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Thread: Things You Want

  1. #1
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    Default Things You Want

    The relationship-obsessed musician Alanis Morissette penned a popular song listing an inventory of traits that she liked her lovers to have.
    These are 21 things that I want in a lover --
    Not necessarily needs, but qualities that I prefer.
    I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter.
    Since we're not all pensive, wry, and melodramatic songstresses, I figure we don't need quite so long a list. But I'm curious: What are seven qualities that you treasure in a life partner? A sense of humor? Political awareness? Compassion? Patience? A shared love of food, or puppies, or old movies?

    Like Alanis says, these aren't requirements, or neccessarily deal breakers, but the sorts of things that make you smile more than not. If you're celebrating your 25th wedding anniversary, what do you appreciate most now? If you're single and hopeful, what would make a prospective love shine?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    1) You feel as if you have known the other one for centuries, and possibly have.

    2) No one else you have ever met has been as important to you.

    3) You want all the best things in life that could possibly be provided for the other one, and only regret your inability to provide it.

    Three's enough for me.

    "What is this thing called love, this funny thing called love .... "

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    I'll take a crack at this... despite the pressure of knowing my wife's reading! I'll take the approach that a good match is often someone who often compliments my quirks by contrast.

    1. A sense of humor. A wide range of appreciation of all things funny, from the painful and tragically ironic to the absolutely most silly and moronic things on Earth (more of the former, though).
    2. Compassion and empathy. While I have a sentimental side, I admit I'm not as tuned in to and as understanding of other people as I could be. I need someone who's hopeful and sympathetic to offset my cynical and pessimistic side.
    3. An open mind... and strong beliefs. While these may seem like opposing concepts, they're not. I love someone who will hear all sides and be willing to reconsider, but still stick to her guns when called for.
    4. Practical. Or maybe "well grounded." I admire people who are able to step back and see the big picture, to see the molehill instead of the mountain, to keep a grasp on What Really Matters, and to reliably give "life" and not "lifestyle" top priority.
    5. Brains. Somewhat related to the above, but more in the vein of "common sense." I know apallingly little about stuff everyone else knows, so I need someone who knows to thaw a bagel before trying to saw it open or to not leave bags on the roof when driving away. I'd lose my own head if it wasn't screwed on.
    6. Curiosity. The ability to obsess now and then about something, to hunger for and seek out information about anything. No one can know everything, but why not try?
    7. Patience. I'm a recovering anal-retentive freak, a forgetful, easily distracted, somewhat obsessive compulsive oddball. I wouldn't put up with me, but I'm glad someone does.
    Hardly original, I know. Anyway. Some of these are things I value because they're things I lack, and some of them are things that I value in myself and like to see in others. And I'd say this list goes for "life partners" as well as friends.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    1. Patience: With this trait you can usually "weather" any problems that may
    arise.
    2. Loyalty: To stand together NO MATTER WHAT
    3. Humor: To be able to laugh at mistakes, misunderstandings, and mishaps.
    4. Forgiveness: Always forgive, never hold a grudge. ( I used to give the silent
    treatment)
    5. Compassion: Treat eachother as you would friends and other family members.
    Share the feelings: happiness, sadness...always be open with
    eachother.
    Be able to be like a willow...bend way back when you have to.
    Retired Senior Member

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    I could never ask for "patience"!

    Can't ask for anything you can't yourself give.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    You'll learn Al...you must be quite a bit younger than I am...believe me with a stubborn partner + four kids...I had to have patience!
    Retired Senior Member

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    1.to laugh..anytime
    2.to love unconditionally
    3.to know that even when things seem bad,it will get better
    4.to be a true soulmate
    5.there are too many things & i have it already...i know it's crazy,but,we moved in together 1 month after our 1st date,married 8 months later & celebrate our 12th anniversary on sunday..he also adopted my son as his own.but!!my son can't call him dad,cause it makes my hubby cry every single time..awwww..so they've settled on"pops".....

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    What a wonderful story Georgia girl! You have a winner there...hang on tight!
    Retired Senior Member

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    What I really....realllllyyy want?! My dream fella is a fella that is lighthearted, but dedicated to his own conscience, NOT mine. LOL not kidding, I want a man that puts what is right first, and what he and I want...second! That way, if I am wrong, no matter how darn stubborn I may be in not seeing it, if I have this knight in shining armor that is truly dedicated to doing what is right, I will then know when I am off-base, be brought to proper thinking, and hopefully be ready to meet my maker, someday.

    This person of course has to be patient, after all, this is my dream guy, and he is perfect, though I am not, not yet, anyway. (G) He is lighthearted, patient, and committed to his conscience, which is guided by true principles, but has the wisdom to be led moment by moment, for what is right in one moment is not, necessarily, in another, so he will not be led by some iron-rule of law, but again, led intuitively.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Well to add to all of your lists.. to have whoever it is get rid of all the preconceived ideas about me and his seeing me as "PERFECT". The disappointment that comes in slowly and gradually the longer you are with a person, the awakening to imperfections that go against a person's idea of "perfect", will just result in a chest of problems.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by kamlost
    .... The disappointment that comes in slowly and gradually the longer you are with a person, the awakening to imperfections that go against a person's idea of "perfect", will just result in a chest of problems.
    Those "imperfections" the lil peccadillos, quirks nuances and personality traits that constitute an individual; that is what is "perfect", that is the one thing we mature denizens of this spinning globe (whoa I feel dizzy!) become enamored with and realllly miss when we are away from that spay-shull someone.

    We cannot control what the gods have given us, only what we make and do with, of what we have.


    So we must redefine our terms, our conceptualizations... since many have been brought up in a world where something like, fer example Playboy magazine, has brainwashed sooo many. (as to what is perfect.) BUT! it's all airbrush.

    What makes someone perfect is their individuality. What makes them, 'them'.

    Their beauty and "perfection" is what they make themselves. What they do with what they have got. Where they are going with it. How they carry themselves, feel about themselves... All these things show us, "perfect' is actually a state of becoming. So enjoy the journey, cuz there may not ever be an end.

    ******

    Geoffrey F. Fisher
    When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target.

    C. J. Weber
    Perfecting is our destiny, but perfection never our lot.

    *****

    and now I'm gonna have a perfect mai-tai.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Or as the metaphysicists would say, "You are perfect for who you need to be right now. When you need to be different, you will change and then you will be perfect for that moment."

    I love talking in circles...

    Miulang

  13. #13

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by pzarquon
    What are seven qualities that you treasure in a life partner?
    He's gotta be....

    1. Kind but not wimpy
    2. Gentle but not weak
    3. Strong-minded but not obstinate
    4. Clean but not foppish
    5. Honest but not cruel
    6. Spiritual but not fanatical
    7. Sensual but not vulgar

    Geez, guess I'm my own best "life partner"...LOL

    E ala mai 'o loko i ke kuhohonu o ke aloha

  14. #14

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Well, I dont really expect anything of them... But I'll put what I think I should have

    1. Humility
    2. Devotion
    3. Understanding
    4. Sinserity
    5. Kindness
    6. Compassion
    7. Determination

    Yup, get me some of that, and I can deal with anyone no matter what they are like

    No-body's perfect... but I want to be

  15. #15

    Default Re: Things You Want

    I read through this and everyone's got some pretty tall orders.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by kamlost
    I read through this and everyone's got some pretty tall orders.
    Okies, so here's my very short order:


    • Breathing - most times

  17. #17

    Default Re: Things You Want

    1. Compatibility
    2. Truthfulness
    3. Scholarly
    4. Adaptable
    5. Passive

  18. #18
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Leimamo
    Okies, so here's my very short order:


    • Breathing - most times
    "Breathing - most times" ???

    How about all times,
    and also tells you "I love you" -
    everyday.
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  19. #19

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity
    "Breathing - most times" ???
    A feeble attempt at humor .. ahhh well

    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity
    How about all times,
    and also tells you "I love you" - everyday.
    .... and mean it -- everyday??

  20. #20
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Leimamo

    .... and mean it -- everyday??
    Hay, of course!.
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Leimamo
    A feeble attempt at humor .. ahhh well


    How about all times,
    and also tells you "I love you" - everyday.


    .... and mean it -- everyday??

    Jesus Kee-rist, I dont think i could handle that.
    I prolly would prefer a relationship secure enuff wherein "actions speaking louder than words", we know we love each other . And it shows.
    and maybe hears those words once in a while,.
    Rather than a relationship where she sez; "I love you" every day and I say yea yea, ya said that yesterday, and the day before.
    "but I really mean it"
    she sez.
    but it actually doesn't show.
    and so we split.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    I'd want someone who didn't call me "Cherished One" in a public diary.

    (Sorry, about that, Cheyne, but you are getting a bit close to nauseous lately.)

  23. #23
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Albert
    I'd want someone who didn't call me "Cherished One" in a public diary.
    or anywhere.
    sounds like a bad hallmark card.
    or an awful song from the 70s. or a barry manilow phrase.

  24. #24

    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by kimo55
    Jesus Kee-rist, I dont think i could handle that.
    I prolly would prefer a relationship secure enuff wherein "actions speaking louder than words", we know we love each other . And it shows.
    and maybe hears those words once in a while,.
    Rather than a relationship where she sez; "I love you" every day and I say yea yea, ya said that yesterday, and the day before.
    "but I really mean it"
    she sez.
    but it actually doesn't show.
    and so we split.
    Hey, amen to that! Hearing it everyday will lose it's meaning (in my ever-so-humble opinion). It would be almost like asking, "how are you?" without really wanting to know. I'd rather wait until the right moment, when there's something about a certain action or expression that reminds him of why he loves me and vice versa ... This month we celebrate our 26th anniversary.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Things You Want

    Quote Originally Posted by Leimamo
    Hey, amen to that! Hearing it everyday will lose it's meaning It would be almost like asking, "how are you?" without really wanting to know. I'd rather wait until the right moment.

    yea. just after the cigarette and just before leaving...

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