Any words of wisdom

[sinjin]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I meant no disrespect to you. It just came off as negative to me. And thats what I'm tired of hearing here where I live. I seem to be very optomistic, but it seems like everyone I know here might be holding me back because they are to afraid to leave, or try anything, or set goals for themselves.? Thankyou for taking the time out of your day to care enough to respond.

I was talking to a CG recruiter. I put off my entry here last year because I wanted to go reserves that way I would have time to do school, and work. And obviously your Duty assignments are the closet base. (Most of the time) I got a good enough asvab score to do pretty much whatever I want, only I'm color blind so it kinda limits me. Not only does Hawaii seem like a great place to live as a civilian, but the reserves seems like a great place to start. I have a ton of stuff to experience in the next year. And we'll see what happens. Thankyou for the advice.

Forgive me for interpreting "the nest" as the family home. It is the common vernacular.

You're 25, a hard worker and a loyal son. In short, a good young man. Don't sell yourself short. That's all I mean. It's a big world. See some of it. Hawaii is one of the sweetest spots on God's green Earth. Well worth the miles to get there from wherever. Come committed to being changed by her, not to change her.

[turtlegirl]

Re: Any words of wisdom

It's hard to ask your friends for their advice when your the only one of them with any motivation, or goals.

Ummm...don't take this the wrong way, but I think you could lighten up on your friends a little. These are people you like, and who like you, right? Their motivations and goals may just be different than yours.

[Jim75]

Re: Any words of wisdom

I'd say 'Go for it'. Be an adventurer. Tell your family and friends you love 'em but your gonna go have a look around. If it's not for you, you can always go back or go somewhere else. There's only one way to find out. If you stay in your hometown and never leave, you'll likely wish you had taken the chance at some point. People stay in one place forever. Some move and then return. Others move and put down roots in the new place. Some are nomads. One way isn't right and the others are wrong. It's more about what's right for you. Actually, there should be a little voice deep inside you that will tell you if it's right or wrong for you. You gotta listen for it. Ken Kesey said your life is an artwork. So go make some art.

But . . . uhh . . . don't blame me if it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: Any words of wisdom

Howdy PH83,

my mom especially has put some guilt on me in her own way

That's rough, dude. Loved ones sure know our buttons. Despite being an adult, my wife always felt like a kid around her family. It wasn't until she got married and had children, that she felt like an equal.

Friends and family are the last people who want to see you change. Changing your life changes theirs, and most people don't like change if they're not the ones initiating it. You won't have much luck turning to them for support.

You'll have to look forward, instead of back, for encouragement. Odds are the only support you'll have is that little internal voice telling you your current situation isn't right. Acting on that voice takes courage and self forgiveness for the mistakes you'll make. It can help to cultivate a little anger and frustration. It sure would help a ton if you had your family's blessing, though.


I'm gonna make some wild guess about you and your loved ones. I'll probably be off base, but if it helps you see things from a different perspective, maybe it'll be useful.


It sounds like you're the most responsible person amongst your friends and family. I find it odd that you're the one caring for your grandmother and not your parents. Does everyone depend on you?

If so, I can see why you feel trapped, and why they don't want you to leave. If you've spent most of your life taking care of others, it leaves you little time to discover what you want to do with your own life. It sounds like you need a solid month away from work and family. Time and space to dabble in the things which interest you and you have a talent for (the things you get so into, you don't realize 3 hours just passed).

Of course family ties can be very sticky, and if you run a business you're kinda chained to it. Sometimes people need something dramatic to help them break free from the pull of gravity.

I don't think where you end up is as important as getting yourself out of the rut you're in. Hawaii is as a good as place as any, when it comes to experimenting with your life (though it is a bit pricey and geographically isolated).

This is a touchy subject, but I guess I'll go there (one advantage of us not knowing each other). It sounds like your fiance wants to settle down in Hawaii. If you two move here, and Hawaii turns out to be a bad fit for you, you'll be in a tough situation. Either you'll stay in Hawaii, to make your fiance happy, but you might become bitter and resentful. Or you'll leave Hawaii and possibly your fiance won't follow. Do you think this is adding to your fear of moving to Hawaii? Not an easy topic, but you two should probably talk it out, if it concerns you.


Perhaps you can manage a month long vacation from both work and family? Sometimes what we need most is some quiet space, so we can figure out what we want for our life, instead of what other people want for us. Best of luck to you.

[tutusue]

Re: Any words of wisdom

Yep...what MJ wrote...^
<applause!>

[Amati]

Re: Any words of wisdom

This is a touchy subject, but I guess I'll go there (one advantage of us not knowing each other). It sounds like your fiance wants to settle down in Hawaii. If you two move here, and Hawaii turns out to be a bad fit for you, you'll be in a tough situation. Either you'll stay in Hawaii, to make your fiance happy, but you might become bitter and resentful. Or you'll leave Hawaii and possibly your fiance won't follow. Do you think this is adding to your fear of moving to Hawaii? Not an easy topic, but you two should probably talk it out, if it concerns you.

I thought about that too, MJoe. Wonder if the partner is pushing for a move to Hawaii ... sort of a "ticket home"?
PH, just don't move in with your girl's family or friends, or you'll be left stranded if something falls apart between you and your girl.