Helping Family

[Amati]

Re: Helping Family

I on the other hand, made the mistake long ago (which I thought was out of kindness for him), of letting him send his mail to our address, & we still continue to do so, irregardless of whether he is in kaneohe or not (infact he is still in kaneohe).

...........

What's your thoughts on that? or anyone?

Please don't take this as a criticism, but you really don't seem to want to disengage yourself from your cousin's life. If I were you, I'd not worry so much about the proper procedure for forwarding his mail, but instead I would think about why it is I am still interacting with someone who is so detrimential to my home life (and that of my husband .... who deserves full respect and peace at home, yes?)

No offense, OK? But you did ask ....

Just why are you keeping the door open? If that is what you want to do, fine, but then you can't complain too much or keep wanting an apology for past trangressions.

Best of luck to you in getting what you REALLY WANT.

[Nords]

Re: Helping Family

I wonder though, once I receive it, is it possible to re mail/re derect it to another mail address by just writing a new address to forward it to him??
I.E. John Doe XX street, Honolulu Hawaii 96800
"please forward to address XXX kaneohe Hawaii 96744" ???
Or re mailing it in a 12.5 by 9.5 priority envelope would be better?
Or does it even matter which way it is mailed out to him as long as he gets it?.

Two years a shipmate arranged for car insurance and used our address as his mailing address. Two years later he hasn't let State Farm know that he's moved, and of course "his" address has been sold to all of their business partners. So we write on the envelopes:
"No longer at this address, please forward to XXX kaneohe Hawaii 96744".

Somehow he never got around to taking care of the change of address. I finally called State Farm's phone number, explained the situation, and most of the mail has stopped. Of course now we also need a new friend too.

Some companies write "address service requested" on their envelopes, which hypothetically means the postal service will either let the company know an address change has occurred or will return the mail to their address.

Another option would be going to your post office in person (not just using the 1-800 number) to ask about other options. It might only take one change-of-address card from you to the postmaster.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Two years a shipmate arranged for car insurance and used our address as his mailing address. Two years later he hasn't let State Farm know that he's moved, and of course "his" address has been sold to all of their business partners. So we write on the envelopes:
"No longer at this address, please forward to XXX kaneohe Hawaii 96744".

Somehow he never got around to taking care of the change of address. I finally called State Farm's phone number, explained the situation, and most of the mail has stopped. Of course now we also need a new friend too.

Some companies write "address service requested" on their envelopes, which hypothetically means the postal service will either let the company know an address change has occurred or will return the mail to their address.

Another option would be going to your post office in person (not just using the 1-800 number) to ask about other options. It might only take one change-of-address card from you to the postmaster.

Thanks again , I will definately do just that.
Infact, that was kindof in the back burner of my mind, & haven't really taken care of it. Hopefully soon.

Thanks again.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

..........

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Please don't take this as a criticism, but you really don't seem to want to disengage yourself from your cousin's life. If I were you, I'd not worry so much about the proper procedure for forwarding his mail, but instead I would think about why it is I am still interacting with someone who is so detrimential to my home life (and that of my husband .... who deserves full respect and peace at home, yes?)

No offense, OK? But you did ask ....

Just why are you keeping the door open? If that is what you want to do, fine, but then you can't complain too much or keep wanting an apology for past trangressions.

Best of luck to you in getting what you REALLY WANT.

"Please don't take this as a criticism",
[Nope, non taken. :-) ]

"No offense, OK? But you did ask .... " [Yeah, I know.]

"Best of luck to you in getting what you REALLY WANT."

[Thanks again for replying back .

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Please don't take this as a criticism, but you really don't seem to want to disengage yourself from your cousin's life. If I were you, I'd not worry so much about the proper procedure for forwarding his mail, but instead I would think about why it is I am still interacting with someone who is so detrimential to my home life (and that of my husband .... who deserves full respect and peace at home, yes?)

No offense, OK? But you did ask ....

Just why are you keeping the door open? If that is what you want to do, fine, but then you can't complain too much or keep wanting an apology for past trangressions.

Best of luck to you in getting what you REALLY WANT.

Actually, now that I thought about it more, I think the reasons why I mail out his letters, is because I know for a fact that they are important.

He did say (approved me for doing so), that I could open his mail for him & read it. I did before. Now, I don't want to open it, & deal with it like I did then, & stress me out. I figure, he can just open them up himself, & take care of it there, where ever he is in kaneohe address in the hospital.

Hopefully, he took the hint when I sent him those change of address (a while back) forms (2 of them), otherwise, I will march down to the post office to make arrangements soon. (I have just been so busy, UGH.).

Aloha.

Nite nite. 3:38 am

Thanks again.

[Amati]

Re: Helping Family

Actually, now that I thought about it more, I think the reasons why I mail out his letters, is because I know for a fact that they are important.

He did say (approved me for doing so), that I could open his mail for him & read it. I did before. Now, I don't want to open it, & deal with it like I did then, & stress me out. I figure, he can just open them up himself, & take care of it there, where ever he is in kaneohe address in the hospital.

Hopefully, he took the hint when I sent him those change of address (a while back) forms (2 of them), otherwise, I will march down to the post office to make arrangements soon. (I have just been so busy, UGH.).

Aloha.

Nite nite. 3:38 am

Thanks again.

So, you are putting yourself thru stress and worry (and your husband, too), because you are "so busy". Nah, I don't buy it. I'm sure you are sincere in that you take care of your cousin's mail "because they are important". But your decision to not make other accomodations for the mail is what is telling.

Once an instructor told us in class, "You make the decisions to do what is important to you. If I told you to go to the airport in rush hour to pick up the latest edition of a newspaper, you'd probably not do it. But, if I told you to go to the airport in rush hour and you'd get $1 million dollars, you'd make record time".

The point being, we make our decisions and take actions set upon our priorities. If you are "too busy" to take care of that lingering mail problem, then it is not a priority.

Which goes back to my original comments, to question why you keep subjecting yourself to the easy-to-fix mail problem? Why are you basically choosing to keep that "connection" with your cousin?

Maybe you worry that you might be his last lifeline .... and your concern has you immobilized? Good luck in sorting this all out so that your cousin does not jeopardize your family's peacefulness.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

So, you are putting yourself thru stress and worry (and your husband, too), because you are "so busy". Nah, I don't buy it. I'm sure you are sincere in that you take care of your cousin's mail "because they are important". But your decision to not make other accomodations for the mail is what is telling.

Once an instructor told us in class, "You make the decisions to do what is important to you. If I told you to go to the airport in rush hour to pick up the latest edition of a newspaper, you'd probably not do it. But, if I told you to go to the airport in rush hour and you'd get $1 million dollars, you'd make record time".

The point being, we make our decisions and take actions set upon our priorities. If you are "too busy" to take care of that lingering mail problem, then it is not a priority.

Which goes back to my original comments, to question why you keep subjecting yourself to the easy-to-fix mail problem? Why are you basically choosing to keep that "connection" with your cousin?

Maybe you worry that you might be his last lifeline .... and your concern has you immobilized? Good luck in sorting this all out so that your cousin does not jeopardize your family's peacefulness.

Shoooots. I didn't mean to open myself up to this one .

I guess I am forced to make mention a small portion of my true daily life living here on public view, so yeah, I go to school, clean my apartment, do laundry etc. I concentrate on school more, & if I feel better, I try to do the other things that I need to do.

You see, I can only concentrate on one thing, either work for a living, or go to school, I had to quit work, & have not worked in a long while, because, my lower back hurts, my hip hurts, & constantly feel like I have a giant vice grip pinching my hips, & feels like something continues to press really hard on my lower back .

It it is much worse when I have my monthly thing :-(.

So, I had to quit work, & so I decided to just go to school. I figure, no one is ever too old to have an education.

That doesn't mean that my aches & pains will ever stop.

I try to go to a chiropractor, but if I go everytime it hurts the most (insurance does not cover it. It is out of pocket.), then I would essencially be spending way too much of my hubby's money, yeah, feeling better is good, but if it is spent on that mostly, which he is left with not much money for bills etc. So, I figure, I would go only when it becomes unbarable.

I don't really want to depend on non prescription pills just for my aches. If I have to, I will. Yeah, it is not all excues etc from my last reply to you, I just gotta try to plan things when I am not so busy, & feel better at all.

I actually don't just stay at home to twiddle my thumbs, watch tv, &/or do computer all day, to be honest, I do try to have a some kind of life.

Honestly, I so do wish I could I be just like AL Bundy's wife. lol. (from the comedy- married with children), & not do a darn thing. lol. Just kidding.

well, it's night time again. Thak you for the reply. :-)

P.S. I am sorry that "you just don't buy it." Believe what you want.

nite nite. 11:32 PM

[Amati]

Re: Helping Family

P.S. I am sorry that "you just don't buy it." Believe what you want.

Oh, I think you BELIEVE what you write, I think you are truthful. What I meant was that I don't think you recognize what might be the actual underlying problem that keeps you under your cousin's thumb.

I hope you find the health relief you need. Pain is one of the worst burdens to handle. Good luck in all you do.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

I hope you find the health relief you need. Pain is one of the worst burdens to handle. Good luck in all you do.

Thanks . I need all the luck I can get, at this point.

nite nite.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

My cousin sent me a 5 page letter. One of the pages, he appologised.

he made mention that (in short of a long story), that he only has the clothes that he has on the day he left our (my hubby & I's) apartment.

My hubby & I are thinking of getting him (a few) clothes soon, after I write him a letter back to ask of his sizes in shoes, slippers, clothes & personal clothes (I.E. socks, underwear, etc).

Either I or we might go to to those 2nd hand stores to shop for his clothes, after all, that's where he got them from the beginning.

I just hope he continues to stay there, he just can't seem to take care of himself, even if they gave him a roof to live on & to try to be independent again. Plus he always brakes all the rules that don't seem to fit his lifestyles.

That's why he always gets kicked out. GAWD!!. I guess he'll never learns, but, I sure do hope he does (Learns), someday.

Aloha.

nite nite. 11:50 PM

[kani-lehua]

Re: Helping Family

without having to re-read the entire thread, i was wondering where the rest of the family stands in regards to your cousin? are they involved with his care? seems like you are the only one?

glad to hear that you got an apology from him, serenity. but, like you said, "he always brakes (breaks) all the rules....i guess he'll never learn(s)..."

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

without having to re-read the entire thread, i was wondering where the rest of the family stands in regards to your cousin? are they involved with his care? seems like you are the only one?

unfortunately, in a very short of a loooong story, from what I understand, him & his brother both has burned both ends of the candles with their sister, & the rest of my family. Atleast his brother finally found a job in N.V.

glad to hear that you got an apology from him, serenity. but, like you said, "he always brakes (breaks) all the rules....i guess he'll never learn(s)..."

Yeah, thanks. , all I need to do now is find the energy & time to write back (on my computer, print it out, & mail it out). A lot has been happening with us here.

And, oh, yes, I seem to be to be the only one (with my hubby) who I feel that cares. Don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing (in short of it all).

Thanks again. :-).

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

Atleast his brother finally found a job in N.V.

Speaking of which....

OMG!!.

I found out this morning from my cousin in the hospital (in kaneohe), called me, & told me that his brother is in the hospital in LVNV has had heart attacks, & will go through 5 bypass on Monday Sept. 29 .

I hope & pray to GOD that he makes it out alright!. We wouldn't be able to handle another deaths in our family. My hubby has had his share already .

My coousin in LVNV is in his late 40s nearing 50.

I Hope & pray he (my cousin in LVNV) makes it alright.

SIGH.

[Serenity]

Re: Helping Family

I just hope that I don't come off as being selfish in having my own thread to wimp & sob about stuff?.

I hope you all can understand where I am coming from.

Aloha & Take care.