Tweet
Re: The Bystander Effect?
if by "motive," you mean you want to know what specific reason it was that he went after her the way she did, well, IIRC, it was reported that she had left him or was in the process of leaving him. that's widely regarded as the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship.
but if you want a my answer as a survivor of domestic violence, it's pretty simple: there is no reason. motive is irrelevant.
my ex used to hit me, literally, for no rational reason. if he felt that i answered a question with the wrong tone, he'd beat me. once, he felt that my not laughing at something we were watching on tv that he thought was funny was an insult to him, so he hit me. he hit me because i found evidence he was cheating on me. he hit me because i left a glass of water with ice in the refrigerator, which he felt made no sense and was obviously proof that i was cheating on him. he hit me because i let the gas go below half tank. he slammed my head into the car passenger window after we dropped off his younger, female cousin after a night at blue zebra because i let her go to the bathroom by herself. "that's my baby cousin, you bitch!" he swore. "you don't ever leave her alone!" nevermind the fact that he spent half the night on the other side of the club hanging out with his friends, and likely, flirting with other girls. he ground my face into the floor one time because i hadn't noticed my doc martens had tracked dirt into the entryway.
he used to hit me with wine bottles from previous romantic night we'd had together. he catapulted me, face-first, into our very solid front door. bad enough that he did that, but you'll be disgusted to know that i had braces on my teeth at the time. i couldn't eat for a week. the force that he slammed me into the wall was so strong that the wire that ran through my braces completely came off the front brackets and the orthodontist had to remove it and put in a cpmpletely new wire. (my story was that i got hit with a volleyball. back then, i was good at lying to cover up my ex's sins.)
once, he threw my pager at my face, bruising me just under my right eye and leaving a small dent in my cheekbone because my pager went off and he didn't believe it was my mom calling. the time he broke my ribs was because he was pissed that while i was giving him a manicure, i pushed too hard on his cuticles and it hurt. besides broken ribs, i cannot tell you how many times he choked me to the point i passed out and that his choking me would leave bruises around my neck that would last for weeks. he'd pick me up by the neck until i was several inches off the ground and slam my head into the wall repeatedly. he was smart enough to strike me where clothes or my long hair could easily cover the evidence. he liked to sit on my chest, using his legs to pin my arms under, and hit me repeatedly on my sternum. unfortunately, he could have easily caused my sternum to splinter and pierce my heart or lungs.
abusers have a complete lack of impulse control when it comes to those they harm. abusers believe, in the moment they are hurting their loved one(s), that they have every right to do what they are doing. they have no sense of consequence or morality. of course, they often develop a sense of remorse or even "find god" when they go to jail for what they've done, but otherwise, they just don't give a rat's ass in hell. my ex, in calmer times, would tell me that when he was hitting me, all he could see was red. there was no right or wrong, there was only that he was angry and that i was the cause of it and i must be punished.
Originally posted by Random
View Post
but if you want a my answer as a survivor of domestic violence, it's pretty simple: there is no reason. motive is irrelevant.
my ex used to hit me, literally, for no rational reason. if he felt that i answered a question with the wrong tone, he'd beat me. once, he felt that my not laughing at something we were watching on tv that he thought was funny was an insult to him, so he hit me. he hit me because i found evidence he was cheating on me. he hit me because i left a glass of water with ice in the refrigerator, which he felt made no sense and was obviously proof that i was cheating on him. he hit me because i let the gas go below half tank. he slammed my head into the car passenger window after we dropped off his younger, female cousin after a night at blue zebra because i let her go to the bathroom by herself. "that's my baby cousin, you bitch!" he swore. "you don't ever leave her alone!" nevermind the fact that he spent half the night on the other side of the club hanging out with his friends, and likely, flirting with other girls. he ground my face into the floor one time because i hadn't noticed my doc martens had tracked dirt into the entryway.
he used to hit me with wine bottles from previous romantic night we'd had together. he catapulted me, face-first, into our very solid front door. bad enough that he did that, but you'll be disgusted to know that i had braces on my teeth at the time. i couldn't eat for a week. the force that he slammed me into the wall was so strong that the wire that ran through my braces completely came off the front brackets and the orthodontist had to remove it and put in a cpmpletely new wire. (my story was that i got hit with a volleyball. back then, i was good at lying to cover up my ex's sins.)
once, he threw my pager at my face, bruising me just under my right eye and leaving a small dent in my cheekbone because my pager went off and he didn't believe it was my mom calling. the time he broke my ribs was because he was pissed that while i was giving him a manicure, i pushed too hard on his cuticles and it hurt. besides broken ribs, i cannot tell you how many times he choked me to the point i passed out and that his choking me would leave bruises around my neck that would last for weeks. he'd pick me up by the neck until i was several inches off the ground and slam my head into the wall repeatedly. he was smart enough to strike me where clothes or my long hair could easily cover the evidence. he liked to sit on my chest, using his legs to pin my arms under, and hit me repeatedly on my sternum. unfortunately, he could have easily caused my sternum to splinter and pierce my heart or lungs.
abusers have a complete lack of impulse control when it comes to those they harm. abusers believe, in the moment they are hurting their loved one(s), that they have every right to do what they are doing. they have no sense of consequence or morality. of course, they often develop a sense of remorse or even "find god" when they go to jail for what they've done, but otherwise, they just don't give a rat's ass in hell. my ex, in calmer times, would tell me that when he was hitting me, all he could see was red. there was no right or wrong, there was only that he was angry and that i was the cause of it and i must be punished.
Comment