The Bystander Effect?

[1stwahine]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

Dear Cyn, If I could reach through my screen I would tenderly hold you in my arms so very tight...and cry. Reading your posts brought back memories of an abusive relationship I was in. Yeah, lolo me....suppose to be strong and unafraid. I had a telephone cord wrapped around my neck until I passed out. A screw driver punctured into my stomach, punches and slaps too much to count. I went to Vineyard Blvd. to report and get counseling. I learned how to protect myself and my daughters who were in High School. But when he came one day and told me to open the door or else he would harm them, I was scared. I couldn't think. Calling 911 would be to late. He would break in and cause harm before they would arrive.

I opened the door and let him in to a cycle which kept happening again and again.

I lived in fear until one day he got caught by HPD.

His downfall ~ Distributing Crystal Meth.

But the story doesn't end there.

My new love and me got into a spat one night. A hand was raised. After dat night...no hand will be raised again!

Eat dirt BABY!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I still have my humor!

Auntie Lynn

[modpirate]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

Here's an awesome recent story about bystanders coming to the rescue of an abused woman:

http://www.wsmv.com/news/15131810/detail.html

Most of the rescuers were women, by the way.

[Random]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

The point I was trying to make is that a person who self reflects and understands himself, can then understand others better.

I can sum that up in one word: empathy. If you're not self-absorbed, you would realize that sometimes your actions, especially bad ones, can ripple its way to those around you.

You would then not view anyone as a monster or inferior. They're still divine beings its just that they have choosen to give up self control to some affliction (though they aren't aware of it).

Sorry, but that lardass Tunoa failed the divinity test.

You would know bcs you are aware of how you have done it too. Wouldn't society be great if all teachers, coaches, co-workers, bosses, strangers would be able to relate to you on that level?

Again, empathy.

[acousticlady]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

going back to bystanders--i feel so sorry for those family and friends who know that their daughter, sister, friend is being abused and can only stand by helplessly. the psychology of abuse doesn't allow for the abused to understand completely the gravity of the situation she is in. if you know someone who is being abused, all you can do is say, "hey, i know he hits you. you are too beautiful/smart/wonderful to accept that. when you are ready to leave, i am there for you. i will help you." i don't have an opinion on whether you should report it if you see evidence of abuse, because doing so can make it more dangerous for the victim. the fact is, you can't make them leave their abuser--if you try, they'll cling more to the person who hits them.

Cyn and Auntie - While I knew that both of you were previously in abusive relationships, but I had no idea as to the extent of the abuse. My heart cries for what you both had to endure - as it does for those I do not know. I am very proud of both of you for being strong enough to get out. I have been lucky enough in my own life not to have had to deal with that. Although I have been (and still am) in the supportive friend side of things. I have to say, there are several threads running right now that break my heart. And in some ways, I see them all as one big problem.

I have been reading everyone's suggestions for reform and/or solutions. Whether it is in reference to the drug abuse and it's side effects, abusive relationships and their side effects or a combination of both - something is very wrong in this society that this constantly happening. And, while I know I tend to live in my ivory tower and want utopia, it seems to me that there should be a solution. Does the answer lie in our educational system? In our morality? I don't know what the answer is, or if there is just one answer. I realize that there are no quick fixes.

I've been wondering if these issues are the problem or rather a symptom of a larger problem. When we, as a nation, look at ourselves in comparison to other countries, we are falling farther and farther behind in almost every aspect. We have some of the worst educational statistics of the so called civilized nations. How many of our citizens are working 2 or three jobs to get by? Every person wants to feel that he/she is a successful, useful part of society. Does an abuser abuse themselves or others because (unconsciously) they feel inferior? How many men and women who have to endure berating of some type at their jobs go home to either abusing drugs and alcohol or abusing their spouses and children to bolster their egos?

All I have are questions. Why? Why? Why?

[Random]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

How do other countries deal with domestic violence and abuse?

[craigwatanabe]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

How do other countries deal with domestic violence and abuse?

Public stonings in some parts of the Middle East. But then again in some countries domestic violence is considered normal.

The United States has some pretty good domestic violence protection laws on the books. Do they work? Sometimes filing a TRO only antagonizes the perpetrator and unless the police force can protect the victim, no piece of paper can ever stop a deranged person from inflicting violence against another person.

Sometimes when you're victimized...a little street justice is what's called for cuz the laws just don't cut it...sometimes. Just don't leave any evidence when you retaliate.

[sinjin]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

How do other countries deal with domestic violence and abuse?

Often the same way as Iran deals with homosexuality.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: The Bystander Effect?

Often the same way as Iran deals with homosexuality.

But Iran doesn't have any homosexuals...oh I get it...hmmm