the change of times and child rearing

[turtlegirl]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

Heh heh...Leashlaws and Surlygirly, sounds like your parents were just like mine!! Funny how I appreciate it sooo much now that I'm all growed up!

[leashlaws]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

ah, leashlaws it's okay. in fact today is my eldest niece's bday. several days ago, it was my twin nieces' bday. they're all adults now. no, they won't reach out because they only know their parents' side of the story.

as far as being a mother, no i really don't think i could be a good one. and, my mother would always say, "look with your eyes not with your hands", too. i'll just stick to my fur babies.

I'm pretty sure I would have been a great parent but who knows? I can only assess this by what I do to take care of my dogs......Being an only child and never babysitting or holding a baby at all until I was 25 kind of left me on the reluctant side in many ways. We both would have been good as we are so good together but like I said it never happened and that's not a bad thing either.

We are not close to the siblings that have the kids, although one we email
everyday to. Age difference has a lot to do with that probably and their
interests. I don't "miss" being with them but don't mind if we have to like
the two times we did.

I'll stick with the fur babies as well, Manele & Koele needed a home and they
got a great one!

I personally am adopted so I understand the despair of not being able to make that choice as my mom had a hysterectomy at 18. Fortunately she and my dad decided to adopt which in the late 50's was difficult enough without wanting to adopt a Native American baby in an interracial marriage. Heck,t hey weren't even legally married for the first few decades of their marriage! My dad even had to convert to Catholicism and promise to raise me Catholic before the agency would consider them. Then they waited and waited and finally got the call about me and I'd been there 9 months but their number on the waiting list hadn't come up and no one else above them wanted a non-white
baby so there I sat and sat and waited. Hence, no "cute" baby pictures

[Nords]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I'll start. Sure, kids have the protection of the laws nowadays, but I think that kids from back-in-the-day got away with a lot more mischief.

I'm not sure that was a good thing! Underage drinking, pregnancies, drunk driving, and drug deaths were far more common in my Pittsburgh high school than in my kid's high school here.

Our teen is generally grossed out by my sex/drugs/rock&roll strolls down memory lane. I have a whole standup routine titled "What Teen Guys Are Thinking" (hint: they're not). Call it aversion therapy. I think that some helicopter parents are trying to relive their childhoods through their kids, only this time they're going to get it right.

When we became parents, my whole world slewed around and my priorities recentered on her and family. (No coincidence that Navy stopped being an adventure and turned into a job.) Maybe my parents felt the same way, but that wasn't considered acceptable among the men of the family.

There's probably never a great time to raise a family, but I think that these days are better than when we were kids.

[surlygirly]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I personally am adopted so I understand the despair of not being able to make that choice as my mom had a hysterectomy at 18. Fortunately she and my dad decided to adopt which in the late 50's was difficult enough without wanting to adopt a Native American baby in an interracial marriage. Heck,t hey weren't even legally married for the first few decades of their marriage! My dad even had to convert to Catholicism and promise to raise me Catholic before the agency would consider them. Then they waited and waited and finally got the call about me and I'd been there 9 months but their number on the waiting list hadn't come up and no one else above them wanted a non-white
baby so there I sat and sat and waited. Hence, no "cute" baby pictures

Aww, I bet your baby pictures are even cuter since you probably have hair and aren't all red and smushed looking. Adoption was definitely harder in those days, and it sounds like your parents went through the wringer. I'm sure they appreciate you even more.

Adoption is still an invasive process (less so now), but that's only part of the reason we're unsure. I think we'd be on the fence even if we could have kids of our own.

[MyopicJoe]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

they're all adults now. no, they won't reach out because they only know their parents' side of the story.

That's a bummer, Kani

There's probably never a great time to raise a family, but I think that these days are better than when we were kids.

Each generation has its unique set of challenges and fears. What makes life difficult is how quickly the rules change, thanks to technology. The world we live in changes two or three times in one lifetime. That causes a lot of stress. Not to mention lack of respect for our elders, because it seems their experience is obsolete, but there are some things about humanity which doesn't change.

[kani-lehua]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

myopicjoe: i'm okay with it. but, don't get me wrong it does hurt if i think about it. so, i try not to.

leashlaws: even though i'm a good "parent" to my fur babies--they're spoiled rotten, i still don't think i would be a good mother. regarding baby pics: weird, my brother and sister had tons and i had only a few (i'm the youngest).

[surlygirly]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

regarding baby pics: weird, my brother and sister had tons and i had only a few (i'm the youngest).

Ha ha! I'm the youngest too, and back when my oldest sister was born, "movie cameras" were all the rage. The last time we went through all those reels, I swear my parents must have taken at least 40 minutes of footage of her sleeping. Then there's hours of my two older sisters doing everything. By the time I came along (I was their "happy surprise"), the only footage of me as a baby was of my sisters playing with me on the kitchen table. Then my middle sister shoved me off and the camera fell and you can hear my mother giving her what-for in the background. It's pretty funny.

And there is nothing wrong with having fur-babies. I have two. I get impatient with them sometimes over silly things like playing outside instead of going to the bathroom and coming right back in. But no matter how much I lose my patience with them, they always forgive me right away and are happy to see me. It's easier with animals. Children- well, you can do the very best you can, and still not have happy relationships with them.

[kani-lehua]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

great story surlygirly.

"And there is nothing wrong with having fur-babies. I have two. I get impatient with them sometimes over silly things like playing outside instead of going to the bathroom and coming right back in. But no matter how much I lose my patience with them, they always forgive me right away and are happy to see me. It's easier with animals. Children- well, you can do the very best you can, and still not have happy relationships with them."

exactly.

[sinjin]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

I waited until my late thirties to try to have kids and didn't succeed until I was in my early forties. It gave me an appreciation for their value, and I think it makes me a better parent. Before then, I didn't see how kids could fit into my life. Now I feel they are a reason to live. Having children absolutely changes you. You have NO IDEA what your capacity for love is until you become a parent. It is an amazing parallel universe that no childless person can comprehend, and it is very difficult for a parent to explain.

Nice post and I agree as someone having children in their forties.

Additionally, people who think the world too ugly a place to bring children into shouldn't. I did because in spite of the ugliness I determined life is worth living. Beauty and ugliness exist side by side. Can't have one without the other.

[D'Alani]

Re: the change of times and child rearing

Can't have one without the other.

"...love and marriage, love and marriage...", sorry but that last sentence reminded of this song.