Breakups

[turtlegirl]

AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh,Waeaaaawaaaaaaa, sob, sniffle, snot like crazy...ahhh, tis the worst pain i know! I hate to admit it, but Im going thru an awful separation with my former bf. Hes a wonderful guy, and my best friend, but unfortunately, we know were not marriage material. But we still love each other as friends...waaaaaaaaah! snot, snot, sniffle! This is so horrible! Im keeping the apt with the garden and the adorable, spunky, 83 y.o. landlady that needs me., and has totally hanaied me. I love her, and I really feel like I should never leave here, at least until she can no longer live here. Probably 10 years or so! teeeheee! Likely longer! Shes such a toughie!! So hes leaving me. Today I finally changed the shirt Ive been wearing for about 6 days, and washed my crusty hair. dont even get me started on leg shaving....lets just say it will be braidable in another week =(. <insert shrieking wailing here> Gah! I cant eat, i sleep waaaay too much, I dont want to leave the house, I cry my face off at the drop of a hat

Aaargh! Why is breaking up so awfully sucky!!!!!!!!!!

[scrivener]

Re: Breakups

There's nothing intelligent for me to say except that I understand. Several years ago, I posted a similar sentiment on HT's (sorta) predecessor, HawaiiStories. I even titled my entry with the lyrics to a Whitney Houston song. The entire post embarrasses me very much, but the sentiment I felt was real, and in sooooo many ways I'm still feeling it.

It does indeed suck, and I'm sorry.

[matapule]

Re: Breakups

Hes a wonderful guy, and my best friend, but unfortunately, we know were not marriage material. But we still love each other as friends

Matapule have question. Why feel you can have relationship only wit someone who "marriage material?" Why you wanna ruin perfectly happy, loving, friendly relationship with marriage? He no hit you or anyting lidat, huh? If he wonderful guy and bes frien, den stay wit da buggah!

May matapule suggest something that might help? Stay very busy. Wash the hair everyday, shave the legs everyday, take a class in something you have always wanted to study, perform some volunteer work. Don't isolate yourself. Go out and mix with people, any people. You will always find that someone else is in worse circumstances than you are, their misfortune exceeds your misfortune. Put da lime in da coconut and drink um all up (it's a metaphor). Matapule guarantee you feel mo bettah soon.

[1stwahine]

Re: Breakups

Like the song goes..."Breaking up is so, very hard to do."

Every person's hearbreak is different but the pain is the same.
It cuts deep inside the soul. Madness is your friend or so you
think but it's not. The hours become days, the days becomes
weeks and weeks becomes months. You become a prisoner
of something you thought was going to last forever. In fact,
the person you loved...is gone.

Wake up to reality.

You're beautiful, young, intellegent and let the sun shine in.

I will not beat around the bush because I know you.

And LOVE YOU.

Call me my Dear.

Auntie Lynn

[TATTRAT]

Re: Breakups

SO sorry, TG. I know exactly how you feel.

[leashlaws]

Re: Breakups

So sorry for you. This is never easy. I agree with Matapule, get out, keep yourself beautiful and feeling pretty. Take walks and enjoy the scenery.
Be grateful you have a wonderful landlady. Just take care of yourself and
know that while it's not easy now things will get better!

[MyopicJoe]

Re: Breakups

TG,

I remember a while back you said this day was coming, and I'm sorry to hear it's here Isn't it unfair, how hard it is for good people to find love?

Neko Case is one of my favorite singers / songwriters. She's soulful, intelligent, and pretty; and even she's struggling to find love. If you're in the mood for music:

Teenage Feeling (holding out for that right person)

Star Witness (death of a loved one)

In Calfornia [grey play button at the top left] (leaving her bf behind to start her career in LA)


And a fun song from Jonathan Coulton about tall people looking for love:

Just As Long As Me


Best of luck to you, and take care.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Breakups

I went thru a break up that left me a train wreck. I walked in front of every bus, truck and car on the streets of Honolulu wanting one of them to do me in. How selfish I was.

Then one day I went into one of those support groups where people talked about their agonies and how they couldn't cope with life anymore. Several of them spoke about incidents like, "My job was to moore the tugs, I didn't do it properly and my foreman yelled at me, I was embarrassed and I couldn't face my co-workers anymore". Another was an office worker who didn't turn in a report on time and her boss scolded her. She was so embarrassed she had a hard time coming to work to face her boss.

These people were so traumatized they needed professional help in dealing with pain and suffering! My turn was coming up and I was so furious that these people were wasting their lives over trivial issues while I just lost the love of my life. I wanted to tell them my life was like a crumpled up candy wrapper. My ex-girlfriend consumed the good part of my life and then threw me away when I couldn't provide for her anymore like the wrapper of a candy bar. I was in emotional pain and I needed support.

Then this big huge guy that looked as if he drove a Harley had his turn right before me. I thought to myself, "what could have hurt this guy so bad he needed to come to this support group?"

He started talking about his life as a renegade, getting into trouble until he went to prison. While there he lost custody of his only treasure, his little daughter whom he loved dearly. His wife didn't want their daughter exposed to his world anymore and she left him taking the only thing that kept him secure...his daughter. Prison offered him a lot of time to mature and change. After he got out he begged his ex-wife for mercy but got none. He realized he made a big mistake but couldn't correct it. He had to live with the consequences of his actions and it cost him dearly. He was so heartbroken. This big burly man of men broke down and cried uncontrollably as he continued his story. Not a dry eye was in that room that night.

Then it was my turn...I felt too embarrassed to tell my story of a woman who affected me so much I wanted to die. It's not like I lost a loved one the way this man did. My ex was a total bitch, a gold digger, inhumane in every aspect and I was distraught over it...as much as this guy sitting next to me was in as much of an emotional wreck as the rest of us but for legitimate reasons. The rest of us there had no right to be that bad.

I stood up and spoke to the group, "I walked in here with no direction as we all have. This man has suffered more than anyone of us have, yet we cry about our misfortunes as much as he." I turned to him and said, "I cannot help you because I don't know how you feel, no one can ever feel the pain of someone else because we are all unique as is our pain for desire, but you have opened my eyes to the plight of others and thru your pain, I can go on to deal with my crisis."

My problem seemed so insignificant to his and it started a new chapter in my life for which I live by.

So TG, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you're going thru although I've been there several times in my life. I cannot give you practical advice that you will adhere to because your pain is unique. Only you can come up with the right plan for happiness. I can give you comfort in knowing that you are not alone. That is the only thing that will filter thru to you at this point in your life. You don't need advice, you need a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen and not judge, someone who believes in you.

For me I turned my feelings of dispair and channelled it to be the best person I could be. I focused on my life and not her's. I became a better person. And it's funny how people gravitate to those who "Got it" in life. As I became the person I felt comfortable with I became more confident in myself. My stride was taller and with direction. Soon I met women who wanted to be with me, wanted to share my life with. And I married one of them because she shared the same vision for life as I did, thru marriage.

If I had to give you any advice, that would be it. But at this point in time, advice is not what you want to hear. You don't need sympathy, you need empathy to get you back on your feet again and see the world as a happy place like those around you. The world hasn't changed, you have and it's up to you to get back into that world that nurtured you so you can find yourself back as the confident, stronger person you were once upon a time.

How you tackle this problem is your's to figure out. I'm sorry if I sound indifferent, but if I didn't care about you I wouldn't be wasting my time with this long-winded post.

You have a life ahead of you and you have every right to share that with someone who believes in what you do. Don't change for the sake of others, find those who share your vision. If marriage is what you truly desire, then focus on that and let the right person find you to share that thought. It's your life, take control of it.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Breakups

TG, many of us have "been there" and survived. I hope you will find yourself in a better space before terribly long - but until then, there's really little we can do to help you relieve the sting.

Just take some small solace in knowing that (a) you have a lot of sympathy from many of us, and (b) you are likely to gain something from the pain of this experience - though it's hard to say right now what it is.

You are entitled to wallow in the suffering for a while, however; it's part of the grieving process for the loss of something that truly matters to you. Don't try to cut that off too soon.

But you can look forward to the day when you are looking forward once again, rather than backward. It'll happen. And you'll be able to tell us about it, and we can celebrate with you.

For now, though - ouch. We hear you, we do.

[tutusue]

Re: Breakups

I 2nd Leo's message. Well written, Leo. Time is your greatest healer, TG. {{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Adri]

Re: Breakups

You got a lot of good input here and of course everyone grieves and adjusts in their own way (but I am glad you took a bath ) I hope you two manage to keep each other in your lives in a positive way and I hope that each day gets easier for you

[turtlegirl]

Re: Breakups

Thank you so much, everyone, for your empathy and kind words.

Luckily for me, I have a working vacation on Maui all next week, I'm sure that will help me out, to be away and have work (and work friends) to focus on. Hopefully I'll come home more relaxed and with my attitude readjusted.

[Kaonohi]

Re: Breakups

Oh, Turtlegirl.... I HEAR you! It's a bitch - some of the worst pain there is, and all we can do is take it. I've had a few serious accidents in my life and other kinds of physical pain, but nothing hurts as much as losing someone you love - however that happens.

Lean on us. We are here for you, we love you, and we're not going away.

Kxo

[tutusue]

Re: Breakups

[...]
Luckily for me, I have a working vacation on Maui all next week,[...]

Ummm, is this the same production former BF is working on?

[turtlegirl]

Re: Breakups

Tutu!! indeed!! Nope, he's become a snob since we got here, and only interested in principal parts. Yet another reason we're not working out romantically. He nags me constantly when I have to get up at 3:30 for a 5:30 call time. Ugh, its like he totally forgot what its like to be a working actor! And if he tells me one more time to "get a real job", I just might beat him to death w/ a stack of vouchers!!

So this trip is mine! Who knows, I might even meet the next - future - ex - Mr - me!