Input Please?

[HawaiiDreamer]

Re: Input Please?

Thanks everyone for the clarifications on the ethnicity and the song that turned out to be Tahitian. I will definitely check the links out, and as always they are much appreciated. I’m off to see what else I can find to read on the forums. Have a beautiful and fulfilling day tomorrow!

Dreamer~

[Lisheous]

Re: Input Please?

Waving and smiling!

I would love to help you, but I wouldn't know where to start.

If you can experience the beauty of the islands and the excitement in the air, you will be much more inspired to express and display your words and talent in a very enchanted way.

Every writer is very unique and talented in their own special way, with what their vivid imagination can bring. Do not give up, I'd do some research and take it from there. It's you writing your story, use your own thoughts and words. Be encourage and write what ever you want from your point of view. You don't have to write about history or to be exact of what had taken place. Use and describe whatever character you want in your own way, we are multi cultural and lots of mixed nationalities here. There so much history here and I have gotten confused somewhere along the way.

You are a dreamer aren't you! I would probably buy your book, as I like to dream and always been a dreamer too! Good luck!

*Lisheous*

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: Input Please?

Thanks everyone for the clarifications on the ethnicity and the song that turned out to be Tahitian. I will definitely check the links out, and as always they are much appreciated. I’m off to see what else I can find to read on the forums. Have a beautiful and fulfilling day tomorrow!

Dreamer~

Aloha HD,

I have been reading this thread with fascination for the last couple of days. I just want to know:

- What is the biggest goal that you hope to achieve with your novel?
- Who is the audience for whom you are writing?
- What reactions from this audience is acceptable to you? What reactions are not?

Mahalo,
PM

[HawaiiDreamer]

Re: Input Please?

Lisheous, you are too sweet! I have no real history of writing novels but I have written many small publications and some that are in print. I started writing poetry and short stories when I was a teenager. I often also write for business publications. I have always been an avid reader with an ample imagination and I have always wanted to write. I think I am finally in a stage in my life where I am ready to do it seriously. This is new to me though. I hope I can pull it off. I have so many recommendations, resources and people helping me along the path. People are so kind and I am very grateful. Thank you for your kind words!

PM, I have read this thread with as much fascination as you! lol

AND, I want to answer your questions but I will take a plea to not to do so tonight. I am very tired and I want to think them over. I will get back to you this weekend with the answers!

I can tell you why I am very tired. I quit smoking (nicotine) a few days ago and my concentration and personal health is off big time! I expect to be much better in a week or so. The first week really sucks so I have not been able to work on my reading or writing.

I will leave you with a brief plot introduction I wrote about my first book in this series. It gives some idea of what I wanted to write. I had a name for the book but I may have to change that, based on my research. I can say that the “artifact” she is searching out will “belong” to the benefactor by blood relation. She won’t be searching for it just to gain monetary funds, etc. although there will be brokers/smugglers that might be doing precisely so.

Anyway, I promise I’ll be back later with specific answers. See you this weekend and I hope you all have a lovely day.

Lanikai, or Lani as her close friends knew her; was nothing if not sensible. Why else would a beautiful young woman surround herself with scientific facts and dedicate her life to literature and education? Little did Lani’s friends know that an extremely handsome albeit curious guide would soon lead their naïve librarian into a wild adventure that carries her halfway across the globe. Throughout this tale, Lani realizes that the grand stories of lore taught to her by her parents are not just stories but experiences waiting to be had. Lani’s normalcy of daily life is interrupted during her trip back to her mother’s homeland to search for and collect a dangerous artifact. In doing so, Lani’s ancient bloodlines shine brilliantly; bringing out her earthy flair and sense of adventure.

Dreamer

[kimo55]

Re: Input Please?

good writing. flows well, comfortable:

Lani was nothing if not ...
Why else would a ....
Little did Lani’s friends know...


BUT:
"that the grand stories of lore taught to her by her parents are not just stories but experiences waiting to be had. "


OK! Now.
Taught to her... WHAT? her cat? her kid?
and what are "stories of lore"?!
doesn't make sense.
ya gotta find another way to phrase it, other than:
" ...taught to her by her.... "

I am sorry... but ya gotta view this as maybe someone possibly helping you save yourself from future embarrassment.

[MadAzza]

Re: Input Please?

I will leave you with a brief plot introduction I wrote about my first book in this series. It gives some idea of what I wanted to write. ...

Lanikai, or Lani as her close friends knew her; was nothing if not sensible. Why else would a beautiful young woman surround herself with scientific facts and dedicate her life to literature and education? Little did Lani’s friends know that an extremely handsome albeit curious guide would soon lead their naïve librarian into a wild adventure that carries her halfway across the globe. Throughout this tale, Lani realizes that the grand stories of lore taught to her by her parents are not just stories but experiences waiting to be had. Lani’s normalcy of daily life is interrupted during her trip back to her mother’s homeland to search for and collect a dangerous artifact. In doing so, Lani’s ancient bloodlines shine brilliantly; bringing out her earthy flair and sense of adventure.

Dreamer

OK, so that's NOT an example of the actual writing in the novel itself, right? If it is, I have a lot to say. But before I say anything, I need to know ... is that an off-the-cuff little synopsis you whipped out just for this forum, or is it something you "worked on"?

For example: "Lanikai, or Lani as her close friends knew her; was nothing if not sensible. Why else would a beautiful young woman surround herself with scientific facts and dedicate her life to literature and education?"

That just doesn't make sense. Why *wouldn't* a "beautiful young woman surround herself with scientific facts and dedicate her life to literature and education"? What does that even mean? And what does any of that have to do with being "sensible"? Why is it sensible to dedicate one's life to literature and education? Again, it doesn't make sense. You are connecting character traits that don't naturally connect; it's a contrivance.

Also, the name "Lanikai" -- did her mom have a sense of humor? I can't imagine a Hawaiian naming her kid "Lanikai." It would be like naming a non-Hawaiian child "Chicago" or "Brooklyn," or maybe "Palo Alto." If the mom had a vicious sense of humor, the name might work.

I'm an editor. I do it for a living at a daily newspaper, and I was the editor of "Black Ocean," a novel based in Hawaii and one I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to see an example of excellent writing and character development. I also am editing a couple of other books. I'm mentioning that so you know that I do have some experience. Let me know if you want more input.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Input Please?

eh...I'll wait for the DVD to come out, so who'll be the librarian?

[kimo55]

Re: Input Please?

Lanikai, the windward community will be!

[jdub]

Re: Input Please?

in the words of my own father, and of many venerable wordsmiths throughout history, write what you know...if you don't know and still want to write about it, then research...shore up the holes that those in the know are sure to poke in your prose...those you hope to reach are smarter than you...

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Input Please?

Lanikai, the windward community will be!

Maybe, as the book progresses, Lanikai will meet up with the handsome restauranteur, Buzz.

[HawaiiDreamer]

Re: Input Please?

lol you all are funny. Lani is a pretty name, to me anyway! What does it mean to make it so silly to some of you? My own name has the meaning of a purple flowering bush that doesn't even grow in my country. Pretty darned stupid if you ask me but trillions of people from around the world have complimented me on it.

MadAzza, thank you for your comments. No, that is not an example of the writing and yes it is something I put together in a rush. I will have to check out the book you mentioned. I have not heard of it before.

For those of you asking questions of my plot, I can’t make you understand why I envision a character like Lani. It’s all real clear for me based on my experiences and the type of books I have read or movies I have watched. Perhaps we just don’t read the same sorts of stories or have the same thought processes. I am a librarian though so I have some inside experience on that aspect of her character. If you knew librarians you’d know most of them are ugly as a bug-eyed fruit bat and crazy as a three-legged cat. It’s a huge inside joke between us. Many of them are hiding from the rest of the world and are total geeks with emotional baggage out the yang. Of course, that isn’t an accurate representation of ALL librarians but I know quite a few who fall under that general description.

Kimo and others, thanks for the poking and prodding. I don’t mind giving you a nice laugh!

Keep in mind, I never said I was a pro and maybe never will be. I’m not really here for critiques of my book anyway; I’m here to learn about Hawaii. You’ll be happy to know though, that through these discussions I am leaning towards taming back the part of Lani that is Hawaiian but I still want it to be an important part of who she is.

The definition of lore is: 1 archaic : something that is taught :
2 : something that is learned: a : knowledge gained through study or experience b : traditional knowledge or belief
3 : a particular body of knowledge or tradition

Lani is going to be a young woman who is very educated. She will be overly responsible for her age and will be very naive (not well versed in close relationships and/or personal situations outside of her immediate family). She daydreams constantly about experiencing travel and adventure (like her father and brother) but she keeps it to herself because she is a quiet person by nature. Her father is going to persuade (trick) her into going on her first adventure as a consultant (working with a small team). This adventure is going to help her grow in many ways.

PM,

Here are your answers:

What is the biggest goal that you hope to achieve with your novel? My biggest goal is to learn how to write professionally and get experience in that industry. At the same time, I hope to create a decent book and possibly something that can stretch into a short series of books. Specific to this book, I want to create strong and interesting characters that people will be thrilled to keep reading about. I plan to work hard to involve some romance aspects into the adventure without making the book a romance novel.

- Who is the audience for whom you are writing? I foresee writing for an audience close to my age range (20-50) and I would really like to find a way to appeal to both sexes and not just females.

- What reactions from this audience are acceptable to you? What reactions are not? This one I have to think about more. I have never had an “audience” so I’m not really sure how to answer this one. I can repeat what I’ve already said which is I certainly don’t want to offend or misrepresent a whole race or group of people.

I hope this is all clear as mud. I’m still tired and not feeling well. Have a great day.
Dreamer

[Miulang]

Re: Input Please?

lol you all are funny. Lani is a pretty name, to me anyway! What does it mean to make it so silly to some of you? My own name has the meaning of a purple flowering bush that doesn't even grow in my country. Pretty darned stupid if you ask me but trillions of people from around the world have complimented me on it.
Dreamer

The reason some people question the name "Lanikai" is because it's actually the name of a town on Oahu. "Lani" in itself is innocuous enough. If you really like the name, keep it, but drop the "kai" part and people in Hawai'i won't raise an eyebrow.

Here's a link to a website that has some of the more popular traditional Hawaiian names.

Miulang

[pzarquon]

Re: Input Please?

Lani is a pretty name, to me anyway! What does it mean to make it so silly to some of you?

"Lani" is a pretty name. It's "Lanikai" that's getting the chuckles. As MadAzza noted, "It would be like naming a non-Hawaiian child 'Chicago' or 'Brooklyn,' or maybe 'Palo Alto.'" It is a beautiful name, but anyone who knows Hawaii would recognize it first and foremost as a place name, not a given name.

ETA: Like Miulang just explained. Heh.

[kimo55]

Re: Input Please?

yea. and on top o dat, da place name was created by some haole real estate broker many years ago; and heeeee..... got it wrong!

[kimo55]

Re: Input Please?

miulang, demand yer 18% ghost writer's fee now, before it's too late.
you can have my percentage. i want nuttin to do widdit.