A man beating his wife

[tutusue]

Re: A man beating his wife

Cyn, what you describe is classic Sociopathic behavior. Unfortunately, there are too many individuals of both genders that exhibit various degrees of that disorder. If you find yourself in one of these kinds of relationships, leave, IMMEDIATELY and take the keiki with you.

While I completely agree with you, matapule, leaving is MUCH easier said than done. Cyn articulately explains why.

[timkona]

Re: A man beating his wife

Thank you Cyn for your honest and heartfelt reply. I read every word, twice. Perhaps, in the future, I will eventually win back your respect, or my worthiness. And I certainly hope that you find the handsome prince you deserve.

[Amati]

Re: A man beating his wife

What is it about mean sunsabiches that you girls just cannot resist? Bad men, no job, scars, tattoos, ex-cons, missing teeth, BO, wife-beater t-shirt, perhaps a Harley, with bald tires, and no helmet for the passenger, or even a married dude, who is cheating. What is the attraction?.

It is not that abusers are limited to bad, jobless, scarred & tattooed, toothless, stinky Harley riders.
Abusers can also be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, police officer, actor, sports figure .... abusers come from all walks of life. The issue of why a woman stays with an abuser has more to do with the WOMAN than the man.

[Kaonohi]

Re: A husband appreciating his wife, and vice versa.

And I certainly hope that you find the handsome prince you deserve.

I think most of us have earned, through abuse, misunderstandings and sacrifices, that handsome prince or princess we 'deserve.'

I've learned the hard way: crowns break, jewels lose their glitter, and handsome or pretty is only skin deep and doesn't show an abusive or selfish personality.

I can't say I've 'settled' for an equal partnership and mutual understanding, I worked for it. I nurtured it. And it has worked out better than any imagined royal could ever be.

If respect isn't mutual respect, then there is no respect.

[cynsaligia]

Re: A man beating his wife

Thank you Cyn for your honest and heartfelt reply.

you're welcome.

And I certainly hope that you find the handsome prince you deserve.

already did. mixedplatebroker and i are six years strong in june.

It is not that abusers are limited to bad, jobless, scarred & tattooed, toothless, stinky Harley riders.
Abusers can also be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, police officer, actor, sports figure .... abusers come from all walks of life.

agreed.

The issue of why a woman stays with an abuser has more to do with the WOMAN than the man.

i wouldn't put it this simply.

If respect isn't mutual respect, then there is no respect.

damned skippy.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: A man beating his wife

This thread is a keeper. I'm too tired out to comment much on it (it's Northwest Folklife Festival weekend in Seattle, and I'm performing in three bands, on top of my regular work hours early Friday & Saturday morning), but I want to note a couple things.

cynsaligia's post is something everyone should read, regardless of gender, at least twice, as timkona did. Don't look at it with a jaundiced or judgmental eye; just read the words exactly as she wrote them, and don't try to redefine them by your own experience. It's not often that we get the benefit of such a painfully-learned lesson, with such clarity.

Yes, I am "taken." This weekend, the AFK (Alpha Female from Kane`ohe) and I celebrate 14 years together, still unmarried. This relationship has lasted longer than both of my marriages combined. Respect, honesty and communication are cornerstones to our success; ongoing lust for each other comes into the equation somewhere.

It took a long time to find this stability, this abiding happiness, this love. A story of personal growth, deep soul-searching, hitting rock bottom and having all my values utterly shattered so I could reconstruct them anew, or toss them aside. Oprah would weep, and book me for a week's worth of shows - but it's not a story that would apply to anyone else's world.

[tutusue]

Re: A man beating his wife

I agree 100%...and no, my girl and I split after 7 years...it has been a very long 6 single months.

Tatt, forgive me for my forwardness with this reply but I seriously wish for you a loving, lasting relationship AFTER you can say "it has been a wonderful, insightful, learning, growing, 6 months of being single". Make that 12 months! Learn to love spending time with yourself. But don't learn from me 'cuz I took it to an extreme!

[Barry]

Re: A man beating his wife

A bit of advice here Tatt. Easier said than done but try to bounce back feller and get on with your life.

[Frankie's Market]

Re: A man beating his wife

so how do you stop this problem? i think in many cases, it starts with parenting. part of my deal was (1) my mom was emotionally distant; (2) strict and demanding and (3) my dad was absent. before i met my ex, i was looking for daddy--someone who would protect me, support me emotionally, give me the love i craved. a lot of the time, he did that. it's just that in between, he'd attempt to kill me. that's all.

Very useful insights you offer. It is so important for parents to raise their children with a healthy sense of self-esteem. Without this simple but vital quality, children can grow up to become adults who are caught up in a cycle of dysfunctional relationships, whether they are on the giving or receiving end of physical/emotional abuse.