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Shunning of my preschool darling

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  • Shunning of my preschool darling

    Lately, I noticed my son made comments that his friends told him that they didn't want to be his friend anymore. He seems happy even when I ask him if he likes school, he says that he loves it, but I can't help but be bothered by this. He's only 3 years old. How is this even possible?

    He also wears hearing devices, but can hear and speak perfectly - no differently from any other hearing person (no exaggeration) - so, I wonder if the children are ostracizing him due to his hearing devices. I wonder what I can do to prevent situations that can affect his self-esteem - don't want him to feel constantly rejected. If anyone has any insight, I would appreciate the advice

  • #2
    Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

    Gosh, it is so young to experience that.
    We all go through it in some way at sometime. Mine was being an F'n Haole.(?)

    I think the best thing to do is try to explain that some people just don't get along with others, especially when something's different.
    You know all the things that aren't politically correct anymore, but still exist. (Sex, race, religion, etc.)
    Life is either an adventure... or you're not doing it right!!!

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    • #3
      Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

      I dunno...I think I'd play it safe and get professional input from a child psychologist. S/he can give you tools with which to handle various situations your son might encounter. Your son sounds like a confident little guy but, still, kids can be mean and, with hearing devices, possibly your son might need a little help with confidence in the future.

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      • #4
        Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

        Being a parent is so hard, harder than most non-parents can imagine.

        Anyway, see if you can figure out if the kids are just "saying" they don't want to be his friend (which can just be typical naughty kids taunting another child with "nah nah I won't play with you"), or, are the other children actually avoiding your child (which is an actual problem).

        If it turns out to be the other kids are really not being friends, well personally, I think 3 is too young for kids to be caring about differences such as hearing aids, etc, so it might be more of a social interaction problem. Perhaps something as simple as your child does not yet know how to share well, or something easy to overcome as he matures a bit.

        Kids at 3 are still pretty darn nice to each other, most of the time. I'm betting it is just a child or two who has learned this taunt from an older sibling, and is now using it on your son. Ask the teacher about it, and to watch the children's interaction, and help you figure it out.
        Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

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        • #5
          Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

          Maybe this a good time to go do a parent observation at his pre-school. Talk to his teacher and schedule a time for a visit.
          Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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          • #6
            Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

            Originally posted by tutusue View Post
            I dunno...I think I'd play it safe and get professional input from a child psychologist. S/he can give you tools with which to handle various situations your son might encounter. Your son sounds like a confident little guy but, still, kids can be mean and, with hearing devices, possibly your son might need a little help with confidence in the future.
            Naw, I'd play it safe and get professional input from a trial attorney. You could be in for a big payday by suing the school, the principal, the teacher and the offending parents -LOL. I just can't envision any value from professional input in this situation, except for the pocketbook of the professional. Nor do I see how professional input is in any way 'playing it safe' here. If the child is undistressed, where's the problem? Answer: in the parent's mind. Problem solved, NEXT!
            Last edited by salmoned; March 4, 2010, 12:14 PM.
            May I always be found beneath your contempt.

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            • #7
              Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

              Originally posted by salmoned View Post
              Naw, I'd play it safe and get professional input from a trial attorney. You could be in for a big payday by suing the school, the principal, the teacher and the offending parents -LOL. I just can't envision any value from professional input in this situation, except for the pocketbook of the professional. Nor do I see how professional input is in any way 'playing it safe' here. If the child is undistressed, where's the problem? Answer: in the parent's mind. Problem solved, NEXT!
              before you start the blame game, remember in a lawsuit, loser pays for everything.

              so before blaming everybody but your own child, go do a parental observation and determine for yourself what is happening in the classroom and on the playground.
              Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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              • #8
                Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

                Is he an only child?

                Kids do that, especially if they have siblings. Even at 3, they will copy or mimic their older brothers and sisters. Our daughter has always had interactions with "fair weather" friends, most having older siblings. She's an only child, 10 yrs. old and has many acquaintances, but no close friends. She also has a hard time reacting to these kids because they tend to be mean to her most of the time, which she isn't exposed to at home.

                As a parent it's heartbreaking to see/hear/watch how other kids shun your's. For Mel's 10th birthday, she wanted to take some "friends" to the Ice Palace, but none of her "close" friends accepted her invitation, even though she's gone to their birthday parties. How shitty is that? From now on, we're going to buy crappy birthday presents. LOL

                Keep in mind that most single children don't act like kids with siblings. They are not exposed to the harsh name calling and fighting that most siblings go through. (I'm the oldest of 4 boys) Our daughter acts way more mature than her classmates and also tends to enjoy interests that don't involve other kids. From her past experiences, she hates team sports like soccer so we signed her up for a swimming team. She loves the swimming, but only tolerates her "teammates". She also enjoys reading, puter/video games, anime, archery, skating, bowling, kiteflying and tennis. None being a real team effort based sport/activity.

                There's no one to sue or to blame. Best thing to do is to love him with all you got. Oh yeah, always stay in close contact with his teacher and counselor once in primary school. My wife happens to work at our daughter's school so she has ready access to help. You can too by just staying involved.

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                • #9
                  Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

                  Try not to let your child know how you're feeling. If your child likes his school and is happy there, then he is fine. If he becomes withdrawn or tells you he doesn't want to go to school anymore, then I would take my concerns to his teacher. They will pay a little more attention to what is going on around him.

                  Here's my little story:

                  I went through the same thing with my son, except I was fortunate (or maybe unfortunate) to see the whole thing. I sent him into his classroom and the group of kids that were already seated stood up and moved to another area of the classroom. My son watched them leave then stood up and followed them. One kid shouted.. don't follow us. My son went back to his seat and sat down.

                  YES, I wanted to punch somebody. YES, I wanted to pull him out of school. Gawd just thinking about it makes me upset all over again.. and this son is now 21 years old! I never let him know about it, but I did share it with my husband (I'll save that for another time.. lol)

                  When I picked him up, he was excited to tell me how his day went. He loved it! How could I ruin that by telling him what I saw? All I could think of was finding a way to protect him... and decided to make him aware that there will be people out there who don't like him.. for whatever reason, and that its OK. Today, he remembers me telling him "for every person that likes you, one thousand won't." LOL

                  His self-esteem has not suffered and he takes rejection amazingly well!

                  Coup de grace: My son is well connected in the local community in Vegas and in a band that is doing very well. The irony is these same kids are calling him all the time so that he can tell their friends that he knows them. Sometimes they will ask him to sing for them or their friends. And he is happy to do it for them because all he remembers about them are that they were his "friends."

                  Good luck on you, Rosie.. I want to tell you that things will be OK, but that would be irresponsible. Instead, I will hope for the best.
                  A proud sponsor of
                  http://www.haleamano.com

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                  • #10
                    Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

                    Originally posted by craigwatanabe View Post
                    before you start the blame game, remember in a lawsuit, loser pays for everything.
                    Ed was being sarcastic about suing. Just in case ya' didn't notice.

                    Originally posted by craigwatanabe View Post
                    so before blaming everybody but your own child, go do a parental observation and determine for yourself what is happening in the classroom and on the playground.
                    A sensible suggestion.

                    Originally posted by Amati View Post
                    If it turns out to be the other kids are really not being friends, well personally, I think 3 is too young for kids to be caring about differences such as hearing aids, etc, so it might be more of a social interaction problem.
                    Good advice! One thing that's very important here is for a parent not to make their own child become self-conscious about a disability they have. A lot of times, kids that age don't even realize about something that makes them different from their peers. Or even if they do notice the difference, they don't think of themselves as being handicapped..... until an adult tells them they are.

                    Better to find out for sure how your child interacts with others rather than jump to conclusions that his hearing device is the culprit when that may not be the case.
                    This post may contain an opinion that may conflict with your opinion. Do not take it personal. Polite discussion of difference of opinion is welcome.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

                      Thank you everyone for the wonderful advice - I'm obviously not going to sue anyone - that is absurd. However, I do think some of you are right about just appreciating what he appreciates. He seems very happy and tells me that he can't wait to go to school. We are realizing that perhaps he's like mom and dad and just likes to be by himself sometimes I guess he's pretty okay afterall. thank you everyone!!!

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                      • #12
                        Re: Shunning of my preschool darling

                        Could be the other kids are jealous of his hearing aids, if that is indeed the focus.

                        He's got something they don't and he's not sharing so the other kids are in group pout mode. He's not bugged about the 'shunning' and a bit happy 'cause he's a little bit more special in the eyes of all the other kids.

                        Kids that age in school are really pressed into and trying to wrap their brains around the whole concept of sharing...then boom... here comes a kid with cool ear thingies who won't share em AND gets back up from teacher. That can put a kink into the structure of what's right in the classroom world.

                        You won't really know till you speak with the teacher, aides or take a day and visit the class.

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