What do you call it when...?

[Peshkwe]

Re: What do you call it when...?

I had two for four years and one for 2 years. I called them my girlfriends. I mean that's what they were traditionally speaking that is.


Nah partner sounds like somebody you square dance to. But if you're gonna cozy up to another bedwarmer then partner seems so clinical. LOVE MUFFIN's or YEAH BABY has more spice to it. How would you feel if your lover of life, body and soul introduced you as: I'd like you to meet my partner. Eh not even a spark there. BUT wouldn't it be grand if your lover of life, body and soul introduced you as: I'd like you to meet nature's answer to Viagra! Yeah, now that's bragging!

Ooooo...that there's a snag!

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Ooooo...that there's a snag!

As opposed to a "S.N.A.G." = Sensitive New Age Guy (check out Christine Lavin's song about same.)

[Peshkwe]

Re: What do you call it when...?

As opposed to a "S.N.A.G." = Sensitive New Age Guy (check out Christine Lavin's song about same.)

Hee...not quite

http://snagaskin.com/

[craigwatanabe]

Re: What do you call it when...?

so tell me because I'm old school, but what the heck is a Metro guy?

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

so tell me because I'm old school, but what the heck is a Metro guy?

From the Wiktionary --- a blend of "metropolitan" and "heterosexual" --- (1) A young man concerned with self-image, self-indulgence and money.(Usually urban, heterosexual, probably affluent). (2) A young man who is seen, sociologically, as having attributes common to homosexuals, but is in fact heterosexual.
Most sources attrubute the word's creation to a 1994 article by Mark Simpson, published in The Independent: "The promotion of metrosexuality was left to the men's style press, magazines such as The Face, GQ, Esquire, Arena and FHM, the new media which took off in the Eighties and is still growing (GQ gains 10,000 new readers every month). They filled their magazines with images of narcissistic young men sporting fashionable clothes and accessories. And they persuaded other young men to study them with a mixture of envy and desire. Some people said unkind things. American GQ, for example, was popularly dubbed 'Gay Quarterly'. Little wonder that all these magazines — with the possible exception of The Face — address their metrosexual readership as if none of them were homosexual or even bisexual." - Mark Simpson, "Here come the mirror men" The Independent, November 15, 1994 -

[alohabear]

Re: What do you call it when...?

I'm afraid it's not as simple as that, as we have binding legal agreements regarding our home (joint tenancy with rights of survivorship, blablabla) and other domestic partnership issues, as recognized by the county and state where we reside.

But I don't want this to shift into an "in God's eyes" discussion, though I completely respect that some people view our relationship as in some way flawed, wrong, incomplete, sinful, whatever. I wouldn't want to force my relationship choices upon them, and I would ask the same respect in return.

I'm more interested in hearing thoughts on the terminology people would use - a question of semantics. (Though to some people, perhaps "my fellow sinner" would be their choice of words. I can dig it.)

Binding is good ....having a will is good . But with a good lawyer, your adult child could take her share from a "girlfriend". Taking a share from a legal spouse is harder in the eyes of the law. You may say now "that my child would not do that" , but in the future ....Who Knows?

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Binding is good ....having a will is good . But with a good lawyer, your adult child could take her share from a "girlfriend".

Which is exactly why we have the documents registering "joint tenancy with rights of survivorship" on the only property we jointly hold - our home. That way, if one of us were to die before the other, neither my daughter nor her parents could boot the other one out. (It helps that my sweetie works in the field of Law, so she's up-to-speed on what was the best plan of action. And no, we did not have her firm do the paperwork.)

[alohabear]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Which is exactly why we have the documents registering "joint tenancy with rights of survivorship" on the only property we jointly hold - our home. That way, if one of us were to die before the other, neither my daughter nor her parents could boot the other one out. (It helps that my sweetie works in the field of Law, so she's up-to-speed on what was the best plan of action.)

OK You just answered your own original question BTW...your lucky lady is your Sweetie!

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

OK You just answered your own original question BTW...your lucky lady is your Sweetie!

Yep - that seems to be my preferred term, all right. I really enjoy the variations other people have come up with.

You are absolutely right about the "who knows" aspect of the future. My mother's husband just died unexpectedly a few weeks ago - his grown daughter freaked out (understandably), and she began countering my mother's wishes (which she felt represented the wishes of the deceased) regarding organ donation, disposition of the remains, etc. These items were not spelled out in any of their wills or directives, so there was no legal way to establish his wishes.

Caused a bit of tension at an awkward time, as you can imagine. (Everything has settled down to a more peaceful pace now, thankfully, but it does go to show you the importance of spelling things out in a legal document AND making sure your family members are all aware of your wishes.)

[alohabear]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Just wondering .... anyone with a law backgroud out there? Who has more rights(to the deceased property) in a non-common law State like Hawaii, the deceased children,or the girl/boyfriend?

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Just wondering .... anyone with a law backgroud out there? Who has more rights(to the deceased property) in a non-common law State like Hawaii, the deceased children,or the girl/boyfriend?

Well, of course you're confused...the "deceased children" have no rights to the property.

OK, OK, I know what you meant. As I understand it (we did a lot of research before doing our wills), in a non-common law state, if the deceased party has children, and no will stating otherwise (a key point), all property would go to the children (also discounting any liens or claims against said property.) However, if the property is clearly willed to someone else, that's who it would go to, whether that person was in a relationship with the deceased or not (they could will all their assets to a domestic partner, a beloved nephew, or a favorite charity, for example.) UNLESS...the children successfully contest the will in court.

But in the case of no will or similar legally-binding document, it goes to the children, who are considered the closest living relative (next of kin.) If there are no children, in a non-marital relationship as you described, then a living parent would be next in line. If the parents are gone, other close relatives such as siblings would get the property, and so on.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: What do you call it when...?

If there are no children, in a non-marital relationship as you described, then a living parent would be next in line. If the parents are gone, other close relatives such as siblings would get the property, and so on.

My law-expert Alpha Female confirmed the earlier posting, and suggests I also add the following: after parents and siblings, there are varying points at which the State takes control of the assets of the deceased; it varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: What do you call it when...?

Just remember though, that wills have been contested to the point where the children have exhausted their financial resources to battle a "girlfriend" who has access to a joint checking account to finance a battle with.

A legal document is just a piece of paper and can go into a state of appeals for a very long time. My friend finally had his Grandmother's will come out of a lengthy court battle (lasting over 20-years). What made it even more convoluted was that his mother passed away during the battle between his immediate family (Mom, sister and him) and his mom's sisters (who appealed the probate court's distribution of their mom's will).

During that time the known beneficiary on the existing (contested) will had to pay for all property taxes on a mansion on the Gold coast of Kahala. He ended up having to live in a rathole to pay for the incredible property tax (amounting to the tens of thousands of dollars) every year. He went broke and in the process almost lost his marriage because of the stress.

But in the end it paid off and just last year the estate finally came out of probate. Now he has to fight his Mom's boyfriend who claimed that there was a trust set up to give him all of my friend's mom's assets (which included the mother's mom's assets that just cleared probate).

The best piece of advice I can give here is, get married, get a will and get a trust. While alive get a power of attorney to place all future assets in the marriage into this trust. Make sure the trust is a revocable living trust that upon death of one or both spouses, the trust is converted automatically to an irrevocable trust that is binding and that compliments the wording of the last will and testiment.

An irrevocable trust will maintain the spirit and letter of the trust that the deceased person wanted.

Make sure the will and trust is updated at least every five years to take advantage of the ever changing estate laws and to ensure that all broken relationships are cleared if there is a divorce.

AND don't assume one estate lawyer knows every law in the book. Estate laws change and are updated EVERY YEAR in accordance with the everchanging TAX LAWS. There are seminars held every year by the IRS to inform these lawyers of the changes in the laws but not too many so called Tax or Estate lawyers attend. Get second opinions and have your trust reviewed annually to see if there are any discrepancies.

IT's your money. Dying before securing it's value upon your beneficiaries is your responsibility.