Simple Question: What Got You Through?

[Fat Jeff]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

For me, when tough times are crashing down, I need an escape. My escape comes during a mountain bike ride. Usually at the top of a very long and steep climb. One to two hours of severe physical activity...heart pounding, legs aching, hyper centered concentration. I'm so focused that everything that is not connected to getting up that hill is erased from my mind. When I reach the top I get a euphoria like nothing else. My mind is blank, my stress level is nil, I am at peace. As I rest I turn my attention to what ever view I have from the top (and most will take your breath away). I'll eat an energy bar (that will taste far better than it should) and drink water (that is more thirst quenching than anything else at that moment). Then when it's time to head downhill, the focus returns. The same terrain that punished me coming up the hill is now rewarding me with adrenaline and thrills as I descend.

For me it's such a life affirming experience that I'm ready to tackle whatever obstacles are in my way...and it's good exercise for a fat a** like me

[Pua'i Mana'o]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

sometimes, when I have had to fight for my life, in an impossibly tight pvc suit, and in order to survive it I've had to run across building tops and jump through glass while tumbling down enough stairs that I could've broken every bone in my body, I just grab my guns in each hand, aim it at the sob who is trying to kill me and tell myself, "Get up Trinity!"

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

My wife Brenda...she's my rock. And I'm her's. Together we live a connected life and share that with our children.

[Lei Liko]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Prozac.

I'm serious.

[tutusue]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Daily meditation and a great therapist! And, what Surfingfarmboy said...faith.

[Miulang]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Everything happens for a reason, and there are always lessons to be learned when "bad" (and good) things happen. Also, like others have said, no matter how bad I think my life is going, there are people in the world who are having even worse days than me: even if I think I might be poor, there are people who have nothing. Even if I think my health is poor, at least I'm alive. Even if my job stinks, I have choices: I can either stay miserable or go get a job where I can be happy.

Miulang

[jdub]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

You all are amazing. It is impossible for me to express my gratitude.

My family is going through our toughest time ever, having recently learned that mom is ill. She's in radiation right now, and headed for chemo. She's beaten cancer before, but I was a teenager back then and didn't really understand the gravity of the situation. She just had an operation and got better.

The situation now is much more serious and now that I'm a grown up, I fully understand the gravity. Everyone in my family is coping in their own way. I don't know how or even if I am coping at all. I just know I'm scared and want to be by my mom. I'm choking up now, so I'll finish by saying thank you each and all for your words of encouragement. HT is an amazing thing.

[lavagal]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Jdub:Your mom is one tough cookie. I just know there are some of us here who will lift her up to the light. She'll need you to be the best you can be, kiddo. She'll need that. You can come here and crumble, but muster up for her your sparkle and cheer.

[Leo Lakio]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Right on, Lavagal. My hope is that, years from now, Jdub's mom will answer the query posted on this thread by saying: "My son - my family."

[Miulang]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Jdub:Your mom is one tough cookie. I just know there are some of us here who will lift her up to the light. She'll need you to be the best you can be, kiddo. She'll need that. You can come here and crumble, but muster up for her your sparkle and cheer.

I concur with Lavagal...you need to take good care of yourself first, so you can be the best you can be to support your Mom. Moms are self-sacrificing when we're growing up (we never really understand that until we're older ). One of the best ways to help you work things out is to write everything down; no, not necessarily something in your blog that the whole world can see...but maybe just a little notebook for your private thoughts as you go through this. Then when you're older, you can review what you wrote...you'll be amazed at what you wrote...you might even think it was someone else who wrote those words.

We're all praying for your Mom's return to good health.

Miulang

P.S. Just because you're a guy, it doesn't mean you can't cry, either. Releasing that emotion by crying can be very good catharsis.

[craigwatanabe]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

group hug

[damontucker]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

My family is going through our toughest time ever, having recently learned that mom is ill. She's in radiation right now, and headed for chemo. She's beaten cancer before, but I was a teenager back then and didn't really understand the gravity of the situation. She just had an operation and got better.
The situation now is much more serious and now that I'm a grown up, I fully understand the gravity. Everyone in my family is coping in their own way. I don't know how or even if I am coping at all. I just know I'm scared and want to be by my mom. I'm choking up now, so I'll finish by saying thank you each and all for your words of encouragement. HT is an amazing thing.

Are we related? nah seriously... My mom begins her operations beginning the 18th!

I know exactly what you are going through brah and my prayers are with you and your family...

This is my mom's 4th or 5th time having some sort of cancer and her 3rd time now being treated with chemo!

Guess you know now why I showed you what was on my shoulder outside La Mariana!

Who knows... maybe we will bump into eachother unexpectantly.

Take care dude...

Damon

[Composite 2992]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

I keep a lot of things in mind.

Having gone to a lot of funerals, I tell myself, "How do you want people to remember you after you're gone?"

I look at the people who survived death camps and count my blessings. Surely whatever it is that I'm going through can't be anywhere as bad as that!!

Seeing firsthand how people live in poverty in third world countries yet still smile, I have to regard all that I have as a treasure trove.

And whenever I'm going through a tough time I try to recall tougher times and consider their current insignificance. I tell myself: this, too will pass.

Living where we do, we're lucky. We're all damned lucky.

And when my wife's aunt was dying of cancer, her aunt was the one who had to remind everyone around her that they were being too quiet. She was the one who was upbeat, smiling, laughing and openly looking forward to the afterlife which came just a couple days afterward. That must be one of the greatest life-changing events I've ever experienced.

And should things ever turn so terrible, it'll probably be what I'll keep in mind.

[Hope]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

jdub, I can so relate to where you are right now. A few years ago, my beautiful mother was suddenly diagnosed with cancer, and it had already spread to her brain. I absolutely could not even function for 2 1/2 hours after hearing the news. I cried uncontrollably. The next 14 months were the very worst I ever lived on the face of the earth. The fear, the sadness..the anxiety was so much to bear.

I decided early on to spend every possible waking moment with her. In that 14 months, I missed about three days of being by her side, every single day. I would cry all the way home, every night...but never in front of her. I knew this would rip her heart out, and possibly deplete her strength.

It took every fiber of my very being not to completely fall apart on a daily basis. You have to be strong for her, at least while in her presence.

How did I cope? I knew I had to be strong for her, I had to help her through treatments, I had to keep her eating, and so many other things. I focused my every day to helping her through the transition, even though I knew what the diagnosis would bring. She was stage 4 when it was diagnosed.

Love her, talk to her about the fond memories you have with her. Bring her flowers. Cook her dinner. Make her laugh, believe me, she will. Make sure a family member is with her for every single radiation or chemo treatment. She needs to know, more than anything, that she is not alone, and that you are there to fight with her, and for her.

I abandoned my home, threw clothes in a bag, and slept with her for the last few months of her life, to assist her if she needed to walk about. I would have given up every single thing in my life to save her. I cannot even find the words to describe the helplessness I felt.

Somehow, jdub, gather every bit of strength you could ever imagine having...you wouldn't believe how much you actually have. Take the focus off of yourself, and put your energy into your mom's treatment, and her day to day life. You will be amazed that you can actually make it through. Really. I've been there.

I wish you strength and peace at such a tremendously difficult time.

[DiverDown808]

Re: Simple Question: What Got You Through?

Hey Jdub

Looks like we have more in common than just being geetar players.

A few years back, my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. They ended up removing a 10 lb tumor from one of her ovaries then it was the beginning of her cancer treatments including chemothrapy. Her reaction from the chemo alone was enough to tell her to move into my house so I could help out however I could. Man, talk about a scary time.

So what got me throught it all ? I think it was just focusing on doing anything I could to get my sister better. It served as a distraction from trying to predict the future, and scaring myself into what "could" happen. My main concern was to make sure she took her medications, ate right, and made her doctors appointments.

Now lets talk about maniacal looks at hair cutting sessions......

My sister is a police officer here on Oahu. Her chemotherapy caused her to loose all her hair, so as a show of support, Me & Cran and 40+ police officers shaved our heads bald. When I sat in the chair, the top brass introduced me to the media and decided to let my sister do the head shaving for a sentimental picture opportunity. So in a quick flash, my sister puts on her maniacal grin, grabs a fist full of hair and pulls up hard, I wince, making a serious facial expression of pain, then all the newspaper photographers snap the picture. This was the picture that was posted in the paper the next day.

http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/ar.../ln/ln14a.html

So yes Jdub, I know exactly what you're going through. The important thing to remember is that your mother needs you right now more than anything. My sister is a very proud woman, and would never ask, or show, that she needed help. I'm not sure if your mother is the same way, but it's very important that you're there for her, no matter what. Stay involved with her medications, her doctor visits, and her reactions to the chemo. Develope a communication relationship with all her doctors, so that you're always in the loop as to what's going on. I think once you get yourself immersed in her day by day struggle to get better, you won't dwell on the scary "what-if's".

Prayer is a great thing too, so you can bet your guitar collection that me and Cran will be praying for you and your family to get through this ordeal.

And by the way, my sister is back to work, is cancer free, and being the pain-in-the-butt sister that I grew up with

DD