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Thread: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

  1. #1
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    Default Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

  2. #2

    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    Why don't you just show him what you wrote about him above. I'll bet that when he reads your true feelings about him as a friend, he'll not bother to come visit you.
    Now run along and play, but donít get into trouble.

  3. #3

    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Take him to Flat Island. The smell of birds should send him packing.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Friend? Really?
    What are his redeeming qualities?

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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Get Rid of him !

  6. #6
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    So how long is your friend staying here? It's a visit right as opposed to moving here?

    Well I suspose if it's possible that you do the driving since (a) you don't like his driving style and (b) is using the cell phone half the time.

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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    aww, jeez! You guys have misunderstood. He is a very good person, and he and I have been friends for 10 years. He's a guy I like and respect. That being cleared up - sometimes you have friends whose personalities may be a little difficult sometimes in some situations. That doesn't mean that you don't like them. I certainly don't want to run him off! I just know this guy very well, and I think that he will have a tough time kicking back and fitting in.
    ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

  8. #8
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    I take it then this is your friend's first visit to Hawaii? From your postings so far you want to stick around with the friend but avoid huge crowds?

    One suggestion would be going to the Ward Entertainment Complex during the weekday, maybe catch a mid-day movie as well. Walk around the Ward Center and Warehouse afterwards and have a late lunch there too.

    Figure the price of a movie admission here might cause your friend to take notice of how it's done here.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Here's what I do with friends who visit for the first time. I set them up on a remote beach, in the shade, with a big cooler chock full of food and beverages, and preferably in a place out of cell phone range. Waipio works real well for this, especially on the far side of the river.

    Leave them there for about 8 hours, or perhaps overnight. Turn occasionally, and baste generously. If that don't get them to 'see' Hawaii, nothing will.
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  10. #10
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Just lay it on the line and tell him he is making ALL tourists/haoles/mainlanders look like douche bags, and doing a great dis-service.
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    knock it off, all of you

    seriously, what the hell


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  11. #11
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    Hi! Sweetie!

    Long time no look.

    Call me and let's make arrangements so I can meet your friend.

    Auntie Lynn
    Be AKAMAI ~ KOKUA Hawai`i!
    Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    aww, jeez! You guys have misunderstood. He is a very good person, and he and I have been friends for 10 years. He's a guy I like and respect. That being cleared up - sometimes you have friends whose personalities may be a little difficult sometimes in some situations. That doesn't mean that you don't like them. I certainly don't want to run him off! I just know this guy very well, and I think that he will have a tough time kicking back and fitting in.
    Hmmm...we understood, TG, and commented based on the info you gave us. There was no mention in you initial post about "like", "good person" or "respect". If he's such a good friend I'd think you should be able to talk to him about the differences between Hawaii and the mainland. If that doesn't work then take him to Makaha Beach for a little beach time!

  13. #13
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    Wink Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Well, he might fit in Waikiki beachside.... lotsa people like him there, no?

    Of course you already have plenty good suggestions....

    But, what do you want to do?

    1) Awe him with Hawai`i's beauty?
    2) Convert him to a laid-back attitude?
    3) Show him how great your life is?
    4) Just have a good time?
    5) Prevent him from 'making a?'

    I recommend you consider your goals first, then select your strategy.
    Last edited by Kaonohi; May 19th, 2009 at 11:41 AM. Reason: emphasis
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  14. #14
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaonohi View Post
    Well, he might fit in Waikiki beachside.... lotsa people like him there, no?...

    4) Just have a good time?
    5) Prevent him from 'making a?'

    I recommend you consider your goals first, then select your strategy.
    Yep, you got it. I guess we should probably just stick to Waikiki area.
    ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    I like timkona's idea of disconnecting your friend from the grid cold turkey. He'll probably go through withdrawl symptoms though. G'luck with him, TG :_)


    BTW, who was the mainland guy who got beat to death for copping a feel at a Honolulu/Waikiki club?
    "By concealing your desires, you may trick people into being cruel about the wrong thing." --Steven Aylett, Fain the Sorcerer
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  16. #16

    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Kaonohi 'stole' my answer. Sadly - he'll fit right in, because he'll behave like many (not all) tourists.

    Remember, tg - you made a distinct effort in the past year to not behave like an ugly malihini. But you can't impose that kind of effort on anyone else (as much as it might do them some good).

    Let your friend experience the Hawai`i he wants to experience, and hope that you get a few opportunities to show him some surprising opportunities that come with a change of attitude. Maybe he'll get some special memories from his trip, maybe he won't - but that'll be more up to him than up to you.

    --- --- ---

    Or just take Lynn up on her offer. She's a gem, and can share true aloha with all stripes.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    Telling people how great his job is or speaking relentlessly about the "states" is rather harmless. However, driving like an ahole, and honking could be very dangerous for your friend under certain circumstances.

    You should drive if possible, and urge him to avoid hitting on local women when there are local males around. Otherwise have fun.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1stwahine View Post
    hi! Sweetie!

    Long time no look.

    call me and let's make arrangements so i can meet your friend.

    auntie lynn
    whack, whack, just had to add that in their auntie!!!:d
    bin dea-dunn dat.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by TATTRAT View Post
    Just lay it on the line and tell him he is making ALL tourists/haoles/mainlanders look like douche bags, and doing a great dis-service.
    i completely disagree - why tell him??? allow him the chance to learn and adjust to different things hawaii and it's people has to offer, even if it is for a short period of time - his driving habits, the awful and the good things about him

    i am almost sure he'll eventually run into someone either in waikiki or around the island, that'll shut him up (i am hoping in a nice way), or maybe he'll run into "a someone" who is equally irritating and egotistic as him, be it male or female; tourist or local

    and so it is....TG...accomodate your mainland friend.....show him what hawaii has to offer - if not.....there is always auntie pupule

    *winks @ auntie pupule*

    to give him 50 lashes and 10 whack whacks - hey....she just might give you lashes and whack whacks too for this here post - *smiles* have a splendid evening tg - *waves*

    and thank you oggboy for adding in the whack whacks

    have a great evening HT ohana and a pleasant tomorrow

    Seeking Penance
    stay forever young

  20. #20
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    Default Re: mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1stwahine View Post
    Call me and let's make arrangements so I can meet your friend.
    Dang, I should have introduced you to my parents-in-law. That might have saved them from their fate.

    You probably met them anyway. They were the ones who, when encountering any word even remotely resembling pidgin, started speaking louder and very slowly...

    I told them once that they should stop speaking Yiddish and use propah English. That went over about as well as you could expect.
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  21. #21
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    1. He is visiting. He will go back.
    2. Hawaii is not that much different (now). You could have described someone from Honolulu just as well. He will fit in fine.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    That is kind of what happened last December when my friends came out to visit. The wife told me she wanted to do fun things and take pictures, so I took her to a bunch of picturesque places and she complained about being in the car all the time and the traffic, even though I'd warned her about traffic. She didn't like the North Shore. The food was weird. Then those floods came and she complained about that and all the rain.

    When the rain stopped, she wanted to go to the beach. We lived ON a beach, but it wasn't "pretty enough", so I took her to Waimanolo. Then she complained b/c there weren't any palm trees there. I didn't introduce her to ANYONE I knew. And funnily enough- the only place she liked was Waikiki. So yeah- I'd stick with that.

    Can't think of anything creative this time


  23. #23
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    Wink Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    I have a friend visiting here next month from LA. I'm afraid this guy will totally not fit in. He's gonna drive like an ahole, honk, and talk relentlessly about 'how it is in the states' (ugh!). He's gonna want to tell people what a great, important job he has. He'll probably want to be treated 'special'. He will likely have his cellphone glued to his ear half the time. And he's very preoccupied with chasing women while he's here (he's also pushing 50 yrs old). I want to be able to hang out with him while he's here, but I also think that he's really going to annoy and embarass me!

    Aaargh! How do you folks deal with it when you have a visitor like this guy?
    This is imminent. June is Soon.

    He may annoy you, but he cannot embarrass you - only you can permit that! If he does embarrassing things, look at the 'target,' shrug your shoulders and hold up your palms and make an "I don't have a clue" expression/w smile, chuckle and share the insider joke. They WILL understand, and feel sympathetic.

    If you need to talk, ensure that the word "clueless idiot" oops, that's two words - is in your vocabulary.

    Hope for the best.

    If he's seeking a "real island experience, I have half-an-acre that needs clearing...

    Enjoy what you can, ignore what you can't, and remember always: they will leave soon........

    Last edited by Kaonohi; May 27th, 2009 at 10:22 PM. Reason: Again? What's this?, the USSR?
    Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!
    ~ ~
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    Spreading the virus of ALOHA.
    Oh Chu. If only you could have seen what I've seen, with your eyes.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    TG - I know you probably have me "blocked" but I'll say this anyway: You need to find some new friends!

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Mainland friend won't 'fit in' here?

    I'm going to be very blunt and honest. When I still lived there, I came across many people who were exactly like your friend. Whenever I go back home, I still find people who are like that. If I go back this or next year, I am going to find people who fit your description perfectly.

    But you know what? That's people, and you can't change them. They can only change themselves. That may not be "Hawaiian style", and Hawai'i is not going to convert him into a lunchwagon-loving, beach-going, Haleiwa-driving, Aloha Swap Meet-visiting man.

    If anything, find things you know he will like, and then bring him into your world. Tap into what made him a friend in the first place. Then maybe, he can go to Kaonohi's and do some yard work.

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