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  • Local Jokes

    I'm tired of seeing a lot of mainland jokes. I want to see some local jokes.

    I'll start:

    There was an ambulance with its siren on that was rushing to the hospital that passed by a tenement. After they passed the tenement, they saw a Samoan man running quickly to the ambulance. The drivers were questioned by his presence behind them so they stopped the ambulance and asked the Samoan what was his problem. The Sole ran up to the ambulance and asked ,"Eh, U still get ice cream?"
    ------------

    Every day, a hen owned by the Hawaiian would lay an egg in his garden, which was used in his daily breakfast. One day, he looked into his garden, only to find that the hen had laid her egg in the Texan's garden.

    He was about to go next door when he saw the Texan rush out of the house to pick the egg. The Hawaiian ran up to the Texan and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Texan disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

    They argued for awhile until finally the Hawaiian said, "In Hawaii, we normally solve disputes by the following method."

    "I kick you in the nuts and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the nuts and time how long it takes for me to get up, whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

    The Texan thought for a moment and noticed that the Hawaiian was only wearing a pair of those funny "slippahs", then looked at his own feet which boasted a shiny new pair of alligator cowboy boots... with pointed toes no less. He quickly agreed to resolve the dispute "Hawaiian Style."

    The Hawaiian took a few steps back and kicked the Texan in the balls as hard as he could. The Texan fell to the ground clutching himself and howeled in agony for 30 minutes.

    Eventually, the Texan stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

    The Hawaiian replied, "Nahhh bruddah, keep the egg."

    ------------

    Q) What do you get when you cross a Filipino & Hawaiian?

    A) Somebody who lovees to clean yard but no more land.
    How'd I get so white and nerdy?

  • #2
    Re: Local Jokes

    I'll try to help push this thread along...

    These 2 Bruddahs and 1 Tita went to heaven...
    They met St. Peter at the pearly gates who told them "Welcome to heaven, glad to have you guys here, BUT, there is one golden rule that you need to follow" He continued, "Whatever you do...DON'T STEP ON A DUCK."

    Before St. Peter even got to end the sentence, Bruddah #1 promptly stepped on a duck. Immediately, an angel swooped down and chained a god-awful looking, large, hairy woman to him for all eternity.

    All shook-up, Bruddah #2 panicked. In his panic, of course, he stumbles and he too, steps on a duck. Another angel with another god-awful looking, large, hairy woman gets chained to him for all eternity...

    The Tita sees this and gingerly treads along careful not to step on any ducks.
    All of a sudden an angel swoops down on her and chains this well-sculpted, handsome hunk of a man to her.
    In joyous shock the Tita asks with a big smile, "What did I do to deserve getting chained to you!?"

    The hunk replies, "I dunno about you, but I stepped on a duck."

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Local Jokes

      You drive into the aloha stadium. they have only 3 lots open.


      "A" lot full
      "C" also full.

      where do you park?

      hahahahaha thats an old joke but still funny.


      -vic
      Enjoy this moment. This moment is your life.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Local Jokes

        this one is really old.

        Knock, knock?

        who's there?

        Meee Maaaa

        get it....hahahahaha.

        if it ain't funny, well, check out the post before mine....now thats funny...hahahaha

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Local Jokes

          This is one I have posted at my site so I thought I'd share it with everyone here. Living in Japan does not exempt me from receiving Podagee Local jokes so enjoy!

          A Honolulu construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Podagee. I’m not hiring any Podagees, the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test to avoid hiring the Podagee without getting into an argument.

          “Here’s your first question,” the foreman said. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”

          “Without numbers?” The Podagee says. “Das easy,” and proceeds to draw three trees.

          “What’s this?” the boss asks.

          “What, you no mo one brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Podagee.

          “Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

          The Podagee stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
          “Hea you go.”

          The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”

          “Each of da trees is dirty now! So it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Das is 99.”

          The boss is getting worried he’s going to have to hire this Podagee, so he says, “All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

          The Podagee stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again, makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, “Hea you go. One hundred.”

          The boss looks at the attempt. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred.”

          The Podagee leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, “A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?”
          Send POI

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Local Jokes

            Originally posted by Leimamo

            The Podagee leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree, and says, “A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which make one hundred. So when I start?”
            Hearing dis old one again wen gimme smiyo..... RODF!
            Aloha,
            Mokihana

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Local Jokes

              Originally posted by adri1456
              The Hawaiian replied, "Nahhh bruddah, keep the egg."
              RODFLMOO!!!
              Aloha,
              Mokihana

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Local Jokes

                How about a really corny one?
                What do you call a depressed 6 pack?
                give up?
                A sad case. hahaha.
                hay, I know it's corny, but it's funny, to.
                Aches & Pains
                (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: Local Jokes

                  Q. How do you keep a Portagee occupied?

                  A. Put him in one round room and tell him go sit in da corner.


                  Q. How do you get a one-armed Portagee down from da coconut tree?

                  A. Wave at him.


                  Q. What do you call a Filipino who walks his dog?

                  A. A vegetarian.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Local Jokes

                    *snickersnortsnicker*
                    Send POI

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: Local Jokes

                      Here is a sports joke for everyone: -

                      Patriots vs. Rams.
                      2 Rams fans were standing at a bar. The one fan said to the other " You now, the Patriots might have won the Super Bowl, but their fans are such a**holes!." A man walked up to them and with a mad look on his face said "I find that statement offensive!" One of the Rams fans replied, Oh, you must be a Patriots fan". "No," the man said, "I'm an a**hole!"
                      Aches & Pains
                      (through out our lives) knows no time!!.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: Local Jokes

                        You Know You From Hawaii If...

                        1. you buy large quantities of toilet paper in case there’s a longshoreman strike...
                        2. You don’t understand why anyone would buy less than a 20 lb bag of rice...
                        3. you would serve spam as a meat for dinner...
                        4. you can taste the difference between teriyaki and kal-bi
                        5. you know what a plumeria is and which color would die first: yellow,white or red...
                        6. you know why there’s shoes and slippers outside of front doors...
                        7. you know why there are alphabets on trees or any posts on graduation day you know why there are alphabets on trees or any posts on graduation day
                        8. you know what lei day is...
                        9. you know what is the "stink eye"; and how to give it...
                        10. you know what nationality girl would put tape on her eyelids and why...
                        11. you can correctly pronouce kalanianaole, kalakaua and aiea
                        12. you know what is in the big breakfast at mcdonald’s
                        13. you know what a "huli huli chicken" is...
                        14. you can name 3 varieties of mangos...
                        15. you have at least one family member whose name is "_____ boy; or "tita"...
                        16. you have said "wat, owe you money?,"; "karang your alas"; or "da kine"...
                        17. you know the difference between being hapa and being hapai
                        18. you give directions using mauka and makai...
                        19. you know what is "hawaii pono’i"...
                        20. you know what it takes to get into kamehameha school...
                        21. You know how to correctly pronounce "Likelike"...
                        22. Someone says the word "UKU" and your head starts itching. eeww...
                        23. You raise your chin to say "wassup" instead of nodding. (like one haole)...
                        24. When making "Shaka" the back of your hand is facing out.
                        25. You say, "Nori" not seaweed paper...
                        26. You say "Brah" not "Bro"...
                        27. You despise the movie "North Shore"...
                        28. You know why Sharks Cove is called Sharks Cove...
                        29. When your jokes are ‘bout Portugese not Polish...
                        30. You laugh at couples with cheesy Aloha attire...
                        31. If you get one pair of "tata" slippers...
                        32. When you e-mail mail people in pidgin...
                        33. You know what is "Morgan’s Corner". (And it still scares you!)
                        34. If you’re immune to "leptospirosis".
                        35. When it’s 70 degrees and it’s freezing to you.
                        36. You use "tako" instead of worms or fluorescent pink fish eggs for bait..
                        37. You got lickins’ with "da rubbah slippah"...
                        38. If you can walk through Waianae and not get mobbed...
                        39. You know that "Kukui nut" is not some mental person...
                        40. You’ve given Kahi Mohala’s number out to a guy/girl you didn’t like...
                        41. You call it "saimin" not "Top Ramen"...
                        42. The surf report is on your speed dial...
                        43. Your local kids wear slippers and shorts in November in Michigan!
                        (inside the house, of course!)...
                        44. "Dressing up" means shorts and a aloha shirt.
                        45. You say "shave ice", not snow cone or shaved ice...
                        46. Rainbow Drive-Inn is a special date.
                        47. You go Kam, not Aloha, swap meet.
                        48. You know pineapples don’t grow in trees.
                        49. When you hear the words fund raiser, you know it means Zippy's Chili
                        50. Your mouth waters when you hear the words li-hing mui.

                        cockaroached from e hawaii

                        Link hear for more http://www.e-hawaii.com/fun/jokes/toc.htm

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: Local Jokes

                          Get dese two Pocho wahine holoholo down Kalākaua Avenue. Da firss one spock one compact ona sidewalk and lean down foah pick um up. She open um up, look insai da mirrah an tell da odda wahine, "Eh, dis wahine look familiah!"

                          Da numbah two Pocho wahine tell her, "eh, try lemme spock dat". So da firss Pocho wahine wen geev da compact to second wahine. Da second wahine look insai da mirrah an tell da firss wahine, "U lolo! Is ME!"
                          Aloha,
                          Mokihana

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Re: Local Jokes


                            One day, one Pocho wahine wen come to her hale wen pau hana. Ai yah!! Da hale stay all hamajang, an somebodywen kakaroach all her stuffs!

                            She wen call 911 an tellum, "Eh, get ovah my hale! Some lolo wen kakaroach all my stuffs!"

                            Da 911 dispachah wen broadcast da call on alla channels, an one K-9 unit dat was neahby stay da firss to get deah to da hale. Da K-9 offisah wen hele up to da front doah wit his dog on one leash.

                            Da Pocho wahine wen run out ona porch, choke upset. She wen spock da policeman. She wen spock da dog. Den, she wen sit down ona porch an get big bambucha wai maka, teahs rolling down her face.

                            "Ai yah!", she wen sob. "I wen come to my hale, oni foah find all my stuffs been kakaroached! I call 911 foah kokua, an wat dey do??? Dey send me one blind mullet policeman!!"


                            I can do dis kine cuz I stay Pocho, yeah~
                            Aloha,
                            Mokihana

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Local Jokes

                              Originally posted by Mokihana

                              One day, one Pocho wahine wen come to her hale wen pau hana. Ai yah!! Da hale stay all hamajang, an somebodywen kakaroach all her stuffs!

                              She wen call 911 an tellum, "Eh, get ovah my hale! Some lolo wen kakaroach all my stuffs!"

                              Da 911 dispachah wen broadcast da call on alla channels, an one K-9 unit dat was neahby stay da firss to get deah to da hale. Da K-9 offisah wen hele up to da front doah wit his dog on one leash.

                              Da Pocho wahine wen run out ona porch, choke upset. She wen spock da policeman. She wen spock da dog. Den, she wen sit down ona porch an get big bambucha wai maka, teahs rolling down her face.

                              "Ai yah!", she wen sob. "I wen come to my hale, oni foah find all my stuffs been kakaroached! I call 911 foah kokua, an wat dey do??? Dey send me one blind mullet policeman!!"


                              I can do dis kine cuz I stay Pocho, yeah~
                              Its jokes like this that I'm thankful of knowing how to read pidgin.
                              How'd I get so white and nerdy?

                              Comment

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