Any words of wisdom

[peacefulhaole83]

I come from a small family, and I'm an only child. I'm 25 and lived in the same town my whole life. I call this place (In Florida home) but I'm ready for a change. My fiancee is from Hawaii and we have (and have been )planing a move there for quite some time. Everytime I think I'm ready I get nervous and second it. I know many people would say "good stay there", or "if you have to question it, it's not meant to be." but I think neither of those is true. I'm leaving home for the first time, and across the world at that. I sometimes feel guilty that I'm leaving, but I think it's my feelings standing in the way. I know I will miss everyone....I'm to sensitive sometimes. What I really want to know is how you have dealt with "leaving the nest" and are these feelings normal? How have you dealt with them? Does being that far away make it hard for anyone? I'm not afraid to leave, I think Im just kinda scared. Am I just to used to my surroundings? I know I'll live and I just need to get over it, Huh? Sorry if this is wierd, I just had a long discussion with someone tonight, and needed some different thoughts on thanks. Thanks.

[Kaukura]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I've always been a gypsy of sorts. Traveled all over the south pacific by myself from age 18. Went to Paris by myself at 19 for a month. Growing up in No Cal, moving to Los Angeles with my family, moving to San Francisco, France, New York City, San Fran again and here to Honolulu.

Some of us take risks and need to throw a wrench into the spokes of our lives and see what happens. I dont think its a question of 'if you question it, stay there.' Nothing wrong with questioning things. But does questioning something prevent you from making a change? Fear of the unknown perhaps? Some woudl find the thought of seeing new things, new adventures quite exciting. Can you always go back?

btw, there are many people here in hawaii who have never left this island or state, Not saying that's good or bad. I find it a bit curious, as I never would have thought of that scenario until I moved here. But obviously there are people on the mainland who have lived where they lived most of their lives. I have a co worker who's (grammar police who cares) husband has not left the island in 20 years. He's afraid of flying.

People do what they have to do in life. Who am I to judge.

[TATTRAT]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I too have been rather nomadic...born and raised on Bermuda, lived in Virginia Beach for years, lived in the U.K., Netherlands, small stint in the Pacific North West, back to the east coast, Hawai'i, and now am in back on the east coast in Northern Virginia/D.C....and still have Japan on the horizon in a couple of years.

I got out on my own early, at 15. Tried to complete school but didn't, but quite fortunately evolved my "need to get by" jobs into a career that then allowed my to travel and see/experience the world around us. It made me stronger, more opened minded, and certainly more respectful of others cultures and beliefs. I have made an international group of friends, some I think of more as family, and never really missed anyplace with the exception of Hawai'i. Something about it, I just love and miss on the daily...bieng here on HT helps a little

Leaving the nest is only natural, as are the feelings you are feeling. Take ease in knowing that you DO have a HOME to go back to if things flop. If or until that time arrives, be excited about the adventure. I forget who said it, but life is like a book, and if you have not traveled, you have only read the first page.

Embrace the change, you have your whole life ahead of you, and the worst that can happen is you end up with some great adventure tales to relay back to your friends and family back in Florida. Just go for it, life is too short not to.

just my $.02

[matapule]

Re: Any words of wisdom

Spend a month or 6 months or whatever you can afford in Hawai'i, before you make a committment to move here. I think your final decision will become very clear, whether to stay of go back, after just a few weeks.

[surlygirly]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I've lived in Dallas all but one year of my life. I moved to Little Rock on a whim and it was an adventure.

I'm going through what you are now. Everyone is telling me, "Oh, how exciting that you're moving to Hawaii! You'll have so much fun; it's such a great opportunity; you must be so excited, etc." Well, to tell the truth...I go back and forth, but I'm mostly scared.

I don't make friends very easily. I'm not a shy person, but I'm reserved. I don't know anyone there. I don't know my way around. I don't know the culture or how to pronounce most of the streets or cities. I don't like fish. I'm scared of being prejudiced against b/c I'm very obviously not native.

My husband makes friends with people in line at the store. He doesn't understand any of my fears and has told me he thinks they're "stupid". So I'm afraid I will be sitting in my house (with hardly any comforts of home) without my dogs, or my car, homesick. I can go places, but I won't have anyone to go to them with. My best friend just had a baby, and I won't get to be there when my other close friend has hers. I'm going to miss a whole year of everything.

BUT......

But another part of me knows I don't have any choice and I have to make the best of it. There are beaches and all that comes with Hawaii. And it's a new day and a new adventure. Living in Little Rock for that one year really made me grow up and I learned a lot. I will be able to experience things here that I can't in Texas. If everyone stayed where they grew up, New England would be very crowded and no one would live in California.

You'll have to get used to the fact that for your old friends, life will go on. They'll email you, but your contact with them will eventually taper off a little. You can visit and you will always be part of the group, but it won't be exactly the same. But you will have new friends, friends that you made as an adult. They will only know you as an adult, and you may even have more in common with them than the ones from back home.

It's good that you're thinking about these things now instead of just implusively moving and regretting it later. It will be a big change, but I always tell people that they know the answer to their question if they look deep down inside. You're right- your fear may be clouding your judgement right now, but I think if you really want this, you should do it. Sweat it all out before you leave, and then when you get on the plane, you will have nothing but excitment.

Besides, it's always cool to be able to say, "Well, when I lived in Hawaii...."

[peacefulhaole83]

Re: Any words of wisdom

Wow, thanks for the great replies everyone. Its good to hear other peoples experiences, all of my friends have never left. (except 1) I know I'll make it and that I'm making the right decision. When I think of the one thing I would regret it would be that I sometimes feel I live my life for other people. But those other people make me happy too. I know I can always come back. But growing up is part of life. I'm glad my fiancee grew up there, because through her I already made some really cool friends, and at least I'll have my foot on the ground a little. Goodluck to you surlygurly. I'm sure you will do fine, and at least you know your not alone.

[Amati]

Re: Any words of wisdom

You asked, and you might not like my view, but here it is:
You'll probably have a better reception from your fiancee's family if you get married, rather than be seen as a "shack up haole boy" that is taking advantage of their girl. Or, you could live in seperate homes....

Sorry, but that elephant in the room is mighty big.

[peacefulhaole83]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I should have mentioned my girl is haole too. Her family was millitary. She grew up on Hickam, but when her father retired she decided to stay. She only had $200 and was 18 at the time so she only made it another year by herself. She came to Florida in March 0f 2003 and thats when I met her. As far as the marrige goes, her parents are very old fashioned and that would be the right thing to do in their eyes also. We are the best of friends and when she talks about being there you can feel the dissapointment in her voice, and you can see the sadness in her eyes. She does call it home, she knows nothing else. I'm glad she got to share such a beautiful, enchanting, historical place with me. Besides little road trips here and there, it showed me how big, yet how small the world can be, and how I need to act upon my instinct, rather than my feelings. We are 25 now, and the thought of not doing or seeing anything else in life and almost being 30 is sadning. Especially when theres a wonderful place, with wonderful friends just waiting on us.

[Amati]

Re: Any words of wisdom

whew, that elephant just trotted out of the room!

[sinjin]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I should have mentioned my girl is haole too.

I took you for the girl based on your first post, no offense.
You're afraid to leave the nest and you're 25?
IMO you are way too immature and inexperienced to be getting married.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Follow her I you wish but set yourself up with your own place.

[peacefulhaole83]

Re: Any words of wisdom

It's not that I'm afraid the to leave. I have an elderly grandmother who can't get around, that I do stuff for also. I also do alot, and help my family out on other stuff they do not have the means to accomplish..... I just sometimes feel guilty that I want to leave, and that I will miss out on some of their time. I don't want to leave them, but I sometimes feel like thats what they think, and my mom especially has put some guilt on me in her own way. I know it's my life, and thiers but I just can't figure out a way to explain to some of my family that this is for me, and I will be alright. I know they will worry, and that is natural. It's hard to ask your friends for their advice when your the only one of them with any motivation, or goals. I'd like to think I'm tough and I usually don't open up like this, but I figured someone out here has been through the same thing. I just can never think of myself, I take everyone elses feelings into to much consideration. My family is very small, and they are all I know. I guess it's a personal problem I have to figure out on my own.

[peacefulhaole83]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I took you for the girl based on your first post, no offense.
You're afraid to leave the nest and you're 25?
IMO you are way too immature and inexperienced to be getting married.
Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Follow her I you wish but set yourself up with your own place.

I find it amazing you can judge me all the way across the world without knowing me, or whats going on here in my family. By nest I meant the town where I live. Not my parents house. I run a successful high volume detailing business, paid off a 2004 Nissan truck, volunteered for my community, never been in trouble, no debt and have more money in the bank than everyone combined I know. I've worked 2 jobs since I've been 17, and I was the night manager of Floridas oldest restuarant when I was 18. Lead delivery driver of a company when I was 18 also. I'm looking for a change. I've been talking to a recruiter in Hawaii, because I would really like to go to college, and defend this country, and it's people. I'm sorry to you thinking of other people is immature sounding. This question wasn't about my relationship, we've been toghether almost six years. Thats longer than people are married. Rushing into things without someone you don't know like yourself, with no money, or impulsively would be immature. We're going out there with the intention of starting a new, healthy, life. Not to backpack around and come back, and I just want them to know I'm doing right.

[Nords]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I've been talking to a recruiter in Hawaii, because I would really like to go to college, and defend this country, and it's people.

Well, now you're on a subject I actually know something about.

If you're thinking of joining the military for active duty then you may want to hold off moving to Hawaii. Hawaii is a great place to be stationed but your recruit training and your initial schooling will almost certainly be on the Mainland for whatever service/occupation you end up in. (Notice that I said "end up in", not "choose".) The assignments people may be happy to send you to Hawaii but they may "need" you equally urgently in a bunch of other locations too.

If you're looking at the Reserves/National Guard then Hawaii is a great place to start. For example over 30% of the military billets at the joint Pacific Command (PACOM) HQ are filled by Reservists. You'll be able to do your Reserve recruit training in two-week stints or all at once, and if you choose some version of active duty for longer periods of time it's quite easy to come by. When you're ready to use your education benefits, the local schools are fairly flexible about most degree programs. But be aware that the Reserves expect an active duty mobilization of 12-15 months every few years. That will easily wreck an entrepreneur's business, let alone a college timeline.

But it sounds like a life that your fiancée is used to, and no doubt you'll get all sorts of helpful military career advice from your prospective father-in-law.

[sinjin]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I find it amazing you can judge me all the way across the world without knowing me, or whats going on here in my family. By nest I meant the town where I live. Not my parents house. I run a successful high volume detailing business, paid off a 2004 Nissan truck, volunteered for my community, never been in trouble, no debt and have more money in the bank than everyone combined I know. I've worked 2 jobs since I've been 17, and I was the night manager of Floridas oldest restuarant when I was 18. Lead delivery driver of a company when I was 18 also. I'm looking for a change. I've been talking to a recruiter in Hawaii, because I would really like to go to college, and defend this country, and it's people. I'm sorry to you thinking of other people is immature sounding. This question wasn't about my relationship, we've been toghether almost six years. Thats longer than people are married. Rushing into things without someone you don't know like yourself, with no money, or impulsively would be immature. We're going out there with the intention of starting a new, healthy, life. Not to backpack around and come back, and I just want them to know I'm doing right.

Backpacking around might be exactly what you need. I did say I was sorry if I sounded harsh. Sounds like you've nothing to learn from me. Best of luck.

[peacefulhaole83]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I meant no disrespect to you. It just came off as negative to me. And thats what I'm tired of hearing here where I live. I seem to be very optomistic, but it seems like everyone I know here might be holding me back because they are to afraid to leave, or try anything, or set goals for themselves.? Thankyou for taking the time out of your day to care enough to respond.

I was talking to a CG recruiter. I put off my entry here last year because I wanted to go reserves that way I would have time to do school, and work. And obviously your Duty assignments are the closet base. (Most of the time) I got a good enough asvab score to do pretty much whatever I want, only I'm color blind so it kinda limits me. Not only does Hawaii seem like a great place to live as a civilian, but the reserves seems like a great place to start. I have a ton of stuff to experience in the next year. And we'll see what happens. Thankyou for the advice.