Local Jokes and Humor of Hawaii

[Pomai]

TGIF Day or SH%T Day?

I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get
hunat eighty? Why it change?"

The teller replies, "Fluctuations."

The Pakay guy yells, "Fluc you white guys too!"
~Lika

That one's hilarious! lol!

Speaking of white guys...

a bunch of locals are drinking in a bar when in walks a small group of Haole tourists. The tourists get smashed drunk then start yelling, "WHOO HOOOOOO.. TGIF! TGIF! TGIF!", repeating it over and over and over.

This goes on and on until one of da local braddahz tells his friends, "watch dis!" Then starts yelling, "WHOO HOOOOO... S H I T! S H I T! S H I T!

The Haoles finally get irritated, so one of them walks up to da' braddah and asks, "excuse me, but why do you keep yelling S H I T! for?". He continues, "TGIF stands for Thank God It's Friday".

Da' braddah replies, "Yeah, but didn't you know today is THURSDAY?" Then finishes, "S H I T stands for Stupid Haole It's Thursday!".

[kimo55]

Re: TGIF Day or SH%T Day?

Da' braddah replies, "Yeah, but didn't you know today is THURSDAY?" Then finishes, "S H I T stands for Stupid Haole It's Thursday!".

Yea but that was 11 pm in Waikiki that nite, which meant it was 2 am friday in L.A.!

[Pomai]

Mixing Races (Classics and New Ones)

What do you call a child who's parents are:

Popolo + Filipino = "Color Book"
Popolo + Korean = "Color Crayon" (Crayon=Korean)
Filipino + Samoan = "Lawn Mowan" (Filipino yardman>Lawn Mower)

It was funny when Rap Replinger brought this up:

If you were part Podagee, part Japanee (Japodagee), you would have ALOT to say.. but you wouldn't wanna' talk about it.

If you were part Filipino, part Hawaiian (Hawaiiapino), you like fo' clean yard, but no more land fo' clean.

And da Filipinos... they like fo' clean yard, but their house stay SO BIG - 15 bedrooms upstairs, 10 bedrooms downstairs - that they too also no more yard fo' clean. So what do they do? They run one family business cleaning odda' people's yards!

[Pomai]

Local 'Kine Practical Jokes

Take a relative you know who's really young (under age 5) to Walmart or any other large dept. store. Have her or him to go to customer service and tell the clerks you're lost and looking for your parent(s). Ask them to page for them...

"My Daddy's name is Sam Owens".

or...

"My Daddy's name is Phillip Enos".

or da' best one yet...

"My daddy's name is Bo Toichi"

lol!

Heard those ones a while back on a morning radio show.

[Pomai]

Tourists Twist of Local Street Names

True story....

A tourist once stopped my girlfriend and her friends in Maui and asked them,
"Can you tell me how to get to KANA' PO' LEE?"

It stumped my girlfriend's group at first until they figured it out... they were actually asking how to find KA'ANAPALI.

LOL!

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Local Parking Lot Jokes (classics)

Slick Vic already brought this one up in da' odda' thread...

The "A" lot is full
The "C" lot is full
Only one more parking lot remains open...

I had to stop and ponder that one, then the brick hit da noggin! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[lurkah]

Re: Local Parking Lot Jokes (classics)

I had to stop and ponder that one, then the brick hit da noggin! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Yeah, and I bet that one took you all the way back to Boise, right?

[GypsyLika]

Re: Local Parking Lot Jokes (classics)

Yeah, and I bet that one took you all the way back to Boise, right?

Is da B-word not allowed? Da one dat starts wit B_ _o! Can no can? Eh, hananakokalele my first post in here; I used both B-words. I did. I going get bad rep?

~Lika

[GypsyLika]

Re: Local Jokes and Humor of Hawaii

A Chinese chef marries his long time sweetheart. She's a virgin and, truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.

He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring" he says, "I
know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently, for her request. She
eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan... numba 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he
queries: "You want... Beef wif Broccori?"




~Lika

[kimo55]

Re: Local Jokes and Humor of Hawaii

OOoohhh! Those natives!

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: Local Parking Lot Jokes (classics)

Da' Samoan was attempting to park his bomber-sized 1974 Chevy Station Wagon in a compact stall, when the parking attendant stops him and says, "Sir this lot is only for compacts".
Da Samoan replies, "No worry, I gonna compac" (come back).


Slick Vic already brought this one up in da' odda' thread...

The "A" lot is full
The "C" lot is full
Only one more parking lot remains open...

Aiiiyeee you makin pun ov my Hoooondaaaah Bilot?

[GypsyLika]

Re: Local Parking Lot Jokes (classics)

Aiiiyeee you makin pun ov my Hoooondaaaah Bilot?

Noooo you dey stay talk stink about da Botomobile


~Lika

[Pomai]

Humorous Custom License Plates

It would be funny if a married couple had custom his and hers license plates:

his car:
INOKEA (I don't care)

her car:
MENEDA (me neither)

That would look pretty cool parked in the same garage!

IROC Camaro's were popular in the 80's. Around that time this guy used to drive one around with a plate that said: I ROLL (get it.. "I rock, I roll")

An old friend of mine had parents who were stout Catholics. Ironically, the DMV license plate issued to one of their cars was BBD 666. My friend explained, "That stands for Big Bad Devil 666". lol

I wonder if someone already registered B LOT? If not, I'm going down to DMV first thing Monday and gettin' first dibs! Only problem, I don't think my GF would ever get in my car again. Also, I don't think I'd make it out alive driving around Waipahu or Kalihi.

I know, 'nuff on da' "B" subject.
**Pomai gets mind out of gutter** lol

Anyone seen some funny or catchy local license plates?

[GypsyLika]

Re: Local Jokes and Humor of Hawaii

Long time ago, our van had PONO & da car had MALAMA. I tried to talk my son into getting BRUH so us could park da vehicles in orda make sentence, but Bugga neva like.

A few years ago in NV I had NOMOPOI. One ada lady had USPUA.

If eva I get one white PT Cruiser, I want the plates to be: MANAPUA.

[Pomai]

Re: Local Jokes and Humor of Hawaii

A few years ago in NV I had NOMOPOI. One ada lady had USPUA.

USPUA... classic! "Us Poor" lol

I heard if you live near LV and have a gambling addiction, becoming poor is really easy to do.

Would be even bettah' if they made a "donation slot" on the car roof with a sign next to it that said, "Mahalo Plenty for Your Monetary Contribution!". Den' people who knew what it meant could actually drop some cash mulah $$$. lol

I wonder if anyone registered GET POI yet?