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  • #31
    Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

    Q: What did the little Russian prince's nurses say to him when they wanted him to urinate"""





    A: Tinkle, tinkle, little tsar!

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

      Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

        Originally posted by Kalalau View Post
        Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
        No, but I don't know why I'm salivating.
        Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

        People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

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        • #34
          Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

          This is based on a true incident. The names have been change to protect the innocent (and naive).

          During a round of trivia, a young hair HAIR STYLIST named Kathy was asked, for obvious reasons, the following question:
          WHAT WAS SAMSON'S WEAKNESS?
          KATHY: Wait, wait, don't tell me. I know this, I know ....... Aha. SAMSONITE killed Samson!

          Proof positive that a little knowledge can be dangerous. The actual event occurred 35 years ago and still elicits peals of laughter whenever it's recounted.

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

            Was she a blond?
            Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

            People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

              A lawyer I know actually did have a client named Honey. The opposing party, Bunn. Thus, the Honey Bunn Case.

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                Originally posted by matapule View Post
                Was she a blond?
                No, not a blonde, but a brunette. She admitted that she knew about Superman and KRYPTONITE, hence her response.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                  Q: How many politically correct Berkeley vegetarians does it take to change a light bulb?






                  A: That is not an appropriate subject for humor

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                    Two friends hangin' in the livingroom when the one asks...
                    "When we stay go da kine li'dat?"

                    Of course his buddy answers...
                    "After da kine stay come. Den."
                    Life is either an adventure... or you're not doing it right!!!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                      So I'm partyin at my buddies house and the doorbell rings. In walks Ricky Williams from the Miami Dolphins with a grocery bag stuffed with cryptonic Cali Green buds. He starts rollin up 5 sheeters and passing them around.

                      Laying on the couch, laughing, watching Ren & Stimpy, and the doorbell rings again. It's Sebastian Janikowski. He's carrying a case of Stoli and a quart of orange juice. "Drinks for everybody."

                      1/2 hour later we are drunk and stoned, and the doorbell rings again.

                      It's Michael Irvin. And he's carrying a snow shovel.
                      FutureNewsNetwork.com
                      Energy answers are already here.

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                      • #41
                        Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                        A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family
                        doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant."

                        "But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and
                        in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."

                        "Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is
                        cockeyed."
                        Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

                        People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                          Hi, this is Sarah Palin. Is Senator Lieberman in?

                          No, this is Yom Kippur.

                          Oh hi Yom, can I leave a message?

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                          • #43
                            Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                            Not actually a joke but good practical advice for life:

                            When in worry
                            Or in doubt
                            Run in circles,
                            Scream and shout!

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                              Originally posted by Kalalau View Post
                              Not actually a joke but good practical advice for life:

                              When in worry
                              Or in doubt
                              Run in circles,
                              Scream and shout!
                              K, thanks for resurrecting this thread. As far as your practical advice......that plaque is permanently affixed to the interior of matapule's boat!

                              Now for something in season.

                              One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

                              When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sliegh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

                              At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"

                              And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.
                              Peace, Love, and Local Grindz

                              People who form FIRM opinions with so little knowledge only pretend to be open-minded. They select their facts like food from a buffet. David R. Dow

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Re: the HawaiiThreads best jokes thread

                                It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

                                Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

                                Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

                                But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

                                'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

                                So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

                                A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

                                'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

                                The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

                                Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

                                'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

                                'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

                                The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood'
                                flickr

                                An email from God:
                                To: People of Earth
                                From: God
                                Date: 9/04/2007
                                Subject: stop

                                knock it off, all of you

                                seriously, what the hell


                                --
                                God

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