Christmas gift question

[Amati]

Re: Christmas gift question

Want to test the true meaning of Christmas for the adults you gift to? Make a donation, in the recipient's name, to a favorite charity, and do not include the dollar amount on the gift acknowledgement card. You'll see who gives, and "receives", from the heart and in the spirit of Christmas.

[This does NOT apply to gifts you will be giving to children on your list, I'm talking adults here!]

A donation of "10 pairs of slippahs" could be used, I'm sure. Ask Auntie how.

[SusieMisajon]

Re: Christmas gift question

We don't do gifts, so I dunno. But the slipper idea sounds good.

[Random]

Re: Christmas gift question

How important is it to you that gifts exchanged between two parties are of similar value?

Not too important. I'm happy to receive a gift that is $20 or more from friend or family who will receive my gift that is less than $10.

[Frankie's Market]

Want to test the true meaning of Christmas for the adults you gift to? Make a donation, in the recipient's name, to a favorite charity, and do not include the dollar amount on the gift acknowledgement card. You'll see who gives, and "receives", from the heart and in the spirit of Christmas.

I suppose that as long as you're sure the person to whom you are making a donation on behalf of believes in the goals/objectives of that charity or organization, most folks would express no objections. But OTOH, if you are not careful and you end up making a donation in that person's name to an organization that is controversial and does not reflect the beliefs of that person, then that is downright cynical. (For example, making a donation to Planned Parenthood in the name of someone who is pro-life.)

[Walkoff Balk]

Re: Christmas gift question

What's a gift that keeps on giving?

[diamond3121]

Re: Christmas gift question

Want to test the true meaning of Christmas for the adults you gift to? Make a donation, in the recipient's name, to a favorite charity, and do not include the dollar amount on the gift acknowledgement card. You'll see who gives, and "receives", from the heart and in the spirit of Christmas.

[This does NOT apply to gifts you will be giving to children on your list, I'm talking adults here!]

A donation of "10 pairs of slippahs" could be used, I'm sure. Ask Auntie how.

For Christmas ~ we do this and it includes all of our nieces and nephews. They are all aware of it. When we are home with them ~ they go with us and help the charity, buy food, serve food etc. Likewise ~ this is what they do for us.

For our family this is the true meaning of Christmas ~ being CHRIST like and sharing all of your blessings with others.

In our family we choose to focus on helping others for the holidays in honor of each other. We celebrate each other's birthdays with gifts. This makes each person feel special and does not add to the OVER commercialism of Christmas.

[zff]

Re: Christmas gift question

Growing up, I had a rich uncle who lived in a gigantic house with a pool and a beautiful view. (IIRC, it was in Waialae Iki) He always gave everyone the cheapest Christmas gifts. The only example I can remember is getting two used paperback novels from his family the year we bought that cousin a fancy electronics lab thing. I can't remember the details from every Christmas, but it was a similar value disparity every year with every family, not just mine.

I often heard my aunts and uncles complain -- sometimes to the rich uncle's face -- about how cheap he was with his Christmas gifts. That uncle was a gruff, stubborn, mean old man, who always sounded angry or disgusted with everyone. Nobody really liked him. I often felt like he was only tolerated because he was the only one with a pool.

The two books I got that year were "Rendezvous with Rama" and "The Illustrated Man", two sci-fi classics. Someone in that family knew I liked reading sci-fi and very thoughtfully chose a gift for me. I have to admit that I was horribly disappointed with my gifts when I opened them, especially knowing we had bought that cousin an electronics lab that I would've loved to have gotten. I read and loved those books, and kept them much longer than I would've kept that electronics lab. I eventually understood I got the better gift.

Just what is Christmas, anyway, a score card for gifting?

That's a great question, and while I might have learned the lessons of "it's the thought that counts" early, it seems a lot of people keep score cards.

Some years ago, I bought a Playstation 2 and a couple of games for a relative's children. That family was struggling financially, and I knew their parents would never have bought them such expensive toys. I'm sort of known as their "video game uncle", so it seemed like an appropriate, thoughtful gift coming from me.

The next year, I got a watch from that family. It probably cost them over $100 which I knew had to be way more than they wanted to spend. Even worse, I don't ever wear watches. I think I wore that watch once -- to a family function they were at. That's it.

I later found out that my expensive gift really upset those parents. Word of it got around to other relatives, and some of them think that was me showing off or I had some agenda. Sure, the Playstation was a little more than I would normally spend, but I felt it was a very thoughtful gift coming from me. I meant nothing ill by it. It's supposed to be the thought that counts, right?

I don't want to be the uncle who buys really cheap gifts for everyone, even if they are thoughtful. I also don't want to be the uncle who pisses off parents with expensive gifts. This makes gift shopping so much more complicated. Now I have to factor in relative financial situations, try and calculate how much that party will spend on me, consider possible interpretations of my intentions...... Whatever happened to just buying something I think they'll like?

I started this thread because I'm wondering if this obsession with price-matching is just a quirk with my family or is everyone like that?

[Adri]

Re: Christmas gift question

/snip I later found out that my expensive gift really upset those parents. Word of it got around to other relatives, and some of them think that was me showing off or I had some agenda. Sure, the Playstation was a little more than I would normally spend, but I felt it was a very thoughtful gift coming from me. I meant nothing ill by it. It's supposed to be the thought that counts, right?

/snip
I started this thread because I'm wondering if this obsession with price-matching is just a quirk with my family or is everyone like that?

Is your family Japanese? In the older generations, it was common practice for the family (usually the mom in the family) to keep a book in which to log all gifts received (koden from funerals, graduation gifts, wedding gifts, christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc.) from whom and approximate value of the gift. It was then a social obligation to return a gift of the same approximate value when a similar occasion arose for the gift giver. It *was* considered rude or just not done to give a gift that was significantly more in value than the gift received (in the traditional view - it might embarrass the giver of the first gift as if it were a sign that their gift wasn't appropriate or enough, it might be that you as the giver of a gift of way more value are showing off and, since the recipient in this tradition has an obligation to return a gift to you, then the next time that person needs to give you a gift it will have to be a gift that sort of matches the value of the gift you gave and what if they really can't afford to give an expensive gift? Then it would shame them.) So, there was an obligation not to give too cheap of a gift but also not to give too extravagant of a gift that would burden the recipient of the gift. The book helped prevent the shame, too, of inadvertently forgetting someone for an occasion and therefore possibly slighting them unintentionally.

My grandmothers both kept such books. My immediately family does not keep such a book. I generally agree that the gift itself is what counts, the thought behind it, the usefulness or significance of it and not the cost. To me, a gift that says I know you, I know what your preferences are, because you're important to me is much better than I got you an extremely expensive gift that you may not like or use but I could afford it. But especially for the older generations, the book, keeping track of gifts and keeping the gift giving on an even keel, so to speak, so you do not offend or burden people connected to your life, that was important too.

[tutusue]

Re: Christmas gift question

[...]
A donation of "10 pairs of slippahs" could be used, I'm sure. Ask Auntie how.

This is *exactly* what I'm doing with my clients this year. I always like to thank my clients for their business over the year so I donate in their names. This year it's auntie's slippah project and my clients will receive the story behind the project and see the number of slippahs each has donated!

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Christmas gift question

This topic makes me wonder: is our society losing touch with the spirit of Christmas? I don't know how others feel, but worrying and being overly concerned about the monetary value of gifts that I give,.... all that takes away some of the joy from the holidays.

I think our society has taken the true meaning of Christmas and turned it into an excuse to give and receive gifts. When was the last time you ever gave or received a gift for anyone else dead or alive?

Hmmm...do we give gifts to each other on Martin Luther King Jr's birthday? Just doesn't seem to make any sense to do so. But we do remember the man, which makes all the sense in the world.

How about we just remember the real reason for Christmas? It is the day we as Christians mark the birth of our savior despite his actual birthdate. To anyone else who doesn't believe in Christ...it really should be just another day.

[Menehune Man]

Re: Christmas gift question

How about we just remember the real reason for Christmas? It is the day we as Christians mark the birth of our savior despite his actual birthdate. To anyone else who doesn't believe in Christ...it really should be just another day.

You're right.
But it's become a pseudo obligation of sorts.
It's expected and feelings are hurt if not accomplished.
So... I play it(Christmas presents) down while trying to live "it" daily.
Seems to work for the most part.

[tutusue]

Re: Christmas gift question

[...]When was the last time you ever gave or received a gift for anyone else dead or alive?[...]

Easter...when I was a kid. And my family wasn't religious in the least. I sure didn't complain, tho', 'cuz I received a new surfboard for several Easters. Crazy, huh?

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Christmas gift question

crazy when you think you just received a gift to commerate the day jesus was resurrected from the dead.

For all the money spent for Christmas gifts, imagine what all that money could do for humanity? In the past I sent Christmas greetings in the form of an audio cassette tape. On it was my holiday message reminding of the year in passing, our present and to look onward to the following year. I also told the listener that a monetary amount was donated to various charities in their name. That message was short and segued into 25-minutes of Holiday music. That was my gift to my friends for Christmas.

[zff]

Re: Christmas gift question

Is your family Japanese?

Haha, yes, we are. I don't think my mother ever kept one of those books, though.

[turtlegirl]

Re: Christmas gift question

This thread gave me a great idea. I'm making paintings for my family for Xmas! This year I have to take into consideration the extra cost of shipping xmas gifts, and paintings are light and generally unbreakable. And the discussion about handmade vs. storebought gifts got me going. I already finished one for my uncle of his bulldog! It's sooooo cute, and its a way better idea than the hat I was thinking of buying him, and hopefully he'll like it.

Maybe when its dry I'll scan it and post it to the art thread.