Spouse and I don't carry cell phones. We're not Luddites; we just think the hassles outweigh the putative benefits. We have too many bad Navy memories of them, too many dead zones on Oahu, one more piece of gear to care for, and not enough perceived value to the expense.
Up until now it's been a personal choice, but society appears to be imposing its new behavior upon our standards. We may end up getting cell phones just to be able toavoid cope with what seems to be new etiquette.
Here are some new examples we've noted over the last year or so:
- Who's calling, please, how come your name's not on my caller ID? Whaddya mean, you don't have caller ID?!?
- Hi, it's me. Whaddya mean "who", check your caller ID. What, you don't have caller ID?!?
- You know my number, it's on your caller ID. What, you don't have caller ID?!? Hang on a minute, let me try to figure out my number. Can I just call you back?
- I'm calling you from your driveway to let you know that I'm here. But you saw me pull in and you'd already started for the front door, so now you can go back to the kitchen to pick up your (landline) phone to learn it's me calling from your driveway, and then you can come back to the front door again. It's a new game called "duck in a shooting gallery".
- I'm not going to leave a coherent message. Just call me back at my long-distance cell phone number. Whaddya mean you don't have free long distance?!?
- Don't tell me your address, just text it to me and I'll look up the driving directions on Google maps. That way I don't have to listen to you reading me your address or even remember what you're telling me.
- Can I borrow your phone? I can't find mine and I need to call it. Gee, I hope I left its ringer turned on.
- Excuse me, my battery just died, what time is it please? Well, duh, I can see you're not wearing a watch, but why don't you check your cell phone? Whaddya mean you don't carry a cell phone?!?
- I don't have a plan for our upcoming socializing, so I'll just call you when we're finally on the road. You should wait there by your landline until I'm ready for you.
- Oh, just call me when you're 10 minutes away and I'll dash over there to meet you. No, why would I know if there's a pay phone near there?
- I know you've been waiting for an hour, but I called when I was supposed to be here to tell you I'd be late and you didn't pick up. What do you mean, you don't carry a cell phone?!?
- You're not important enough for me to spend my time at home or at work talking to you on the phone, but when I'm on a long & boring drive then I'll call you to relieve my tedium.
- I don't want to talk to your voicemail, so I'm going to call you over and over again until you pick up. What do you mean, your family shares this landline and your ringer is turned on?!? Can't you get your company (or your parents) to buy you your own phone?
- This movie is boring, so I'm going to play with my (lighted) cell phone and brighten the lives of my fellow audience members. Oh, and check out my new ring tone!
- Well, this conversation is boring and I don't want to make eye contact with you, so I'm going to play with my cell phone and find something more interesting to occupy my attention.
- Oh, I didn't want to talk to you, I just accidentally hit redial.
- Oh, I'm not talking to you, I just sat on my phone and it redialed.* So I guess it's actually my butt that's calling you.
- I know I'm in the middle of paying the cashier, but my cell phone just rang. Hang on; you'll enjoy hearing this conversation.
- I know we're driving and the light just turned green, but my cell phone is ringing.
- I don't need a grocery list! I'll just call you when I can't remember what I'm supposed to buy.
- I know I'm in the middle of a meeting, but my cell phone just rang.
- I know I'm talking to you, but my cell phone just rang.
- I know I called this meeting and I'm in the middle oflecturing talking to all of you, but my cell phone just rang.
- "Hello there, it's 11 PM and we don't know each other, but someone accidentally left their cell phone here and your phone number is the last call they made. Can you tell me who it is? Whaddya mean, you don't have caller ID?!? If you remember who they are, could you call them for me and tell them they left their phone here? Oh, right, I guess this cell phone is the only number you have for them, haha, sure. Well, have a good night!"
- People used to think I was nuts when I wandered around talking out loud, but now when I stick this thing in my ear everyone thinks I'm having a phone conversation! I didn't even put batteries in it!
- I'm too busy doing other things on my cell phone to bother using it for phone calls. Besides, nobody calls anybody anymore-- we just send texts.
- I can't handle a call plan that only allows 200 text messages a month. Why, just arranging our last meeting took over 50 of them!
- 21st-century disclaimer: The iPhone's default e-mail signature of "Sent from my iPhone" absolves me of all responsibility for spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
- And finally, people's reactions to their cell phones ringing during "intimate moments". Let's just not go there.
*This did lead to a very entertaining Bangkok evening with shipmates gathered around a cell phone speaker when a guy (on independent operations at a bar) didn't realize that his butt had called us to livecast his bar girl pickup techniques...
Up until now it's been a personal choice, but society appears to be imposing its new behavior upon our standards. We may end up getting cell phones just to be able to
Here are some new examples we've noted over the last year or so:
- Who's calling, please, how come your name's not on my caller ID? Whaddya mean, you don't have caller ID?!?
- Hi, it's me. Whaddya mean "who", check your caller ID. What, you don't have caller ID?!?
- You know my number, it's on your caller ID. What, you don't have caller ID?!? Hang on a minute, let me try to figure out my number. Can I just call you back?
- I'm calling you from your driveway to let you know that I'm here. But you saw me pull in and you'd already started for the front door, so now you can go back to the kitchen to pick up your (landline) phone to learn it's me calling from your driveway, and then you can come back to the front door again. It's a new game called "duck in a shooting gallery".
- I'm not going to leave a coherent message. Just call me back at my long-distance cell phone number. Whaddya mean you don't have free long distance?!?
- Don't tell me your address, just text it to me and I'll look up the driving directions on Google maps. That way I don't have to listen to you reading me your address or even remember what you're telling me.
- Can I borrow your phone? I can't find mine and I need to call it. Gee, I hope I left its ringer turned on.
- Excuse me, my battery just died, what time is it please? Well, duh, I can see you're not wearing a watch, but why don't you check your cell phone? Whaddya mean you don't carry a cell phone?!?
- I don't have a plan for our upcoming socializing, so I'll just call you when we're finally on the road. You should wait there by your landline until I'm ready for you.
- Oh, just call me when you're 10 minutes away and I'll dash over there to meet you. No, why would I know if there's a pay phone near there?
- I know you've been waiting for an hour, but I called when I was supposed to be here to tell you I'd be late and you didn't pick up. What do you mean, you don't carry a cell phone?!?
- You're not important enough for me to spend my time at home or at work talking to you on the phone, but when I'm on a long & boring drive then I'll call you to relieve my tedium.
- I don't want to talk to your voicemail, so I'm going to call you over and over again until you pick up. What do you mean, your family shares this landline and your ringer is turned on?!? Can't you get your company (or your parents) to buy you your own phone?
- This movie is boring, so I'm going to play with my (lighted) cell phone and brighten the lives of my fellow audience members. Oh, and check out my new ring tone!
- Well, this conversation is boring and I don't want to make eye contact with you, so I'm going to play with my cell phone and find something more interesting to occupy my attention.
- Oh, I didn't want to talk to you, I just accidentally hit redial.
- Oh, I'm not talking to you, I just sat on my phone and it redialed.* So I guess it's actually my butt that's calling you.
- I know I'm in the middle of paying the cashier, but my cell phone just rang. Hang on; you'll enjoy hearing this conversation.
- I know we're driving and the light just turned green, but my cell phone is ringing.
- I don't need a grocery list! I'll just call you when I can't remember what I'm supposed to buy.
- I know I'm in the middle of a meeting, but my cell phone just rang.
- I know I'm talking to you, but my cell phone just rang.
- I know I called this meeting and I'm in the middle of
- "Hello there, it's 11 PM and we don't know each other, but someone accidentally left their cell phone here and your phone number is the last call they made. Can you tell me who it is? Whaddya mean, you don't have caller ID?!? If you remember who they are, could you call them for me and tell them they left their phone here? Oh, right, I guess this cell phone is the only number you have for them, haha, sure. Well, have a good night!"
- People used to think I was nuts when I wandered around talking out loud, but now when I stick this thing in my ear everyone thinks I'm having a phone conversation! I didn't even put batteries in it!
- I'm too busy doing other things on my cell phone to bother using it for phone calls. Besides, nobody calls anybody anymore-- we just send texts.
- I can't handle a call plan that only allows 200 text messages a month. Why, just arranging our last meeting took over 50 of them!
- 21st-century disclaimer: The iPhone's default e-mail signature of "Sent from my iPhone" absolves me of all responsibility for spelling, grammar, and punctuation.
- And finally, people's reactions to their cell phones ringing during "intimate moments". Let's just not go there.
*This did lead to a very entertaining Bangkok evening with shipmates gathered around a cell phone speaker when a guy (on independent operations at a bar) didn't realize that his butt had called us to livecast his bar girl pickup techniques...
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