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Thread: "Getting Over it"

  1. #1
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    Unhappy "Getting Over it"

    "Get over it & move on." That's not an easy thing for me to do, & it continues to haunt me, & I really don't want to confront the person about it, because it is so old already, & yet it still bothers me :-(. I hate it!!. It is very difficult to call this friend, because I feel that I seem to be walking on egg shells around her when or if I do call. She tends to want to bite people's head off w/o reason, & that is the indication I got from her. sigh :-(.

    I called her up once, she bit my head off, although, I forgave her. Much later down the road, I called a 2nd time, & wouldn't you know it!!, yup!!, she bit my head off again . It has been really difficult for me to call her, & I just do ok with sending her a message in facebook. Then again, she may call me up & say & yell at me with "WTF??!!" or something similar to that.

    what to do? you know? If I do send her a message, & she may end up retaliating by calling me up & getting mad at me, if I do decide to re hash it again.

    I just can't seem to get over it. That's my problem. :-(. I don't want her to be (or hear her) yelling at me either.

    I did that once with another friend of mine from long before, & gawd!, all she did was send me 3 to 4 yelling messages on my voice mail, which led me shook up, & could not get over for weeks to come, either. Maybe it was easier for me to get over that, because that friend lives in Arizona & not here in Hawaii, & the fact that she deleted me off of her list of friends in Facebook too.lol. . The other first one I spoke of, she lives here in Oahu, & still is in my facebook. If I do delete her, she may feel offended.

    sigh. what to do, what to do.
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  2. #2

    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Serenity View Post
    sigh. what to do, what to do.
    Well, one thing you can do is to not talk harshly online about people (ie friends) in your life. You never know when they might read your posts.
    Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Aloha Serenity!
    Im so sorry you're having these problems. It seems to me that you have been a good friend to this person. Likely, they have been good to you as well. So its perfectly reasonable that your feelings were hurt by this friend's opinion. Going on the assumption that neither of you want to hurt the other, Id suggest that you think more about the positive things that this person brings with their friendship. Maybe that will help you see things from a new perspective.

    Ignore Amati's comment; you're being a real person with feelings! Thats perfectly ok! Tho I hope that this thread doesn't cause you more problems! (have you thought about changing your screen name?)
    ~ This is the strangest life I've ever known ~

  4. #4
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    Post Re: "Getting Over it"

    “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”

    William Blake quote
    Life is either an adventure... or you're not doing it right!!!

  5. #5

    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    [Delete by Amati, reposted below.]
    Last edited by Amati; September 20th, 2011 at 10:47 PM.
    Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

  6. #6

    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Amati View Post
    Well, one thing you can do is to not talk harshly online about people (ie friends) in your life. You never know when they might read your posts.
    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    Ignore Amati's comment; you're being a real person with feelings! Thats perfectly ok! Tho I hope that this thread doesn't cause you more problems! (have you thought about changing your screen name?)
    So, it seems that you've been advised to ignore my advice, with a "hope" thrown in that doing so doesn't "cause you more problems", and that maybe you could [smiley face] just "change your screen name"?

    Back on track, watching what you write could perhaps help you to not lose a friend. As we all know, one never knows who might be reading our online posts.
    Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    I think the question should be, are these people really true friends? if someone who i think is my friend chooses to verbally abuse me, yell at me and call me names - they are no longer a part of my life. maybe i'm harder on people than others but i just don't choose to take abuse from anyone. and as far as deleting from FB friends list? i've deleted quite a few - most don't even notice.

    i really hope serenity can find some peace - she has really gone through a lot this last year and i wish her all the best.
    "Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be."
    – Sydney J. Harris

  8. #8

    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    I agree with that, Anapuni, I also discharge so-called friends who do not act like a FRIEND. And ditto for best wishes for Serenity, everyone deserves some peace.
    Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Amati View Post
    Well, one thing you can do is to not talk harshly online about people (ie friends) in your life. You never know when they might read your posts.
    I don't think she may even know who "Serenity" is & who I am (AS Serenity) talking about, hence the fake name .

    IF I had used my real name, then I wouldn't be able to pour my heart out like this to this site & ask for advices, yeah?. :-)

    With my fake name, would you be able to know who I am really?, where I live? etc. ? Just saying, you know?. :-)
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  10. #10
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    Thumbs up Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by turtlegirl View Post
    Aloha Serenity!
    Im so sorry you're having these problems. It seems to me that you have been a good friend to this person. Likely, they have been good to you as well. So its perfectly reasonable that your feelings were hurt by this friend's opinion. Going on the assumption that neither of you want to hurt the other, Id suggest that you think more about the positive things that this person brings with their friendship. Maybe that will help you see things from a new perspective.
    Thank you so much for your positive feedback .


    Ignore Amati's comment;
    I'll try to.

    you're being a real person with feelings! That's perfectly ok!
    Thank you for understanding .

    Tho I hope that this thread doesn't cause you more problems!
    I hope not.


    (have you thought about changing your screen name?)
    I am not sure that it would make any difference, PLUS the name really means a lot to me :-)
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  11. #11
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    Thumbs up Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Menehune Man View Post
    “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”

    William Blake quote
    soo true. & Thank you
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Amati View Post
    Back on track, watching what you write could perhaps help you to not lose a friend.
    That's why I posted what I posted in requests of help on what to do about how I feel .

    As we all know, one never knows who might be reading our online posts.
    AS long as we don't post any of our real names, our friend's/Family's real names, personal infos such : home address, phone#s, credit card #s, etc. etc., then, I figure that we are all good .
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  13. #13
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    Thumbs up Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by anapuni808 View Post
    I think the question should be, are these people really true friends? if someone who i think is my friend chooses to verbally abuse me, yell at me and call me names - they are no longer a part of my life. maybe i'm harder on people than others but i just don't choose to take abuse from anyone. and as far as deleting from FB friends list? i've deleted quite a few - most don't even notice.

    i really hope serenity can find some peace - she has really gone through a lot this last year and i wish her all the best.
    Thank you so much for understanding, & you & I have truly a lot in common as far as other people being our friends, & how they should not abuse our friendships. , IF you in front of me right now, I would just give you a BIG HUG!!!. Thanks again. :-). u da besst!!. :-) :-)
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  14. #14
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    Thumbs up Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Amati View Post
    I agree with that, Anapuni, I also discharge so-called friends who do not act like a FRIEND. And ditto for best wishes for Serenity, everyone deserves some peace.
    Thank you Thank you!!.
    Aches & Pains
    (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Friends who make you feel bad are no longer "being" your friends.
    Either they never really were your friends or they got tired at some aspect of you.
    If a friend offers advice, they try to do it gently. If their gentle advice is ignored over numerous interactions, they may decide to no longer be your friend, ans will become aggressive to ether put you off or drive you away. Think about it.

    Sometimes our needs are more than our acquaintences can bear; this is when you discover who are friends and who are not.
    Friends don't desert you.
    Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!
    ~ ~
    Kaʻonohiʻulaʻokahōkūmiomioʻehiku
    Spreading the virus of ALOHA.
    Oh Chu. If only you could have seen what I've seen, with your eyes.

  16. #16

    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaonohi View Post
    they may decide to no longer be your friend, ans will become aggressive to ether put you off or drive you away. Think about it.
    Yep, a way to "unfriend" someone, without having to do it yourself. Just make the person not want YOU as a friend anymore. I think we've all done that, yes?
    Now run along and play, but don’t get into trouble.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaonohi View Post
    [...]
    Sometimes our needs are more than our acquaintences can bear; this is when you discover who are friends and who are not.
    Friends don't desert you.
    Friends don't always have unlimited availability (either time or emotional) for their "friends in need". A true friend will be honest, not to mention kind, and explain his/her limitations to the friend in need and offer alternatives. Then, if the "friend in need" becomes huhu, it's the "friend in need" who isn't a good friend. The friend that Serenity describes above can't even be categorized as a friend. If she feels imposed on then it's her responsibility to kindly explain that to Serenity. Not always easy, I realize...
    Quote Originally Posted by Amati View Post
    Yep, a way to "unfriend" someone, without having to do it yourself. Just make the person not want YOU as a friend anymore. I think we've all done that, yes?
    I think this is what Serenity is dealing with. The so-called "friend" doesn't want to be friends anymore so she mistreats Serenity in the hopes that she'll stop calling. And that would be my unsolicited advice to Serenity...stop calling. That will end the problem.

  18. #18
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    I've had to take stock of a lot of things in my life in the last year or two, and one of those things is friendships. I've considered each one: what does this person bring to my life? Is it positive or negative? Who am I when I'm around them? Do they impact me in good or bad ways? Do they make me feel good or bad after I'm with them? If I called them at 3am, would they answer? If they called me, would I? It hurt to let some of them go, but it's made my life so much better without that added stress and tension.

    This friend of yours sounds toxic. Whether it's just her or it's the two of you together that make that toxicity, it doesn't really matter. Don't let anyone treat you like that- you deserve much better. Why give someone else that power over you, the power to make you feel so awful about yourself? Screw that. This girl is screaming at you and you're worried about hurting HER feelings by deleting her off Facebook? Honey, just delete her. Friends will come and go, but witches like that will do you no good ever.

    Can't think of anything creative this time


  19. #19
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    SG = very well said! looks like you are one of the few who understand what friendship really is about. and you can tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
    "Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be."
    – Sydney J. Harris

  20. #20
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    Default Re: "Getting Over it"

    Quote Originally Posted by anapuni808 View Post
    SG = very well said! looks like you are one of the few who understand what friendship really is about. and you can tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.
    Thank you, Anapuni. You honestly have no idea how much that means to me, especially at this particular time when I needed to hear some encouraging words.

    Can't think of anything creative this time


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