To Spank Or Not To Spank?

[Miulang]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

if you grew up in Hawaii, the chances are you were on the wrong end stick,hand, etc... It's part of growing up with 'Aloha'. When I was young I was give usually a choice of tool that would be used against my now calist okole. Auntie normally would give me her plastic hair brush. Uncle gave me the choice of belt, or tree branch!

With my 8yr old. I started with the soft spoken rational,"why we don't do this" angle. When that no longer worked. The stern loud voice was good for a few years...then it lost it's effect? My oldest realized that an ass wiping wouldn't follow all the screaming. So these days yelling can be follwed by a single spank to the okole,or a swift kick to the okole. Either way only one "whack" is forthcoming, and it is followed with an explantion as to why it went down the way it did.

I feel like I'm in a hard situation. Trying to explain to an 8 yr old why he is getting spanked isn't easy. He can't see any love in his father's disipline!? But I tell him if I didn't love him, I wouldn't correct him on anything. It's because I love you that I correct your actions!

Kids have tough time understanding "tough love"!

You going stop spanking da kid when he gets bigger than you, yeah?

Miulang

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Trying to explain to an 8 yr old why he is getting spanked isn't easy. He can't see any love in his father's disipline!? But I tell him if I didn't love him, I wouldn't correct him on anything. It's because I love you that I correct your actions!

Kids have tough time understanding "tough love"!

Remember, there's a difference between discipline and punishment. Spanking a child is punishment. An obedient child shows discipline.

BTW...welcome to the Big Island

[sinjin]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Beating kids is child abuse; spanking isn't (Commentary)

California Assemblywoman Sally Lieber, D-San Francisco, has no children of her own. Persona non grata.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

I remember one year back in Honolulu my wife took me to a presentation by a professor of early child hood education. She was spouting off the virtues of Dr. Spock and denounced spanking as outdated.

So educated was she, that when asked if she had any kids of her own, she blushed as virtually everyone in the audience were parents of preschoolers. You see she had none. And suddenly her credibility went out the door.

A professor educated in ECE with no children, telling parents how to raise theirs. What a concept. I walked out.

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

And then there are parents like me.

I didn't spank my kids. I cracked them. I didn't whisper. My voice was deadly low. I didn't raise my voice. I hollered angrily. I never swore at them. They heard me swear under my breath.

And yes, I snuggled them, cried with them, made them laugh, had all of those wonderful warm, airy and sincere moments, too.

But when I chose to change my parenting habits from an authoritarian pov to a positive pov, there was a lot of change that I had to undergo within myself. I had to be completely honest with myself that I wasn't doing it 100% for their own good. A bigger part than I would ever admit to at that time had to do with being frustrated, angry, wanting them to simply listen, chill, modify their behavior to what I was willing to tolerate.

And there was the lesson I needed to learn: how to tolerate. How to cope. How to tell the difference between what they needed at that moment (guidance, plus tolerance, plus instruction, plus removal, etc) and what I was feeling/choosing to exhibit.

Positive parenting is waaaaay harder than authoritarian discipline. It has paid off, though. My kids are well-behaved, not too aggressive, soft-hearted, and yet will champion for the next guy if they think he's getting picked on. And how many parents would say that about a couple of teenagers?

[Leo Lakio]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Positive parenting is waaaaay harder than authoritarian discipline.

I made a conscious choice not to have a child until I learned not to let my anger manifest itself in the act of striking another.

She's 26 now.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

I made a conscious choice not to have a child until I learned not to let my anger manifest itself in the act of striking another.

She's 26 now.

Days, months, years?

Okay okay, one thing I learned was tolerance and compromise. My compromise came because I am old school and my wife is modern day ECE that opposes everything I learned about corporal punishment. Okay I won't hit my kids but boy dey get the suuupppperrrr long lecture and at the end after their ears are ringing I hit with maximum guilt.

I raised my kids like a drill seargent until they were old enough to understand my "in your face" intimidation. Then it was time to turn on the supportive parent. I learned that you can use the intimidation method up until age 12. After that at 13, hormones and peer pressure kick in and any attempt to yell at your teenage kids will result in them shutting you out. So I learned to back off on the verbal assault when they enter their teen years and provide a more supportive role as they mature.

That seems to work as all my adult kids and the one becoming an adult in 2-months seem to appreciate me better.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Days, months, years?

Probably hours away, if I drive non-stop.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: To Spank Or Not To Spank?

Probably hours away, if I drive non-stop.

Hmmm it seems one woman who was a space shuttle astronaut used a diaper, and another who is the house speaker wants to use a bigger jet to get there non stop.

what is it about women and jets. First Hanabusa then Peloski. AND THEY'RE BOTH DEMOCRATS IN OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!!!

I know we should tell Nancy Peloski instead of a bigger jet, she ought to wear adult diapers if she's so concerned about getting there non-stop.