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  • Dealing with a lost love one

    Today, I remembered my uncle died a few days ago and my Dad got ready to go to his viewing. For the past 15 minutes, I've been turning on the waterworks - dedicating a blog post to him and reminiscing about the past while I was with him.

    Since this is the first lost for me that I can remember, I need to recuperate fast because I go to work in a few hours.

    How does one deal with the lost of a love one?
    How'd I get so white and nerdy?

  • #2
    Re: dealing with a lost love one

    My condolences, Doc.

    Give it time. Don't rush the grieving, dude. Just let it come as it may. Talk or blog, anything helps.

    If you were very close to your uncle, don't be surprised if you exhibit uncharacteristic behavior. We all handle grief differently. BTDT. Oh yeah, if you were that close expect to have "flash backs" for some time to come. Stuff like suddenly crying with a particular song or event. I was experiencing stuff like this for almost a year and a half after we lost our twins.

    If you feel it's getting out of hand or seems like an obsession, no sked get help. Talk to your doctor.

    Take heart, it does get better. Some quick, others a little longer.
    Last edited by Da Rolling Eye; May 6, 2007, 11:00 AM.

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    • #3
      Re: dealing with a lost love one

      Originally posted by doc1456 View Post
      How does one deal with the lost of a love one?

      Breathing and taking it one moment at a time. If you're doing something important (like working) and you feel yourself getting emotional just promise yourself that as soon as you have some "you" time that you will let it all out and vent. Keep that promise to yourself. Don't bottle up the emotions, as soon as you get the time, take the time. Crying is good, blogging to vent is good.

      I lost my uncle to cancer very suddenly last year, about 3 months before I had my baby boy and at the same time my mother was in the hospital for heart problems. I was an emotional mess but I allowed myself to be. Losing someone you love never gets easy. Just the other day I looked at a picture of he and I hugging that I keep on my refrigerator door and I burst into tears. It's weird how emotions hit a person because most other days I look at it, smile, remember all the good times and what he means to me.

      Hang in there. Aloha.
      I'm disgusted and repulsed, and I can't look away.

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      • #4
        Re: dealing with a lost love one

        Originally posted by Da Rolling Eye View Post

        If you feel it's getting out of hand or seems like an obsession, no sked get help. Talk to your doctor.
        I agree with this 110%.

        I lost my niece and a dear friend within a month of each other last year and I realized that it's okay to ask for help -- whether it be with a doctor, the clergy, your family, or your friends. If you feel like it gets too much to handle on your own, please ask for help.

        I like to encourage those grieving to think of a favorite memory because that really helps. I know it helped me get by.
        Tessie, "Nuf Ced" McGreevey shouted
        We're not here to mess around
        Boston, you know we love you madly
        Hear the crowd roar to your sound
        Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
        You know we couldn't live without you
        Tessie, you are the only only only

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        • #5
          Re: dealing with a lost love one

          Your grief will come in waves, Adrian, and, with time, you'll notice that the time between those waves will lengthens. My dad passed 4 years ago and I still can't listen to the Caz's version of Aloha Oe. But, I'm back to laughing over his totally whacky sense of humor.

          Others have already given you really good advice. Let the grief out. Get help if necessary. It's only been a couple of weeks since you lost your uncle. That's nowhere close to enough time to get thru the grieving process.

          I'm so sorry for your loss.
          Last edited by tutusue; May 6, 2007, 03:07 PM.

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          • #6
            Re: dealing with a lost love one

            There's no way to rationalize emotional loss. Everybody goes thru it differently and for you Adrian, although we all have or must go thru it eventually, your's is unique only to you.

            Now is the time to surround yourself with friends and family and share with them the pain and suffering they must be feeling too. Who better to serve them than yourself.

            Some people internalize their pain. I like to reach out and help others when I'm sensitized to a loss of a loved one. It helps identify with what you're going thru.

            Remember one thing though, you haven't changed physically, only physiologally. Emotions are almost like being under the influence of a drug (or lack of one). Your body is a chemical factory that keeps your body in check physically and emotionally. When something this intense happens to you, your body responds or shuts down certain glandular function making you feel the way you do.

            The best I can tell you is to eat healthy during this time, because my experiences will go in one ear and out the other. During this time you don't need it...you need consolement, a body to hug, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear.

            But eat healthy. Your body needs it now more than ever. Get out in the sun, breathe fresh air, feel the warmth of the outdoors as it nourishes you.

            Have faith Adrian, remember you're still alive and people depend on you so just keep chugging along and we'll be with you when you feel uncertain.

            Oh and by the way whenever you feel down... cuz God loves ya!
            Last edited by craigwatanabe; May 6, 2007, 02:49 PM.
            Life is what you make of it...so please read the instructions carefully.

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            • #7
              Re: Dealing with a lost love one

              I mentioned my loss to my coworkers, and the echoed the same comments you guys posted, and they also comforted me. Luckily I managed not to break down and cry while working or else someone could have gotten hurt.

              I didn't get to visit the site today, but I will this week. This is a totally new emotion I hopefully won't go through for a while.
              How'd I get so white and nerdy?

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                Originally posted by doc1456 View Post
                This is a totally new emotion I hopefully won't go through for a while.
                It's a part of life, Doc...all a part of life. Just gotta remember how to live during these times of loss and you'll do just fine.

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                • #9
                  Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                  Originally posted by doc1456 View Post
                  [...] Luckily I managed not to break down and cry while working or else someone could have gotten hurt.[...]
                  What do you mean by that, Adrian?

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                  • #10
                    Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                    Give it time Adrian.... People deal with the process of grieving differently... I know because I had to deal with the lost of my grandfather a few years back and I still have "flash back" when I think about him.
                    Aloha Kakou, maluhia a me aloha mau loa (Hello everyone, peace and love forever)

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                    • #11
                      Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                      Kudos like everybody else said.

                      Time heals....

                      (((Hugs Adrian)))

                      Auntie Lynn
                      Be AKAMAI ~ KOKUA Hawai`i!
                      Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                        Having certain beliefs can help with this process, too.

                        My wife's aunt was dying of cancer and everyone gathered for a last goodbye.

                        We were gathered at her condo when she came back in a wheelchair after going through one last procedure at the hospital. Aunty was all smiles and greeting everyone. Then she suddenly lifted her wig off her head and asked "how do you like my hair?" That cracked everyone up. She had lost her hair during chemotherapy and took to wearing a wig.

                        A priest was brought in for her last rites.

                        Afterward, as we were chatting outside in low tones, aunty's daughter came out to say that we were being too quiet. So everyone joined her in her room to sing a few songs and talk story.

                        When we left, each of us said goodbye, knowing that she only had a few days to live. I wished her a wonderful journey. She said, "oh yes, you bet!" Aunty seemed to anticipate it like a trip to somewhere and almost seemed to be looking forward to it, as though she were about to get on a plane to another country.

                        I think for my wife's family and my own family, knowing that we'll all meet up sometime later is reassuring. Takes the fear out of dying. Strong belief in such things makes the loss less painful, but parting -- even if it's just temporary -- is still just as sad.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                          Originally posted by Da Rolling Eye View Post
                          It's a part of life, Doc...all a part of life. Just gotta remember how to live during these times of loss and you'll do just fine.
                          Yeah. I'm beginning to feel like an adult with what I've been through lately. And I thank HT for the support you guys have given me over the years.

                          Originally posted by tutusue View Post
                          What do you mean by that, Adrian?
                          When I remember those moments, I start to turn on the faucet on high (cry heavily), and I just stop whatever I'm doing (luckily, its been just sitting down). If I remembered those moments during work, (eg pushing carts, gathering them, etc) then I could have hurt myself, customers, or damaged cars or other objects because I wasn't paying attention.

                          Now I live like everyday will be my last. I'm beginning to see that life is precious and what I've been doing wasn't very good (some stuff you guys don't want to know about me). One good thing that came out of my uncle's passing is that I'm learning more about myself and how I can live better day to day.
                          How'd I get so white and nerdy?

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                          • #14
                            Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                            That's tough, Adrian. Please consider yourself lucky that you are close enough to your family members to actually miss them. That's not been the case in my family dynamic.

                            The only close relative I've lost was my father, over thirteen years ago. It took at least four months for the effect to even hit me. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. - just not connected enough for it to make much of a blip on the radar screen of my life. There's something very "empty" about that.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Dealing with a lost love one

                              There is nothing I can offer that does not echo everyone else's wise point of views. I do offer my sympathy, and I am sorry for your loss. I have been through my share of personal loss and I know at times it seems over whelming, but time DOES heal, and allows you time to reflect on the positive things in a persons life, and it becomes a celebration of life versus the mourning of a death.

                              My condolences, Doc.
                              flickr

                              An email from God:
                              To: People of Earth
                              From: God
                              Date: 9/04/2007
                              Subject: stop

                              knock it off, all of you

                              seriously, what the hell


                              --
                              God

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