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Thread: Loss of a friend

  1. #1
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    Default Loss of a friend

    Matapule is feeling pretty down right now and I am turning to my HT ohana for support.

    I have just learned that a friend of mine commited suicide by gunshot wound 2 weeks ago. He was 54 y.o. I will always be grateful for the kindness he showed me and the breaks he gave me.

    I don't know the reason for his decision, whether health, economics, or personal.

    Farewell, Bobbie.
    Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

    People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Oh jeeze, that's heart breaking :_( You must be experiencing so many different emotions.
    "By concealing your desires, you may trick people into being cruel about the wrong thing." --Steven Aylett, Fain the Sorcerer
    "You gotta get me to the tall corn." --David Mamet, Spartan
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    Amateurs talk technology, professionals talk conditions." --(unknown)

  3. #3

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    How sad, I am sorry to hear about your loss of a good friend. Loosing a friend can leave such a void in your heart, and sometimes tears is the only way to begin to be able to cope. Don't be afraid or ashamed to cry if you need to.
    Now run along and play, but donít get into trouble.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Ooooh, Matapule. That's tragic. I'm so sorry. I lost my best friend a year ago but not by her own hand. She was desperate to live. You, otoh, have to not only deal with the loss but also with the 'why'. Hang in there.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Wow my bruddah I feel for you...in the last five years I have lost one friend that I have been buds with since ten years old and two other good buds that I have known since we were teens...all three to cancer.
    Take care and keep the love flowing.
    Aloha!

  6. #6

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I am very sorry to hear this. Please continue to reach out to people in your time of need. Whether it be calling friends, asking for help, talking to a counselor, meeting with your pastor or church friends, talking to family, etc. You may want to "write a letter" to your friend to help sort out your feelings. It's too bad that by your friend ending his(her?) pain, it didn't end, it transfered to a caring friend. My heart goes out to you for your loss.

    gchun

  7. #7

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    That is terribly sad, Matapule. Your friends here have given some good advice. Right now is time for grief - don't cut that off too early. We're honored that you would reach out to us; if you need anything more, don't be afraid to ask.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I am so sorry for your loss Matapule. It will take a while to come to terms with this but it's good that you have so many friends on her that you can turn to.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    ~Gives Matapule a hug~

    It's a tough thing....

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I'm so sorry, Matapule. I hope you will be able to remember the good times and good things about your friend as time goes by. You will probably never know the answer to the great "Why?" question. There's a lot that goes through the head of someone who is deeply depressed, and he probably could not have articulated it.

    Again, I am very sorry.

    Can't think of anything creative this time


  11. #11
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    This is indeed a tragic thing. My prayers go out to you and the family.
    -kp!

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    My prayers to you and those who were close to your friend.

    Dont dwell on the 'why'. Remember the good stuff about your buddy.



    Aloha.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I am so sorry for your loss. Many years ago, I lost a relative to suicide. Our family has never gotten over it, really, but you do learn to go on. But, at this time, I echo the advice you've gotten about letting yourself grieve. There's no right or wrong; only you know the best way to do it, and the length of time you need. My prayers are with you...

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    My condolences to you and your friend's ohana. May the heavenly light shine upon you all. Peace & Aloha.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Quote Originally Posted by matapule View Post
    I have just learned that a friend of mine commited suicide by gunshot wound 2 weeks ago. He was 54 y.o. I will always be grateful for the kindness he showed me and the breaks he gave me.
    I don't know the reason for his decision, whether health, economics, or personal.
    Farewell, Bobbie.
    Sorry this happened. It can help to talk it out, but the pain never quite goes away.

    While you'll always honor this person in your memories, it's also quite common to feel angry at them for what they decided to do: a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    FWIW, despite all the "suicide awareness & prevention" training in the world, it's also common for there to be no warning signs or anything else that would've helped anyone help them.
    Youth may be wasted on the young, but retirement is wasted on the old.
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  16. #16
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Matapule, cyberhugs to you. I echo the sentiments of the HT gang; a terrible, painful loss for you and the ohanas. God bless--prayers going up for y'all.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Matapule, I obviously agree with all the sentiments posted here so far. Knowing your background and experience, I can only say that in similar situations I have found my best solace to be time spent in quiet contemplation and reflection out on mother ocean.
    My best wishes to you and yours...
    .
    .

    That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

  18. #18

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Nords View Post
    FWIW, despite all the "suicide awareness & prevention" training in the world, it's also common for there to be no warning signs or anything else that would've helped anyone help them.
    This is very important. Do NOT blame yourself for "not seeing the signs." Some people are very good at covering their pain, thus leaving NO signs to be noticed. You being his/her friend was probably one of the good things in your friend's life. Again, sorry for your loss.

    gchun

  19. #19

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I'm so sorry for your loss, matapule.

    Years ago, my Teacher's Assistant in university committed suicide. He was a wonderful person, and the very best TA I ever had. Although we weren't close, every time I think about him, I wish that there was something I could have done to help him.

    Your post made me remember this great person, so I thank you.

  20. #20

    Default Re: Loss of a friend

    I'm so sorry for your loss, matapule.

    Years ago, my Teacher's Assistant in university committed suicide. He was a wonderful person, and the very best TA I ever had. Although we weren't very close, every time I think about him, I wish that there was something I could have done to help him.

    Your post made me remember this great person, so I thank you.

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