Please help find birth mother

[Terry]

Hello,
I am new to this site. I need help finding the mother of my wife who was adopted. My wife has developed the desire to meet her birth mom and find out about her ancestry. This is what we know about her birth mom:

she was attending St. Louis University in Missouri when she got pregnant and gave my wife over to adoption.
she was a member of the swim team at St. Louis University.
she was from Hawaii.
she was somehow related to Liliuokalani.
she gave birth to my wife on 3-18-61.

I know this is a shot in the dark, but it would be a remarkable story if we can find this woman and intoduce her to her daughter.
Thanks for any help.

[Glen Miyashiro]

If your wife was born in Missouri, then you would need to deal with the state of Missouri for access to the adoption records. Here's the relevant law: http://www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C400-499/4530000121.HTM

Good luck.

[1stwahine]

Aloha Terry. First of all, I hope you find your answers. Unfortunately, we are not an agency.

Locating Birthmothers who have given up a child for a reason is a trust between them and the agency they delt with at the time. There are many stories in which adoptees and birth birthmothers have been reunited. There are also stories of ones that were met with anger of being contacted.

I pray and hope your wife's will not be the case.

Good Luck.

Auntie Lynn

[manoasurfer123]

This probably won't help you much terry...

However, I found my two long lost-half brothers by using "Myspace"

I hadn't seen or heard from them in nearly 30 years.... luckily one of them has a fairly uncommon first name... so I was able to sort through all of the people that had the same name... find the one that looked like me... and then we made contact.... Now we talk and write on a daily basis.

They didn't even know I was lookinng for them all this time!

Given that you have the information on the Swim team at the University of St. Louis... I would go back and check with there "Records" books and see if they have any swimmers on their teams that looks like they may have a Hawaiian first or last name... Just a shot in the dark though....

I know Univ. of Hawaii Athletic records only go back so far...

[Terry]

Hi Glenn,
We have started the process through the State of Missouri, but I thought it could'nt hurt to put a note in a bottle. Thanks for your comment.

Aloha Aunie Lynn,
It is true that we cannot be sure of the response of the mother, but we feel that a bad reaction would be better than wondering. It is possible that the mother has not taken action because she fears what the daughter's reaction would be. If I could find her, I would find a discreet way to aproach her in case she wants to keep that part of her life concealed.

Thanks for posting.

[manoasurfer123]

Aloha Aunie Lynn,
It is true that we cannot be sure of the response of the mother, but we feel that a bad reaction would be better than wondering. It is possible that the mother has not taken action because she fears what the daughter's reaction would be. If I could find her, I would find a discreet way to aproach her in case she wants to keep that part of her life concealed.
Thanks for posting.
I would say HT is far from discreet;)

[Terry]

Aloha manoasurfer123,

We have posted my wife's info on Myspace. But we don't know the name of her birth mother. It was a good idea though...thanks.

What is HT?

[1stwahine]

What is HT?
HawaiiThreads.com :D

Auntie Lynn

[manoasurfer123]

I'll let you figure out what HT is on your own... ;)

Ahh aunty... you blew it;)

shes kidding... it means Hot Tamales :p

[Terry]

I thought I would also mention that my wife was adopted by a woman that immigrated from China to the States when she was 12. Her father was the Chinese ambassador to France when the communist took over. He was able to send his daughter to the States before the killing began.

I like hot tamales...I think I will use that in the future....HT for everyone.

PS We live in West Texas

[manoasurfer123]

Sounds like you have sufficient amount of information on her to find her...

however, if your trying to be discreet about finding her... HT is not a discreet way to go about it.

[Terry]

manoasurfer123,
It seems that there are three possible scenerios with regards to whether the mother would want discretion or not:
1. She never told anyone. In this case I would be surprised that anyone reading HT would know and therefore the secret remains.
2. She told a select few people who would know her well. If one of these people see the message on HT or hear about it then, they could contact her or me.
3. She has not kept the birth as a secret and therefore discretion is not necessary.

In any event, this is new ground for me. I am just winging it the best I can.

[1stwahine]

I thought I would also mention that my wife was adopted by a woman that immigrated from China to the States when she was 12. Her father was the Chinese ambassador to France when the communist took over. He was able to send his daughter to the States before the killing began.

Great story so far...please entertain us with more information.

Auntie Lynn

[manoasurfer123]

manoasurfer123,
It seems that there are three possible scenerios with regards to whether the mother would want discretion or not:
1. She never told anyone. In this case I would be surprised that anyone reading HT would know and therefore the secret remains.
2. She told a select few people who would know her well. If one of these people see the message on HT or hear about it then, they could contact her or me.
3. She has not kept the birth as a secret and therefore discretion is not necessary.

In any event, this is new ground for me. I am just winging it the best I can.
Can you please re-read 1 and 3 and tell me somethings not wrong?

I never started drinking yet!

[Terry]

Auntie Lynn,
It is an interesting story but I can't tell whether you are being sarcastic or not.

manoasurfer123,
Help me out with your point. It is late here and I have had a long day.
Thanks,
Terry (hot tamale lover)

[manoasurfer123]

Auntie Lynn,
It is an interesting story but I can't tell whether you are being sarcastic or not.
Terry (hot tamale lover)
Auntie Lynn is probably the most straight forward to the point poster on Hot Tamales

She is being entertained... trust me... as am I!

Honestly... I still never talk to my father in more than 28 years!!! And that's by my choice :)

[manoasurfer123]

With all seriousness Terry,

This is a very nice effort your doing on behalf of your wife. Family is very important to many people, and I personally have friends that were adopted and are doing the same things to find there real parents.

In all honesty... the two that did find there Mothers:

1. the first one turned out that the mother didn't know who the actual father was and was quite shocked that she was found by her "daughter" they haven't talked since that meeting.
2. the second one ended up meeting eachother...and then my friend came back telling us how glad she was for her adoptive parents as her mother turned out to be a druggie.

I hope all goes well in your search for her mother... however, don't let it eat away at you. Make sure that the two of you grow together and learn from those mistakes before you so that you can have a lovely ohana yourself.

Manoa

[1stwahine]

Auntie Lynn,
It is an interesting story but I can't tell whether you are being sarcastic or not.
Terry (hot tamale lover)

Terry, I'm not being sarcastic. I am a blogger. I love to write true stories especially mine. I love to read other people's true stories as well. I find your wife's story interesting.

Auntie Lynn

[MadAzza]

Your mother is the woman who raises you.

Please respect the biological parent's privacy. She gave your wife her life; now let her live her own in peace. If she does not make it known through the proper channels that she wants to be found, then she does not want to be hounded. Please, please respect her privacy.

[Terry]

Manoa,
Good advice. Life is interesting. We enjoy it.

Auntie Lynn,
Sorry for sounding incredulous. It really is an interesting story but I should be certain of the details. It is late so I will sign off for tonight and I will try to get back to you with more of the story soon.

Aloha
Terry (HT lover)

[tutusue]

Can you please re-read 1 and 3 and tell me somethings not wrong?[...]
Manoa...Terry stated:
"It seems that there are three possible scenerios with regards to whether the mother would want discretion or not:"
"Possible scenerios" being the key phrase.

[manoasurfer123]

Manoa...Terry stated:
"Possible scenerios" being the key phrase.
mahalo tutue...

now i get um...

I tink...

[SusieMisajon]

How did you get he information that you already have? Can you get more, at that end?

[cezanne]

I became a "step-dad" 7 years ago when someone who my wife gave up for adoption at the age of 16 made "the call". It worked out really well, he even stayed with us for a year, got a job in the airlines (free tickeys for my wife:)) before moving back to the east coast. My wife even met his "mother and father" and he got to meet his biological grandparents too.

Good luck in your quest.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

My stepmom's sister gave up her daughter when she was 17. That girl found the family about five years ago, and there have been many blended reunions since. If your wife has the same blessed fortune, the whole family will benefit. Here's to you and positive outcomes.

[Glen Miyashiro]

Your mother is the woman who raises you.True. But the woman (and the man) who gave you your genes had a lot to do with how you turned out, too.

Please respect the biological parent's privacy. She gave your wife her life; now let her live her own in peace. If she does not make it known through the proper channels that she wants to be found, then she does not want to be hounded. Please, please respect her privacy.If you go through the official channels, the birth parents are given an opportunity to preserve their privacy if they wish by declining to allow the release of information. But if you find them independently, then you need to let them have the opportunity to say "no", and you need to have the integrity to honor their request if they do so.

Having said that, I wish you well and hope it turns out for the best.

[MadAzza]

If you go through the official channels, the birth parents are given an opportunity to preserve their privacy if they wish by declining to allow the release of information. But if you find them independently, then you need to let them have the opportunity to say "no", and you need to have the integrity to honor their request if they do so.

Yes, that's what I meant. I thought I was clear; perhaps not. These things can turn out great, as they did with the child my oldest sister gave up 35 years ago. We all got together a few years ago and now she, her husband (whom I refer to as my nephew, as she is my niece) and their kids are almost inseparable from us. From the first time we all met her, it was as if we'd known her forever. Everyone was just thrilled about getting together, and it's actually bizarre how much we have in common. Maybe I'll save all that for another post.

She is just a few years younger than I. We (my family and hers) get together several times a year. It really is as if she and her husband have always been a part of our family. So I well understand that these reunions can be fantastic -- IF all parties are cool with it.

I didn't mean to be negative -- just respectful to the birth mother, who made an agonizing decision more than 40 years ago.

[legal_secretary_in_mtl]

Your mother is the woman who raises you.

Please respect the biological parent's privacy. She gave your wife her life; now let her live her own in peace. If she does not make it known through the proper channels that she wants to be found, then she does not want to be hounded. Please, please respect her privacy.

Hey, if she was adopted and she wants to find her REAL mother, let her do so ! Sometimes we dont want to be found DIRECTLY but we hope maybe someday to be, without making the first move so I tell that guy's wife GO FOR IT... worst that can happen is that she turns her back on her again and says no i dont want to talk to you.

[cezanne]

The way it worked with my wife, someone from some agency called her to let her know that her biological child was inquiring about her. They asked permission to release information.

[MadAzza]

Hey, if she was adopted and she wants to find her REAL mother, let her do so ! Sometimes we dont want to be found DIRECTLY but we hope maybe someday to be, without making the first move so I tell that guy's wife GO FOR IT... worst that can happen is that she turns her back on her again and says no i dont want to talk to you.

Yes, that's what I said. Please read what I wrote, above. Thank you.

[legal_secretary_in_mtl]

Yes, that's what I said. Please read what I wrote, above. Thank you.

I did after I posted my comments.... :)

[legal_secretary_in_mtl]

The way it worked with my wife, someone from some agency called her to let her know that her biological child was inquiring about her. They asked permission to release information.

I think thats how it generally work. Good luck to her :)

[SusieMisajon]

Ohhh...I am SO glad, that I didn't get pregnant in my younger days!

[legal_secretary_in_mtl]

Ohhh...I am SO glad, that I didn't get pregnant in my younger days!


I presume thats cuz u were smart enough not to get preggo :-)

JMO :)