To Spank Or Not To Spank?

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

As usual your position seems well considered and worthy of respect. My only question would be how old was your youngest when you chose to no longer spank or were none of your children ever spanked?

My children were 7, 4 and 2 when we made this decision. My husband has never hit any of them; I was the spanker.

[sinjin]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

My children were 7, 4 and 2 when we made this decision. My husband has never hit any of them; I was the spanker.

What was your discipline method of choice with the younger ones?

[MadAzza]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Yeah there was a time when students were afraid of teachers...now it's the other way around. Something went wrong somewhere between the 80's when corpral punishment ended and now.

I'm pretty sure corporal punishment ended in the schools long before the 80s! At least, in my neighborhood in the Seattle area it did -- it ended in the sixties there, I'm pretty sure. I don't remember anyone getting whacked when I was in school.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

I was the Bad parent, my wife was the good parent. When the kids were bad, they were sent to: The Watanabe School of Discipline. I was so effective that my co-workers wanted to "enroll" their kids in my school. Basically it was Boot Camp for kids, no physical abuse, just lots of hard work and a stern voice that commanded attention. Once they got in line then respect and a reward structure replaced the toughness, they pretty much came out good kids. My oldest boy (now 21) says he understands why I was like that and he told me it helped keep him straight during the peer pressure times of his life.

But now I have my last kid, Jesse and for some reason I just dote over him instead of "MAY THE WRATH OF GOD BE UPON YOU FOR YOUR EVIL WAYS". I think this one's gonna be my bachi for being such a meanie to my other five boys.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

What was your discipline method of choice with the younger ones?

talk talk talk talk, make the kids talk talk talk talk. Grab child, physically remove the kid from the situation, and talk talk talk talk. Oh yeah, and never swear at them, nor call them names.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

I'm pretty sure corporal punishment ended in the schools long before the 80s! At least, in my neighborhood in the Seattle area it did -- it ended in the sixties there, I'm pretty sure. I don't remember anyone getting whacked when I was in school.

Lucky for you. I remember the koa paddle in Principal Nishijo's office at Kalani High School. That was in the late 70's.

But Maddie, see what lack of corporal punishment did to you? Not only did you become a professional in words, but you became one with an editorial sting to it to boot!

[kaneohegirl]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

yep I started school I think in 76 and had um alla way thru elementary....keeds respected da teachers back den cause they knew they could get sent to the principals office for a couple of good whacks nowadays they mouth off an distract the classes and jus plain disrupt learning because they can.... sad

[i-hungry]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

interesting posts in this thread. everyone has their opinions on the subject.

i think it depends on the situation and the child. they would have done something seriously wrong to warrant punishing them with spanking.

some kids will never need to be spanked. if they don't cross a line when very young and they can be reasoned with when they are old enough then there's no need to spank them. if a tree grows they way you want it then it doesn't need a trim.

but to say you would never spank and you have kids that don't need it then it doesn't mean its wrong. its just not needed in your case.

i'm not a violent person. i love kids. but i wouldn't skip spanking if the need arises. i would definitely try to reason with them first. i also would try to arrange things to there would be less of a chance that the child would misbehave. i would try to negotiate with the child if possible. spanking would be the last resort.

as far as spanking a 200lb kid, well that's a bit late. the discipline problem is out of hand if you feel that person needs to be punished in the fashion. i think spanking should be done a lot earlier. other types of punishment when they get older. of course, i'm assuming that the 200lb kid is an older teenager and not a younger child.

for the actual spanking, it should be on the butt and not violent. if the pain is there to the next day then its way past the level of strength needed.

i think the past couple generations have the least amount of spanking compared to the earlier generations. but kids "seem" worst now. i don't think spanking solve all of the problems of today but i don't think it made things worst. of course i'm not talking about the abusive parents because they did it wrong anway.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

interesting posts in this thread. everyone has their opinions on the subject.

i think it depends on the situation and the child. they would have done something seriously wrong to warrant punishing them with spanking.

some kids will never need to be spanked. if they don't cross a line when very young and they can be reasoned with when they are old enough then there's no need to spank them. if a tree grows they way you want it then it doesn't need a trim.

but to say you would never spank and you have kids that don't need it then it doesn't mean its wrong. its just not needed in your case.

i'm not a violent person. i love kids. but i wouldn't skip spanking if the need arises. i would definitely try to reason with them first. i also would try to arrange things to there would be less of a chance that the child would misbehave. i would try to negotiate with the child if possible. spanking would be the last resort.

as far as spanking a 200lb kid, well that's a bit late. the discipline problem is out of hand if you feel that person needs to be punished in the fashion. i think spanking should be done a lot earlier. other types of punishment when they get older. of course, i'm assuming that the 200lb kid is an older teenager and not a younger child.

for the actual spanking, it should be on the butt and not violent. if the pain is there to the next day then its way past the level of strength needed.

i think the past couple generations have the least amount of spanking compared to the earlier generations. but kids "seem" worst now. i don't think spanking solve all of the problems of today but i don't think it made things worst. of course i'm not talking about the abusive parents because they did it wrong anway.

These are interesting points and I would like to dialogue about them, using my experience. My children were all spanked; my eldest until she was 7, my middle until 4 and my youngest until 2.

My decision to stop spanking and use different methods of discipline was not easy. Did my kids' behavior change that they stopped "needing a spank"? No; MY behavior changed that I stopped "needing TO spank". And until this very day, with my youngest in elementary school still yet, there are times when I, from gut instinct, would rather crack 'em a good one to stop doing what s/he is doing and instead do it the way I want him/her to.

But something does happen when resolving it over the table instead over my knee. Over time habits form. Dropping the idea that we "punish" our loved ones and focus on discipline and resolution instead, it spills over into other areas. It breeds respect. And kids that are respected emit the same.

I will never expect that a kid act beyond his/her age level. But I can expect from myself that I demonstrate the maturity and foresight that my adulthood and experience has afforded me towards those who should be using those hard times as opportunities to learn how to handle not getting what s/he wants, or being treated by/treat others fairly. And, I can expect to hold them to high standards if I hold myself to the same.

And I do.

[Hellbent]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

i was spanked. i think as most have said, if it is used only sparingly.
i cannot stand the people who just wack the hell out of their babies. i dont have any kids yet, but i will never be like them. i am thinking of this time i was working at longs moilili and this lady had a 3 year old kid by the hand and wacking the hell out of him. he was caught by the hand, and was trying to run away, but went in circles while the lady swatted at him. i dont remember what the kid did, but it made a big scene.

[1stwahine]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

It was great to re-read this thread again!

Good Morning everyone!

Have a great day!

I'm off to work....

Auntie Lynn

[cherla42]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

No Spanking. More often than not spanking is only a way to relieve your own frustration...if your honest about it. Your children learn most everything from you they will also learn to raise a hand and hit when they are frustrated.

[sinjin]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

No Spanking. More often than not spanking is only a way to relieve your own frustration...if your honest about it. Your children learn most everything from you they will also learn to raise a hand and hit when they are frustrated.

Except when it's not just one's frustration. How does one reason with a 2yr. old? How many times should little Kimo be allowed to put his finger in the socket before a swat is preferable?

[Leo Lakio]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

How does one reason with a 2yr. old?

You've distilled the essence with this question. A two-year-old isn't capable of reasoning, in the sense that an adult mind defines the concept. You have to recognize that whatever discipline you might think is appropriate will be processed and perceived differently by the mind of a toddler, and act accordingly.

[lurkah]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

You've distilled the essence with this question.

Ho da hybolic, eh Uncle? Sorry, couldn't resist.

By the way, I just wanted to mention that cherla42 speaks from the heart, as she has a vested interest in the welfare and well being of the little girl in this story.