condo just up and rented out my parking stall. No phone call. No inquiry. No nuthin'! Just like now, I spent a lot of time in town. I arrive home one day and there's a car in MY stall. I call the office and they tell me to park in a guest stall. Huh? I do and head straight for the office. According to the RM, who had seen me on many occasions, he wasn't aware that anyone lived in my unit! "'Scuse me.", I said. "What am I? Chopped liver?". I also wanted to know why, as the owner, I wasn't contacted for permission. The reason? He was pocketing the money. No, he didn't come right out and admit it!

Same resident manager, different situation. Our building's walkways were being painted, including the short, common halls that lead to the front doors of every 2 units. Apparently notices were slid under the doorway of each occupied unit. I didn't receive one and opened my front door one day to head into town only to find the painters had painted me in! They said they were told my unit was empty.

Other than those instances, I value my invisibility altho' I'd not even thought of such a thing until your column, LG. It's a welcome change from my job!

[D'Alani]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Im sure a lot of men as we age feel this "invisibility" thing that you speak of. Like most anything else as long as you can accept it and are comfortable with who you are it really isn't a problem. I think it's a good thing because especially now when you get together with classmates or others that you have known for a while, looks and such is not a big thing. You find so much more common ground talking about your kids, grandkids, job, retirement, almost anything. Although we all like to look good, "ain't no big ting" as Kui Lee said.
So Lavagal enjoy your being invisible and soak in the scenery while no one is looking at you.

[lavagal]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

One of the things about "becoming invisible," is the worry that it's also an indication that I've gotten past the point where I could make a significant mark on the world. Granted, I learned upon becoming a mother, I've more than taken care of that with two beautiful children. If I raise them well they'll do this world some good. But I don't like the idea of me being insignificant.

I tried to bring up an issue I think women face, or young woman might anticipate, to bring awareness to it, rather than let some nagging questions haunt me. I want to know if others note it. I want to know what they're answers are for it. How many people fade away, but don't really want to? How many people fade away, but have a peace about it? I agree there are times when being invisible might be an advantage--such as stepping out of a situation without becoming a target.

I certainly appreciate hearing from men who get it.

Edit: I'm just opening a discussion, not trolling for trysts. I'm happily married.

[tutusue]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Perhaps I am the one to blame.[...]

I will also assume some of the blame.[...]

Neither one of you should assume any blame. Your comments were tactful and humorous, not thoughtless, assuming and arrogant.

I'll be sixty this year and I just adore all you "invisible" women because only those of us who appreciate beauty can see you.

Jeez...talk about a tactful, thoughtful comment!

Now, back on topic...I'd always heard that women were in their sexual prime in their 30s! Oh wait...that's not on topic either! <shrug>

[D'Alani]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

I'll be sixty this year and I just adore all you "invisible" women because only those of us who appreciate beauty can see you. I mean what can of guy would want a skinny woman with no life experiences...after your ##minutes of making love what do you talk about?
One thing for sure is Timkona definitely do not speak for others.

[oceanpacific]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Perhaps I am the one to blame. I was the first to throw out the "sexual prime" comment (in a kidding way) so I apologize but I honestly do often find women in their 40's to be appealing (I don't mean in a purely physical way either) and not at all invisible.

I will also assume some of the blame. I was only trying to make fun of myself as a "late-comer" in the facts of life (already on a downhill slide when I started).

[Keanu]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Perhaps I am the one to blame. I was the first to throw out the "sexual prime" comment (in a kidding way) so I apologize but I honestly do often find women in their 40's to be appealing (I don't mean in a purely physical way either) and not at all invisible.

[tutusue]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Well Tutu, just saying what others were thinking. Kill the messenger !!!

Reread my message below. I've emphasized something:

"You" as in Lavagal or "you" as in women over 40? Regardless, that was a rotten comment, Tim. I, like anapuni808, tend to stay away from replying to anything you write but this one was just downright misogynistic (at most) and stupid (at least).

Ok...now let's try this again...in plainer English...
I killed the message.
I referred to your comment as rotten. It was and still is.
See the words "write" and "this one" in the emphasized part of the quote above? I thought so.
Do you see me calling you, Tim the messenger, rotten, misogynistic or stupid...such as "you are a rotten, misoynistic and stupid person"? I didn't think so.
You're welcome.

Um, that's not what I was thinking! Who are the "others?"

Do ya think he meant the other...guys?!!!

[Adri]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

lavagal: I enjoyed reading your article. When I first started in the working world, I had some trouble getting some people (mostly older business guys not not entirely) to take me seriously and an older gentleman with whom I worked would tell me that it would get better when I got some gray hair. I do find I am less ignored workwise now that I've been doing this for a while. Of course, some of it is a function of becoming better known in the area in which I work but I do believe a little of it is no longer looking like a young woman. But in non-work situations, I do find that I sometimes feel invisible.

[AbsolutChaos]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Well Tutu, just saying what others were thinking. Kill the messenger !!!

Um, that's not what I was thinking! Who are the "others?"

[lavagal]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Well Tutu, just saying what others were thinking. Kill the messenger !!!

So people are thinking my writing this column indicates I need to get laid? I'm certainly not invisible to my husband, and I am not trolling for teenagers. Still, it's enlightening to get this kind of feedback from the "messenger."

[timkona]

Re: Ladies...do you feel invisible?

Well Tutu, just saying what others were thinking. Kill the messenger !!!