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Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

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  • #16
    Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Kaonohi 'stole' my answer. Sadly - he'll fit right in, because he'll behave like many (not all) tourists.

    Remember, tg - you made a distinct effort in the past year to not behave like an ugly malihini. But you can't impose that kind of effort on anyone else (as much as it might do them some good).

    Let your friend experience the Hawai`i he wants to experience, and hope that you get a few opportunities to show him some surprising opportunities that come with a change of attitude. Maybe he'll get some special memories from his trip, maybe he won't - but that'll be more up to him than up to you.

    --- --- ---

    Or just take Lynn up on her offer. She's a gem, and can share true aloha with all stripes.

    Comment


    • #17
      Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

      Originally posted by turtlegirl View Post
      I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

      Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
      Telling people how great his job is or speaking relentlessly about the "states" is rather harmless. However, driving like an ahole, and honking could be very dangerous for your friend under certain circumstances.

      You should drive if possible, and urge him to avoid hitting on local women when there are local males around. Otherwise have fun.

      Comment


      • #18
        Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

        Originally posted by 1stwahine View Post
        hi! Sweetie!

        Long time no look.

        call me and let's make arrangements so i can meet your friend.

        auntie lynn
        whack, whack, just had to add that in their auntie!!!:d
        bin dea-dunn dat.

        Comment


        • #19
          Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

          Originally posted by TATTRAT View Post
          Just lay it on the line and tell him he is making ALL tourists/haoles/mainlanders look like douche bags, and doing a great dis-service.
          i completely disagree - why tell him??? allow him the chance to learn and adjust to different things hawaii and it's people has to offer, even if it is for a short period of time - his driving habits, the awful and the good things about him

          i am almost sure he'll eventually run into someone either in waikiki or around the island, that'll shut him up (i am hoping in a nice way), or maybe he'll run into "a someone" who is equally irritating and egotistic as him, be it male or female; tourist or local

          and so it is....TG...accomodate your mainland friend.....show him what hawaii has to offer - if not.....there is always auntie pupule

          *winks @ auntie pupule*

          to give him 50 lashes and 10 whack whacks - hey....she just might give you lashes and whack whacks too for this here post - *smiles* have a splendid evening tg - *waves*

          and thank you oggboy for adding in the whack whacks

          have a great evening HT ohana and a pleasant tomorrow

          Seeking Penance
          stay forever young

          Comment


          • #20
            Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

            Originally posted by 1stwahine View Post
            Call me and let's make arrangements so I can meet your friend.
            Dang, I should have introduced you to my parents-in-law. That might have saved them from their fate.

            You probably met them anyway. They were the ones who, when encountering any word even remotely resembling pidgin, started speaking louder and very slowly...

            I told them once that they should stop speaking Yiddish and use propah English. That went over about as well as you could expect.
            Youth may be wasted on the young, but retirement is wasted on the old.
            Live like you're dying, invest like you're immortal.
            We grow old if we stop playing, but it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
            Forget about who you were-- discover who you are.

            Comment


            • #21
              Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

              Originally posted by turtlegirl View Post
              I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

              Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
              1. He is visiting. He will go back.
              2. Hawaii is not that much different (now). You could have described someone from Honolulu just as well. He will fit in fine.

              Comment


              • #22
                Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                That is kind of what happened last December when my friends came out to visit. The wife told me she wanted to do fun things and take pictures, so I took her to a bunch of picturesque places and she complained about being in the car all the time and the traffic, even though I'd warned her about traffic. She didn't like the North Shore. The food was weird. Then those floods came and she complained about that and all the rain.

                When the rain stopped, she wanted to go to the beach. We lived ON a beach, but it wasn't "pretty enough", so I took her to Waimanolo. Then she complained b/c there weren't any palm trees there. I didn't introduce her to ANYONE I knew. And funnily enough- the only place she liked was Waikiki. So yeah- I'd stick with that.

                Can't think of anything creative this time

                Comment


                • #23
                  Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                  Originally posted by turtlegirl View Post
                  I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

                  Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
                  This is imminent. June is Soon.

                  He may annoy you, but he cannot embarrass you - only you can permit that! If he does embarrassing things, look at the 'target,' shrug your shoulders and hold up your palms and make an "I don't have a clue" expression/w smile, chuckle and share the insider joke. They WILL understand, and feel sympathetic.

                  If you need to talk, ensure that the word "clueless idiot" oops, that's two words - is in your vocabulary.

                  Hope for the best.

                  If he's seeking a "real island experience, I have half-an-acre that needs clearing...

                  Enjoy what you can, ignore what you can't, and remember always: they will leave soon........

                  Last edited by Kaonohi; May 27, 2009, 09:22 PM. Reason: Again? What's this?, the USSR?
                  Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!
                  ~ ~
                  Kaʻonohiʻulaʻokahōkūmiomioʻehiku
                  Spreading the virus of ALOHA.
                  Oh Chu. If only you could have seen what I've seen, with your eyes.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                    TG - I know you probably have me "blocked" but I'll say this anyway: You need to find some new friends!
                    "Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be."
                    – Sydney J. Harris

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                      I'm going to be very blunt and honest. When I still lived there, I came across many people who were exactly like your friend. Whenever I go back home, I still find people who are like that. If I go back this or next year, I am going to find people who fit your description perfectly.

                      But you know what? That's people, and you can't change them. They can only change themselves. That may not be "Hawaiian style", and Hawai'i is not going to convert him into a lunchwagon-loving, beach-going, Haleiwa-driving, Aloha Swap Meet-visiting man.

                      If anything, find things you know he will like, and then bring him into your world. Tap into what made him a friend in the first place. Then maybe, he can go to Kaonohi's and do some yard work.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                        Thanks, everyone - there are some great suggestions here, and I'd like to say more, but I'm out the door quick this morning headed for Kauai for the day....

                        Originally posted by anapuni808 View Post
                        TG - I know you probably have me "blocked" but I'll say this anyway: You need to find some new friends!
                        ...and then I read this. What. Is. Your. Problem. Anapuni. What a rude thing to say!

                        More later...Kauai here I come!
                        ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                          TG, kiss the surf the sky and the ground on my home island of Kauai for me - please.
                          It's been soooo long, toooo long - maybe a whole year!

                          I gotta get back to my little grass shack in Ha`ena.....
                          Gotta visit Uncle Miltie, brother Byron and all the rest.....
                          Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!
                          ~ ~
                          Kaʻonohiʻulaʻokahōkūmiomioʻehiku
                          Spreading the virus of ALOHA.
                          Oh Chu. If only you could have seen what I've seen, with your eyes.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                            Originally posted by turtlegirl View Post
                            What. Is. Your. Problem. Anapuni. What a rude thing to say!
                            Sorry - it was not meant to be rude. You totally misunderstood my comment. I guess I could have e x p a n d e d upon my remark but I thought you were smart enough to pick up on what I meant. To me, a "friend" is someone that I have things in common with, that I like to spend time with. Everything you wrote describing your "friend" seemed just the opposite to me. I would consider a person who exhibited the qualities you described as an "acquaintance" and I wouldn't go out of my way to worry about how to entertain them. Of course, I've already realized that you & I think totally differently about things & people so I'll just let this drop now. There is a major age & cultural difference between us that sadly, I don't think can ever be bridged. and I do mean that sincerely because others who have met you say you are a nice, intelligent person.
                            Last edited by anapuni808; May 28, 2009, 10:39 PM.
                            "Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be."
                            – Sydney J. Harris

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                              Originally posted by turtlegirl View Post
                              ... but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!
                              Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
                              I think Anapuni's point is that real friends don't treat their friends this way.

                              I see the comment about needing new friends a lot, especially when someone is trying to figure out how to deal with a "friend's" rude behavior. You don't seem to think that you can do anything to change the friend's behavior. I don't think that the problems you describe will get any better if you change your behavior, either.

                              You asked. I can understand why that answer came up.
                              Youth may be wasted on the young, but retirement is wasted on the old.
                              Live like you're dying, invest like you're immortal.
                              We grow old if we stop playing, but it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
                              Forget about who you were-- discover who you are.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

                                Kauai was sooo beautiful, Kaonohi! It may be my favorite island! Explored 2 huge caves, and saw tons of waterfalls. It rained all day, but it was no big deal. I love Kauai!!

                                Anyway, this whole thread may now be moot, because my friend had to change his plans, and so we'll just meet up in LA while I'm there for the next 6 weeks. Which is easier for both of us - he gets to retain his 'big deal Hollywood casting director' persona, and I can just slip right back into my old 'model/actress/stuntwoman' ways, and there we can enjoy being needlessly sucked up to and treated special for a while.

                                And one of those days, while he and I are snacking at Urth Cafe, or dining at The Ivy, I'll make sure to share a laugh with him over the rude, curmudgeonly bat who suggested I need new friends!

                                I have a huge heart, which is worn on my sleeve, due to the fact that I'm a performing artist, and I make no apologies for it. Friends come in different shapes, sizes, and personalities. They do not have to be clones of myself to be my friend. I like lots of various types of people, and I accept them, warts and all, show them tolerance, and want the best for them. Because people are allowed to be the way they wanna be, IMO.

                                I don't need some online stranger giving me a hard time about any choices I make in my personal life. I was simply trying to find a way to make his transition from high paced Los Angeles to low key Hawaii as easy as I could. Nobody needed to question my friendship choices. That's just crass.

                                Thanks again to everybody who gave me good ideas for his vacation time, I sincerely appreciated that!
                                ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

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